Tales from the Road of Forking Paths

I'm leaving that town for a while. I'm in the neighboring town which actually has a Pokecenter and Pokemart. So you know. You can actually survive here.

That depends, where are you taking me?

Oh, okay just in case, you know, I can't read a sign. Thanks for the free potion though. That'll come in handy when my pokemon are weak.

Really? Okay. I don't see them. Where are they?

But I want to go this way. *sigh* I'll wait. But it better be worth it.

So I went North, and I ran right into...May Birch.

*sigh* I guess I'll talk to her. I don't particularly want to.

Shhh!!! She doesn't know I'm here yet...

Crap. Hi May, what's up?

Well, I guess you could say that. More like I insisted on keeping him. I mean, this is my first Pokemon. Apparently you have an extensive history as a trainer. That's what your dad said.

...I guess...all I want to do is be able to leave this area.

Well, I took down that level 2 Zigzagoon that terrified your father, so I have a taste.

Yeah, this is too easy. Way too easy. Even though Tackle is still my only move.

BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS WE'RE MARRIED!

I'm a very likable person.

Okay. Fine. I guess I'll go back to that town.

*uggh* Fine. But remember, we don't live together.

Since I haven't officially posted rules for this, I feel like I should do it now.

Any Pokemon that faints is dead, and must be boxed permanently.

You can only catch the first Pokemon in each area, barring repeats of evolutionary lines.

Considering this Nuzlocke is randomized, I am allowed to run away. (This is mainly for the beginning)

Also, the first in every area starts when I get pokeballs

BACK TO THE STORY:

Wait, that's an adult in trouble! I don't have Pokemon! Where is May! Why isn't she doing anything. Where's the Professor? He should be able to do something. *sigh* I guess I'll go.

Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? Is that an adult male scared of a puny Zigzagoon? This is actually amusing.

What? You're saying there are Pokemon in your bag? Well, that changes things I guess. I'll help you. Let's see what you've got.

A Stantler.

An Azurill.

Or a Slowking.

I'm going with the Slowking. It's not really a Pokemon I like, but whatever. I'll save your ass.

The Zigzagoon can't take my Slowking's power. This was pretty pathetic.

Also, it's totally pathetic that you, one grown-ass man, is cowering from a level 2 Zigzagoon.

Please, it was a ZIGZAGOON. It was basically pathetic. Also, if you don't have Pokemon, don't go into tall grass. Isn't that the cardinal rule of pokemon ownership?

  Who're you? How do you know who I am? This is really uncomfortable.

Oh, you're Professor Birch. So you're not dead. That's good. Fine, I'll come to your lab.

LATER:

That's funny. I don't talk to my father. Neither does my mother really. He kinda sucks at being a father. Always in his gym. Apparently you have more conversations with him. May I ask why?

Well, I'm keeping that Slowking. I'm naming him Rex. I feel like this is fair since I totally saved you from peeing your pants while being attacked by a level 2 Zigzagoon. I'm never getting over that. Ever. At your funeral, I'm telling that story.

You're oddly happy that I'm basically going to trash your reputation and that I've expressed the idea about stealing your Pokemon. Is this characteristic of Littleroot Town? Is everyone crazy?

I'd rather not. I think I can handle it on my own. Actually, do you think I'm married to your daughter...because your wife does. And I think May does.

First of all, what noise did you just make? And secondly, yes, Professor Birch. He does work here, doesn't he? I mean, this is his lab (and frankly it's the only lab anywhere around here). You haven't done away with him, have you? *gasp* You have, haven't you. That's why Mrs. Birch and May are so kooky. And that explains why May didn't go anywhere. YOU SICKO I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED PROFESSOR BIRCH!

Oh sure, call it fieldwork. Wait, he's actually away on fieldwork. You see, this is why I can't live in small towns, they drive me crazy! Well obviously he's not here, he's either dead or in the field. And clearly there isn't a field in his lab. And clearly he's not dead here either, unless he's in those boxes. *gasp* that's why you have the boxes isn't it!?!

No, that's quite alright. It's either a slang word to hide the fact that he's dead in the field, or he's conducting research in a field. Probably the latter. 

There is clearly some form of communication barrier. I didn't need the definition. I know what you're talking about. I'm not an idiot.

So I take it you do the desk work. Which is why you're alone here. I see how this works. I guess it's up to me to go and look for him, since no one here does anything.

Who are you? Are you an orphan? I mean, you don't live with me, and I don't think you're a Birch. I hear the cries too, and they sound like dogs to me. 

Neither do I! We're going to rot in this town together because we're not allowed to leave. Apparently the tall grass is too dangerous.

Thanks for tossing me under the bus, Little Orphan Annie! I don't have any pokemon either! I'm as undefended as you. Why can't we go get May?

Oh god, you turned on the puppy eyes. Now I can't say no.

But seriously must I do everything?

Meet the neighbors Ares, I'm too much of a hermit to ever leave my house!

Find my father Ares because I'm to bored and spoiled so I'm gonna sit here and pretend to be busy so you have to do everything!

Investigate the noise Ares because I'm a snively orphan with puppy-dog eyes and you can't say no!

Struggles to come up with really clever lie. Screw it. I'm Ares, I'm your new neighbor. Your mom sent me up here, probably because she thinks we're going to give her grandchildren. She's wrong by the way. For now at least.

...Why are you looking at me like that?...

...What's with that hungry look in your eye?....

You can tell she's totally fighting her urge to say "I love you"

Fine, if I don't want to run away after this conversation we can give friendship a try.

Oookaaayy... this this just got sufficiently awkward. You sound like one of those crazy pokemon ladies. I don't know, you also realize that there are like tons of continents in this world right. Please tell me you have a basic knowledge of geography.

There's a lot of gossip in this town isn't there. I have yet to meet your father, and yet he probably knows my life story. So now you think we've got this bond, and I just think you're kinda creepy.

Are you implying that I'm not nice. *sigh* Fine, I'll try this friendship thing out with you. But I will NOT watch romantic comedies, paint my nails, or braid my hair. Do you understand? I have boundaries.

BOUNDARIES YOU CREEP!!! WE ARE NOT ENGAGED NO MATTER WHAT YOUR MOTHER THINKS!

Okay I guess, have fun!

Are you just sitting there completely ignoring the fact that I exist? Aren't you supposed to help your father? No? You're just gonna sit there? Fine! I'm leaving. Since you're not going to help your father, I guess I will. 

Well, she said right next door. But she doesn't even know these people. My father knows these people, but we never see him either. What kind of mother sends her child over to a stranger's house. Oh yeah. Mine.

You don't recognize me! I'm your son!

That's a joke. You're supposed to laugh.

Wow, someone woke up on the chipper side of the bed. Is this all a fake neighborly act so you can break inside my house and steal my mom's decorating ideas? This is, isn't it?

Please don't try to set me up with her. I don't like people my own age. Actually, I don't really like people at all.

Arceus Christ! In your mind we're probably already married and giving you grandchildren.

Wait, you think? As in, your-not-completely-sure-where-your-daughter-is-so-this-is-your-best-guess, you think? What kind of mother are you? Shouldn't you be freaking out because, I don't know, your daughter may be out there somewhere partaking in satanic rituals while not wearing clothes? The parenting in this town is surprisingly lax.

Who are you? I know she mentioned a daughter, but clearly you're a pink haired little boy. She didn't mention you. Does she even know you exist? Also, your mother is a brunette. Your hair is pink. Are you adopted? 

So clearly this is the daughter's room. Where is the daughter? I'm starting to believe this daughter may be imaginary. Oh well, can't hurt having a little fun.

Mwhahahaha ;) Sleeping in her bed.

Snooping through her email.

She left her Pokemon in a ball on the floor. I could just pick it up an run....

SHIT!

I forgot to take screenshots during the beginning sequence

I'm pretty sure this violates traffic safety laws. I'm also pretty sure this means that I don't get along with my family. Why else would they stick my in the back of our moving van?

I can see that. Why else would I be out of the moving van?

It seems tiny. I don't know. How am I supposed to like it if I haven't seen it? If by quaint feel you mean, "It seems really tiny, I mean there are what, three houses here" And if by easy place to live you add, "if we get along with the neighbors" then I guess you're right.

  I don't know how to answer that. Please do not ask questions with negative words. You just asked me "Is it not nice in here?" I don't know whether to respond with yes or no. So I'm not going to answer.

So none of us do any work? And the Pokemon don't get paid? I have a feeling that people in Unova somewhere have a huge issue with this.

Seriously? Is that all he did? Since we moved here for him, you'd think he would at least visit us on moving day. Speaking of Dad, why didn't we move to Petalburg? He runs the gym in Petalburg. You're already going to have to go there to go shopping.

So this is my room, can't say I hate it. At least I'm alone.

Arceus Christ! Have you ever heard of knocking? I mean, it's fine I guess.

What kind of come quickly is this? Is it a bug? Or is it some really interesting program? Is your life in danger?

It's sad that the most contact either of us have had with my father is a missed TV program and a clock.

Do *you* know him? It shouldn't be terribly hard to find him, there are three whole buildings in this town. But isn't it dangerous to send me over to meet someone neither of us have met yet? *sigh* but I see how it is. Whatever, I'll go.

NEXT: I meet the Birch Family

Okay, so I'm using this blog to keep track of Nuzlockes that I'm running. I tend to run a lot of them. Here are the current three:

Ares: Emerald Emulator with the randomizer

Scarlett (called Skar): FireRed Version run on my GBA SP will eventually be posted as a comic

Mars: Emerald on GBA will also be a comic.