Panic! At the Pineapple @laski-and-sage - Tumblr Blog

✨WELCOME✨

a quick warning ahead: Everything you read might damage any braincells that you might have left.

Moderators of the Blog:

Sage:

- Wattpad (ger)

- Ao3 (eng)

laskume-dragon:

- Wattpad (ger)

- Ao3 (eng)

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This hangs at my (Sage) workplace. I guess Alucard couldn't pay for stuff anymore and has to work part time as orange-white curtains in a hospital lab 😂🫡

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #yes this is real #I cracked up as I saw it the first time #Alucard has to do minijobs now

Integra: debates are stupid because why would i want to sit down and try to argue with someone blatantly dumber than me?

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #integra hellsing

Alucard: Forgive me father for i have sinned in all the most exquisite and aesthetically pleasing ways i was capable of

Anderson:

#hellsing #alucard #alexander anderson #pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #andercard

Alucard: Of course I have big D energy!

Alucard: The D stands for depression, bitch.

Alucard: I don't know how much longer I can do it.

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard

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Seras: Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? Fat is like the grossest part of meat...

Pip: Why hello there, little children- Please follow me to my magical... FITNESS ROOM. NO PANSIES ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT'S LEG DAY AND WE'RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPED!

Alucard: Because they're always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

Integra: Also there's wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

Anderson: You are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN!

#I mean... I can see them arguing over many of these things #And Anderson be like #WHAT THE FUCK #WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT #GOD WILL PUNISH YOU PERSONALLY #JESUS DIDN'T DIE FOR YOUR SINS TO GET DISRESPECTED LIKE THAT #lol #pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #alexander anderson #pip bernadotte #sir integra #seras victoria

Heinkel: If you're not showering after a bar, what else are you doing.

Anderson: *drunk af and trying to not fall over while swaying left to right, speaking with an even heavier scottish accent*

Anderson: Fighting graaaavity, m'wee lass!

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alexander anderson #heinkel wolfe #I am so sorry for every actual scottish person #I (sage) am officially apologizing for most likely missusing that scottish to a cringe level that is worse then the talking orange #please don't come after me #or do #i'm single as fuck

Alucard: So, policegirl, what exercise did you do today?

Seras: Running...

Alucard: Good!

Seras: ...out of money.

Alucard:

Alucard: I put more money in your account.

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #seras victoria

Maxwell: I just did my duty as a believer and son of god.

Integra: More like son of a bitch, you fucker!

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #sir integra #enrico maxwell

Alucard: how come you're so abnormally nice to me lately?

Anderson: What do you mean?

Alucard: you just seem nicer than usual

Anderson: I'll punch you in the face if you want

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #alexander anderson #andercard #jokes on you Alucard would probably like that #scratch that #he'd definitely like that BWAHAHAHAH

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Seras: Master? You've been alive for so long... what are the downsides? Like... missing people you have seen dying? Seeing how the world changes but you don't?

Alucard: Realising you've thought of the perfect comeback to someone who's been dead for three hundred years.

Seras: Eh?

Alucard: Getting a song from the 16th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don't remember how it ends and you're the only person on Earth who knows it.

Seras: Master? I thought it would be-

Alucard: Or having that perfect pun you've been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift!

Seras: ...

Seras: Okay... I regret asking.

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #seras victoria

Anderson: Did you know 90% of communication is unspoken?

Alucard: Hm? Yeah... yeah, think I heard that bef-

Anderson: *showing middlefingers*

Alucard:

Anderson: I don't like you!

Alucard: I think I got that one...

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #alexander anderson

Alucard: I may not put the sparkles in your eyes... but I brought the WHAT THE FUCK!-wrinkles on your forehead :)

Integra:

Integra: I take that as apology for slaughtering that witness.

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #sir integra

Alucard, picking on his nails: Burried people are just extremely down to earth.

Seras: Master!

Pip: Yeah, they but I heard they are rather cold.

Seras: PIP BERNADOTTE!

Integra: Later on they have a bone to pick with you, though.

Seras: Sir Integra...?!

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #pip bernadotte #sir integra #seras victoria

Anderson: Jesus died for our sins!

Integra: But he didn't stay dead, did he now. So what exactly DID he sacrifice.

Anderson: Uh...

Anderson: Jesus gave up his free weekend for our sins!

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alexander anderson #sir integra

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Pip: Yoooo... cooked egg and cooked chicken is basically the same!

Alucard: What? Human, what the fuck.

Pip: No! Listen, man! It is the SAME! Just different ages!

Alucard:

Alucard: Note to myself, never drink from that crazy idiot. Who knows what he takes to have those thoughts-

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #pip bernadotte

Seras: Master? What is your favorite music genre?

Alucard: Music... genre?

Seras: Yeah! Pop? Jazz? Rock? Folk?

Alucard, gloomy: The agonizing screams of my enemies.

Seras:

Seras, noting down: 'Master seems to like Metal'

#pineapple #shitpost #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #alucard #seras victoria

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