the best part of my life was fake

you threw up another barrier as you launched yourself in front of the sokovian, sorely underestimating the blast of the weapon. a bright light filled your vision and a strong pain bloomed from your stomach, eventually consuming your whole body. the two of you were flung back from the force, your body slamming into wanda’s. one of her arms instinctively wrapped around you as she quickly pulled the two of you upwards, her own magic casting a barrier of her own as she went straight for the broken windows. she risked a glance down at you, her heart sinking when she realised you were unconscious. cursing quietly, she urged herself to go faster towards the quinjet hidden deep within the forests near the supposedly abandoned base. thankfully the quinjet wasn’t compromised and she laid you down quickly on the seats before running to the front of the jet to punch in the coordinates of the compound, allowing FRIDAY to take over pilot controls.

“FRIDAY, please let the team know that the mission was compromised. y/n is hurt and will need medical attention.” wanda instructed as she hurries back to your side. kneeling next to you, her hands and eyes begin to glow red as she tries to heal you, but after a couple minutes she realised it wasn’t working when you weren’t waking up. her heart picked up its pace as she pressed two fingers to your pulse point, heaving a sigh of relief when she felt a heartbeat- it was faint but it was there. mumbling a quick apology, she used her powers to slip into your mind, looking for the moment before you were knocked out.

a man, a weapon and a bright green orb.. that flew through your barriers, straight into you. a gasp flew out of wanda’s mouth and she yanked your shirt up, wincing at the bruise with hints of green that was forming in your skin. wanda stands up and pulls out her phone from her bag nearby, taking a picture of the bruise to send to bruce and tony as a quick heads up for what they would have to take care of when they landed at the compound. using her magic, she gently lifts your head so that she could sit down with your head on her lap. her eyes kept darting between your closed eyes and the bruise on your stomach, what kind of alien weapons did they create?

when the quinjet finally landed at the compound, wanda used her magic to gently lift you up and she hurried out of the jet where the rest of the team was waiting. unfortunately, natasha was on a seperate mission with vision and while they knew they should’ve told her the minute you were hurt, steve had argued that the redhead might get distracted from the mission which could be dangerous.

“where’s nat?” wanda asked as bruce and dr cho - tony had called her in just in case - wheeled you away.

“rogers here said that telling her could cause romanoff to get distracted and hurt, so he’ll only inform her when he gets a status report.” tony scoffed, side eyeing the captain.

“you know nat’s going to kill you right?” wanda raised a brow at steve who just sighed a “yeah i know.” before tony whisked wanda away to get a quick checkup of her own.

to say natasha was furious was an understatement. after sending in her status report, natasha set the quinjet in autopilot, legs kicked back as she started to brainstorm on what kind of date to bring you on. but then a call from steve made her take back control of the jet as she flew back the compound in record time, vision hanging onto his seat for dear life. he might be made out of literal vibranium, but it wasn’t the speed that scared the android. rather it was the murderous gaze in natasha’s eyes.

“how long has she been out?” natasha had steve backed into the corner of the waiting room, eyes filled with anger.

“since she got hit by the blast.” steve replies, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. there weren’t many things that could scare this supersoldier but an angry natasha romanoff was definitely high on his list of fears.

“and how long ago was that? don’t lie.” natasha speaks lowly, the glint in her eyes making steve gulp nervously.

“they touched down yesterday evening-“ steve’s voice was cut off with an angry shout from natasha.

“yesterday?!” natasha hand flies up to grip steve’s arm tightly as she started to scold him in russian.

“i should kill you for waiting this long to tell me y/n was hurt- do you have a death wish rogers? is that it?” natasha switches back to english seamlessly, her grip on steve’s arm tightening. before she could restart her scolding, the door to your room swung open.

“y/n’s awake and she’s asking for you,” wanda informs natasha, stepping quickly to side to avoid being run over by the russian as she quickly sprints into the room. steve rubs his arm with a slight grimace as he follows natasha.

“detka, how are you feeling?” natasha quickly settles next to you, hand finding yours.

“sore, but i’ll be okay. i’m sorry for worrying you natty.” you pout a little at the redhead, rubbing circles on the back of her hand.

“what happened?” natasha asks softly, bringing your hand up to kiss it gently.

“there was a guy with some huge alien gun. it was pointed straight at wanda so i jumped in with a barrier.. but the blast went through it?” your brows scrunch in confusion as you tried to recall the exact events. usually your barries were strong to withstand even wanda’s attacks so what was so different about this weapon?

“you’re an idiot.” natasha simply states, a light laugh escaping her lips when she saw you resume your pouting.

“as i said i didn’t expect the blast to penetrate my barrier…” you mutter out, one hand going to pick at the bandage wrapped around your midsection.

“please stop picking at your bandages moya lyubov.” natasha goes to grasp your other hand in hers, pressing a soft kiss to your lips which made you smile.

“can’t we use dr cho’s cradle to fix me up?” you ask curiously, turning to look at bruce who had just come in to check your vitals.

“well, since the blast was from an alien weapon we had to monitor it first before we tried to put you in the cradle. we didn’t want the wound to react badly which could cause more harm than good. could i check it?” bruce replies before motioning to the bandage at his question. you nod and let go of one of natasha’s hands to allow some space for bruce to undo the bandages.

wincing slightly at the feeling of the cool air hitting your skin, you hear natasha gasp softly when the bruise was revealed. it was still very large but the green that was there before seemed to have largely disappeared. the bandage that was covering your midsection was covered in a light green substance so bruce quickly cut it away and instructed steve to get some new ones.

“alright, i’ll have to run some tests on whatever this is and some blood tests. we did a set when you were first brought back and there were traces of .. whatever the blast was so we want to make sure it’s fully out of your system. so far it looks like your own magic is able to heal you, just make sure you rest fully until the bruise is completely gone. i’ll send this to the lab and then i’ll be back to draw your blood.” bruce instructs before he hurries off. steve comes back in not long after and passes natasha the medical items, allowing the redhead to wrap up your midsection again.

“so.. does this mean i’m off missions?” you question, your hand moving to play with natasha’s hair.

“it means you’re on complete bed rest detka, i’m not allowing you to leave our room.” natasha replies as she fastens the bandage around your torso. you whined softly but a raised eyebrow from natasha makes you go quiet.

“don’t worry, i won’t take on any missions until you’re better, okay?” natasha promises you, kissing you on the cheek. she turns to look at steve, smiling sweetly before continuing, “steve will make sure of that, won’t he?”

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Robin wasn’t trying to avoid Steve, really. She was just trying to avoid any reminder of you, which unfortunately for Steve, being your brother kind of put him on that list. It had been a few weeks since your funeral and Robin felt that she buried a piece of her too. 

Robin and Steve didn’t say much to each other at the funeral. You were dead, they both lost the most important person in their lives, what more was there to say? Talking about it wasn’t going to bring you back, they couldn’t love you back to life. It didn’t matter what they said, it wasn’t going to change the facts, you were gone and you were never coming back. 

She had thought about going to visit you, she really wanted to but she felt like that would really make it real. If she never went to your grave, she could pretend you were just out of town, that you’d be home soon. Although she knew that wasn’t true, especially when she came across your things scattered throughout the apartment you two once shared.

It made her quite sad when she realized she hadn’t really cried at your funeral. She was numb that day and it didn’t hit her that she would never see you again until right now. This very moment as she looked at your hoodie hanging over the chair in the living room. She ran her hand across the soft fabric as her vision began to go blurry. She imagined you wearing it as she sat on your lap and you brushed her hair behind her ear, smiling brightly at her. It hit her all at once that she would never do any of that with you again. She would never see you smile or hear you laugh again.

A sudden knock at the door shook Robin from her thoughts as she quickly dried her tears and put on a fake smile, ready to greet whoever was on the other side. She was shocked to see Nancy standing in her doorway.

She must have noticed her spacing out too, because she didn’t even ask if it was okay to come in. This snapped Robin out of her thoughts immediately as she noticed Nancy walk right into her apartment.

“Hey! Sorry,” she moved aside, “I’m just in my head, I guess.” She looked at the ground and frowned. She was tired of pretending.

“Yeah,” Nancy frowned as she went to sit down on the sofa. Her eyes landed on your hoodie that was laid over the chair and she felt a pit in her stomach as she thought about you. She realized then that there were still a lot of your things scattered around. She assumed some of them were still how you left them before you died, but others looked like Robin had been going through your things. 

Nancy asked her how she was and although that felt like a stupid question, she wanted her friend to know she cared. Robin appreciated it nonetheless and they talked for a while, but it wasn’t the same, not without you.

You were so full of light and you brought that light everywhere you went when you were alive. Every room in that apartment felt empty without you, it wasn’t home anymore. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, the two of you were supposed to have forever. There were so many things that you never got to do, that you never will do. She can’t bring you back and if she can’t find a way to live with that, she would miss out on so much of her life too.

Before you died, you told Robin she had to live. You told her you wanted her to just live, live the life you couldn’t and live a fulfilling life for the both of you. That was something you wish you hadn’t said, that was a burden you wish you didn’t place upon her. If she couldn’t move on, you would understand, you wouldn’t blame her and you would not be disappointed in her. You were dead though, you couldn’t take those words back.

Robin remembered that, but she also remembered that you loved her. She knew that you wanted the best for her, that you just wanted her to be okay. She thought the world of you and that would never change.

Nancy noticed Robin’s eyes start to fill with tears and followed her line of sight to your sweater. She wanted to distract Robin, but knew no matter how hard she tried, the conversation would somehow make its way back to you, it always did. 

Nancy decided to talk about you, the good memories and all the laughs you guys shared. They talked about the times you smiled so bright, it could light up the entirety of Hawkins after dark. About how they both missed you and how they wished you were still here. They remembered all the memories they got to experience with you and were grateful for the time they did get. It made them both feel better, talking about you and remembering you happily.

“Have you talked to Steve at all recently?” Nancy asked after a while. She knew Robin hadn’t and she knew Steve hadn’t talked to anyone either. She thought it would be good for them to talk to each other, they both lost the most important person in their life and were isolating themselves. 

Robin shook her head and mumbled something incoherent, which to Nancy was very clearly a “no I haven’t.” 

After about thirty minutes of convincing, Robin decided she would go check in on Steve. She could only guess he wasn’t doing great. You were his sister and if she was in pieces, she couldn’t imagine how his heart felt right now.

About twenty minutes later, Robin found herself standing in front of Steve’s door. A part of her felt bad for bothering him, especially after so long, but she concluded that both him and herself had isolated for far too long. They avoided you and any reminders of your existence, but they couldn’t live in denial anymore.

Robin knocked on the door and shortly after, a very dishevelled Steve appeared at the door. He was glad to see her, really, but he missed you more than he could handle. He half smiled and gestured for Robin to come inside.

They talked for a couple of hours, about what they’ve been doing since the funeral, how they’ve been coping and how much they missed you. Robin apologized for not reaching out sooner, Steve understood and apologized as well. They talked about how they missed each other and for the first time since you died, something felt normal. Something felt like the way it used to be, something familiar. 

Steve asked if Robin had been to visit you and she told him that she couldn’t, she had been avoiding it since the funeral. He admitted that he wasn’t able to go either and suggested they go together.

Robin would have been shocked, but if her heart felt empty, broken and just overall shattered, she could only imagine what it felt like for him. He had known you his whole life after all. She agreed that they go see you together and they did.

Steve walked cautiously towards the headstone, hands in his pocket and his voice was low as he spoke, “So I guess this is her home now, huh?”

Robin just nodded, too in shock, staring at your name engraved in the granite. She bent down and placed her hand upon the top of it as she let a couple tears slip from her eyes. 

“There’s just so much we didn’t get to do and now those chances are gone… forever,” her voice cracked and she started to sob. She brought her hand up to her face to quiet herself as Steve came over and hugged her.

“I would have married her, I should have asked her. Why didn’t I ask her?” Robin sobbed into Steve’s shoulder. He held her tight and tried to calm her, but even he was crying now. He would never get to see his sister get married and she would never see him do the same. There were so many things he would miss about you.

After a few minutes, they stood up as Robin took a deep breath and wiped her tears. She gave Steve a small smile to which he returned as he wiped his own tears. 

They gave each other space to talk to you alone and each of them promised you they would take care of the other. They knew they would miss you for as long as they would live, but they weren’t alone if they had each other.

Steve loved you and he would always miss his sister, but he knew you were in a better place now, that you would always look after him from wherever you are. You were his world, he won’t ever be the same again, but he could promise to do his best every day, for you. Everything he did now, would be for you, in memory of you. 

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Robin wasn’t trying to avoid Steve, really. She was just trying to avoid any reminder of you, which unfortunately for Steve, being your brother kind of put him on that list. It had been a few weeks since your funeral and Robin felt that she buried a piece of her too. 

Robin and Steve didn’t say much to each other at the funeral. You were dead, they both lost the most important person in their lives, what more was there to say? Talking about it wasn’t going to bring you back, they couldn’t love you back to life. It didn’t matter what they said, it wasn’t going to change the facts, you were gone and you were never coming back. 

She had thought about going to visit you, she really wanted to but she felt like that would really make it real. If she never went to your grave, she could pretend you were just out of town, that you’d be home soon. Although she knew that wasn’t true, especially when she came across your things scattered throughout the apartment you two once shared.

It made her quite sad when she realized she hadn’t really cried at your funeral. She was numb that day and it didn’t hit her that she would never see you again until right now. This very moment as she looked at your hoodie hanging over the chair in the living room. She ran her hand across the soft fabric as her vision began to go blurry. She imagined you wearing it as she sat on your lap and you brushed her hair behind her ear, smiling brightly at her. It hit her all at once that she would never do any of that with you again. She would never see you smile or hear you laugh again.

A sudden knock at the door shook Robin from her thoughts as she quickly dried her tears and put on a fake smile, ready to greet whoever was on the other side. She was shocked to see Nancy standing in her doorway.

She must have noticed her spacing out too, because she didn’t even ask if it was okay to come in. This snapped Robin out of her thoughts immediately as she noticed Nancy walk right into her apartment.

“Hey! Sorry,” she moved aside, “I’m just in my head, I guess.” She looked at the ground and frowned. She was tired of pretending.

“Yeah,” Nancy frowned as she went to sit down on the sofa. Her eyes landed on your hoodie that was laid over the chair and she felt a pit in her stomach as she thought about you. She realized then that there were still a lot of your things scattered around. She assumed some of them were still how you left them before you died, but others looked like Robin had been going through your things. 

Nancy asked her how she was and although that felt like a stupid question, she wanted her friend to know she cared. Robin appreciated it nonetheless and they talked for a while, but it wasn’t the same, not without you.

You were so full of light and you brought that light everywhere you went when you were alive. Every room in that apartment felt empty without you, it wasn’t home anymore. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, the two of you were supposed to have forever. There were so many things that you never got to do, that you never will do. She can’t bring you back and if she can’t find a way to live with that, she would miss out on so much of her life too.

Before you died, you told Robin she had to live. You told her you wanted her to just live, live the life you couldn’t and live a fulfilling life for the both of you. That was something you wish you hadn’t said, that was a burden you wish you didn’t place upon her. If she couldn’t move on, you would understand, you wouldn’t blame her and you would not be disappointed in her. You were dead though, you couldn’t take those words back.

Robin remembered that, but she also remembered that you loved her. She knew that you wanted the best for her, that you just wanted her to be okay. She thought the world of you and that would never change.

Nancy noticed Robin’s eyes start to fill with tears and followed her line of sight to your sweater. She wanted to distract Robin, but knew no matter how hard she tried, the conversation would somehow make its way back to you, it always did. 

Nancy decided to talk about you, the good memories and all the laughs you guys shared. They talked about the times you smiled so bright, it could light up the entirety of Hawkins after dark. About how they both missed you and how they wished you were still here. They remembered all the memories they got to experience with you and were grateful for the time they did get. It made them both feel better, talking about you and remembering you happily.

“Have you talked to Steve at all recently?” Nancy asked after a while. She knew Robin hadn’t and she knew Steve hadn’t talked to anyone either. She thought it would be good for them to talk to each other, they both lost the most important person in their life and were isolating themselves. 

Robin shook her head and mumbled something incoherent, which to Nancy was very clearly a “no I haven’t.” 

After about thirty minutes of convincing, Robin decided she would go check in on Steve. She could only guess he wasn’t doing great. You were his sister and if she was in pieces, she couldn’t imagine how his heart felt right now.

About twenty minutes later, Robin found herself standing in front of Steve’s door. A part of her felt bad for bothering him, especially after so long, but she concluded that both him and herself had isolated for far too long. They avoided you and any reminders of your existence, but they couldn’t live in denial anymore.

Robin knocked on the door and shortly after, a very dishevelled Steve appeared at the door. He was glad to see her, really, but he missed you more than he could handle. He half smiled and gestured for Robin to come inside.

They talked for a couple of hours, about what they’ve been doing since the funeral, how they’ve been coping and how much they missed you. Robin apologized for not reaching out sooner, Steve understood and apologized as well. They talked about how they missed each other and for the first time since you died, something felt normal. Something felt like the way it used to be, something familiar. 

Steve asked if Robin had been to visit you and she told him that she couldn’t, she had been avoiding it since the funeral. He admitted that he wasn’t able to go either and suggested they go together.

Robin would have been shocked, but if her heart felt empty, broken and just overall shattered, she could only imagine what it felt like for him. He had known you his whole life after all. She agreed that they go see you together and they did.

Steve walked cautiously towards the headstone, hands in his pocket and his voice was low as he spoke, “So I guess this is her home now, huh?”

Robin just nodded, too in shock, staring at your name engraved in the granite. She bent down and placed her hand upon the top of it as she let a couple tears slip from her eyes. 

“There’s just so much we didn’t get to do and now those chances are gone… forever,” her voice cracked and she started to sob. She brought her hand up to her face to quiet herself as Steve came over and hugged her.

“I would have married her, I should have asked her. Why didn’t I ask her?” Robin sobbed into Steve’s shoulder. He held her tight and tried to calm her, but even he was crying now. He would never get to see his sister get married and she would never see him do the same. There were so many things he would miss about you.

After a few minutes, they stood up as Robin took a deep breath and wiped her tears. She gave Steve a small smile to which he returned as he wiped his own tears. 

They gave each other space to talk to you alone and each of them promised you they would take care of the other. They knew they would miss you for as long as they would live, but they weren’t alone if they had each other.

Steve loved you and he would always miss his sister, but he knew you were in a better place now, that you would always look after him from wherever you are. You were his world, he won’t ever be the same again, but he could promise to do his best every day, for you. Everything he did now, would be for you, in memory of you. 

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Robin wasn’t trying to avoid Steve, really. She was just trying to avoid any reminder of you, which unfortunately for Steve, being your brother kind of put him on that list. It had been a few weeks since your funeral and Robin felt that she buried a piece of her too. 

Robin and Steve didn’t say much to each other at the funeral. You were dead, they both lost the most important person in their lives, what more was there to say? Talking about it wasn’t going to bring you back, they couldn’t love you back to life. It didn’t matter what they said, it wasn’t going to change the facts, you were gone and you were never coming back. 

She had thought about going to visit you, she really wanted to but she felt like that would really make it real. If she never went to your grave, she could pretend you were just out of town, that you’d be home soon. Although she knew that wasn’t true, especially when she came across your things scattered throughout the apartment you two once shared.

It made her quite sad when she realized she hadn’t really cried at your funeral. She was numb that day and it didn’t hit her that she would never see you again until right now. This very moment as she looked at your hoodie hanging over the chair in the living room. She ran her hand across the soft fabric as her vision began to go blurry. She imagined you wearing it as she sat on your lap and you brushed her hair behind her ear, smiling brightly at her. It hit her all at once that she would never do any of that with you again. She would never see you smile or hear you laugh again.

A sudden knock at the door shook Robin from her thoughts as she quickly dried her tears and put on a fake smile, ready to greet whoever was on the other side. She was shocked to see Nancy standing in her doorway.

She must have noticed her spacing out too, because she didn’t even ask if it was okay to come in. This snapped Robin out of her thoughts immediately as she noticed Nancy walk right into her apartment.

“Hey! Sorry,” she moved aside, “I’m just in my head, I guess.” She looked at the ground and frowned. She was tired of pretending.

“Yeah,” Nancy frowned as she went to sit down on the sofa. Her eyes landed on your hoodie that was laid over the chair and she felt a pit in her stomach as she thought about you. She realized then that there were still a lot of your things scattered around. She assumed some of them were still how you left them before you died, but others looked like Robin had been going through your things. 

Nancy asked her how she was and although that felt like a stupid question, she wanted her friend to know she cared. Robin appreciated it nonetheless and they talked for a while, but it wasn’t the same, not without you.

You were so full of light and you brought that light everywhere you went when you were alive. Every room in that apartment felt empty without you, it wasn’t home anymore. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, the two of you were supposed to have forever. There were so many things that you never got to do, that you never will do. She can’t bring you back and if she can’t find a way to live with that, she would miss out on so much of her life too.

Before you died, you told Robin she had to live. You told her you wanted her to just live, live the life you couldn’t and live a fulfilling life for the both of you. That was something you wish you hadn’t said, that was a burden you wish you didn’t place upon her. If she couldn’t move on, you would understand, you wouldn’t blame her and you would not be disappointed in her. You were dead though, you couldn’t take those words back.

Robin remembered that, but she also remembered that you loved her. She knew that you wanted the best for her, that you just wanted her to be okay. She thought the world of you and that would never change.

Nancy noticed Robin’s eyes start to fill with tears and followed her line of sight to your sweater. She wanted to distract Robin, but knew no matter how hard she tried, the conversation would somehow make its way back to you, it always did. 

Nancy decided to talk about you, the good memories and all the laughs you guys shared. They talked about the times you smiled so bright, it could light up the entirety of Hawkins after dark. About how they both missed you and how they wished you were still here. They remembered all the memories they got to experience with you and were grateful for the time they did get. It made them both feel better, talking about you and remembering you happily.

“Have you talked to Steve at all recently?” Nancy asked after a while. She knew Robin hadn’t and she knew Steve hadn’t talked to anyone either. She thought it would be good for them to talk to each other, they both lost the most important person in their life and were isolating themselves. 

Robin shook her head and mumbled something incoherent, which to Nancy was very clearly a “no I haven’t.” 

After about thirty minutes of convincing, Robin decided she would go check in on Steve. She could only guess he wasn’t doing great. You were his sister and if she was in pieces, she couldn’t imagine how his heart felt right now.

About twenty minutes later, Robin found herself standing in front of Steve’s door. A part of her felt bad for bothering him, especially after so long, but she concluded that both him and herself had isolated for far too long. They avoided you and any reminders of your existence, but they couldn’t live in denial anymore.

Robin knocked on the door and shortly after, a very dishevelled Steve appeared at the door. He was glad to see her, really, but he missed you more than he could handle. He half smiled and gestured for Robin to come inside.

They talked for a couple of hours, about what they’ve been doing since the funeral, how they’ve been coping and how much they missed you. Robin apologized for not reaching out sooner, Steve understood and apologized as well. They talked about how they missed each other and for the first time since you died, something felt normal. Something felt like the way it used to be, something familiar. 

Steve asked if Robin had been to visit you and she told him that she couldn’t, she had been avoiding it since the funeral. He admitted that he wasn’t able to go either and suggested they go together.

Robin would have been shocked, but if her heart felt empty, broken and just overall shattered, she could only imagine what it felt like for him. He had known you his whole life after all. She agreed that they go see you together and they did.

Steve walked cautiously towards the headstone, hands in his pocket and his voice was low as he spoke, “So I guess this is her home now, huh?”

Robin just nodded, too in shock, staring at your name engraved in the granite. She bent down and placed her hand upon the top of it as she let a couple tears slip from her eyes. 

“There’s just so much we didn’t get to do and now those chances are gone… forever,” her voice cracked and she started to sob. She brought her hand up to her face to quiet herself as Steve came over and hugged her.

“I would have married her, I should have asked her. Why didn’t I ask her?” Robin sobbed into Steve’s shoulder. He held her tight and tried to calm her, but even he was crying now. He would never get to see his sister get married and she would never see him do the same. There were so many things he would miss about you.

After a few minutes, they stood up as Robin took a deep breath and wiped her tears. She gave Steve a small smile to which he returned as he wiped his own tears. 

They gave each other space to talk to you alone and each of them promised you they would take care of the other. They knew they would miss you for as long as they would live, but they weren’t alone if they had each other.

Steve loved you and he would always miss his sister, but he knew you were in a better place now, that you would always look after him from wherever you are. You were his world, he won’t ever be the same again, but he could promise to do his best every day, for you. Everything he did now, would be for you, in memory of you. 

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Kate was crouched down on the grass, eye level with the headstone in front of her. She brushed off the granite with the sleeve of her jacket to reveal your name. Today marked one year since you died. One year ago you left this earth, you quit breathing and she continued. The sun still shines every morning and is replaced by the moon when night rolls around. The birds chirping still wake her up at the crack of dawn and she still hates the way the sun peers through that tear in the curtain, the same one you said you’d replace. The world doesn’t stop for anyone, she realized. Her life went on, sure, but it was never the same again.

She no longer hears your laughter when you’re sitting on the couch watching some tv show, one that she’d initially thought was stupid but watched for you. She doesn’t get to hold you when you cry anymore, the only thing holding you now is the walls of the casket you lie in six feet below the ground. She doesn’t get to share the little victories with you or the big ones. You don’t tackle her when she walks through the door after a long day of work, she doesn’t get to lightly tickle at your sides until you laugh so hard you have no choice but to let her go. She doesn’t get to hold you at all hours of the night and call you at any time during the day just to hear your voice. She doesn’t get to do anything with you anymore because you’re not here.

She’ll never get to playfully nudge you again after you made a dumb joke as the two of you walked down the street and you’ll never nudge her back so hard that she’ll lose her balance, you’ll never catch her before she falls. No one’s there to catch her now and she misses you every time she falls against the pavement. It feels as though she’s lost a limb, something she relied on. Her heart stutters when she hears your name and she misses you when she hears your song on the radio. She sees you in everything, she thinks about how you’ll never experience anything past age twenty-two and she thinks about how your heart stopped only weeks before it could hit twenty-three.

And everyday she waits for this nightmare to end, to wake up and see you sleeping right next to her, but that will never happen because you are gone. She can’t wake up, this is real life. Sometimes she thinks her brain lets her forget though, because it’s easier. Then she finds something, a photo of the two of you on a walk, a post-it note letting her know you were out getting groceries and you’d be home in a couple hours or that damn sweater of hers, your favourite sweater, the one you stole the first night you’d spent in her apartment. And the full weight of what’s been lost crashes down on her, it’s a suffocating feeling, almost like she’s drowning.

You used to be here and you should be here. Your souls are intertwined but you’ve been torn from her and she will always feel the missing. If she stopped missing you, she wouldn’t know who she was. You were the best part of her, her moral compass, you always knew what to say and do and she was beyond lost without you.

The dull ache in her calves let her know she’d been here for a while, she was staring at your headstone unsure of what to say. She figured it didn’t matter, none of it would bring you back and you wouldn’t respond anyways. Tears begun to fall from her eyes onto the flowers resting over your grave and her voice wavered as she spoke. “I miss you, Y/n.” She was sobbing now, barely able to form any words. Taking a deep breath, she touched the top of the headstone, the cold was almost soothing underneath the palm of her hand.

Once she regained the strength to her voice, she continued. “I still don’t know if you can hear me. But I feel so alone.” She talked to you for a while, telling you about all the thoughts running through her mind, how her day was and how she wished she could just hold you again. She wanted to have a conversation with you, to hear your voice and your laugh. She wanted to see you smile so wide, your eyes crinkled at the edges. She wanted to hold your hand as you both walked down the busy streets, without a care in the world because you made each other fearless. She wanted to love you again.

She didn’t want to sit here, talking to a piece of granite with your name engraved on it. She didn’t want to pretend that by being here, it was the same as being with you. She didn’t want to act like she doesn’t break down at the slightest mention of your name. Nothing had been the same since you left. The thought of not knowing how you were was breaking her, she could only hope that the other side was better, wherever and whatever that may be. She hoped you knew just how much you meant to her, how much she loved you. You had to know, you just had to, she wouldn’t accept anything else.

When you lose somebody, when someone dies, all that’s left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. Kate figured she’d never fill that hole again and maybe she didn’t want to. You were her home, without you, it’s always going to be just a house. She could get a house anywhere but her home was lost to her forever.

You wished you could let her know that you did in fact know how much she cherished you, that sometimes these things just happen. It’s no one's fault, really. You desperately wanted a way to let her know you’d been looking out for her ever since that day. That you would continue looking out for her, as long as she should live. You wanted to tell her that it’s okay if she falls in love again, she shouldn’t put her life on hold just because you don’t have one anymore. You wished she knew that you’d be waiting for her in the afterlife and you’d keep waiting. She’ll see you again, when the time is right, but for now, she had to keep living.

The sunset drew Kate’s attention back to the present moment, she had been here for hours. She stood back to her feet and brushed off her knees, she was mesmerized by the beautiful colours above her head. Your colours, the bright pink scattered within the blueish purple tint of the sky, how the yellows and oranges just peek over the horizon, barely noticeable but still there.

She never realized before just how much it reminded her of you. It was beautiful and if she closed her eyes, she could almost hear you laugh, almost feel you snake your arms around her from behind and the way you gave her cheek a quick kiss before resting your head on her shoulder. She smiled at the memory, so wide that it reached her eyes and she let out a soft chuckle. She wasn’t carrying the weight of the world in that moment and she wasn’t filled with sadness. She felt awfully light and quite content, the way she felt with you. She stayed like that for a few minutes, letting herself be engulfed by the memory and every detail within from the smell of your cheap perfume to how white your combat boots were.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Kate was crouched down on the grass, eye level with the headstone in front of her. She brushed off the granite with the sleeve of her jacket to reveal your name. Today marked one year since you died. One year ago you left this earth, you quit breathing and she continued. The sun still shines every morning and is replaced by the moon when night rolls around. The birds chirping still wake her up at the crack of dawn and she still hates the way the sun peers through that tear in the curtain, the same one you said you’d replace. The world doesn’t stop for anyone, she realized. Her life went on, sure, but it was never the same again.

She no longer hears your laughter when you’re sitting on the couch watching some tv show, one that she’d initially thought was stupid but watched for you. She doesn’t get to hold you when you cry anymore, the only thing holding you now is the walls of the casket you lie in six feet below the ground. She doesn’t get to share the little victories with you or the big ones. You don’t tackle her when she walks through the door after a long day of work, she doesn’t get to lightly tickle at your sides until you laugh so hard you have no choice but to let her go. She doesn’t get to hold you at all hours of the night and call you at any time during the day just to hear your voice. She doesn’t get to do anything with you anymore because you’re not here.

She’ll never get to playfully nudge you again after you made a dumb joke as the two of you walked down the street and you’ll never nudge her back so hard that she’ll lose her balance, you’ll never catch her before she falls. No one’s there to catch her now and she misses you every time she falls against the pavement. It feels as though she’s lost a limb, something she relied on. Her heart stutters when she hears your name and she misses you when she hears your song on the radio. She sees you in everything, she thinks about how you’ll never experience anything past age twenty-two and she thinks about how your heart stopped only weeks before it could hit twenty-three.

And everyday she waits for this nightmare to end, to wake up and see you sleeping right next to her, but that will never happen because you are gone. She can’t wake up, this is real life. Sometimes she thinks her brain lets her forget though, because it’s easier. Then she finds something, a photo of the two of you on a walk, a post-it note letting her know you were out getting groceries and you’d be home in a couple hours or that damn sweater of hers, your favourite sweater, the one you stole the first night you’d spent in her apartment. And the full weight of what’s been lost crashes down on her, it’s a suffocating feeling, almost like she’s drowning.

You used to be here and you should be here. Your souls are intertwined but you’ve been torn from her and she will always feel the missing. If she stopped missing you, she wouldn’t know who she was. You were the best part of her, her moral compass, you always knew what to say and do and she was beyond lost without you.

The dull ache in her calves let her know she’d been here for a while, she was staring at your headstone unsure of what to say. She figured it didn’t matter, none of it would bring you back and you wouldn’t respond anyways. Tears begun to fall from her eyes onto the flowers resting over your grave and her voice wavered as she spoke. “I miss you, Y/n.” She was sobbing now, barely able to form any words. Taking a deep breath, she touched the top of the headstone, the cold was almost soothing underneath the palm of her hand.

Once she regained the strength to her voice, she continued. “I still don’t know if you can hear me. But I feel so alone.” She talked to you for a while, telling you about all the thoughts running through her mind, how her day was and how she wished she could just hold you again. She wanted to have a conversation with you, to hear your voice and your laugh. She wanted to see you smile so wide, your eyes crinkled at the edges. She wanted to hold your hand as you both walked down the busy streets, without a care in the world because you made each other fearless. She wanted to love you again.

She didn’t want to sit here, talking to a piece of granite with your name engraved on it. She didn’t want to pretend that by being here, it was the same as being with you. She didn’t want to act like she doesn’t break down at the slightest mention of your name. Nothing had been the same since you left. The thought of not knowing how you were was breaking her, she could only hope that the other side was better, wherever and whatever that may be. She hoped you knew just how much you meant to her, how much she loved you. You had to know, you just had to, she wouldn’t accept anything else.

When you lose somebody, when someone dies, all that’s left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. Kate figured she’d never fill that hole again and maybe she didn’t want to. You were her home, without you, it’s always going to be just a house. She could get a house anywhere but her home was lost to her forever.

You wished you could let her know that you did in fact know how much she cherished you, that sometimes these things just happen. It’s no one's fault, really. You desperately wanted a way to let her know you’d been looking out for her ever since that day. That you would continue looking out for her, as long as she should live. You wanted to tell her that it’s okay if she falls in love again, she shouldn’t put her life on hold just because you don’t have one anymore. You wished she knew that you’d be waiting for her in the afterlife and you’d keep waiting. She’ll see you again, when the time is right, but for now, she had to keep living.

The sunset drew Kate’s attention back to the present moment, she had been here for hours. She stood back to her feet and brushed off her knees, she was mesmerized by the beautiful colours above her head. Your colours, the bright pink scattered within the blueish purple tint of the sky, how the yellows and oranges just peek over the horizon, barely noticeable but still there.

She never realized before just how much it reminded her of you. It was beautiful and if she closed her eyes, she could almost hear you laugh, almost feel you snake your arms around her from behind and the way you gave her cheek a quick kiss before resting your head on her shoulder. She smiled at the memory, so wide that it reached her eyes and she let out a soft chuckle. She wasn’t carrying the weight of the world in that moment and she wasn’t filled with sadness. She felt awfully light and quite content, the way she felt with you. She stayed like that for a few minutes, letting herself be engulfed by the memory and every detail within from the smell of your cheap perfume to how white your combat boots were.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Kate was crouched down on the grass, eye level with the headstone in front of her. She brushed off the granite with the sleeve of her jacket to reveal your name. Today marked one year since you died. One year ago you left this earth, you quit breathing and she continued. The sun still shines every morning and is replaced by the moon when night rolls around. The birds chirping still wake her up at the crack of dawn and she still hates the way the sun peers through that tear in the curtain, the same one you said you’d replace. The world doesn’t stop for anyone, she realized. Her life went on, sure, but it was never the same again.

She no longer hears your laughter when you’re sitting on the couch watching some tv show, one that she’d initially thought was stupid but watched for you. She doesn’t get to hold you when you cry anymore, the only thing holding you now is the walls of the casket you lie in six feet below the ground. She doesn’t get to share the little victories with you or the big ones. You don’t tackle her when she walks through the door after a long day of work, she doesn’t get to lightly tickle at your sides until you laugh so hard you have no choice but to let her go. She doesn’t get to hold you at all hours of the night and call you at any time during the day just to hear your voice. She doesn’t get to do anything with you anymore because you’re not here.

She’ll never get to playfully nudge you again after you made a dumb joke as the two of you walked down the street and you’ll never nudge her back so hard that she’ll lose her balance, you’ll never catch her before she falls. No one’s there to catch her now and she misses you every time she falls against the pavement. It feels as though she’s lost a limb, something she relied on. Her heart stutters when she hears your name and she misses you when she hears your song on the radio. She sees you in everything, she thinks about how you’ll never experience anything past age twenty-two and she thinks about how your heart stopped only weeks before it could hit twenty-three.

And everyday she waits for this nightmare to end, to wake up and see you sleeping right next to her, but that will never happen because you are gone. She can’t wake up, this is real life. Sometimes she thinks her brain lets her forget though, because it’s easier. Then she finds something, a photo of the two of you on a walk, a post-it note letting her know you were out getting groceries and you’d be home in a couple hours or that damn sweater of hers, your favourite sweater, the one you stole the first night you’d spent in her apartment. And the full weight of what’s been lost crashes down on her, it’s a suffocating feeling, almost like she’s drowning.

You used to be here and you should be here. Your souls are intertwined but you’ve been torn from her and she will always feel the missing. If she stopped missing you, she wouldn’t know who she was. You were the best part of her, her moral compass, you always knew what to say and do and she was beyond lost without you.

The dull ache in her calves let her know she’d been here for a while, she was staring at your headstone unsure of what to say. She figured it didn’t matter, none of it would bring you back and you wouldn’t respond anyways. Tears begun to fall from her eyes onto the flowers resting over your grave and her voice wavered as she spoke. “I miss you, Y/n.” She was sobbing now, barely able to form any words. Taking a deep breath, she touched the top of the headstone, the cold was almost soothing underneath the palm of her hand.

Once she regained the strength to her voice, she continued. “I still don’t know if you can hear me. But I feel so alone.” She talked to you for a while, telling you about all the thoughts running through her mind, how her day was and how she wished she could just hold you again. She wanted to have a conversation with you, to hear your voice and your laugh. She wanted to see you smile so wide, your eyes crinkled at the edges. She wanted to hold your hand as you both walked down the busy streets, without a care in the world because you made each other fearless. She wanted to love you again.

She didn’t want to sit here, talking to a piece of granite with your name engraved on it. She didn’t want to pretend that by being here, it was the same as being with you. She didn’t want to act like she doesn’t break down at the slightest mention of your name. Nothing had been the same since you left. The thought of not knowing how you were was breaking her, she could only hope that the other side was better, wherever and whatever that may be. She hoped you knew just how much you meant to her, how much she loved you. You had to know, you just had to, she wouldn’t accept anything else.

When you lose somebody, when someone dies, all that’s left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. Kate figured she’d never fill that hole again and maybe she didn’t want to. You were her home, without you, it’s always going to be just a house. She could get a house anywhere but her home was lost to her forever.

You wished you could let her know that you did in fact know how much she cherished you, that sometimes these things just happen. It’s no one's fault, really. You desperately wanted a way to let her know you’d been looking out for her ever since that day. That you would continue looking out for her, as long as she should live. You wanted to tell her that it’s okay if she falls in love again, she shouldn’t put her life on hold just because you don’t have one anymore. You wished she knew that you’d be waiting for her in the afterlife and you’d keep waiting. She’ll see you again, when the time is right, but for now, she had to keep living.

The sunset drew Kate’s attention back to the present moment, she had been here for hours. She stood back to her feet and brushed off her knees, she was mesmerized by the beautiful colours above her head. Your colours, the bright pink scattered within the blueish purple tint of the sky, how the yellows and oranges just peek over the horizon, barely noticeable but still there.

She never realized before just how much it reminded her of you. It was beautiful and if she closed her eyes, she could almost hear you laugh, almost feel you snake your arms around her from behind and the way you gave her cheek a quick kiss before resting your head on her shoulder. She smiled at the memory, so wide that it reached her eyes and she let out a soft chuckle. She wasn’t carrying the weight of the world in that moment and she wasn’t filled with sadness. She felt awfully light and quite content, the way she felt with you. She stayed like that for a few minutes, letting herself be engulfed by the memory and every detail within from the smell of your cheap perfume to how white your combat boots were.