I'm Still Here

It hurt. It really, really hurt. It didn’t hurt as much as it did before, but every now and then, Sam wanted to break down and cry. He wanted to run away nearly every day; forget his life in Toronto, forget his life in Ohio even and just run away. To a place that didn’t remind him everyday of the love of his life not being with him anymore. While it was true that life was a little bit easier now that he stopped shutting people out, nothing would be the same without Kurt. Life would go on, sure, but it would never be the same. He wanted to move out so many times, to move far away from the place he found his husbands dead, lifeless body. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to make Sabrina move just because of him, and he couldn’t do that to Burt and Carole– who had spent their hard earn money to buy them their first house. And he couldn’t deny that he still had that glimmer of hope this was all a dream; that one day he’d wake up to Kurt blasting Lady Gaga.

But his dreams didn’t always come true, so he thought. He had seen the news, the social media, of others who had died suddenly coming back. He had stayed up all night the night before, straight into the morning, wishing for a knock on that door. But night had turned into day had turned back into night and that moment hadn’t come. He knew Sabrina probably thought it was sad and pathetic that he was sat there for more than twenty four hours, unshaven and clothes rumpled. Kurt would look at him in disgust. But he couldn’t find it in himself to move. When it was close to hitting midnight Sam was nearly ready to give up. Thinking it was a fluke, something he had seen on many shows; the families were given the wrong information, their loved ones weren’t really dead. And he just was unlucky once again.

Many hours and many cups of coffee later, Sam stood from where he sat, back cracking. Running hands over his tired face and into his hair, he turned to head back upstairs and into bed where he planned to say for the unforeseeable future. A hand ran through his hair once more as he stepped on the bottom step, a knock at the door bringing his foot back to the floor. It was late, midnight, and he wasn’t ready to deal with whoever decided to bother him now. But there was a nagging in the back of his mind telling him he needed to answer it; he needed to know what the person on the other side was so eager to see him this late at night. With a deep breath he turned back around, heading to the door, ready to chew out whoever it was. As he swung open the door, the harsh words died on his lips as he saw the angel that was standing in front of him.

As soon as the door was fully opened, he decided actions spoke louder than words and instead of speaking, he stepped forward. Letting go of the door he took Kurt’s face in his hands, sucking in air in realization that, yes Sam, your husband was really there, and planted his lips right on his, hard.

Though it couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds between the time he knocked and the time the door opened, it felt like an eternity. Kurt imagine all the horrible scenarios his mind could scramble to find, then- Sam. Sam opened the door and god, he looked so broken. Tired, disheveled, just... So sad. It broke his heart beyond belief to see the love of his life like that. Ever since they’d met Sam had always been a source of light for everyone, a kind, devoted man. It was why he’d fallen in love with him despite thinking he was straight. Sam... He was the kind of person everyone wanted to find. 

He could barely breathe, unsure of what to say. Sam didn’t seem to know either, the man stepping forward and looking at him as if he was positive Kurt would just disappear. The hands that reached up to take his face between them were slightly trembling. God, he loved him so much. The kiss that followed was intense and Kurt’s hands instinctively fell to his waist and he gripped him tightly. He kissed him until the breath in his lungs was gone and he was forced to pull back, then resting his forehead against the blonde’s.