DemisexualĀ āSo you mean a normal person?ā Donāt hate on things you donāt understand.
Person: Whatās demisexuality?
Demisexual: It means you donāt get attracted to people unless thereās an emotional bond.
Person: Oh, so like, a normal person?
Demisexual: Actually, no, although I can see how youād think that. Most people donāt have sex with people unless they have an emotional bond with them but thatās not really to do with sexuality, thatās just staying safe and having common sense.
āNormalā people, although not intending to sleep with someone right away, still know, usually, whether they would be interested in doing that within a short amount of time, sometimes immediately. People come up to me and say āYouāre attractive, can I have your number?ā after just seeing me from across a bar. Theyāve never spoken to me, donāt know who I am but still found me attractive and are thus interested in getting to know me more to see if theyād like to start a relationship.
Demisexuals donāt experience that. We donāt see underwear adverts and find the actors desirable. We donāt look at someone from across a room and think ātheyāre hot, I wonder if theyāre singleā. āSex sellsā goes over our heads. Dating apps where you swipe pictures across the screen are useless. We literally donāt get attracted to people that quickly.
Person: Oh, I see. So itās not just being picky or abstaining from sex, itās literal lack of attraction?
Demisexual: Yes, youāve got it.
Person: That must make dating difficult.
Demisexual: It does. Many of us are interested in dating but are limited to people we know emotionally. If someone asks for my number I then have to say to them ācan we be friends for roughly two to three years, by then I should know whether I find you physically attractive and if I do we can start datingā. Itās sad because I donāt want to get peopleās hopes up or seem like Iām leading them on. But I literally do have to know them for a while before I can get attracted to them if I do at all. It also meant growing up was a strange experience because everyone would be pointing out attractive people on TV, in magazines and when walking down the street and I just didnāt understand.
Person: Well thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. I understand now that there is a difference between abstaining from sex and actually lacking attraction.
Demisexual: No problem. Itās nice to be accepted and understood.
Demisexuals, you are real and valid. Just because people donāt understand what you go through that doesnāt mean what you go through is fake. Pride is about respecting and celebrating all sexualities and their nuances.Ā
You should also note that demisexuality is common among those on the autism spectrum. To deny demisexuality is not only illogical but itās also ableism. Youāre erasing peopleās symptoms because its convenient for you and because you donāt understand them.Ā
Demisexuals just want to chill and exist. They donāt want fame and to be mollycoddled. They just want awareness and acceptance.Ā
Letās not hate on people just because we donāt understand.Ā
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