I hate that this is always the option for you. No matter how big or small the argument is, this is always your answer. Itās never ālets just walk away, cool down & weāll talk laterā. Thatās all I want. A rational and mature conversation. Itās always you leaving me behind.
But itās never gotten this ugly between us. It was you screaming at me. Me screaming at you. Mostly me this time. I usually never say much back. Itās usually me, just calmly responding while youāre saying some shit. But I was so fucking fed up this time. I was yelling back, pointing how ridiculous you were being. Then you just had to go and throw that card down. It always comes back to that. Itās never your fault. Always mine. Somehow. Someway. Just for once, I want you to calm yourself and walk away from the argument without telling me what you always do. That youāre done with dealing with my shit. Iām so tired of it. For the first time, I agreed with you. I told that Iām fucking done. I didnāt completely meant it. I didnāt think that you were gonna be ok with it. But I guessed I shouldāve known. I wanted you to take it back and apologize. That this petty ass argument wasnāt worth it. That it wasnāt worth losing me. I hate that winning every and any argument is worth it to you.
When did it start getting so damn ugly between us when we argued? Itās always you threatening to break up and itās me accepting everything as my fault. I know itās not always my fault, but winning a dumb argument isnāt worth it to me. But apparently for you, it is. Itās like you already know how things go. We fight. Maybe even break up for the millionth time. We donāt talk for a few days. I make the first move and apologize. We argue some more. Then you decide that everything is ok again. Itās the same toxic cycle. Do you know how much it fucking kills me every time? It fucking shreds every ounce of dignity I have. I never tell my friends about our arguments anymore. Because itās always some dumb shit and it makes me look like pathetic as shit. Maybe for this breakup, Iāll hold off on telling anyone for a while. I think this time, I screamed back because I was so god damn tired. I really should have known that the first thing that you were gonna say was to break up. You probably tell me that more than you even say I love you. How fuckinf sad. But the saddest thing is that I honestly canāt remember the last time you even told me that you love me. Like in a serious way. I swear to god I canāt even remember.
Since Iām being honest as I can here, Iāll admit that Iām tired of this. I think weāre both pretty comfortable. Weāre stuck and kinda afraid to leave. Thereās so much history that it makes it hard to completely let go. Thatās why we always come back to each other right? But itās probably way easier for you. Thatās why you always bring up the same threat every time. But you also know that thereās a likely chance that Iāll try to argue back about it. Because Iāve always been the one that loved harder. Iāve always been the one that loved more. And I pray that it doesnāt fuck me up in the next relationship. I donāt wanna have to hold back how hard I love someone because you fucking scarred me.
prguitarman
stormborns
snowghoul
vaporwave
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
amandla
