Diary of an Unsatisfied Wife (Retired Account)

clearing out my inbox, here's one for the road...

Mentioning this is probably a horrible idea but I sometimes wonder if people actually jerk off to any of my posts? I always assumed that if people got turned on they would go to a pornsite or wherever to finish the job but lately I've had quite a few of people write in to describe their erections for me and now I'm a little bit curious.

If you ever wondered how cuckolds got their name then maybe this will interest you. I'm sure you know cuckoos are a species of bird, but you may not know that many varieties are what biologists call brood parasites. In the video you can see an example of this when a female cuckoo secretly eats an egg from another bird's nest and then lays one in its place.

At the end the narrator gets ominous because the cuckoo chick will go on to hatch before the other eggs and then push them out of the nest to their death. Ultimately the nesting bird is left to unknowingly care for a single unrelated offspring, and since cuckoos grow fast this can start to look pretty strange:

The cuckoo chick barely fits in the nest and is clearly a completely different species yet the adult bird nevertheless continues to feed it as if it were its own young. The ridiculousness of this led people to come up with a term for it.

I’ve had several questions about this and I’m sorry to the people who’ve been waiting since I mentioned it way back here.

I never understood why people would choose to quit or close accounts like this and whenever I’d read this sort of announcement I would always think, “Aren’t you being a little dramatic? Why not just post less often?” Now that I’ve been on this side of things it does make sense and it’s actually a thought I’ve been having myself. You come to feel a sense of responsibility and sometimes even obligation to check in and keep the wheels turning. In the same way some applicances draw electricity even when they’re turned off, I often feel like tumblr is pulling my attention even when I’m not on the site.

It reminds me of how my brother used to be with video games. We obviously don’t live together anymore but when we did games were always something he was thinking about and wanting to get back to. For him gaming became such a high priority that unless the alternative was compulsory or essential then it would always lose out:

"Want to go for a hike?"

"Eh, don’t feel like it."

(sound of key mashing in the background)

"Join us for Chinese food?"

"Already ate."

(hasn’t eaten all day)

"Want to watch a movie together?"

"In the middle of something"

(click click click)

It was like this invisible influence that guided every decision he made. I’m nowhere close to that point myself but there has been some mission creep I guess you could say over the past few weeks. Work-wise March has not been a productive month for me and while that’s entirely my own fault I also know this blog is the main reason. A few times when I would have normally gone to exercise I came here to write a couple of captions instead. In ways like this it’s starting to interfere with other parts of my life and I know the most obvious and only guaranteed solution is to abandon it.

So yes, I’ll at least finish a story or two and upload them since I’ve already started the first and now I’m curious about how they’d fare. I know there’s a market for them and if people are buying anyway then why not toss my hat into the ring? I won’t be making a hard sell so don’t worry about getting spammed. I’m not sure what to expect but if a few readers pick up a copy along with the people who buy them already then maybe that’ll add up to enough that I can justify spending X hours a week in this little world of ours. Otherwise I’ll have to be an adult and accept that this is a fun but far too time-consuming hobby that my life simply doesn’t have room for.

Another thing is that if you’re playing video games or whatever then you can at least give an answer when someone asks what you’ve been up to. I’m running out of things to tell my husband when he wants to know how my day went and I also feel like I don’t have as much to talk about when I see my friends. In general I’ve become a less interesting person to be around just because so much of my attention now goes into subject I can’t openly discuss. Probably some of you can relate.

Hmm, I’m not sure if I can explain why, and by tomorrow I might change my mind, but swinging seems different. In some ways cuckolding feels like a punishment - a sexy punishment, but a punishment nonetheless. You’ve failed to please your wife, now accept the consequences. Don’t like them? Deal with it.

Swinging strikes me as more recreational, I guess. And fair, since you’re both doing the same thing. Also less emotional risk, which comes up a lot in my captions. If you’re having sex on opposite sides of the same room then there isn’t much mystery about what’s going on. I get the appeal but ultimately you always know when your wife and the other husband see each other (because you’re there too), what they say to each other, how they act together, what they do with each other.

Even if you don’t observe every second you’re still nowhere near as in the dark as a cuckold might be about what exactly is going on between his wife and her boyfriend. I know it doesn’t have to be that way, and that sometimes it isn’t, but for me the power imbalance is a big turn on. I love teasing my husband and I know he loves it too, so I can easily imagine being playful and coy about all the steamy details and having that drive him wild.

After falling behind I've now answered most of my messages, though for me fan mail seems to malfunction about a third of the time so a few of those may not have gone through. I don't understand how such a popular website can have such a defective messaging system.

People often contact me wanting to have very involved private conversations. Generally my answer is that when I write out my thoughts I prefer to put them where everyone can see. I've since realized that responding to these one by one does nothing to stop new requests from coming in.

So then: unfortunately I can't, in addition to running a blog, also be a relationship coach, sex therapist or personal mistress. These kinds of people all charge money in the real world because they give more than they get back – that's why you pay them and not the other way around.

I appreciate that people may want my advice, perspective or to know more about me but I share a lot as it is and without a reasonable incentive I can't devote more time to this than I do already. The interaction on here can be fun and I like hearing what everyone has to say but the people wanting my detailed and ongoing attention to their particular situation are expecting too much. At that point it's work and why should I work for free?