Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

80s misogyny saved the Star Wars galaxy because Darth Vader wasted all his time and effort trying to convince his starry-eyed gayboy empath son to become an evil space fascist when if anyone had any point asked his daughter “hey do you ever just want to KILL these people” she would’ve been shooing lightning out of her hands to prove a point in like 10 minutes

i wish mosquitos didn't make you itchy and give you horribly infectious diseases. i wouldn't begrudge them a humble nibble were it not so

[ID: a digital art piece of The Great Wave off Kanagawa but it's all bunnies. the foam is made of bunnies. there are bunnies in one of the boats. Mount Fuji has a bunny head. end ID]

plotbunnies

give a character your issues it's literally free

explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

*puts my hand on your shoulder* Don’t worry, I have your back. We’re gonna turn this crisis into a crwaswas

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

i understand (on paper) why companies are anti-piracy but its funny when random individuals are also strongly anti-piracy. like how does it negatively affect your life if someone you know downloads a cracked torrent of sims 4. you dont work for EA. EA isnt gonna pay you for this. you lose nothing. its fine. chill out.