красный гроссбух.

adjusting to new places was something bucky was all too familiar with. it was hard to not be on edge, especially with the events of the last few weeks considered. upon getting an apartment on genosha, bucky was glad to not be alone as he and natalia decided to share. the two of them, and the four cats they had between the both of them. he chuckled at the thought of it – unsure when he’d become a cat person, but he enjoyed their company.

making his way out of his bedroom with alpine perched on his good shoulder, bucky flashes natalia a smile as he spots her in the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee pot. he pours himself a cup and sips at it, leaning against the counter and facing her.

there’s still the lingering nightmares. vague memories stirring in his head that he can barely remember anymore, barely grasp, but there’s one thing he can’t get out of his mind no matter how hard he tries to not think about the time spent reliving his nightmares. it’s of natalia – of a time he can’t put his finger on. all he has is the image of her from a time he can’t properly recall and a nickname. “good morning, лисичка.” 

@krasniledger

natasha was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and sipping tea. jeremiah, as it turns out, had been brought here as well. a sick twist of fate, or perhaps he was more heroic and special than he liked to brag about. still, she couldn’t pretend to not be happy. she felt strangely safe when jeremiah was around, if just because there had never been a time where she couldn’t trust him. and he came as a package deal with her little liho, the black stray that purred his way into her life. he scampered around the kitchen now, searching for scraps and occasionally rubbing against her legs affectionately. it was a domestic morning. nice. nice enough to tempt her to feel comfortable on this island. 

when bucky walked in with alpine perched on his good shoulder, natasha smiled in greeting, not letting her eyes linger any longer than normal. her eyes were on the window when he said it. лисичка. his old name for her. little fox. but –– how? 

the red room programming was supposed to be infallible. of course, both natalia and james had known that to be untrue... and yet when they wiped her from his memory, it had seemed solid. sturdy. like a spell even wanda maximoff or stephen strange couldn’t have broken. and maybe, she thought – maybe it was for the better. the less he remembered about his time with them, the better. maybe it could spare him some heartbreak. so she kept quiet.

“лучик,” she whispered back, green eyes searching his, expression somewhere between shock, heartache, and tenderness. she was a spy, trained to keep herself in check, her emotions hidden, but if anyone knew how to make the porcelain of those lies crack... it was james. he always did have a funny effect on her that way. even back then.

“how?” natasha asked, but she was sure she already knew the answer. the reality stone had done a great many things – but the nightmare demon had done even more. she saw novokov and, worse still, little marina – why shouldn’t james have seen her? did memories of him not haunt her while they were apart? “я была в твоем кошмаре, моя любовь?”

@krasniledger

genosha was different. he’d experienced a lot of places in his life, but being in a utopia that seemed to benefit and lean towards mutants was something that he thought he’d never see. he was absolutely all for it though, especially after everything that had happened back in the states and well, the rest of the world. sighing, steve made his way through the city, searching for his fellow avengers or anyone that he knew.

spotting the familiar figure of natasha, he weaved though the crowded street and ran to catch up to her. “nat!” he called out, finally catching up to her and smiling. “god, you have no idea how good it is to see you –” he stopped and assessed her quickly, raising his brow and looking towards her side. “are you still injured from the compound?”

he had many other worries to consider, like his express in what had happened to wanda - but he didn’t want to overwhelm natasha. not that he ever thought she would be overwhelmed by him, but he wasn’t going to risk it. still, he had to ask one thing – taking her elbow he pulled her aside to whisper “also, how comfortable are you about genosha? think you can find anything out for us?”

the city of genosha was perfect in a way that natasha didn’t trust. every corrupt institution presented itself as a utopia, perfect in every way, a safe haven. the red room certainly did. she wanted to believe in what genosha stood for, what magneto said it was, but it made her uneasy. the circumstances of their arrival certainly didn’t help. a result of the reality stone, of course... but it reminded her to keep her guard up. not to trust this just because it was easy. the path of least resistance.

still, it was a relief to see steve, and when he approached her she didn’t hesitate – she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “god, it’s good to see you,” she whispered, and shook her head. “i’m fine. it’s fine. bucky used his body as a shield. you two have a lot in common, by the way.” one day she’d confide in steve about her and bucky’s relationship, their whole complicated spider web of a history. but it never seemed like the right time.

at his request, natasha released him and raised an eyebrow. “you think i’d spy on our new saviors?” she smirked, and crossed her arms over her chest. “captain america, dabbling in espionage. who would’ve guessed.” but after her moment of lightheartedness, her smirk slowly fell, and she dropped her arms back to her side. she sighed and shook her head.

“after what happened when we got here and the giant statue of an anti-everyone extremist? not comfortable. but i think i can manage some information about this place.”

natasha, if she were the same as she’d been before the avengers, would’ve ended the conversation there. walked away, gotten to work. but steve rogers had snuck her way into a soft spot of her heart that she thought had been abandoned long ago. she didn’t know whether she loved or hated that spot, but in either case, she was grateful for steve. 

“but first,” she said slowly, and placed a hand on his arm. “are you alright?” he may not have been there at the compound, but nat knew better than to think that would be enough to make him feel any less guilty. he was a good man. he was everything she wished she could’ve been.

he felt as though he’d been walking days, aimless and alone. no venom, no anne, no work – nothing. venom was gone and he gave up everything else for a job that he couldn’t make it in. he screwed it all up and he was a loser. again. the silence of his mind was possibly the worst, for as much as he argued with venom, he’d grown accustomed to his presence, and admittedly happy for the company that made him feel as though he could be important. but no, he was just another jobless failure with no real plan in life.

eddie didn’t know when it’d suddenly begun to grow so cold. hadn’t he been in new york not that long ago? well, he wasn’t anymore. old worn boots crunched against fresh snow and he tugged his old hoodie against him, though it provided little relief.

that was when he came across a scene that he couldn’t possibly understand but there was a gun and instinct itched at him – like the one that told him to run up and punch that guy in the face. what a time to not have the people-eating alien monster. venom would know exactly what to do, and wouldn’t let him die from a few bullets. but venom wasn’t here, and he was just… eddie. and eddie ––

“hey – hey.. uh, sorry to break this up.” eddie was an idiot. an idiot that was going to get shot. “sorry, i won’t be long, i was just wondering if any of you could point me to the nearest taco bell?”

well, if he was going to die, he’d die maybe saving someone. he stepped forward, directly into the middle of this whole ordeal. “i could really just go for a crunchwrap, you know? i think i got a little turned around between the first mountain of snow and the tenth, i don’t know. this place is really confusing.”

it was impossible for novokov to have brought her back here, even more impossible still for marina to be back from the dead – but it was so real, how could she not, even for that one moment, believe it? it was exactly as it had been – fourteen-year-old marina’s eyes went wide, and she opened her mouth to beg natalia to stop, but before a word even left her lips she was reaching for her own weapon. but if it played out the way it had then, natalia romanova would have shot first, loud and clear and ringing in the emptiness around them – BANG !!

but instead, they were interrupted. and EDDIE BROCK was the only proof she needed to know that marina was not going to shoot her, and she was not going to shoot marina. novokov wouldn’t put his hand on her lower back and kiss the top of her head in congratulations. she was already the black widow. and she was good.

still, natasha’s hand trembled as she dropped the gun into the snow.

this was a hallucination. or a nightmare. and that meant she could control it. she was never a woman to show any personal attachments or revealing emotion in the face of anyone but the very few she trusted, but this... this might just be worth it.

“i’m sorry,” she said to eddie, keeping her eyes trained on novokov, “but you’re going to have to give me a moment.” she walked through the snow towards the man and the girl who weren’t really there, fists clenched at her side – and without stopping her forward movement she lifted her foot out of the snow and swung her leg above her head. her boot made contact with novokov’s jaw and he fell. she knelt down next to him and looked down on his ugly face and felt... “nothing,”  she whispered – but she punched him once, hard, just for good measure – smirking slightly at the splash of bright red that ran down his face and into the white snow.

natasha straightened back up and turned to look at her unexpected visitor. “eddie brock,” she greeted breathlessly, and took a few steps away from the old assassin who trained her. “welcome to siberia.”

WHO ARE YOU?

i am one of 28 young ballerinas with the bolshoi. training is hard, but the glory of the soviet culture, and the warmth of my parents… my… parents… makes up for….

no… that’s not right…

i am one of 28 black widow agents with the red room. training is hard, but the glory of the soviet supremacy, and the warmth of my parents…. all my parents…. makes up for…

SLAP.                                                                SLAP.

She stumbled.                                                  She stumbled.

“Fear does not become you.”                          “You are afraid!

“I’m not afraid.”                                                “I’m not afraid.” “You are weak.”                                                “You are weak.” “I’m not weak.”                                                 “I’m not weak.” “Then prove it.”                                                 “I don’t believe you.”

                                         SLAP.                                          She stayed steady.

“who are you?”

“меня зовут наталья алиановна романова. я балерина в Большом.” “говори по-англиский.” “я только говорю по-русский.” “что ты знаешь о черной вдовы?” “я не знаю ничего. я только балерина.”

she was a child. barely older than ten. she was so small she almost disappeared in the chair they were strapping her in. they would hook her up to the wires, next – one at each temple, each wrist, each ankle. their lie detector would come next. she’d have to fool it. if she didn’t...

natasha turned away, squeezed her eyes shut – it’s just a memory, it’s just a memory, it’s over – but when she opened them she was somewhere else entirely. she was surrounded by snow, and slowly the cold seeped through her clothes and into her skin. she wrapped her arms around herself but when she did she discovered a gun – a handgun, small and black and stark against the white. that’s when she recognized this place. “siberia,” she whispered, and she knew why she remembered it.

“DO IT, NATALIA. DO IT. DO IT!”

she spun, gun raised, breathing hard – and she was no longer alone. leo novokov was there, that twisted grin on his face, long, greasy hair hanging in front of his eyes, and she hated him so fucking much –

and next to him was a face that natasha romanoff could never forget. marina marikova was only a child. she’d been natasha’s best friend, her only friend, and she’s been dead for years. it wasn’t possible. 

“KILL HER, NATALIA. SHOOT HER.”

her hand that held the gun began to shake and she remembered what it was like to be fourteen in siberia with a madman and another one of the 28 young ballerinas with the bolshoi...

in the moments before the blast hit them, bucky practically thrown himself in front of natalia. an attempt to keep her safe. to protect her. knowing that if things got too bad, it could be the last thing he would ever do. but he didn’t care, and he knew deep down that was something he’d probably get crap for later, specifically from natalia herself.

when he woke up again, he had no idea how much time had passed. his head was pounding and his arm was throbbing. a groan escapes his lips as he looks around, seeing natalia not far from him underneath the rubble. “natalia,” he called out, frowning deeply.  when he realized she wasn’t responsive, he sighed. using his left arm to move rubble off of him. how long he worked away at the rubble on top of him, one handed, he wasn’t sure.

his work eventually paid off as he pulled himself from the rubble. his focus quickly shifts to natalia, ignoring the pain in both his other arm and his head, which had only gotten worse with his movement, as he began digging her out from under the wreckage. eventually, he pulled her out, his bionic arm wrapped around her to get her away from ruin of what once was the avengers compound. “natalia,” he spoke softly, giving her a little shake. “wake up,” he added, in russian this time. “please be alright.”

@krasniledger

natasha regained consciousness to the taste of blood in her mouth and the thick fog of smoke in her lungs. she coughed and spluttered, turning her head to side and squeezing her eyes shut as she began to remember what happened. the explosion had been big. thinking fast enough to throw them both for cover was something only the winter soldier could have been capable of. for a moment, she thought she was imagining his voice as it called out for her – natalia, the familiar way he used to. she could almost believe he remembered her.

“ –– james... ??”

and when natasha romanoff opened her eyes to see the man she’d spent years falling in love with, she remembered exactly what he did.

“идиот!” she hit him with a limp arm – not a real hit. mostly it was just there to emphasize her weak curse. “you shouldn’t have done that.” but she knew that if he hadn’t, she probably would’ve been dead. and he had no idea how much more preferable that was to her than the other way around. she began to lift herself, using her elbows to prop up her upper body. she winced at the sharp pain in her chest and abdomen and resisted the urge to lay right back down. “cracked ribs,” she said, then pressed her lips together. дерьмо. “i’ve had worse.” that, at least, was true. 

nat wrapped her arm around his shoulders, accepting his help in standing. when they were both steady on their feet she turned around, looking at the exploded concrete and rising black smoke that was once the avengers compound. the only sort of home she knew – more of a home than her little apartment in manhattan. thank god liho was there. she’d have to talk to jeremiah about what to do next. “just like that,” she sighed, and shook her head. that’s when she noticed his right arm, sitting in a position it shouldn’t have been, stiff at his side. “james –– your arm –– ” 

natasha let unwrapped her arm from around his shoulders so she could stand in front of him. “that’s not a small break,” she said, putting her hands on his skin gently. she shook her head, eyes flicking up to glance at him briefly and gauge his reaction.  “james, this needs to be set.”

@krasniledger

If there was anyone that Steve could positively rely on, it would be Natasha. She understood him better than anyone else and right now, with all the destruction and deaths going on, he really needed her. Gripping his hand into a fist, Steve observed the wreckage of the Compound with a steeled frown, swallowing thickly before he tapped at his earpiece.

“Agent Romanoff, this is Rogers, do you copy?“ He asked, doing his best to keep the emotion out of his voice but knowing entirely too well that he could never hide it from her. He scanned the wreckage further, not seeing any sign of life and exhaling slowly, pushing one of his feet ahead of the other as he began to climb through and search.

“Romanoff, it’s Rogers – do, you, copy?“ he restated, this time allowing the worry to take over as he whirled around when he thought he heard some of the rubble moving from behind him. Spotting a figure in the distance, Steve took off for a run towards it, hoping it was one of his teammates, only to increase his speed when he recognized the figure as Nat’s. “Nat?” He called out, slowing his speed when he noticed her injury so that he wouldn’t smack into her.

“You’re hurt-“ he observed, moving to duck under her arm and propping her up with his own weight. “Come on, let me take you to get looked at.“

natasha knew, when the bombs hit, that steve wasn’t in the compound. she knew that. and yet the irrational thoughts that accompanied fear for a loved one invaded her mind, and she couldn’t stop thinking about all the things that might have happened. steve might have come back moments before the bombs went off. steve might have been attacked on his way back in. every horrible option had crossed her mind, and none of it mattered, because she was among the rubble, alone, and steve wasn’t here. 

after a lot of silence, she collapsed onto the rubble, one arm wrapped around her abdomen and the other keeping herself steady. cracked ribs – she’d have to be careful with those. they didn’t feel like full fractures but it didn’t take much to puncture a lung, she knew that for a fact. blood creeping down her forehead. james had it worse – he’d thrown himself on top of her. she was just relieved that either of them had survived.

comms were down and her earpiece crackled, mostly crushed from when she landed hard against a concrete floor before the whole ceiling collapsed. she took it out of her ear and sighed, staring at the little piece of technology that had kept her and the other avengers connected in the most unlikely of scenarios. she was about to toss it to the side when she managed to make out a sound that was more of a word – rogers.

“steve?” nat whispered, and leaned forward to stand, rubble shifting underneath her as she did. that’s when they made eye contact. “thank god.” despite everything, she actually managed a smile of sheer relief. “you have no idea how good it is to see you,” she said, almost out of breath, and wrapped her arm around his neck. she’d never say it out loud – but he probably knew her well enough to read the look on her face as one of fear.

“everyone’s gone to genosha,” nat explained, trying to keep her struggled steps as un-exaggerated as possible. “james –– bucky made sure i didn’t end up underneath all that back there. i told him he shouldn’t wait up. he needed medical attention more than me,” she explained, and squeezed steve’s shoulder. 

“it happened fast,” nat said quietly, shaking her head. “faster than the hydra bogey. i should’ve seen this coming as soon as our location went public. it must’ve been like that at the school too.” she sighed, not wanting to ask the only question there was left to ask.

“is there a body count?”

the gravity of the situation was heavy, but nonesuch that thor hadn’t experienced before. he understood tragedy, practically went through a lifetime’s worth in only a few short years, and yet still - with the broken world he’d come to love being even more fractured by the humans that lived upon it, his heart proverbially broke in two.

the compound, home of the avengers was destroyed - the mutant school, that thor admittedly did not know well enough, had been destroyed. if he had not been way, had not been out searching among the stars for his people, then maybe, maybe he would have been able to prevent the heavy loss that his friends and fellow unique people had endured.

but he was now king of new asgard, a title he had accepted after so long of running from it – and he had a duty. though, that did not mean he could not assist in times of need. portalling to the remains of the compound, he used the limited knowledge of illusion magic he had to turn his axe into an umbrella as he began to poke through the rubble.

sensing someone near him, he stood to his full height and turned to look over his shoulder, “how many lives lost? who has done this? can we prevent more attacks?”

james had shielded her with his body, which natalia would take up with him later. but even she had to admit that, if he hadn’t, she’d most likely not be alive. still, if he’d died... a piece of her would’ve died, too. and he wouldn’t have even known it. she stayed amongst the rubble, waiting for her people – the ones who would come to look for survivors. she’d been injured by the explosion, but her weapons hadn’t. she was heavily armed in case one of them came back. and she didn’t have the same hesitation as her co-avengers about killing men like this.

the arrival of the god of thunder was a welcome relief, and natasha let out a sigh. “thor.” she wanted to smile – but even the master of lying couldn’t manage one in a graveyard so fresh. “i can’t say i’ve seen the trick before but i have a feeling that’s not an umbrella. we might need what’s underneath.”

she was limping still, refusing medical attention that was better spent on the kids that had been in the school. there were too many of them. too many still that didn’t make it to genosha. “too many,” nat said, finally. “we shouldn’t stay here, thor.” she shook her head, lips pressed together. “there’s nothing we can do. not anymore. we were the last out. these people – they... they won. they did what they came to do.” this was the second time natasha had to admit to a massive group failure. and it came at the highest price she could imagine. she never wanted to do it again.

“magneto opened the door to genosha. as much as i don’t like the idea of it, we should go. that’s where everyone’s headed. we can... see who’s left. see who’s not there.” she sighed. “it’s bad, thor. i’ve never seen it this bad. not even during the accords.”