Verdanturf

Tumblr can be an outlet in some ways for me, but in others it burdens me with so much stress and anxiety. It only further fuels my already painful overthinking. I compare myself to all of you beautiful people and your seemingly lovely lives and instead of feeling happy that you're walking this earth and turning heads left and right, I become envious, because that's my nature--to be jealous of everyone whom I'm inspired by. It causes me to lose focus on what's important to me in life, and it distracts me on tremendous levels.

I've started isolating myself from my friends and loved ones again, and I can't help but think that this can't go on much longer or I'll never learn better. I'm facing some personal problems and Tumblr has been increasing those problems and they're starting to interfere with my ability to focus on people that I need to be paying attention to 100%. I still have a lot to do before I mature and move on to later stages in my life, and those stages are coming up faster than I'd anticipated.

The amount of work I'll be doing in school this year will be theoretically five-times as much as last year, and even then I had trouble focusing and staying off of Tumblr, and at some points I took a few week long hiatuses. I'm just trying to do this ahead of time to save me the stress of having to decide to do it before it's too late. This year is a big year for me--it really could decide my future, where I attend college, what I do in my life, and what I choose to study.

Not that many of you may care, but I'll be generating a random password, writing it on a small piece of paper, and sticking it in an envelope and placing it in the bottom of one of my bedroom drawers. I feel like that will have enough power to prevent me from coming back on due to low willpower.

You guys are great, and you guys are always there for me when I'm having rough times, and I cannot thank you enough. If any of you ever need to talk to me, please please please feel free to message me via Twitter (@edmonstonkyle)(This totally isn't a scheme to get more followers on Twitter.)(It actually isn't lol I rarely use my Twitter to tweet or to show off my followers.)

Anywho, I'll definitely be back on for major breaks, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas and whatnot. I wish you all the best of the rest of your year, go out and test new waters, try that new food you never thought you could, go out and knock some things off of your bucket lists. You all are so great, and you deserve nothing but the greatest things in life.