✰ lana ✰

i just finished norwegian wood by murakami; i had read teeny bits from it over the course of months (not for any reason other than life) but finally had the time to read a lot at once throughout the past week. i honestly really enjoyed it! it had such a dreamlike quality to it; everything was hyper-specific yet hazy at the same time, not unlike real nostalgia. it was an extremely realistic portrayal of grief and the way death is ever present, always gnawing, even among the living – that it's "not the opposite of life, but an innate part of it" as he put it. i can at the same time understand why it's so polarizing, as there were... def some narrative choices that had me questioning, and i ofc always think men can do a better job with their characterization of women. i do think the oddness adds to its charm, though, and that there's much to be gained from the questions it poses and conclusions it comes to. i'm definitely interested in reading more of his work; a girl at a coffee shop saw me reading, stopped to tell me she loved it, and that i should move onto the wind up bird chronicle next, so i think i'll trust her

i was the belle of the governor's ball hiding in the bathroom like shelley duvall

phoebe bridgers is aware that having graceland too exist isn't enough so she interpolated it on two more songs. everyone say thank you phoebe bridgers

as above… I can’t wait… the governor’s waltz… other plans… lost weekend…. still standing… kill me… liberty tree…. tens your honor TENSSSSZZZ

i'm actually a little surprised (in a good way) that ppl went on and on ab how sad the phoebe album was when I found it to be quite hopeful and content !!! there were some parts that got me teary but it was a lot more reflective and accepting than sorrowful, which was a pleasant surprise. and I would've eaten up a super depressing album lmao + was ready for it as someone who's actively grieving (and ofc there were still tidbits that made me sad for her) but I actually think her perspective is very evolved and it'll help a lot of people see that there's more to life

i got my first tattoo on monday !! <3 a taper candle on my inner arm, since my grandpa always called me "the first candle" in arabic (despite me not being his first grandchild. sorry to my cousins, i'm the fav). it's feminine and dainty and ever so lightly shaded, micro-realism style. i wanted to get it while he was still here to see it, but insanely enough, last year there was one morning where i said exactly that to my friend (my artist of choice's books had opened up, i was ready to go) and then he passed away that same night. took me a year to revisit the idea since i was so upset and regretful, and yet, my inquiry was accepted and approved on the one year anniversary of his passing – which ALSO happened to be father's day this year. all in divine timing <3

i love a good place to hide in plain sight

new phoebe album tonight.... about grief..... particularly over a paternal figure.... as i'm still so torn up and confused about my grandpa's passing last summer.... just mere days after i got my first tattoo which is in honor of him... i am quite literally not surviving

waiting for yourrr call i'm sick call i'm angry call i'm desperate for your voiceeeee