“Accidentally on Purpose”
My life completely changed the night I got into a bad car accident. I was heading to McDonald’s to get something to eat when this Range Rover ran a red light and t-boned my Dodge Charger. Some of the details from that night are still a little cloudy in my head, but I definitely remember hearing Kyle’s voice and then seeing him appear on the passenger side of my car. I also remember the passenger side door had gotten knocked off by the impact caused from hitting a tree. I don’t remember anything after that except waking up in the hospital in pain, which I soon discovered I’d been in that hospital for nearly three weeks unconscious. The car I’d worked so hard to get had been totaled and my life was nearly taken from me twice that night.
I didn’t learn about Kyle Perry until I spoke with my family the day after I woke up. They told me all about how he pulled me from the car and gave me CPR when I stopped breathing and didn’t have a pulse. He had to do it again because I lost consciousness for a second time. Somehow I remained stable after the second revival, and the ambulance arrived and took me to the hospital. Although both my legs were broken as well as a few ribs and my shoulder had been dislocated, I was grateful to be alive. I had no idea that my gratitude would have the impact that it ended up having on how I viewed everything.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna spend one more night at home?” my mama asked me while softly touching my face. “You haven’t slept in this apartment in three months, Damien.”
“Ma, I’m gonna be okay,” I told her with a reassuring smile. “I’ve already started back working so I might as well live in the apartment I’m still paying rent for.”
“You gotta stop babying him, ma,” my older brother Dennis interjected. “He’s a grown man.”
“That’s right,” my baby brother Demetrius agreed. “Damien is gonna be cool. Shoot, he’ll probably be more comfortable once we leave. I know he can’t wait to get a chick over here.”
I laughed and told him, “Nah, lil’ bro. I’m gonna clean up this place and get comfortable. No ladies tonight.”
“Well if you need anything,” said mama, “make sure you call me. I don’t care if it’s late at night, call me, Damien. And tell Kyle that I asked about him if you speak to him.”
“Okay, ma. I love y’all.” I hugged them. “I’ll talk to y’all later.”
“Don’t forget we’re shooting some hoops tomorrow at the rec center with Demetrius’s high school buddies,” Dennis reminded me.
“Alright, bruh. I’ll be there.”
After talking with them for a little while longer, they left and I began cleaning my apartment. It felt kind of strange being back in my apartment but I was ready. I hadn’t been there since the night of the accident so everything was exactly how I left it. By just looking at the way I left my computer desk and swivel chair, I found myself remembering more about that night. I’d been on the phone for about an hour with this girl named Sierra I’d been having sex with for like two weeks. She wanted a more serious relationship than what I wanted so when I told her it wasn’t gonna work, she cussed me out. Immediately after getting off the phone with her, I headed out to get something to eat and the accident happened.
It’s crazy how one event can snatch your whole life away in the fraction of a second. When that Range Rover hit my car, it was like someone turned the lights out on me. Everything just went black. I experienced those few flashes where I remember hearing and seeing Kyle, but other than that it was just nothing. There was no bright light. There was no heaven or hell. It was simply nothing. I think that’s what had the biggest effect on how I was now feeling. I wasn’t sure what to believe in anymore.
The one thing I was absolutely sure of was the way I was beginning to feel about Kyle. I hadn’t had much contact with him since the accident but whenever I did speak to him, I noticed something between us and I wasn’t sure whether or not he noticed it as well. I’d never had a single homosexual thought or had ever been attracted to another man before in my life, yet something about Kyle attracted me. I first thought I was just reacting to him saving my life, but I quickly realized it was more than that.
“Kyle, hey,” I said to him over the phone. “I just wanted to call you and tell you I’m finally back in my apartment.”
“That’s good, Damien,” he replied on the other end. “I’m really happy for you, man.”
“Yeah, it’s crazy being back here. I just finished cleaning up.”
“I guess all of that bedrest at your mother’s paid off, huh?”
“Definitely. I feel like I can run five miles straight right now. It’s almost like the accident didn’t happen. All my bruises are gone and I’m healed.” I paused and took a deep breath before saying, “Kyle, I still feel like I owe you my life.”
“And like I always tell you, I did what anyone with my training would do. We met by luck, Damien.”
“Yeah, but had you not been walking in that exact area that night…”
“It was all a coincidence. I got into an argument with my boyfriend at the time and he made me get out of his car. You know that’s why I was out that night walking. It really was just a coincidence.”
“I want to believe that but it just seems like there’s so much more to it. I would’ve died and no one would’ve been there to revive me. You saved my life and I feel like there was meaning behind it. It wasn’t a coincidence.”
“I want you to come over and have dinner with me.”
He chuckled a little and asked, “What, you want to discuss life and death while eating a Big Mac?”
“No, I’ll cook. There’s a lot that we don’t know about each other, Kyle.”
“If I come over and you cook dinner, will that be the end of this? I’ll accept dinner as a thank you for saving your life and then we’ll be even.”
“We’ll never be even because what you did for me is something I can never repay you for; at least not in a way that’s conventional.”
“Fine, what’s your address and what time should I be there?”
“I’m at the Cress Villa apartments off of Hermosa Avenue, apartment 225. And eight-thirty would be the perfect time for you to get here.”
While waiting for him to arrive that evening, I occupied my time by cooking our dinner and creating a playlist of music on my MacBook to play on the speakers in my living room. I usually cooked for women I planned to have sex with so I wasn’t used to cooking for another man. I cooked my infamous teriyaki marinated chicken breasts, some rice pilaf with jasmine, steamed asparagus and prepared a Caesar salad for us. By the time he arrived, everything was almost ready.
“Okay, this wasn’t what I was expecting,” he said as he stepped into my apartment. “Wow.”
“It’s nice, right?” I asked with a big smile.
“Yes, more than twice the size of my place. And it’s so clean. Damn, how aren’t you married? I have women friends who would love to claim you.”
“I bet. Hey, dinner isn’t quite ready yet so do you want some wine while we wait? I have a bottle of chardonnay and a bottle of merlot.”
“One glass of merlot coming right up. You can go ahead and get comfortable. The furniture feels just as good as it looks.” I disappeared into the kitchen and poured two glasses of merlot for us. When I returned to the living room, he was sitting down on the loveseat texting someone. I sat beside him and handed him one of the glasses of wine. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” He took a quick sip from it before sitting it down on my coffee table and putting his attention back on his phone.
“No, not really. Just some guy I’ve been talking to lately.”
“More like associate. We’ve hung out a few times but haven’t had an official date yet.” He finished one more text and then put his phone away. “So, from what I can smell you’re a great cook.”
“Yeah. My mama worked crazy hours so me and my two brothers had to learn how to cook when we were really young. Speaking of her, she asked about you.”
“Aw, tell Loretta I said hi. I love your mama. She baked me so much stuff the first week you were in the hospital.”
“Wait, you never told me that.”
“I didn’t? Boy, she made me brownies and cookies and some delicious banana nut bread.”
“Well, I visited you every day during that first week. I would’ve visited more frequently but I got a promotion at my job and that meant more hours I had to work. And then Craig tried to get back with me and I had to get a restraining order against him.”
“Yeah, it got kind of crazy around that time. I wanted to keep coming to visit you though.”
“What did you used to say to me?”
“Most of the time, nothing. I just held your hand and watched you. Sometimes I’d tell you everything was going to be fine and that there was no need to worry. You’re gonna think I’m crazy but I just knew you’d be fine. You’re a strong man, Damien. I saw it the night of the accident. When I gave you CPR and revived you that second time, you opened your eyes and you looked right up at me. I knew in that moment that you would be fine.”
“I don’t remember any of that. All I remember is hearing your voice and seeing you standing by my passenger side door.”
“Do you remember what I said?”
He sat up and told me, “I ran up the sidewalk screaming, ‘Oh my God! Help!’ And then I told this Asian woman to call 911 before I disconnected your seatbelt and pulled you out of the car. You’re not supposed to remove someone from a car like that but gas was leaking from under the car and you lost consciousness. I was talking to you for a brief second and you passed out, so I pulled you out through the passenger side. You weren’t breathing and you barely had a pulse so I gave you CPR. You started breathing and then you stopped again, so I gave you CPR again and that’s when you opened your eyes.”
“I want to remember all of it but I guess its best if I don’t.”
“It was the scariest situation I’d ever been in. I mean, I’ve had to give countless elderly people CPR at my job but it’s different when it’s a car accident. And then that asshole in the Range Rover sped off from the scene. I’m so glad someone got his license plate number.”
“He has a hearing coming up. I’m gonna be in the front row.”
“Are you really going to go to every court hearing he has?”
“All the way until his trial. I want his white ass locked up for at least five years for what he did to me. I’m just glad his privilege didn’t get him a slap on the wrist. You know judges usually take it easy on white men with money.”
“True.” He picked up his glass of wine and took some more sips from it. “Well, what’s next for you?”
“You have a second chance with life. I bet you’re gonna go on trips and do things you’ve always wanted to do.”
“Nah, not really. I just wanna get back to how my life was before the accident. Well, there’s one thing I do want to change.”
“I don’t wanna be a bachelor anymore. I haven’t been in a real relationship in so long and now I want to do it. I wanna be in love with somebody and build something with them.” I looked into his eyes and just as I was about to tell him about my feelings for him, my kitchen timer went off. “I think that means dinner is ready.”
We took our glasses of wine into my kitchen. He sat down and I brought all the food over to the table. As we sat down and began to eat, I couldn’t stop looking at him. I’d already gone through a period of denying my feelings for him so they were undeniable by this point. He started talking about how bad he wanted a puppy and I tried hard to listen to every word but it was difficult, his cuteness and happy spirit distracted me.
“Which one do you think is better?” he asked me, snapping me back into reality.
“Which dog would be better? A Yorkshire Terrier or a Chow?”
“My cousin Pam owned a Chow but it was mixed with another breed. It was adorable.”
“Aw, see, I want something like that. I’d name him Fluffy so I can nickname him fluff and stuff.” He giggled and I smiled. “What about you? Do you want a dog?”
“I’ve never really thought about it. I guess it would be great practice for a kid someday.”
He sat his glass of wine down and asked, “You want kids?”
“Of course. I love kids.”
“Me, too. I used to babysit when I was a teenager. I really wanted to be a teacher but with me being gay and all I thought parents would’ve objected to me teaching their kids.”
“You shouldn’t have let that stop you. You’re a good person, Kyle. I’d let you teach my kids. Hell, I’d let you help raise my kids.”
He laughed a little when I said that and replied, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that was a proposal.”
“You want some more wine?”
“Oh no, I know my limit. But I can go for some more of this chicken. You’re gonna have to give me the recipe to this because I can trap a man with chicken this good.”
“It’s actually pretty easy to make if you use store bought teriyaki marinade. Pour it in a bowl and let the chicken sit in it for about an hour.” I picked up the plate of chicken and put it closer to him so he could get some more. “If you poke some holes in the chicken before placing it in the bowl, the teriyaki will get in there real good. Chop up a few scallions while it’s sizzling in the pan and you’re good to go.”
“This sauce doesn’t taste store bought.”
“Oh, this one isn’t. I made it myself using soy sauce, sake and honey. You bring the sauce to a boil and then turn the heat down and let it thicken. After letting it cool off, you marinate your chicken in it.”
“If you think this is good, wait until you taste my cheesecake topped with sliced strawberries and whipped cream.”
He didn’t know it but he was making me feel so comfortable and refreshed. Seeing him enjoy my cooking was enough to bring a smile to my face, but he looked so damn cute doing it. I can honestly say no woman I was interested in ever made me feel the way he was making me feel that night. There were butterflies in my stomach, and each R&B or Neo Soul song that played on my stereo made the butterflies dance. I kept telling myself that I had to tell him how I felt. I couldn’t let him leave without knowing how I felt.
“You were right about that cheesecake,” he said to me as we sat down in the living room after dinner. “I am going to have to spend some extra time on the treadmill tomorrow at the gym. I am stuffed.” He placed his hand on his stomach. “So, why did you want me to have dinner with you? You already said it wasn’t going to make us even and that you could never repay me for how I helped you. Why the delicious dinner?”
“Because I wanted to get to know more about you,” I answered. “Also, I wanted to talk to you in private and without any distractions. There’s something important that I want to talk to you about.”
“First I need to know that you’ll take me seriously. I don’t want you to think this is something I haven’t given much thought to, because I have given it a lot of thought. Will you take me seriously?”
“Of course I’d take you seriously.”
I took a deep breath before blurting out, “I wanna date you. And before you say no, I want you to know that I’m for real. I first thought my feelings for you were a reaction to you saving my life but I’ve accepted the fact that I’m attracted to you and I want to earn the privilege of being your boyfriend.”
He stared at me for the longest time without saying a word and then started laughing. He stopped when he realized I was serious and quickly asked, “Oh my God, you’re serious?”
“You just said you’d take me seriously, Kyle.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” He gasped. “Wow, this really is a surprise. You’re about a negative ten on my gaydar.”
“That’s because I’ve never identified as gay. I’ve never been attracted to another guy before.”
“So how can you be sure that these feelings you’re experiencing are real? Damien, people just don’t get in car accidents and then…voila they’re gay! It doesn’t work like that.”
“That’s not what I’m saying happened to me. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel something whenever I’m around you or when I hear your voice. I think about you all the time.”
“That doesn’t mean you have feelings for me.”
“Okay, so you’re attracted to me. I do have a nice ass…”
“But that doesn’t mean you want a relationship with me. Maybe you’re just curious.”
“We already have a relationship when you think about it. You know my family. You’ve met a chunk of my friends. Your lips have been on mine.”
“Hey, giving you mouth-to-mouth during CPR doesn’t count.” We shared a laugh when he said that. “I know you’re absolutely certain of your feelings; Damien, but I don’t know what to make of all this.”
“Do you like me? Do you find me attractive?”
“I’m alright?” I chuckled and looked into his eyes.
He giggled and admitted, “You’re handsome and fine. I’d be lying if I said you weren’t sexy.”
“So what’s the hang up then?” I reached over and grabbed his hand. “Name one reason why we can’t try this out.”
I watched him as he tried to think up something in his head. When he refused to give me a single reason, I moved closer to him on the loveseat and pressed my lips against his. Kissing him was easily the sexiest thing I’d ever done with somebody, so I could imagine how pleasurable sex with him would’ve been. I had patience though so there was no rush. After a short while he pulled away with a big smile on his face. I licked my lips and tasted the sweetness he’d left on them.
“Feels like you’ve been holding that in for a while,” he said.
“That’s because I have,” I told him. “Now are you convinced? Or do I have to leave a hickey on your neck?”
“If I agree to date you then it can’t be behind closed doors. I don’t do DL men. I know your friends and family only know you as hetero so…”
“That won’t be a problem.”
“Damien, come on now. I know you’re not willing to be open about this. You’re not even sure if you’re really ready for something like this.”
“I’m ready for anything, Kyle. I almost lost my life and when you go through something like that, you just stop caring about what other people think. I wanna live my life to the fullest. And I wanna share the experience with somebody I truly care about. Kyle, I care about you just as much as you care about me. The way you and I met is proof enough that this spark we feel is real. You saved my life and I could never repay you for it, but I can offer you something special. I can offer you more than just companionship.” I touched his face softly. “I can share my heart with you, Kyle. I can share my love. I’ve got so much of it to give now that I have a second chance with life. There’s no one greater I’d rather fall in love with.”
He smiled and said, “Damn. Now how can I say no to that?”
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. We kissed and talked some more while listening to music. We then moved over to my large sectional sofa and cuddled up. He told me everything he liked and didn’t like in a boyfriend and I listened to every word. There was no way I was going to mess it up with him. Kyle was different than most of the people in my life. He was honest and caring and trustworthy. He’d told me that he never had a long-lasting relationship. I wanted to change that. I wanted to be his everything one day, just like he’d already become mine.
As we continued to cuddle and began drifting off to sleep right there in my living room, I whispered in his ear, “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked back in a whisper. “Saving your life? You’ve thanked me a thousand times for that, Damien.”
“No, baby. Thank you for giving my new life more purpose. I won’t ever take it or you for granted.” I kissed the side of his face and held him tighter. “I promise.”
[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
