Tomorrow is the BIG day...
I graduate college tomorrow & as of right now, I have no one going to my graduation. I don’t really need people there, no one was there with me in the classes but it slightly annoys me that for the last week or so my family have turned what should be MY day into something about them.
I don’t know if all colleges have this but at my school they have one huge, university wide graduation & then smaller ones by your school/major. I’m not really an out there person. I hate being front & center in a crowd so I decided that I was just going to go to the university wide graduation. You don’t walk across the stage at that one & I’m perfectly fine with that(walking across the stage actually gives me anxiety/nerves), I walked across a stage at community college. My degree is more important to me.
When my uncle found out I wasn’t going to the smaller graduation, he said, “Well, what’s the point of us going if you are not walking across the stage?“
That question kinda fucked me up…I don’t know, maybe the point in coming is to support me in the way that I want to be supported.
Anyway, he is out but he may take me to dinner after I get home. Who knows?
My mom has said that I won’t allow people to celebrate me. I think it’s not fair that they found a way to turn my day into something about me not wanting to celebrate just because I don’t want to “celebrate” in the way that they do. They want to yell as I walk across stage(which you are not allowed to do) but I have never been that type. I don’t like all of the hype/loud stuff. I’m a chill, laid back person.
My other family either think that it’s too early(it’s at 9:30am) or since I can’t pay for them to get up there, they just aren’t coming. Or at least as of right now, no one is coming.
Suddenly, I’m not a 26 year old woman who is celebrating a milestone in her life. I’m the 10 year old girl at her 5th grade graduation alone because her mom had to work. I’m having flashbacks of all the little kids with their families & me just showing up for myself to get my report card & taking a ballon off of the food table to look like I was celebrated like all the other kids.
Just once in my life, it would be nice to have something be about me. It would amazing if for one day, my wants, feelings, & needs came first. I just want(desperately need) for my happiness to matter to someone.
pixelskylines
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
origamiaround
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
kianamaiart
