La Flaca Baila!

I love you too. I know I’m late by almost a year (and likely you don’t remember saying it, or maybe you didn’t mean it, or maybe it was so precarious that my lateness forward in time robbed it of its meaning) but it won’t go away, and adding people to my life doesn’t make it any less so. That’s all. Connected to every “move forward” that I tell myself is the doubt that maybe you didn’t know, and maybe knowing it now would make a difference. I just wish I could move forward with these additional people, I wish that with every time they tell me they love me, I could say it back with the same amount of meaning and depth that I believe exist in my saying it to you. Some part of me refuses to move on until it is convinced that you know this and still choose to close the door.

Loving someone Isn't for the someone you love - It's for you, That you may know Love is real.

Go ahead and break my heart Because it's really not my Actual heart that breaks; It's all the illusions and bullshit and masks I wear, that cover up my heart, That shatter When I arrive hot at your Cold indifferent doorstep. So you're actually doing me a favor, Freeing me from the shells I've created.

leave space on every other page or leave half of the notebook blank to receive your response, or maybe your answers to any questions with which i might find myself.

It's like we have a Puritan sheet between us. Even though genitalia get to interact there is a sheet forbidding any other parts of us to touch.

(sometime in february) if I've put that on a facebook post, it's a poetic example of my cynicism. the thing is I don't want to admit to having just one love. I say "to all my loves" cynically because I don't have more than one love - but that one person I consider my love could possibly be hurt by the idea that I might have more than one love because I don't think he knows for sure that he is my only love and because sometimes I think he's trying to hurt me intentionally, I allow the uncertainty to hang in the air. ------------- Reflection: kinda sounds like puerile drivel at this point - why would I want to potentially hurt someone whom I believe I love? Defense mechanism? Deeply embedded cynicism? And why does he remain outside this knowing, why can't we talk about these things?