i know. i know i am valuable, i know i am intelligent, i know i am attractive, i know i am capable.

self doubt was my issue for years.

i'm taking my lil measures to respectfully & responsibly re-enter the social aspect of my life. i literally (& purposely) created a rather impermeable solitude to solidify the growth these last two years put me thru. already under radar, i went further so. after crisis was done and over, i deserved genuine downtime, where i could not only recover, but start to thrive. truly new air i breathe.

dealing with absence is complex, uniquely so when operating as the absentee. i dislike causing worry, i've expressed i'm okay prior to sauntering into my abyss. the missed connections i hold are correctly that, missed. not ignored or disrespected. silence is just me keeping to myself. i deliver my messages straight.

for me to simply pop up does no courtesy. i don't want to come off as ingenuine or clueless, i'm far from both, so i exercise mindfulness. disappearing acts come with consequences, i'm aware thus prepared. i miss too, i long and lonely too - the respect should be mutual. i don't wish to mislead, either. solitary is my default.

sometimes it makes me timid. midnight weekday timid.