Fools' Paradise

So, considering my fanfiction is expanding at a greater volume than expected, I thought it was a good idea to make a masterpost, for newcomers and old readers both.

What is Fools' Paradise?

Fools' Paradise is a fanfiction taking places after the 5th Artemis Fowl book (The Lost Colony), esploring the love between Artemis and Minerva, Artemis' discoveries around gender&sexuality and her (yes, her) relationship with her family.

Why is thing XYZ different from canon?

I have retconned or simply changed multiple things to my taste, perhaps the most evident one being that my version of Minerva is the same age of Artemis. Other notable ones are that jumbo pixies do not exist and N°1 never abrogates the Rule of Dwelling. Most of the canon divergencies (ie. Artemis' birthday being 31st August instead of September 1st) are explained in the story!

Will it span to the latest book?

That's the idea, unless my mind derails in the meantime. Fowl Twins, on the other hand, is not considered canon, even if some characters may appear.

Why is the title Fools' Paradise?

Well, it's a quote from Paradise Lost by John Milton, but for the real reason, you have to read it! ;)

TIMELINE OF EVENTS

January 26th, 1989: in Cagnes-sur-Mer (France), Minerva Paradizo is born.

August 31st, 1989: in Dublin (Ireland), Artemis Fowl II is born.

November 18th, 1999: sinking of the Fowl Star. Artemis Fowl I is lost at sea.

June 2000: the lemur affair. Propithecus candidus goes extinct.

December 24th, 2001: Holly's kidnapping.

May 12th, 2002: N'Zall appears in the grounds of Chateau Paradizo.

November 5th, 2002: the B'wa Kell revolt.

March 14th 2003: the Cube incident. Artemis is mindwiped.

December 2nd, 2003: Opal Koboi escapes. Julius Root's death.

April 21st, 2004: first, second and third encounter between Artemis Fowl II and Minerva Paradizo. Artemis is lost in Limbo.

February 9th, 2007: Artemis is back from Limbo.

May 17th-Sept 1st, 2007: Phone call between Artemis and Minerva. The two decide to pretend that Minerva is Artemis' girlfriend to overthrow Angeline Fowl's matchmaking plans. It works all too well (see: Fools' Paradise - The night of Samain)

September 24th, 2007: Minerva almost dies in a car crash. Artemis burns all the magic stolen from Limbo to heal her (see: Fools' Paradise - Trauma)

October 5th, 2007: Artemis breaks a leg, prompting Minerva to hastly run to Dublin (see: Fools' Paradise - Broken bones and broken hearts)

October 31st, 2007: Artemis realizes being a trans girl (see: Fools' Paradise - If I was your vampire)

November 19th, 2007: Artemis obtains l'etoille du Kashar (see: Fools' Paradise - Honour among thieves)

December 6th-8th, 2007: Artemis has some realizations about her family. Artemis comes out to Butler and Juliet. Artemis and Minerva are engaged (see: Fools' Paradise - Family)

December 26th-27th, 2007: Artemis and Minerva go to Disneyland (see: Fools' Paradise - Hell is empty)

Dicember 29th-31st, 2007: Holly is invited at Minerva's for New Year's Eve. Artemis comes out to Holly (see: Fools' Paradise - Surprises seldom come alone)

January 22nd, 2008: Artemis flees to Chateau Paradizo (see Fools' Paradise - Tout va bien, Artemis)

January 25th, 2008: Artemis and Holly go back in time in search of a cure for Spelltropy. Artemis leaves once and for all Fowl Manor (see Fools' Paradise - Nothing personal)

March 3rd, 2008: Holly and Minerva have some girl talk. Artemis comes home somehow disturbed (see Fools' Paradise - Judgement Day)

(continues)

ART

Minerva by me

Artemis by me

Minerva by @call-me-jelli

Illustration for The night of Samain, Chapter 9 by @iesnoth

Illustration for If I was your vampire by @iesnoth

Cover for The night of Samain by @ahren-the-puppeteer

Illustration for Surprises seldom come alone, Chapter 7 by @traystreeter

Artemis and Minerva wedding by @ahren-the-puppeteer

Beware of the pipeline! by @slushgut

When the Mud Girls have one drink too many by @slushgut

Whatever by @slushgut

Halloween by @slushgut

Two truths one lie by @slushgut

Illustration for Nothing personal by @slushgut

Illustration #1 for Tout va bien, Artemis by @slushgut

Illustration #2 for Tout va bien, Artemis by @slushgut

Illustration for Surprises seldom come alone, Chapter 6 by @irunaki

Cover for Family by @ahren-the-puppeteer

THE GODDESS OF NUMBER FIVE

Chapter 7, ACTAEON AND ARACHNE (In which Foaly gets a lesson about data breach, and Holly one about Greek myths) is out!

LA DEA DEI NUMERI CINQUE

Il capitolo 7, ATTEONE E ARACNE (In cui Polledro riceve una lezione sulla fuga di dati, e Spinella una sulla mitologia greca) è pubblico!

LINK EFP

Holly could hear Artemis breathing. And she shouldn't be able to hear him breathing, from the distance she was at, and that was both a good sign and a bad one: a good sign because the increased activity meant the sedative was wearing off and the girl would soon wake up. But it hurt so much, seeing her thrash around: at least, in the deep, sedative-induced sleep, Artemis had had some peace.

Oh, Holly had tried to distract herself, to make conversation, to look away, but her eyes inevitably fell back on the couch. Artemis, who loved to show off her self-control, was sprawled in a slouching pose. They had carefully laid her down, tucking a blanket around her but all it had took was to glance away to find her curled up like an animal, tendons protruding from the backs of her hands, clawed around the fabric and trembling, and a sheen of sweat beading her furrowed brow. Purple capillaries branched out across her eyelids, and behind them her eyes darted nervously, lashes fluttering like butterfly wings. The lamplight cast merciless shadows on her cheekbones, and her waxy skin appeared impossibly thin, almost transparent: with her makeup ruined and the strategic spotlights gone, Artemis looked like a ghost pretending to be human.

Holly had never seen her like that. Never. Not when Butler died, not when she had found herself back to the present three years too late, not even when she had decided to erase her existence from her family's memory. Even when all odds had seemed against her, Artemis had fought with a strength that belied her thin frame. She had always had a plan to emerge victorious, no matter how desperate the situation.

THE GODDESS OF NUMBER FIVE

Chapter 6, MATTERS OF THE HEART (In which Foaly almost gets thrown off a cliff and Holly almost drowns) is out!

LA DEA DEI NUMERI CINQUE

Il capitolo 6, PROBLEMI DI CUORE (In cui Polledro per poco non vola giù da una rupe e Spinella quasi affoga) è pubblico!

LINK EFP

"No weapons, no connection," said Minerva in a singsong voice. "And you can easily solve the stealth ore issue by just swallowing your pride and applying Artemis' method." She gave Foaly a smile that was more shark- than human-like: “So, hold your horses, centaur. Behave, and I’ll make you a tinfoil unicorn. It’ll be more useful this way than on your head, oui?”

THE GODDESS OF NUMBER FIVE

Chapter 5, THE ART OF WAR (In which the sky falls on Artemis) is out!

LA DEA DEI NUMERI CINQUE

Il capitolo 5, L'ARTE DELLA GUERRA (in cui il cielo crolla addosso ad Artemis) è pubblico!

LINK EFP

Of one thing, she was certain – the elf had thought while Foaly asked yet another question that Artemis would surely have answered in a sentence or two, if only he had let her speak: with the Atlantis Complex consuming her from the inside out, Artemis needed her friends to be there for her (whether she liked it or not), to support her. Not to throw jabs at her and risk breaking the tenuous bond that still kept her anchored to sanity.

Holly was about to point this out to Foaly with a discreet gesture (a kick in the shins, and horses have very long shins), when Artemis reminded her that – Atlantis Complex or not – she was still the girl who had outwitted the LEP, and then Jon Spiro and Opal Koboi, who had ripped Hybras away from Limbo, the cure for Spelltropy from her own grasp, a force to be reckoned with.

And never forget: Artemis is a huntress, she will never become a prey.

Foaly: "Real band of brothers stuff there, Holly."

Holly: "I'm a only child."

Foaly: "That explains a lot."

THE GODDESS OF NUMBER FIVE

Chapter 4, REMEMBRANCES OF ARTEMIS (in which Minerva would have passed Madame Ko's test) is out!

LA DEA DEI NUMERI CINQUE

Il capitolo 4, RICORDI DI ARTEMIS (in cui Minerva avrebbe passato l'esame di Madame Ko) è pubblico!

LINK EFP

The Wooden House in Kilmore hadn't changed much since the events that had caught Artemis' interest. And what had changed hadn't been for the better. Perhaps at the beginning of the 20th century, an inn built on the hulk of a ship wasn't noteworthy, but a century later, more unscrupulous – and farsighted – investors could make nice money off that idea: after all, there were plenty of establishments claiming to be authentic Irish pubs when a quick search of the city archives would reveal that a year or two earlier they'd been hardware stores or plant shops.

But farsightness wasn't a trait of the current management. Oh, Butler had been in worse, far worse places but he could well imagine the glare Artemis would have for the graffiti etched into the ancient wood, the jukebox in the corner, or – most horrifying of all – the lollipop display proudly perched on the counter. Two of his former principal's peers were engaged in more age-appropriate activities with the arcade machines, and a few younger children passed between the tables singing, "Solomon Grundy, born on a Monday, christened on Tuesday, married on Wednesday..."

Butler stiffened. Of all the nursery rhymes...

He had hoped his reaction had gone unnoticed, and it certainly had among the patrons of the Wooden House, but someone else’s eyes were sharper. Much sharper. "I'm fine," he said. He feared his voice would sound annoyed, and was ready to apologize for it, but it was just tired. The principal’s death was a bodyguard's nightmare, surviving them the capital failure. But knowing her in the grasp of an enemy he couldn't fight with his weapons was a thousand times worse. "It was the only nursery rhyme Artemis' father recounted her. He said it would teach her something. Artemis always hated it."

The hand that had brushed his shoulder retreated. Her owner understood. Her, yes. Butler suspected that in the early 1900s, the Wooden House might have attracted rebellious young aristocrats – he had hung around St. Bartleby's enough to know the type, even if Artemis had never shown anything but contempt for that kind of behavior – but no respectable woman would have voluntarily set foot in there, and he doubted a hundred years had changed things... unless said women were accompanied by six-foot-two of hard muscles in a dark suit. The patrons turned to look at the two girls... and continued to turn as soon as they noticed him.

Not that said girls needed it. The patrons of that hellhole probably believed such things restricted to the wuxia movie playing on the flat screen, but Butler knew the training his sister had undergone, and Juliet would be capable of taking down all of them. At the same time. With one arm tied behind her back.