I NEED A WHOLE PERSONALITY

i remember like mike gravel in 2008 lol

Remember that ad where he threw a rock into a lake and then stared into the camera unblinking for two minutes? I desperately want shit like that back

Incredible…

ok do you guys remember those Capri Sun “RESPECT THE POUCH, RESPECT IT!” ads where children would deface a Capri Sun pouch in some way and then suffer some karmic punishment thematically connected to the way they disrespected pouch then there were Airheads commercials where eating an airhead would turn your head into a balloon and there were Fruit Gusher ads similar to that except your head turned into an enormous piece of fruit what happened where for this brief period of time (in america at least) it was decided the best way to get kids to buy fruit themed junk food was to imply there was some kind of chaotic evil force that would let you sip its sweet nectar and feast on its fruit, but only if you were willing to sacrifice your state of existence and obey the artificially flavored outer gods   

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

@sineala

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

actual footage of first contact makeouts

And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.

Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.

#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)

honestly i think most girls these days feel this deep restless emptiness inside them because no one has access to a field or meadow anymore. you can’t run out of the kitchen with a scarf around your head until you find the nearest empty pasture with hay blowing gently in the wind and just lay in the grass for a long time and listen to the wind until whatever is terrible and hard has passed and you remember that you are made of earth and you will be earth again and then you pick a handful of queen anne’s lace and walk home. girls don’t have empty fields to run to anymore and somewhere deep inside they know that they are missing something vital, and they spend their lives looking for it.

If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can’t humans be summoned by ants? The answer is they should be.

Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house I’d certainly notice, try to figure out where they’d all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.

That’s why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name. And they’re like, you can’t leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals - now you have to do us a favor. And you’re like, let’s just see where this goes “yup, you got me… what’s the favor?” and usually the favor is like, “kill this one ant for us” or “give me a pile of sugar” and you’re like… okay? and you do, because why not, it isn’t hard for you and boy is this going to be a fucking story to tell, these fucking ants chanting your name and wanting a spoonful of sugar or whatever. And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can’t really do, one of them, she’s like, “I love this ant but she won’t pay any attention to me, make me important to her” and you’re like… um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like *horrified whisper* “what have I done”

This is the best explanation for higher powers I’ve ever really heard.

See, this? THIS is how you joke on “Thor being dumb”. It’s not that he’s actually DUMB, it’s that he’s ignorant to a lot of Earth things because he’s not FROM here, but also he’s a confident extrovert who’s going to act like he DOES know what he’s doing.

I had a dream I was able to time travel and I went like 10,20,100,1000,2000 years into the future but the instant I went to 4,000 I got stuck in a time dilation jail set up by the American government in the year 3,877 in which anyone that tried to time travel back or forth across May 23, 3877 while on Earth would end up stuck in this time dilation chamber trap to stop time travelers but like it was so crazy and mismanaged because it was legit capturing like every single time traveler ever and the place had only been open for 12 minutes and was already getting overpopulated with nonstop multiple recursive instances of this one other guy trying to break previous versions of himself out of this god damn time traveler jail

that is fucking hysterical and absolutely sounds like something the American Government would set up. 

honestly life is all about the little things that u barely even notice, that delicious coffee u had in the morning, ur friend randomly pinching ur cheek, the moon shining brighter than usual, the radio playing your favorite song. pay more attention to these details!!! they make life worth living

I’M CRYING WHO IS HE

holy shit

Literally what is going on?

I like how this simple pokemon joke comic brings us from Chomsky’s example of how free will and order can arise from a materialist universe via the example of language(and thus, that materialism is not wholly and inherently deterministic) all the way back to Plato, 2000+ years ago, stupidly arguing that you’re born knowing everything, learning is impossible, and all knowledge is just memory from a pre-existence union with Perfect/Ideal Divinity.

*Lemony Snicket voice* The word ‘poison’ here can mean many things. ‘Poison’ may literally refer to the presence of an unwashed llama in a stream from which a nearby village likely collects its drinking water. Likewise, it may figuratively refer to the effect of greed and isolation on the priorities of a young ruler, or the machinations of a villainous royal advisor on the health and wellbeing of said young ruler. In this case, however, ‘poison’ most literally refers to the poison, the poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco’s poison… That poison.

i feel like i was just rick-rolled

some white man in Colorado was detained bc he threatened to kill as many girls as possible in a mass shooting because he’s a 27 year old virgin. being a woman in these times sure is interesting and by that i mean scary as fuck

u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

one of the first examples that she uses to introduce her point about how perception by others can shape a person’s performance actually uses a trans woman. it explains that as a certain trans woman became to be seen as a woman more and more frequently, the ppl arond her eventually started viewing her as being ill equipped for tasks that they did not bother her about pre-transition. eventually she even found herself underperforming in these tasks herself.

whats the name of the book

Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine

Here’s a pdf, babes <3

I knew it was this book before I’d finished reading the first two lines. Honestly this book is indispensible if you want to debunk any gender determinism people claim is science. I can’t recommend it enough.