The Kraken Guard

@assortedvillainvault

You're going to get 300% more analysis than you probably wanted and you're going to Like It. I have THOUGHTS.

I'm hitting this from the below angles:

Animation and storytelling

Medieval Wine infodump specific to the UK since Prydain and Annuvin are both fictional Welsh kingdoms.

The in story psychological effects of being miserable, isolated and absolutely fuckoff wasted

'How to run a successful band of thugs', authored by one lich who has no idea what germ theory or functional roofing is but who DOES know how to run a fortress based on fear and spooky vibes.

1. Animation and Storytelling Though Enemy NPC's

You've just had your plucky child protagonist eat dirt and get his uber special prophetic pig kidnapped via draconic uber, and now he's gotta go stealth mode in enemy territory. Taran is a skinny little guy who just barely manages to climb the castle walls and who sometimes struggles to open doors. The Horned King's forces average about three to four times his size, and in the ten seconds we see them in the main hall, we see:

Mind altering substance (wine) cosplaying a tidal wave out of people’s tankards

Music and entertainment (partyyyy)

Multiple soldiers delirious or passed out

SO many weapons on the tables, on the floor, in people hands, attempting flight-

Rampant bullying of The Creeper

Catcalling and as much sexual overture as Disney feels it can get away with in the 80’s.

What does this tell us?

It tells us that these men are reactionary (getting physical in reaction to Creepers mere existence), logically impaired (delirious & passed out) cruel (bullying and catcalling) and violent (weapons) and the very first visual to reinforce all of this is the image of flinging wine everywhere.

Itty bitty Taran is going to end up puree’d if he gets spotted. Visual storytelling done without any overt exposition.

When the Horned King breaks his wineglass, that’s different.

His Highness is introduced sober, using magic (which presumably required skill and concentration), moving slowly but with purpose, and, most importantly, everyone we have just been told to be frightened of is getting the FUCK out of his way.

Him breaking the wine goblet with his bare hand is a chilling contrast to his men.

Goblet, not tankard = Higher Status

Drinking a moderate amount = he’s in control of his own impulses

Crushing the glass with one hand = he doesn’t need weapons to hurt people, and has no concern about hurting himself with broken glass. Implies at least some level of invulnerability.

Wasting the drink still in the glass = he doesn’t need the sustenance as his men do. Reinforces both a large supply and the fact he’s not human.

The glass breaking being a wordless instruction to kill the pig to force an answer from Taran = his men are familiar enough with this cruelty for it to be routine

He’s calculating, ruthless, inhuman and in control. And probably out of cool goblets.

2. Historical Wine Rambles

Wales and England actually had a pretty damn good reputation for wine production prior to The Little Ice Age in the 1400’s. Wine was being produced locally since the Romans established vinyards some 2000 years ago.

Wine is, at this point in time, cleaner and safer to drink than water.

There aint no high speed internet or cable TV, so people are liable to get bored. And when folks get bored, alchohol comes out to play.

Given that none of HK’s guys look like they’re farming anything in that barren hellscape of a castle, they’ve probably raided this stash of wine from local villages and towns (while killing and pillaging in general, as proven by the Fairy King asking of the raids have stopped)

Coincidentally, as glass bottles and corks haven’t been invented yet, wine caskets have a teensy weensy side effect of tasting Fucking Awful.

I’m not joking this wine was probably weak, vinegary and with a prominent aftertaste of woodchips because it was GOING OFF in storage and idk about you, but if there was nothing else to consume and the lower levels of the castle were starting to smell like a chemical lab, I too would neck down as much as possible in the hope that the alchohol would kill my tastebuds and hopefully my sense of smell.

3. Psychology

This one is less facts based and more vibes. But just look at these people.

They ‘live’ in a castle currently in a long term relationship with leaky roofs and black mould. They sleep passed out against stone floors and rough wooden tables. Hygiene does not look particularly prominent, their whole job is to raid and pillage and murder, and they take orders from a walking corpse with delusions of grandeur.

Happy people don’t cling to drink as a pleasant distraction and simultaneously launch it everywhere in a show of overly aggressive behaviour.

Also them floors be sticky, because there’s no way anyone in that army is bothering to clean and HK doesn’t look like he has domestic servants. Eurgh.

4. Cults for Dummies

The Horned King might be maladaptively daydreaming about his undead army for 90% of the film to cope with how ramshackle his current one is, but that doesn’t erase the fact he needs them.

Panem et circenses my dude. Bread and circuses. You can’t run an army on edgelord supremacy forever. The effect will lose it’s strength as time goes on, so you have to distract them with stuff they like in order for them to cope better with the miserable shit.

I guarantee his villain entrance wouldn’t have been half as spooky if it didn’t come immediately after upbeat bardcore, a live dancer and circus act, laughter and feasting. Makes the fear all the sweeter when he crashes his own party.

@assortedvillainvault

You're going to get 300% more analysis than you probably wanted and you're going to Like It. I have THOUGHTS.

I'm hitting this from the below angles:

Animation and storytelling

Medieval Wine infodump specific to the UK since Prydain and Annuvin are both fictional Welsh kingdoms.

The in story psychological effects of being miserable, isolated and absolutely fuckoff wasted

'How to run a successful band of thugs', authored by one lich who has no idea what germ theory or functional roofing is but who DOES know how to run a fortress based on fear and spooky vibes.

1. Animation and Storytelling Though Enemy NPC's

You've just had your plucky child protagonist eat dirt and get his uber special prophetic pig kidnapped via draconic uber, and now he's gotta go stealth mode in enemy territory. Taran is a skinny little guy who just barely manages to climb the castle walls and who sometimes struggles to open doors. The Horned King's forces average about three to four times his size, and in the ten seconds we see them in the main hall, we see:

Mind altering substance (wine) cosplaying a tidal wave out of people’s tankards

Music and entertainment (partyyyy)

Multiple soldiers delirious or passed out

SO many weapons on the tables, on the floor, in people hands, attempting flight-

Rampant bullying of The Creeper

Catcalling and as much sexual overture as Disney feels it can get away with in the 80’s.

What does this tell us?

It tells us that these men are reactionary (getting physical in reaction to Creepers mere existence), logically impaired (delirious & passed out) cruel (bullying and catcalling) and violent (weapons) and the very first visual to reinforce all of this is the image of flinging wine everywhere.

Itty bitty Taran is going to end up puree’d if he gets spotted. Visual storytelling done without any overt exposition.

When the Horned King breaks his wineglass, that’s different.

His Highness is introduced sober, using magic (which presumably required skill and concentration), moving slowly but with purpose, and, most importantly, everyone we have just been told to be frightened of is getting the FUCK out of his way.

Him breaking the wine goblet with his bare hand is a chilling contrast to his men.

Goblet, not tankard = Higher Status

Drinking a moderate amount = he’s in control of his own impulses

Crushing the glass with one hand = he doesn’t need weapons to hurt people, and has no concern about hurting himself with broken glass. Implies at least some level of invulnerability.

Wasting the drink still in the glass = he doesn’t need the sustenance as his men do. Reinforces both a large supply and the fact he’s not human.

The glass breaking being a wordless instruction to kill the pig to force an answer from Taran = his men are familiar enough with this cruelty for it to be routine

He’s calculating, ruthless, inhuman and in control. And probably out of cool goblets.

2. Historical Wine Rambles

Wales and England actually had a pretty damn good reputation for wine production prior to The Little Ice Age in the 1400’s. Wine was being produced locally since the Romans established vinyards some 2000 years ago.

Wine is, at this point in time, cleaner and safer to drink than water.

There aint no high speed internet or cable TV, so people are liable to get bored. And when folks get bored, alchohol comes out to play.

Given that none of HK’s guys look like they’re farming anything in that barren hellscape of a castle, they’ve probably raided this stash of wine from local villages and towns (while killing and pillaging in general, as proven by the Fairy King asking of the raids have stopped)

Coincidentally, as glass bottles and corks haven’t been invented yet, wine caskets have a teensy weensy side effect of tasting Fucking Awful.

I’m not joking this wine was probably weak, vinegary and with a prominent aftertaste of woodchips because it was GOING OFF in storage and idk about you, but if there was nothing else to consume and the lower levels of the castle were starting to smell like a chemical lab, I too would neck down as much as possible in the hope that the alchohol would kill my tastebuds and hopefully my sense of smell.

3. Psychology

This one is less facts based and more vibes. But just look at these people.

They ‘live’ in a castle currently in a long term relationship with leaky roofs and black mould. They sleep passed out against stone floors and rough wooden tables. Hygiene does not look particularly prominent, their whole job is to raid and pillage and murder, and they take orders from a walking corpse with delusions of grandeur.

Happy people don’t cling to drink as a pleasant distraction and simultaneously launch it everywhere in a show of overly aggressive behaviour.

Also them floors be sticky, because there’s no way anyone in that army is bothering to clean and HK doesn’t look like he has domestic servants. Eurgh.

4. Cults for Dummies

The Horned King might be maladaptively daydreaming about his undead army for 90% of the film to cope with how ramshackle his current one is, but that doesn’t erase the fact he needs them.

Panem et circenses my dude. Bread and circuses. You can’t run an army on edgelord supremacy forever. The effect will lose it’s strength as time goes on, so you have to distract them with stuff they like in order for them to cope better with the miserable shit.

I guarantee his villain entrance wouldn’t have been half as spooky if it didn’t come immediately after upbeat bardcore, a live dancer and circus act, laughter and feasting. Makes the fear all the sweeter when he crashes his own party.

THE

✨FUCK ✨

UP!!!

So, in terrible news, Trump's trying to pull some strings to pass this massive internet censorship bill, featuring all the kinds of internet censorship we're terrified of, including mandatory ID for accessing basically any website, specifically to crush state regulation of AI, because apparently this man will always see the moral bottom of the barrel and start digging.

6/14/2026

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."

I swear I honestly *didn't* think anything about having Scar as my companion when tackling on the Hercules stuff.

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."

I swear I honestly *didn't* think anything about having Scar as my companion when tackling on the Hercules stuff.

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."

I swear I honestly *didn't* think anything about having Scar as my companion when tackling on the Hercules stuff.

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."

I am a certified villains gal, Scar. You villains have been an inspiration since childhood...

...

... Actually yeah, that, too, is another issue in the Housekeeping Department -- a good chunk of people expect, like, their own personal maid for the week. And it does not work like that. The housekeepers have multiple rooms to clean -- from the ones that are occupied, to ones that have been checked out of.

That is a lot a lot of work, and it's... Kinda arguably one of those things that no one really talks about. I see a lot for, like, stores and restaurants. But Housekeeping really is one of those massively underappreciated jobs. It's absolutely grueling, and the state of some of the rooms...

I wouldn't say "bumbling parade of incompetents" but I would honestly, genuinely, populate my valley just with the villains if I could.

Like, I'm a villain's gal. The villains have always held a special place in my heart for... Honestly, reasons I can't quite explain. They're cool. But there's something more to them.

Like I've been mulling and musing over, like, Ommadon from Flight of Dragons -- again, TOTALLY NOT A DISNEY VILLAIN. But like, he's part of this Wizard Quartet. You have Carolinus, Solarius and Lo Tae Shao -- Green, Blue, and Yellow respectively -- and they're sort of like the designated good guys.

And then there's Ommadon -- the red wizard -- who is sorta the designated bad guy. And it's like... Why do we even have him? But like... I honestly do like to believe that it is kinda the villains that inspire us to be heroes. In a manner of speaking.

...

...

...

Like, to include everyone else but exclude the villains 1) is kinda what set off the events of Wreck-It Ralph. 2) It IS kinda a bit of a censorship/anti thing -- "this thing makes me uncomfortable; therefore it should not exist."