s.kwon

In warring, in peace,

In loving, in hate,

In keeping, in mending,

In searching, in surrendering,

In embrace, in refrain,

In scattering, in gathering,

In weeping, in laughing,

In tearing, in building,

In kill, in healing,

In planting, in uprooting,

In birthing, in dying,

You are still there, you are still keeping me here,

Asking me to just simply be and let the times change,

Because You won’t let me go.

Times change, but only You remain. 

Times change, but You let me stay.

Times are changing, and I will still be okay.

Inspired by Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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Numerous times in the four Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all take note of Jesus’s compassion. Everything in Jesus’s ministry - healing, raising the dead, feeding the multitude, teaching, casting out evil spirits - was fueled by compassion. I think it’s notable that the authors of the Gospel recorded of different times that Jesus was gripped with compassion. 

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things. Mark 6:34

In a way, it’s not that surprising that Jesus was a compassionate person because of what we know of Him, especially considering that He went on to die on the Cross for the world - the ultimate act of compassion. But the disciples, at the time, didn’t have the full picture yet, so there must have been something striking about those moments of compassion that they took notice. I found myself wondering what that looks like - to wear compassion. What did the disciples see in those moments on Jesus that they recognized as compassion?

 I think one of the reasons why Jesus took those three years leading up to His death to walk among men and minister was to imprint the power of compassion on the world. Jesus’s compassion gave reason to the many hours of traveling, of teaching, of meeting with all kinds of people. In the beginning, people may have thought that He was just doing this to be cool or to lead people away from Judaism - this is essentially what the Pharisees thought. But that reasoning starts to fade when you look into the extent of Jesus’s ministry. If it was all for fame and power, Jesus was ministering to the wrong crowd. He was going after the broken, the powerless, the needy, the voiceless - those who had nothing to give Him in return, except for maybe their very lives. And I’m sure the disciples were confused as to what Jesus’s endgame was. Sure, He was a great teacher with lots of wisdom and insight and He seemed to have a knack for healing, but the looming question must’ve always been, “Why? All of this for what?” And maybe in those moments of questioning, all the disciples had to give as a reason was that Jesus just seemed to really, really, really care. 

Then I was brought to John 21:

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.” John 21:15-17

When we read this exchange between Jesus and Peter and when we have similar exchanges with the Lord ourselves, the commands Jesus gives here seem simple enough. We connect this passage a lot to the importance of serving and ministry and how we can’t serve without loving Jesus first. But the ministry Jesus describes here for Peter is essentially the ministry He had been doing all along with Peter beside him for the past three years. Holding onto that and bringing in the previous verses about how the core of Jesus’s ministry was compassion, Jesus isn’t just inviting Peter here to just do the things that he saw Jesus do, but Jesus is inviting Peter to carry on His legacy of compassion. 

This shifted the way I see and do ministry in a fundamental way. I used to read John 21 as simple action items - “If I love Jesus and I am a follower of Jesus, I should serve in ministry.” I’m not saying that that mindset is wrong; it’s a truth I needed in previous seasons. But after years of serving with different people and in different capacities, I felt like there was something more that I needed to step into. I knew that I could keep doing what I’m doing and continue to get better at it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something. That’s when Jesus brought me to John 21 and revealed to me that the ministry He was inviting Peter to - and in turn inviting me into - is not just something to do mindlessly until He comes back; but it’s an invitation to be a part of releasing and restoring compassion.

I’m not going to give you some general definition of compassion because it can mean different things to different people and no online definition felt sufficient enough to fully encapsulate what compassion is. But to me, compassion simply means to care. Jesus is asking me to care about His sheep and this world the way that He cares for them. And I couldn’t bring myself to answer to that. Why? Because I know that Jesus’s compassion and His level of care is unlike anything we see in the world. Jesus’s compassion is radical and it’s not limited by social or cultural constructs. Jesus’s compassion looks at those marked as unworthy by the world and says they’re sons and daughters of the Most High King. Jesus’s compassion looks at me, someone who was marked by selfishness, and says I have the capacity and power to steward compassion. Jesus’s compassion is wholly created and sustained by grace. To partner with Jesus in His compassion for our neighbors and the world is a gift and a privilege. But so often we treat it like a burden or a chore. 

I believe that compassion is planted in our hearts and minds by receiving it first. The compassion you receive and experience shapes the compassion you give and carry. The only perfect compassion I know and have received is the Gospel. If we take Jesus’s compassion out of the Gospel, then it becomes meaningless to us on a individual level. I think one of the biggest questions when it comes to the Gospel is “Why?” to which the answer is always “because He loves”.

In John 21, Peter is completely undone by the Gospel. He’s not just feeling guilty for his denial of Jesus a few days before, but he’s also completely floored by the compassion of the Cross. The compassion he noticed in Jesus’s ministry for the sick and rejected is now his. Knowing Peter, he probably didn’t fully understand his own need of saving until that moment. He saw Jesus ministering to people much less fortunate and broken than he was, and so his idea of ministry may have been limited to those who are going through hard circumstances. Even with his acknowledgement of Jesus as Messiah for the Jews, he probably just understood that as a historical prophecy coming true and that Jesus was going to save Israel from the Romans. But when he witnesses the Cross and the Resurrection, he realizes that it’s so much more than that and that Jesus was, in fact, pursuing after him - not just the poor, not just his nation, not just the sick, but also for Peter’s very soul. Jesus completely undoes Peter’s idea of compassion and ministry by pouring it over Peter first and it’s from that place of utter humility that Jesus empowers Peter to ministry. It’s powerful and deep that Jesus chose this moment to declare the truth that Peter is called to ministry. It’s when Peter is still reeling from the sting of his own self-disappointment and failures that Jesus declares he’s a shepherd. The Gospel rings true to Peter in the deepest parts of his identity as he realizes that his love for Jesus and his place in ministry aren’t earned and sustained by his actions or deeds.

We can do a lot of good deeds, but compassion isn’t something we just do and compassion doesn’t start and end with our good deeds. I think we sometimes think that and so we try really hard to prove to others, to God, and ultimately to ourselves that we are compassionate people, but it’s not long before that runs out. The crazy thing I’ve come to discover about the Kingdom, and I think Peter discovered this too, is that we are called to carry compassion, not of our own, but of Another. Peter understood that this compassion and this ministry is never meant to be his own or credited to his own righteousness, but wholly belongs to Jesus; it’s through amazing grace that Peter can even partner with this compassion.

When I read about Jesus’s ministry of compassion, it confounds any and every selfish motive I have for serving and loving others. I think the beauty of His compassion is that it doesn’t make sense to us, but we can’t deny our need for it. Mankind has always craved a compassion like His, a compassion of supernatural origin, a compassion not of our own, but of a Humble King. As we receive that in the form of a Savior on a cross, He takes it one step further and tells us we’re not able to carry and spread this compassion to the ends of the earth. 

I first wrote this post in response to the need for compassion in our world right now. But, let’s be honest, our world has always needed compassion and it will continue to be in need of it. That’s not new. But what I think we actually need is a refreshment of the truth that we are able and empowered to be a part of restoring compassion to those who still live in separation from their Savior. There are many of us, including me, who feel overwhelmed and inundated by the world’s cry for help, for love, for compassion - especially from the Church. We know and see what we need to do, but, like Peter, we can’t get past our own failures. Peter failed Jesus because he was relying on his own ideas of love and serving. 

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God of salvation You chased down my heart Through all of my failure and pride On a hill You created The light of the world Abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak A hundred billion failures disappear Where You lost Your life so I could find it here If You left the grave behind You so will I I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done Every part designed in a work of art called love If You gladly chose surrender so will I I can see Your heart Eight billion different ways Every precious one A child You died to save If You gave Your life to love them so will I

Like You would again a hundred billion times But what measure could amount to Your desire You’re the One who never leaves the one behind

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I consider myself to be a follower of Christ, a believer, and at least a fumbling apprentice of the better way. Still, I seem to have little tolerance anymore for a brand of “escape-valve Christianity” that would deny the presence of life’s terrible mysteries and attempt to offer me certainty as counterfeit for a living, evolving, terrifying faith. 

The truth is - some days I think I find God, and some days I think I don’t. But maybe he finds me... every day.  Even more, maybe all this running and chasing and striving has been the problem. Maybe the problem is that we’re too busy looking for something we already have.

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The exiles of Israel have gathered in Jerusalem to dedicate their time and labor to rebuilding the City of God together. More than the sheer scale and size of this project, the amazing part of this moment is the picture of people of different backgrounds, skill sets, families, histories here to offer themselves and the works of their hands as an act of worship to God. There were merchants, goldsmiths, perfume makers, women, men, rulers, nobles and servants all working side by side, all doing work they don't have particular expertise or experience in, and with people they would normally not associate with. They weren’t there because they had a particular skill or resource to offer, but they were there because of the call to rebuild the wall. And to them, that united call was more than enough to get them to complete the task at hand. But more than the direct outcome of a new and rebuilt Jerusalem, God’s delight rested in the returning and reuniting of His children, seeing His people back in the place they belong, with the people they were meant to be with, doing what they are meant to be doing. I don’t think there was anything more delightful and heartwarming to the Father’s heart. I'm sure there were situations of conflict and there were mistakes made that had to be addressed; I feel like that’s bound to happen in any human effort to work together. But the remedy is not trying to find people with similar interests or thought processes or educational levels or background experiences as you, but the remedy is God and the truth that he's called them to do this.

I feel like this is what is meant when we say God’s joy is in the process more than the outcome. Of course God loves to see the person I am meant to be and He knows the pains of going through the process, but seeing me overcome each hurdle and hold on with a tighter grip to Him is a beautiful process that makes this life worth fighting for. I think it’s somewhat easier for us to believe that on an individual level, but what about on a community / family level? If God’s joy is great when He sees one of us working towards perfection, imagine the joy He must feel when it’s a whole church, a whole nation, a whole generation? 

In life and in ministry, it's so easy to get frustrated and give up on things because we feel like there's no consensus or resolution to differing opinions/thoughts. I'm definitely guilty of that on so many levels. But I had a realization that as we are building God's community here, a community that is emotionally and spiritually healthy, of course it will get messy. But God's real joy is not just in the ultimate result of a perfect community alone, but it's in seeing us willing to get into the mess and work together to build this family because we love God and we want to love God together. And what sustains such a community is not healthy habits, but it’s the Gospel. We’re not going after spiritual healthiness for the sake of being healthy, but because spiritual healthiness is the picture of the Gospel-driven community.

We can learn from the Jewish exiles here. They weren’t driven by guilt or shame from their past; nor were they driven by selfish ambition or gain. If anything they had so much to lose. But they were fueled by their love and sole desire to see God’s city rebuilt and His Name glorified again. Rebuilding anything and co-laboring together is never easy, even with like-minded people. It’s easy to get frustrated in and with the process - from differences in styles / priorities to the constant “rubble” we find in the rebuilding - but God’s joy isn’t just in the perfect community we can be, but it’s in seeing and working with us to get there. 

A heaven-focused community / emotionally healthy spirituality / authentic Biblical community - all of that comes down to being loved by God and loving Him back together. It’s not about what kinds of spiritual exercises we do or how many people we baptize this year or how many supernatural things we witness. All of those are different ways to measure growth and progress, yes, but it’s really much simpler than we expect it to be. It feels almost too good to be true - to have such a simple solution in the personhood of Christ when our problems and sins feel so complicated and heavy. I know I’ve questioned the extent of the Cross many, many times - not just for myself but for others too. But the truth I always find myself in is, “Yes, it is just that simple” and that’s what makes the Good News so, so good. 

“Mercury & Lightning is a record about growing up, relinquishing control, and learning to love the life that ‘is’. It’s a record about wrestling - wrestling with ideals and realities, wrestling with God and myself. There’s not always a resolve, but there’s always hope..and that’s a lot like life. And if anything, I think that’s what I captured on this record - a year of my life, a year of chasing and not catching, a year of becoming but not arriving, and a year of being okay with all of it!”

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Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram. “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went into Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!” But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her.

Genesis 16: 1-6

 Bearing a child was a lifelong pain for Sarai and Abram and God promised to bless them with a child of their own. But in what felt like His delay or silence, they doubted God’s wisdom in His timing for them and decided to bring about what they felt like they needed and deserved through other means. There’s a lot to say about this story, but I want to focus on Sarai here.

The problem wasn’t Sarai’s desire for a child - that desire was good and natural and a desire that God’s very heart went out to. But for Sarai, she still identified the success of her life as a woman and as a wife being contingent upon the fruitfulness of her womb. We see Abram’s anguish for a son in Genesis 15, so we can imagine how much more heartbreaking it must’ve been for Sarai. It’s obvious that she expected the barrenness was with her womb as she gives Hagar to Abram. I imagine she was looking at her life and the lives of other women of her age and status, and she was picking at all the ways her life doesn’t seem to live up to where they are, and the biggest missing piece was the lack of a child and heir.

But more than her desire for a child, I feel like the measures she took point to the desperate state of Sarai’s heart and mind. Instead of receiving God’s comfort and wisdom, her impatience and disappointment starts to make her obsessed with achieving motherhood, to the point that she is willing to give her husband another wife. Polygamy was normal in the surrounding cultures of Abram’s time and that’s probably where Sarai came up with this plan, but cultural norms aside, this is extreme by all counts. In a polygamous household, the first wife may have higher status in that she was first, but once another wife conceives and bears a son, the first wife’s status becomes extremely vulnerable. It’s not hard to imagine the competitive and bitter culture this creates and weighs upon a home and family. Sarai was hoping that Hagar’s son could be raised as her own, but I also can’t imagine that would’ve worked out very well. Hagar was now one of Abram’s wives, not just her servant anymore. But even if Hagar didn’t have ambitions of gaining wealth and status through her son, to ask a woman to give her up her own son to another woman is another unthinkable extreme.

And even before the child is born or confirmed to be a son, Hagar’s pregnancy starts to cause strife in the household. I’m speculating this part, but I think Hagar’s pregnancy only further confirmed to Sarai that it is in fact her fault that she can’t conceive. She did admit that it is the Lord who has caused her barrenness, but maybe a small part of Sarai was hoping something was wrong with Abram’s fertility too. But once she heard that Hagar conceived, it must’ve felt like a slap in the face to her pride and identity as a wife and mother. Even Hagar “looked with contempt on her mistress” (or in Hebrew: “her mistress was dishonorable in her eyes”) (Genesis 16:4). But in her shame and heartbreak, Sarai chooses to blame Abram and lash out at Hagar to the point she drives Hagar away.

It’s all a giant mess and everyone is left hurting and bitter, but it’s ultimately God who redeems everyone back to where they needed to be, which is where they already were. My heart breaks for Sarai here. As a single woman, I can’t fully comprehend the pain and anguish of a woman who so longs to be a mother but feels like her body is failing her. But even in what I can imagine, it’s very lonely and pretty unbearable. A part of me doesn’t blame Sarai for what she did; she waited an extremely long time (10+ years) and I’m sure she did her best to keep her impatience at bay, but we see how it got the best of her and turned her to things she normally would not have. But then that brings me to ask, then what was God doing and what was Sarai supposed to do?

“And behold, the word of the Lord came to him: ‘This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir.’’ (Genesis 15:4) That was God’s promise to Sarai. More than the joy of children and more than the assurance of their legacy being continued and more than God’s greater plan of bringing forth a new nation from Abram and Sarai’s genealogy, God’s specific promise to make Sarai into a mother was restoring her identity as a woman and wife, which she lost in the eyes of others and in the eyes of herself, but God was going to be the one to make it come true. Sarai was to be a mother, not because of some biological circumstance, but because God was going to be the one to bring life forth from barrenness.

Why? Because that’s how greatly loved Sarai was by the Lord. He could’ve chosen anyone else to carry on this covenant for the future of Israel, but He chose Sarai because she was special to Him and even if she messed up along the way, how God saw her stayed the same and He was going to see His promise through - not just for the sake of the world, but also for Sarai herself. We don’t know Sarai’s personal history with God, but we know He loved her, and for our God, that’s more than enough reason to move Heaven and earth for her - as He went on to sacrifice His own son for all of us. God really, really loved the world, but he also really, really loved Sarai. That’s the intensity and extent of God’s love that’s at the core of the Gospel. 

I think deep down Sarai was frustrated and disappointed and impatient with herself more than anybody else. She thought she knew who she was supposed to be and what she was supposed to be doing, but she didn’t see how she was getting there. Sarai put her entire purpose and identity in being a mother of her own child, but as long as she was childless she couldn’t say she was a mother. Yes, it was God’s desire and plans to make Sarai into a mother - not just to her own son, but also for the nations - but in her anguish, Sarai forgot the core of herself, which was the beloved daughter of a good and perfect Father.

I had this idea that I knew exactly what I was called for and who I was supposed to be and I was ready to set those dreams into action after college. But in the past two years, that idea was shattered as I felt like nothing in my life or in my efforts were getting me there. I just shut down and stopped hoping and got even more confused and lost about my life. I began to blame God for telling me all the great things I was going to do because I couldn’t see how I was going to get there and my life now felt like a waste because I wasn’t doing those very things. I first thought this was the “readying” period. I thought God had a list of things He had to teach me before I could move forward, but my efforts of trying to figure out that teaching list only lead me to deeper frustrations because there was no way I could learn the things God had for me if I wasn’t learning them from the posture of a daughter - from the feet of Jesus like Mary did. I was so intent on “getting ahead” under the guise that I’m doing this for God when really I was doing this for myself and forgetting the One I’m supposed to be doing this with. I was so afraid of wasting time and efforts that anything that felt like a detour to me I refused to receive as parts of God’s good plans for me.

I’m learning that the waiting is purposeful, not just to prepare me and test me, but it’s actually a time to purposefully seek out just how loved I am as a daughter and how much I can love God. Not just because knowing that is “useful” for whatever lies ahead, but because that’s really who I am meant to be and my giftings and calling should never compromise that. I can enjoy the process and the waiting by loving God and being loved by God. And as I do that, things like timing and the details all fall into place because I’m being the daughter I was meant to be and will continue to be no matter where I am in the process. My purpose in this life and for eternity is to love Him, be loved by Him, and love others like He loves them. And maybe my calling and giftings are just manifestations of the different ways I give and receive God. Maybe that’s all it is. When I think of it that way, there can be no room for striving because my responsibility in this is being, not doing.

In this season, I’ve been asking God a lot about why He’s made me specific promises and callings. Sure, I was always passionate about certain things and God cares about my passions; sure, my life experience and background and giftings and talents all kind of line up with where I think God is calling me; sure, these promises are cool and beyond what I can do on my own; but still why, God? If I didn’t have any of that, would you still choose me, God? If I decide to not obey you and choose a different lifestyle for an indefinite period of time, would you still choose me, God? Or is there a boat I need to catch before all this expires and you move on to someone else? Without this calling, will I still be the same to you? Will I be the same to myself?

And in the wrestling of those questions, God just keeps saying, “It’s because that’s how much I love you. That’s the kind of Father I am and that’s the kind of daughter you are. I love you so much that I want to take you to places and to people you could never have gone to without me. I love you so much that I want you next to me as we take back the world. I love you so much that I want others to see and know the testimony of your transformation. I love you so much I want to give you a voice, a platform, an impact. I have always loved you that much from the beginning of time, that when I lost you I had to set the most perfect redemption plan in motion to get you back.”

What You have said and what I see

Standing before this offering

My failing heart will fight to believe.

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And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” 

Mark 9: 21-24

The father’s encounter and repentance here always stroke a deep insecurity in my heart. I would feel exposed in all the areas of my life where I failed to have hope in. And I would walk away from this passage carrying the sting of my own exposed faithlessness and with a halfhearted determination to just “try harder” to have faith - not really understanding how to even do that. But the other half of my heart was filled with guilt and self-blame; I held onto the conclusion that it was due to my lack of faith that I didn’t see breakthrough in certain areas of my life and in other’s lives.

In this passage, Jesus shows us how weak we are on our own and how, apart from Him, we’re not able to live a hope that endures and lasts. Hope and faith is something we know we should believe in, that we ought to hold onto, but, for lack of a better word, it’s hard. We encounter time and time again that it’s impossible to live in and out of hope on our own strength and understanding. There are very real situations and thoughts and feelings we endure in this life that attempt to thwart the truth of a faith and hope that always endures. But so many times, in our moments of despair, we run and hide in our own corners and wallow in our failings and disappointments. If a life of hope is just a vicious cycle of failing and trying again just to fail again, that doesn’t really sound hopeful at all. 

When Jesus tells the father to just believe, I used to hear it in an angry voice. I felt like Jesus was being harsh and overlooking the fact that this father has been trying and that he’s being faced with a situation that is completely beyond his reach and strength. But as I meditate on it again, I can’t help but hear it differently. Jesus knew the years of hurts this father has endured, but it also pained Him to see this man living a life stuck in hopelessness. As I was pressing into this story, I started to cry. I think there are fewer things more painful than witnessing someone you love go through life without hope - even if they’re still trying on the outside. Jesus wasn’t discrediting how this father has been fighting to believe, but He wanted to open the father’s heart to receive True Hope again. This father came for his son’s physical and mental healing, but he was leaving with emotional healing for himself too. Jesus not only restores this boy, but he restores this family.

In this story, we see just a glimpse of who this father was. He’s been a good father to his son, doing his best to carry hope - hope for someone others probably told him to give up on, for someone who can’t even hope for himself. I don’t think many people would’ve blamed the father for abandoning his son, if he chose to do so; it would’ve been heartbreaking, but understandable. But this father’s love went beyond just the title of a father. This father’s love for his son didn’t change based on his son’s condition, but he still hurt, especially when this evil spirit would cause his son to hurt himself. We see a glimpse of this father’s desperation to believe there was hope for his son. But this father also relied on a hope built on his own strength and thoughts; a hope that will never be solid enough to be his foundation. 

In this exchange, I feel like Jesus was meeting this father at his breaking point. It doesn’t go into detail how old this boy is so we don’t know exactly how long this spirit has been terrorizing this boy, but over the years I’m sure this father wanted to give up many times, and maybe he did for some time. And maybe this moment was this father’s last attempt. I don’t think his unbelief was just that he didn’t think Jesus could heal. He probably heard and even saw the testimonies of numerous healings and deliverances. But he doubted if Jesus would want to do it for him and doubted if he could hope for more again. Essentially, he didn’t believe in who Jesus was. And I think that’s what Jesus was trying to get at. He wanted the father to surrender his fear of disappointment and believe that Hope is not positive thinking but is the person standing before him. This father - and those around him - probably thought, “If only his son gets healed, everything will be perfect, everything will work out.” Jesus was delivering a far better and greater truth than just the healing of his son; a truth that will help him endure for the days to come. Jesus was showing this father that he doesn’t have to do this alone anymore. There will be more trials and more tough circumstances; it doesn’t end with just the healing of his son. But the truth is that he is not helpless to the waves of life but he has Hope to lean on, Hope that will fight for him.

In the Kingdom, Hope isn’t something we can manufacture and bring to God ourselves. Any counterfeit versions of hope we try to make or try to find in the world are quickly fleeting and quickly disappointing. Hope in the Kingdom isn’t something we come and get our fill when we feel empty and come back only when we feel the need for more. When we try to carry hope by ourselves, it’s not long before we fumble and we find ourselves wallowing again. But Hope is the person standing before this father – and before us. In the receiving and in the stewarding, we’re meant to do it with Him. 

And you meet me here today with mercies that are new 

All my fears and doubts, they can all come too 

Because they can't stay long when I'm here with You

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"Well, don’t get your hopes up." At some point in time I can almost guarantee that all of us have had this said to us after sharing an exciting idea or seemingly far-fetched dream with a friend or family member. I know I have definitely had these thoughts flood my mind just as I was dreaming of something amazing that I wanted for my life. However, not only is it ok to dream big, but the Lord actually wants us to get our hopes up!

The week that I wrote the song "Get Your Hopes Up" I experienced some of the worst depression of my life. There was no reason for it. I was in a great place in my marriage and with the Lord. As I began to lean into the Lord and remind myself of His promises, I saw the truth of what was happening. I was battling the war in my mind, the thoughts of fear and heaviness that creep up and want to crush the dreams and hopes of creativity before they have a chance to grow and bloom into what they are meant to be. It is crazy that so often many of us entertain thoughts that Satan intends to detour us with, because these are the opposite thoughts that He has for us.

In these moments we have a choice to remind ourselves of who we are in Him. Choose to lift your head up and see the way God sees. The more we see things from His perspective the more our faith rises. The more our faith rises the more we get the confidence to step out, and when we step out he always meet us there. God has not only given us permission to dream big, he has created us to grab hold of promises that will propel us into a prosperous future.

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"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me / Surely all that you promised is so much more than I can see / I will rest in the assurance that I have all I need...."

I think peace, surrender and thankfulness are the perfect trio. It's impossible, in my experience, to have peace without surrendering our expectations and putting thanksgiving on our lips. When your mind is swirling, your heart is bleeding, and you can't handle one more disappointment, surrender and turn to thankfulness. He will surely come, he will surely deliver. Sometimes the hardest part is that it often looks different than we think.

Everything in our heads, along with the direction of our heart, begins to shift when we begin to say, "thank you". Even if, in all of your despair, you can only say "thank you" for one thing, you are building a position of peace in your heart. The anxiety in your mind is quieted by remembering His continual posture of goodness. Surrender control and trust His love for you. Thank Him for the rivers of blessing in your life. Peace and conflict cannot share the same space. What will you choose today?

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living." - Psalm 27:13

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Never despise your delays, those seasons when your failing heart fights to believe. “Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise” (Hebrews 6:15). Stay in your lane, wait upon the Lord, and so will you.

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