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all irish novels and short films are fucking terrifying
theres a short film we study in later years where this woman is on a train and the man beside her keeps coughing and annoying her, and has an asthma attack (?) so she takes his inhaler and he dies
okay first of all i love you more and second of all yes i probably did know that but i love hearing you say it because i need constant assurance people don't find me annoying :)))))
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okay so literally any hozier song ever I think of you because I think I remember you saying you listened to him a lot? idk
but to me you just embody (think I used that word right) that time between fall and winter where there’s frost and no more leaves but not quite winter yet?
and speaking of weather and this is probably because of your theme any time there’s fog in the mountains I think if you. and given that I literally live in the valley of a lot of major mountains and i walk to school early enough theres a lot of it, especially curling around the tree.
and to me you are always kaz because his fics are what made me follow you - also surprisingly enough bridgerton simply because you’re the only person I know (not saying much) that likes / writes fics for it
and on the topic of characters you just give of pure Leonard McCoy vibes im sorry-
also the names henrik and cillian belong to you. you own copyright to them.
dogs. its weird but just dogs are ✨you✨ in my mind
HELL YEAH UNDER THE CUT CAUSE ITS A LONG AND SAPPY BOI
okay first off I associate you with literally everything good in the world and just the word love and you’re amazing.
okay. now that that’s established.
the first one and it’s weird but boba. when we first started talking and it was all formal and I asked you how ur day was and you said it was good because your mom got you boba and I just? yeah
people watching by conan gray because you’re the one that introduced me to it and now I listen to it on repeat? also helpless from hamilton. literally any love song ever especially the ones from our playlist.
also in my mind you give very good hugs. like, melt in your arms type hugs.
ur also every anime I’ve ever wanted to watch and young royals and every show or movie you love that I always want to watch. and you’re still david in my mind and I always associate you with auri (I am still mad you dyed your hair back) and you don’t know who this is but spencer reid (v big compliment he’s v cute and bumbly)
also you ARE the found family trope for me? like you cannot compute how much I love you and I definitely don’t say it enough but sometimes you get me through my day and at least once every other hour I think things like, vig would be going crazy, or vig would think this is pretty, stuff like that
and okay stop here if you want the real essay is after this sentence but it could be weird idk-
okay so when I think of you i imagine a two story building in like, the uk or italy (?) - the bottom is a a coffeeshop slash bookstore (they sell all your poems and the book you end up writing) and the top floor is an apartment we both share.
there’s a big-ass pride flag hanging in the corner and sometimes we get dirty looks from the patrons but our coffee and pastries (pastries courtesy of laura) are too good to miss so they always come back. and there are a couple lunch-y things in the menu and one of them is a cold pesto pasta salad and nobody knows why it’s called seductive pesto pasta but we giggle every time we see it.
you mostly run the shop with a couple teenage cashiers we’ve pretty much adopted and I work long hours probably as a paramedic but when I can I help out and everyone loves when both of us are there because we’re the epitome of idiots in love (and its not even romantic love we just- love each other wholesomely and we don’t put a label on it)
we play music on speakers and randomly dance and you yell at me for sneaking too many chocolate croissants and I grin and offer you a bite and you reluctantly take it and so many people come to the coffeeshop to see you cause you’re a famous writer/poet now and they’re expecting this uptight straight-faced probably cis woman but instead they get you chasing me around the shop because I stole the last chocolate muffin.
and technically we have separate bedrooms but we usually end up sharing a bed because we’re both touch-starved and sometimes you try to stay up for me but end up falling asleep on the couch and I pick you up and carry you to one of our bedroom.
and sometimes we both stay up for no other reason than to do so and we’re snuggled up in blankets with mugs of tea and you always laugh cause I don’t actually like tea very much but I keep trying until I give in and give you my mug while I make hot chocolate but then the next time we do it I still get tea (mostly because it makes you laugh).
both the shop and the apartment end up getting really cluttered but we don’t really mind because all the stuff cluttering them is stuff we live, stuff that defines us in small ways, tokens of our lives we can’t throw away, physical inside jokes.
also there is so much casual touching between the two of us: cuddles at night, hugs any time of the day, maybe holding hands (?). we also end up sharing a wardrobe cause we both love comfy clothes I think your sweatshirts are amazing and you love my hoodies and yeah.
sometimes we both stay up really late because it’s a habit from our childhood (we did it as kids because it felt like the only thing in our lives our parents couldn’t control even though they tried) and just randomly go to the grocery store at like 3 am with weird cravings.
we have movie nights where we watch trashy rom-coms and boo at the screen and sometimes we take them a step further and keep the shop open late and project it on a sheet and give out free popcorn and cookies and boo at the screen with all the other gay people attracted to our shop
sorry if that was creepy or weird this concept just gives me an unhealthy amount of dopamine-
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The world has always been unkind, and when you have turned to yourself for comfort you have come face to face with an empty pit which seems to be laughing. You don’t care if it kills you but once you find someone whom you love and who loves you back, you will make sure nothing happens to them. They are yours. You will make a tear in this world and create a new place for you and your love if it comes to that. Because it has always been about love, and it is how it always ends.
Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever
You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything.You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.
i had a dream that was basically a crossover between teen wolf, aurora rising, and this recurring dream ive had twice before
you know there are some days where i think 'huh, i wonder what vig's life is like right now' and then i see this and think that maybe it's better to remain in blissful ignorance
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