♡

It made him feel warm. Whole. Like maybe, things would be okay after all.

You learned this after one of his particularly bad trips. He showed up at your door at 2am crying, shaking, breath ragged and short. You pulled him inside, still half asleep, and sat him down on the couch. You ran to get him water and a blanket, not knowing what else to do.

“Jim? Jim. I need you to tell me what’s wrong,” your voice was rushed and laced with concern.

He took a minute to respond. He tried to control his breathing, putting his head in his trembling hands. Something inside you broke seeing this lost, hurt boy suffering so much. The boy you loved.

“Jim?” You asked again quietly, sitting next to him and running your hands slowly up and down his back.

“I’m so alone, Y/N. So alone. Medina’s gone, dad’s gone, I-” he broke off in a sob and tears started to freely fall.

You didn’t know what to say. So you did the only thing you could. You pulled his body against yours and held him. His head was buried in the crook of your neck and his hands found their way to your waist, holding on for dear life, like he was scared you would leave, too. You felt his warm tears fall onto your shoulder and had to hold back your own. You stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head, rubbing soothing circles against his back.

His breathing slowed and the tears eventually stopped.

“I love you,” he mumbled sleepily into your neck.

You smiled sadly and held him tighter. “I love you too, Jim. So much. I’ll never leave,” you promised.

Jim loved to be held. By you, specifically. You held him when he was happy, when he was sad, when he was angry. You held him when you didn’t know how else to help him.

You held him when you got the call from Medina that he was found dead. You clutched his lifeless body and sobbed, stroking his hair and wishing the boy in your arms would hold you back. You held him for what seemed like hours, wanting to go back in time and help him in a way you knew you couldn’t but you fucking wished you could.