late summer nights

Hard work sure does matter, but it doesn't always pay off the way exactly you wanted it to be. some things are just not meant to be yours - no matter how hard you work for them. hard work CAN betray you.

Honestly, I don’t know how to explain what this movie is about cause I’m afraid my explanation won’t do it justice. But I’ll try. It’s a quirky movie that adopts the concept of multiverse, which is more chaotic than other multiverse movies I have ever watched - in a very positive way. It has a “villain”, it touches “save the world” idea, but this is not a superhero movie. I think it’s a movie about life, love, & kindness. Beautiful chaos.

We can’t experience the multiverse. But in this modern world where we have much more options than people decades ago, where we could interact with hundreds of people through the power of technology, where we could see what those hundreds of people are doing through the lens of social media, combined with the complexity of our desires, needs & responsibilities - life could feel like chaos. & it’s easier to fall into the hole of voidness, especially for us who don’t believe in God. Through this movie, I am being reminded of the way to live in the midst of this chaos. Be kind. Fight, but kindly. Cherish the few specks of time. Cherish the “ordinaries”. See the good side of things strategically. (I actually love it sooo much how they use the word “strategic”).

& If I could summarize all my feelings provoked by this movie in 1 word, it would be HOPEFUL.

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"You tell me it’s a cruel world & we’re all running in circles. I know that. I’ve been on this earth as many days as you. When I Choose To See The Good Side Of Things, I'm Not Being Naive. It Is strategic and necessary. It's How I Learned To Survive Through Everything."

"I know you view yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too. This is how I fight."

"The Only Thing I Do Know Is That We Have To Be Kind. Please, Be Kind. Especially When We Don't Know What's Going On."

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“Here, all we get are a few specks of time where any of this actually makes any sense.”

“Then I will cherish these few specks of time.”

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If some people can be content with a few colors, Who are we to tell them that they should long for a rainbow?

Everyone has their own definition of happiness. Their own definition of enough. Their own definition of peace. Their own definition of success.

Who are we to tell them what they should do? Who are we to tell them what they should like? Who are we to tell them what they should want?

I admire people who know when & how to say that they already have enough. Cause “enough” is not an easy thing to define & live up to. ‍

Life is too boring to only work & also too boring to not work. ‍

What hurts me, hurts me less when I wrap it as a joke. ‍

I want to be able to face adversity in a chill & upbeat way AND to implement that inward cause I know otherwise I’m pretty good. ‍

Trust the magic of new beginnings & new beginnings can happen anytime Any day Any second Including right now ‍

I don’t wanna be proud because I don’t have time to do things I enjoy. I wanna read mangas. I wanna watch Netflix. I wanna draw. I wanna do things purely out of the joy that I’ll get. If I feel like I’m unable to do so for a long period, I’ll take it as a warning that I need to rethink what I’m focusing on in life. ‍

Art is magical cause it can turn our negative feelings &experiences into something beautiful. ‍

I need to think about myself during the daytime more when I could think more rationally cause I’m more sensitive during the nighttime &it’s DANGEROUS. ‍

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ANYWAY.. is Sayaka Murata a genius? Once I started these 2 I couldn’t stop reading ‘em… both are stories about the unusual soul(s). They’re also a social commentary of how our society works - even tho we’re all different individuals but to some degree, there are these unofficial usual rules we’re living & if we don’t obey those rules there’s a big chance that we’ll experience “social punishment” such as being pressured to do the “usual” things. I love how she touches the topics that I think are not being discussed enough & how she effortlessly explains the point of view of these unusual souls.

Convenience Store Woman This one is about a 36 yo asexual woman who has been working in a convenience store for 18 years, to the point that all her life is dedicated for the store & she’s not unhappy about it. However one day she meets another unusual soul… the rest you need to read it by yourself. I’m a fan of the ending😉

Earthlings Ok the 1st thing I wanna tell you is a warning that this book touches A LOT of disturbing & triggering topics - incest, sexual assaults, parental abuse, suicide, murder, underage sex, and even.. cannibalism. Don’t be fooled by the cute hedgehog doll cover, ok? & I don’t wanna tell you the plot cause it’s one of the strong points of this book. The story is surprising but it was built neatly hence more or less I think I can understand why the main characters do what they do. Reading this feels like riding a roller coaster in a dark place & you can’t see the track - you’ll never know where or how it will bring you. It will also show you the dark (if not the darkest) consequences if this world keeps forcing people to follow the unofficial usual rules. If you’re interested & ok with the disturbing topics, I suggest that you should just start reading without searching for detailed reviews or synopsis✌🏻

It warms my heart when someone tells me this. It's like they understand that sometimes it's hard to just "talk" to someone and it needs lots of effort too.

For me "talking" is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes I would get really anxious & hesitate to just talk casually to someone - like offerig food or asking how they've been.

Before casual meet-ups sometimes I even list down the questions & topics that I'd like to talk about... Just in case the anxiety will leave me with no words to say :')

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I wish you wouldn’t be easily intimidated by others. I wish I could tell you stories about privilege so you wouldn’t feel so small among bigger people, so you would feel less out of place. I wish I could assure you that what matters more is who you’ll become when you’re a little more adult, when you have more control of your life, and I would assure you that you’ll come much further than you thought. 

I wish you would appreciate yourself more, even if you failed to meet the expectation that others set on you. I wish you would know that you shouldn't have been compared, especially by people who claim that they love you. AND even if it did happen, it’s ok if you lose. You don’t have to win all the time. I wish you would be able to set your own goals and not living in others' goals of you. I wish I could let you know that some things are just not meant to be yours, that hard work sure matters but it doesn't always pay off the way exactly you wanted it to be.

I wish you would see the beauty inside you and not let men that you swooned over decide it for you. I wish you wouldn't spend so much time being with men who couldn’t appreciate you enough. Men who somehow even worsen the comparison game that you’ve been playing and hating since you’re younger, men who dared to put numbers on you among others. I wish you wouldn’t be obsessed and let those numbers affect you deeply. I wish you would love and respect yourself more.

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It would be a casual dine out That we both can brush off as "oh it's just a meal with a friend" In case things don't work between us Brunch, lunch or dinner are all right What's important is the ambiance to have a good talk If the food & drink were then it would be a bonus Genuinely interested in each other We would try our best to get to know each other There would be a nice conversation going on There would be a lot of "I think this could work" realizations There would be a discussion about a second date next week And then we would go home thinking That next week is so damn far away

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We would curl up on a couch Watching something that I'm curious of Yet I don't dare to watch alone We would be moved by the movie And it would trigger an uncomfortable feeling Which eventually leads to a rare deep talk  I would pour my heart out The pain and the worries All the things that I've been keeping inside Cause they make me feel weak All the feelings that don't make sense As if pouring em out can make em disappear I would feel I talked too much afterward I would regret it afterward But then there would be you Saying all the things that I need Doing all the things that I need And even though nothing would disappear You would make em feel much more bearable Then I would keep talking nonsense things til dawn And we would fall asleep holding each others' hand

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