Here I is

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Whenever they would go out, and he'd drop her off afterwards, she'd hop out after giving him a quick kiss and say good-bye. She didn't even really give him a chance to suggest he go in for a while. Plus, Omega had been home all those times, so she didn't figure he'd want to stay very late anyway.

She hoped she wasn't making him feel like she didn't enjoy what they'd done. She knew she needed to talk to him about it and explain that she was just a little nervous rather than just avoiding being alone with him. She would. Soon.

At lunch one day, Amanda asked, "So, things are still going well?"

Wren looked at her with some confusion and said, "Huh?"

"With you and Hunter? I know he comes by for lunch sometimes, and you get together for dates? How are you feeling about it all?"

"Good. Fine." Wren wasn't sure why she was asking.

"Just good, fine?"

"Well, I mean, it's great. But I still worry, so you know, I can't sound too excited. But we're getting along really well. We get together at least a couple of times a week. We might go out, for a meal or a movie. But we usually hang out at home more often. At their house, because of Omega."

"And you're okay with that?" Amanda asked.

"With what? Hanging out at their house?"

"Yeah, because of Omega. Do you feel like you come second?" Amanda didn't want to stir up anything; she was just curious how Wren felt about it.

"Nooo. At this point in time Omega is more of a priority. She's a kid. She needs him."

"Yeah, I get that. Do you think you guys are going to...stay together...long-term?"

"What? I don't know! We haven't talked about that. We haven't even known each other a year yet."

"Does that mean you'd say no if he asked right now?"

Wren was starting to feel anxious. "Ask what? To get married? What brought this on?"

"I don't know. I was just thinking, and I was wondering if that had been brought up."

"I don't know what I'd say if he asked. But he's not going to, so it doesn't matter. Not yet."

Amanda nodded. She was quiet for a few moments but then started again. "Hunter seems to like kids. Do you think he would want to have kids of his own?"

Wren paused and lowered her sandwich to the table. She thought for a few moments, a jolt of anxiety running through her. "I don't know. We haven't talked about that either. I guess...maybe we should."

"Why, do you want kids?"

"Actually...no." She was having trouble swallowing, so took a big drink. She was also feeling a little light-headed. "I don't think I can have them. Meaning, my anxiety is too severe. I don't want to put myself through that. And I don't want to put a child through that. I would be a terrible mother, I'd be constantly worrying and hovering."

Amanda felt bad for even bringing it up, because she could see the instant worry on Wren's face. She reached over and patted Wren's hand. "Well, don't worry about it yet. There's no reason to borrow trouble. Maybe it won't come to that."

"Do you mean we won't stay together?"

"No, I mean maybe he doesn't want kids."

Wren just looked concerned and was quiet the rest of their lunch. Amanda kicked herself the rest of the day. Why did you say that to her! You know how she is!

Wren tried not to worry, but it kept popping into her head. Does Hunter want kids? I realize we might not stay together... But the thought of that brought her a different kind of distress. She wanted to stay with him. She really felt like he was someone she'd like to...well, be with. Long-term. But if he wanted kids, she couldn't ask him to stay with her.

They texted a bit that night. She didn't see him until the following night when they went out for supper.

They were seated near a table where a young family was already seated. There were two small children, both probably under the age of six. Wren noticed Hunter's eyes were instantly on them, and she saw a small smile forming.

As they looked at the menus and gave their orders, she noticed he kept looking over towards the kids. They were quiet for the most part, while they ate. And they were really adorable.

She thought maybe this was the opportunity she needed. "They're really cute," she whispered, hoping the parents wouldn't hear them talking.

Hunter looked at Wren, then followed where she nodded.

He smiled again, bigger this time. "Yeah, they are. The little boy is so sleepy, he's about to fall into his plate."

She smiled at him, and they went back to eating. At one point, a small stuffed animal found its way near their table, after the little girl threw it. He reached down and picked it up, offering it to her as she walked towards them. She looked very shy as she took it. Her mother said, "What do you say, Emily?"

"Thank you." It was practically a whisper, and the little girl hurried back to her seat, looking back at Hunter when she sat down. He gave her a dazzling smile, and Wren's heart skipped a beat.

He really does enjoy kids.

On the drive back to her house, she decided she needed to say something. "Hey, Hunter."

"Hmm?" He took his eyes off the road briefly to look at her.

"I noticed how you were with those little kids."

"They were pretty cute."

"Yeah, they were. You like kids it seems? I mean, not just Omega, but kids in general?" She looked over at him, and he was looking back, as much as he could, with a curious look on his face.

"Well, I've never really thought about it. We've never really been around kids all that much, but yeah, I guess I do. Why?"

"Oh, nothing."

He reached over and patted her knee. "Hey, what's up? Something wrong?"

She took a deep breath. "You know how I am. I need to know what other people are thinking and not just wait to find out. So, I usually ask."

"Yeah? You wanna ask me something?"

"Do you want kids? Of your own?" She felt like she was holding her breath after that.

"I don't know. I really haven't given it much thought. I think it would depend on my partner and how they felt."

"You don't have strong feelings yourself about it?"

"No, not really. I can see both sides, and I'm not pulled either way right now. I'm a bit indifferent. So yeah, it would definitely depend on my partner. How about you?"

"Well, that's the thing..."

"Yeah?" he prompted when she paused.

"I don't think I can have kids. And when I say I 'can't have' them, I mean, mentally. I don't think my mental health could handle having children. I don't know if I physically could or not. But mentally...the thought just scares the hell out of me. And I think I would be a horrible mother." She could feel her eyes burning and her throat closing up.

"Hey..." he reached over to take her hand. "Let me park here, and then I can talk easier." They were almost to her parking lot, so she nodded, and he pulled in, finding a spot and turning off the truck. He turned in his seat, taking her hand in both of his.

"Wren, please don't be upset with yourself about this. If you don't want kids, then you don't want kids. There's nothing wrong with that. I've never believed that women should all want to be mothers. That's a very outdated way of thinking. Now, I think you're an extremely kind and caring person, and you are so good with Omega. But that's different than having to take care of a kid 24/7, especially a small child. So I absolutely understand if you're not on board with that."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Did you think I would be upset about that?" He seemed concerned.

"Well, I didn't know. I know how good you are with Omega. And I saw how you were with the little kids tonight, and my mind went racing. I just...I mean... Ugh. I don't know how to say this."

He reached over and ran his knuckles over her cheek, then moved some hair from where it had fallen into her eyes. "Take your time. You can tell me anything." He cupped her cheek, and she leaned into his touch.

"I hate to sound like I'm expecting something...something to happen between us." She looked down at her hands, unable to look into his eyes. "But I just didn't want to lead you on, if you wanted to have kids, I thought I should tell you now. Again, I'm not saying you want to be with me long-term or anything-"

"Hey, look at me." She looked up. "I want to be with you as long as you want to be with me. Well, longer if you end up not wanting to be with me. But what I'm saying is, I'm not thinking of anything other than staying with you. I'm not looking beyond that, because as far as I'm concerned, there is no beyond that. I don't want to scare you by saying that; I'm not pressuring you. I'm just saying, that's where my mind is right now. So don't doubt that I want to be with you. And not just now, but in the future."

She couldn't stop the small smile from forming. "You do?" she whispered.

"I really do. And if you don't want to have kids, and we are still together in a year or two or three, then I will be fine with that. I'm not expecting you to change your mind. This is a big deal, and if you don't want them, then I don't want them. Okay?" He cupped her cheek again, and she closed her eyes as she leaned into his calloused hand.

"Yeah, okay." She felt her eyes burning, but for a good reason this time. "Thanks, Hunter."

"Nothing to thank me for."

"Well, thank you for being so kind and understanding and talking this through with me. I just got really freaked out this week, because Amanda asked me if you wanted kids, and I said I didn't know, we hadn't talked about it, obviously. We're not there yet. But then she mentioned how good you are with Omega, and maybe you would want kids of your own. Then she asked me if I wanted them, and then my mind was off to the races."

"I'm sorry you were worrying about it. You didn't have to wait until you saw me, you could have called or asked me to come over or something."

"Well, it was just yesterday that we talked about it, so it wasn't very long that I was fretting. It was fine, really." She looked up from where she held his hand and gave him a small smile. She brought his hand to her mouth and gently kissed his knuckles. "And since we're talking about stuff, I feel like I need to say something else." She looked up at him again, then back down. "I hope it doesn't seem like I've been avoiding being alone with you. I mean, I kind of have been, but not for any reason other than I got a little nervous."

"About what? I'm not going to push you to do anything, even what we've already done, Wren. It's totally up to you."

"I know. I just don't know what I want to do. Sometimes I think I want to do more, but then I get scared."

"If you're scared, then you're not ready."

"But I think I'll always be scared, until we actually do more. So, I don't want to wait forever for my fear to go away. Because I'm afraid it never will."

He quietly chuckled, and pulled her head gently towards his so he could rest his forehead against hers. "Maybe your fear won't totally go away, not until the physical stuff becomes normal for us. But I think it will lessen, and you'll get to the point where you want to do more. It will just take a little more time. And I'll be here waiting when you reach that point. Please don't beat yourself up, or push yourself, or feel bad. Okay?"

She nodded, their foreheads still pressed together. Then she moved enough that she could kiss him, letting him know how much she appreciated him. "You aren't real. You can't be real."

He laughed, and said, "I'm really real. And I'm really in love with you. And I want you to remember that, whenever these doubts and fears creep into your head. I love you. And I will always love you. I'm the lucky one here."

He gave her a kiss that started slow and soft, but deepened quickly. She always got a jolt of excitement when she felt his tongue. He wasn't sloppy or demanding or pushy with his kisses. And she was actually surprised at how much she liked when tongues were involved. She always thought that would freak her out. But it didn't, not the way he went about it.

But she was tired. The anxiety about the kids discussion had worn her out. Sometimes she would worry so much about something, it felt like she'd run a race. And during those times, her mental fatigue affected her physically as well.

As they parted, she felt her eyes getting heavy.

"You're tired. You need to get inside and go to bed." He sounded concerned, and even in her tired state, it felt really good. To have him think about her well-being like that.

"it's not even that late." But she was feeling more exhausted by the minute.

"It's almost 10:00. That's late enough. Here, let me walk you to your door, so you make it okay." He started opening his door.

"Hunter, wait. I can make it to my door. I'm not going to pass out."

"I don't care. I'll just walk you there, and then I'll leave. Come on." He gave her a stern look, letting her know he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"You know, people say I'm stubborn. In fact, I think you've told me that. But you're just as stubborn." She turned to open her door, and she heard his low laugh as she did.

He must have hurried around to her side, because he was already waiting for her as she was getting ready to step down from the truck. He reached up and put his hands on her waist to help her down. She thought that was unnecessary, but she wasn't going to tell him that. It was nice, feeling his hands around her, holding her steady.

She smiled up at him after he shut her door. "Thanks. You're very chivalrous."

He smiled at her. "Come on, let's go."

He put his arm around her waist, and she laid her head against his shoulder. "This is nice," she whispered. "You're nice."

He kissed the top of her head. "Not as nice as you." And his heart warmed at her sigh.

He was true to his word. He got her to her door, waited until she'd unlocked it, then dropped his arm.

She turned her face up to him and said, "Kiss?"

"Of course." But this was a very sweet and innocent kiss. He didn't want to stir anything up, because he really wanted her to go inside and go to bed. "Now, go on and get in bed. Please. And text me when you're there. I'm going to check up on you."

"Okay, okay. I promise." She walked inside, turned and waved at him. "Thanks, Hunter."

He nodded and smiled at her. "Go ahead and lock your door, please."

She whispered, "Okay. I will," with a smile.

He waited until he heard the deadbolt before he turned towards his truck again.

Just as he was getting home, he heard his phone vibrate. He looked, and there was a text from Wren.

W: I'm in bed. Happy?

Then she sent a picture of herself, making sure he could see she was in bed.

H: Yes, very happy. Thank you. G'night, Wren.

W: G'night, Hunter. <3

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I'm turning this into a postcard to send to my online friends to see if I like making mini (5x8) prints and have the mental space to make the prints and write the letters on the back and send them out. If it turns out to be something I can mentally handle maybe I will offer a mail letter print thing - one design per month or somethin for like $5. \shrug/ not sure but for sure I am loving the idea to send my only friends I yap at all the time a card with a cute print. <3