About Aemond and what the S3.E07 hallucination scene can tell us about him
Everyone is focused on the sexual aspect of the scene - and I can't really blame them. Aemond having sex with his mom is... a lot. (The scene could also be read as Alys sexually assaulting Aemond, which is certainly disturbing - I don't know if this was the writers' intention for how that scene should be read or not.) But here I want to examine some other aspects of the scene and what it might reveal about Aemond's psyche. The hallucination scene happens in Aemond's mind so it's meant to tell us about him rather than Alicent. Everything Hallucination Alicent says, including what she says about herself, is meant to illuminate something about Aemond's character, thoughts, feelings and/or motivations.
Hallucination Alicent says she was just a child [when she was made to become a woman.] She was just a child when she was sent to seduce a grown man. She was just a child when she was made to become a wife and mother. Aemond was just a child when he was made to become a man. He was just a child when he was taken to a brothel and coerced into sleeping with a grown woman. He was just a child when he felt that he had to set the pain of losing his eye aside and take the place at Alicent's side as leader, protector and defender of their family after the Driftmark incident made it clear that the husband and father (Viserys), the eldest son and heir (Aegon) and even Criston Cole were all unwilling and/or unable to fill that role. Aemond was just a child when he felt he had to step up and become 'the man' of their house.
Aemond has been shaped through sexual abuse in service of adultification and parentification just as Alicent was. Aemond was robbed of his childhood innocence and forced to grow up way too fast just as Alicent was. Aemond has felt obligated to prioritize his duty to his house over himself, his own safety and comfort, his own feelings. His words to Helaena when he tries to drag her to battle in S2E08 are very telling:
There's also a tie-in with this scene from the S1 Driftmark episode (Aemond and Aegon talking about marrying Helaena):
I think this scene is often misinterpreted. Aemond wasn't expressing that he has a crush on Helaena or a personal wish to marry her so much as saying he would meet the duty placed before him even if it involved something he didn't want to do (the context of the scene is Aegon being displeased that he's been betrothed to Helaena and expressing that he really doesn't want to marry her). That scene wasn't about an attraction to Helaena that may or may not exist. It wasn't really about Helaena at all. It was meant to show us that young Aemond was willing to meet the expectations placed on him and do his duty to his family regardless of himself while Aegon wasn't. If Aemond appeared resentful/jealous about not being the one betrothed to Helaena ('if only') it was because he believed he would surely secure a proper legacy for their house while Aegon was bound to fail or mess it up. It was about upholding their house's name and legacy, not about personal wishes or desires.
Alicent was a 30-something widowed grandmother before she considered for the first time what she truly wanted out of life. Does Aemond know what he wants out of life? Has he ever thought about who he really is or wants outside of the role he's been playing all this time?
(Not that relevant to this post, but I also find it an interesting parallel that Alicent attacking Rhaenyra with a dagger was the result of her finally snapping under years and years of pain, bitterness, anger, crushing expectations and perceived injustice against her. Afterwards she regrets what she did. Was that not similar to what happened when Aemond killed Luke?)
At the end of S1 we see that Aemond has done his best to live up to the role he's taken upon himself. He's studied and trained to defend their house, carry on their traditions and values as he understands them and preserve their legacy while Aegon has continued being a wastrel who's bound to lead their house into ruin. Yes, he's disgruntled because he doesn't receive recognition for his efforts and finds himself in the undeserving Aegon's shadow - especially in terms of attention from Alicent. Yes, a part of him wants revenge against Aegon for the mistreatment he's suffered at Aegon's will. Yes, a part of him does want to be king. But Aemond's desire to replace Aegon as heir has always been deeply enmeshed with his sense of patriarchal duty towards his family and house rather than just being born from a simple, base desire for power, personal glory or vengeance.
Aemond decided to kill Aegon on the spur of the moment after he showed up at Rook's Rest, a stupid move that once again proved Aegon is unworthy and a liability to their house and cause. He was angry because Aegon was failing their house yet again, compromising them and ruining the plan he [Aemond] had made with Criston Cole, a plan that would've guaranteed them a decisive victory in the battle with no serious losses on their side. Aemond's attempt on Aegon's life wasn't some calculated ploy to make himself king. It was similar to what happened when he killed Luke (or rather when Vhagar killed Luke in response to Aemond's feelings of anger and resentment.) He lost his temper and made a rash decision, and in light of his confession to Alicent S3.E07 and him telling Alys he's been cursed for his sins in the previous episode, it would seem he does feel regret over what he's done. He also feels that his actions have cost him Alicent and Helaena's support and affection, the only two members of his family who seemed to care for him at all.
Hallucination Alicent says she did all she could to be a good mother to Aegon and Aemond but that she's failed them - she appears regretful over this. (This is similar to the S3E01 scene where Alicent says she failed to prepare Aegon to be an effective king.) Hallucination Alicent is expressing that despite her best attempts she's failed at her most important duties: being a good mother who met her sons' emotional needs and raised them to be capable men and rulers. (Again, this is not really about Alicent and whether or not she was obligated to care for the children she wasn't given a choice in having. It's about Aemond's perception of what a woman's duty is and what a queen and mother should be like.) Is this not similar to how Aemond feels? Does he not feel that despite his best attempts since childhood, since he resolved to become the exemplary strong Targaryen man and patriarchal figure, he's failed. Is the hallucination an indication that he knows on some level that it was unfair for a child to find themselves in a situation where they felt they had to take on an adult role? That it was overwhelming and setting him up for failure?
Think of what Aemond's idea of the ideal man is probably like given he was raised in a heavily patriarchal society that's currently at war because a woman was named heir, given he seems to have modeled himself after Daemon if he's modeled himself after anyone. (Aemond doesn't truly know Daemon, only his legend.) The ideal man wins battles and wars. He successfully defends his seat and his family. He's strong and courageous. He's stoic. He's unbreakable. He has his 'weak' emotions in check. He doesn't cry or show fear. He finds the thought of being bested amusing or insulting. He's certain of himself and his actions. He's virile. Of course he'd be up for it if a hot MILF in his area/local goth witch wants to bang him! He's capable of performing sexually - and he's supposed to be the more dominant partner during sex. He leads. He decides what's best for the family. He makes the decisions for the women. Wife, mother, sister - they're all supposed to trust that he knows what's right and follow his lead, etc. Can Aemond say any of this is currently true for him?
Aemond is currently under more pressure than ever. Viserys is dead, Criston Cole is MIA, Aegon is apparently dead, accomplished nothing before he died, and left no male heir (as far as Aemond knows). Aemond is truly king and head of the house now. He has a war to win, a seat to defend and a legacy to salvage. It's all on his shoulders now. He can't fail like Viserys and Aegon did. If he fails, their house falls into ruin and extinction. In S3E01 Alicent tasked him with killing Daemon and his dragon and establishing an unassailable seat at Harrenhal, and he talked a big game ('l shall host a feast there in your honour, in Black Harren's hall as my uncle's head looks down from a spike.') And now Alicent is here and he has nothing to show her. He's claimed no great victory. His army is gone. His seat is a pile of wet bricks rather than a glorious hall. He's injured and weaker than he's ever been before. His dragon - the claim that truly made him a man in his eyes - is gone. He feels emasculated. And then there's Alys who wants him to be king to her queen, her husband, father to their children - more pressure to be a grown man. Shit is realer than ever but instead of a man and king who has his shit together, he still feels like a scared, hurt little boy who cries to be held and comforted by a mother. And he's coddled and bossed around by his womenfolk, which also makes him feel small and weak. 'I'll not be coddled or admonished like a witless child!'
The confused dichotomy between the boy who never really grew up precisely because he had to grow up too fast, too soon; the boy who still longs for a mother's comfort even as it shames him; the boy who's still just trying to do his mother proud and earn her affection, and the man trying to project strength, leadership and power above all else has been very apparent since Aemond came to Harrenhal and met Alys.
Aemond has been a victim of restrictive gender roles just as Alicent has. He's kind of a textbook study in toxic masculinity (think of how anger, violence and dominating others to avoid seeming weak are his go-to's, how he kept denying he was afraid when he obviously was, how he only shows vulnerability behind closed doors and tries to deny it later on, etc). Aemond is the walking truth that patriarchy has a negative effect on boys and men too.
Lastly, re. the end of the hallucination scene. Yes, Aemond was shocked when he realized it was actually Alys he was with and not Alicent. But her words disturbed him too. 'In this moment I will give you a son.' Notably it was those words that pulled him out of the hallucination even before he saw Alys. During the dinner scene with Alys and Alicent he paid lip service to the idea of securing his house's future ('a new dawn is coming') by starting a new line of unsullied kings, kings who will be like Aegon the Conqueror instead of his brother Aegon. He knows it's important to have an heir to secure his house's future. But does he actually feel ready to be a father or does he feel too young? Is he scared of failing a child the way his parents failed him? Is he scared he'll fail at being a proper father the way he's been failing at everything else he's supposed to be? Does he even want to be a father outside his perceived duty to produce heirs?
