I figured something out this month. I don’t produce much serotonin. Alcohol, weed, cocaine, ecstasy, probably nicotine too, play a part in this during my developmental years. Probably everyone. Probably all of my close friends which is why theyre my friends and why they still use heavily or are quitters. Then you go years without using and find yourself depressed, still. But I’m supposed to be happy. I have the most respectful boyfriend ive ever kissed, a fucking difficult job that causes stress often, just like everyone, a family that calls and wants to spend time with me, a couple close girlfriends, moody weather that I ask for (now), hobbies, I eat well, exercise, quit drinking coffee and somehow I’m fine? deep breathing when I cant breathe, pray....ohhhhhhh. I’m supposed to be thankful. But its hard to be thankful when you arent mentally well. So I’m doing this. Writing, reading, going to the batting cages, pushing myself to socialize outside of work and family, talking to strangers. All of this in the last 3 days of taking an SSRI. I’m actually trying things I once begged myself to do. I now realize I needed this boost. Some of us just can’t do it without. The absence of a chemical that our brain isnt producing, even when we are doing all the right fucking things.
izzy806
vaporwave
snowghoul
germansingergirl
