i luv sunarin

it started the way most illnesses did, seeping in unnoticed through the cracks.

at first it was just one day. you told yourself you were just tired, that you had been working hard and had earned a day off.

you slept for an additional twenty four hours before getting up the next day to attend classes.

just one day turned into every now and again. every now and again turned into every weekend, turned into every few days.

now you're lying under a mountain of blankets with only the stale scent of your unwashed body on your sheets and the food wrappers strewn across your room to keep you company.

how many days had it been? you weren't sure. time didn't exist for you. your phone used to occasionally chime with a message from your boyfriend studying in the states, little messages asking how you were doing that took all your energy to reply to.

your phone had died two naps ago but that told you nothing about how much time had elapsed since then.

the end of the messages was a relief though. there was no need for you to reassure him that you were eating well and taking care of yourself as your stomach went empty any more.

you knew that if he knew the truth he would be worried, but the gnaw of hunger as it ate away the parts of yourself you hated the most was too good.

he had a life and a future ahead of him. in time he would move on and forget about you like everyone else had. it felt like the entire world had a future they were flying to while your weighted blanket was chaining you down to earth.

tears inexplicably prick your eyes, trickling down onto your sweat dampened pillow. god. you wanted a future. you wanted a future so badly it hurt. you wanted someone to come find you, to fling your blankets off and extend a hand. you wanted someone to notice your struggle and come save you.

but there was no one. no one but you and the voices in your head that would never leave you alone and-

"hey."

warm, calloused hands cupped your cheeks with a tenderness you did not deserve, gently smoothing your hair back from your face.

"hey. baby. i'm here. wake up. i'm sorry i wasn't here sooner, but i'm here now."

blinking open your eyes you're greeted by the sight of your boyfriend, cheeks flushed, green eyes concerned, spiky brown hair slightly matted with sweat.

his faded godzilla t-shirt smells like an airport and an unfamiliar laundry detergent, but underneath it the scent is all him.

hajime. he was here.

you open your mouth, but no words leave. instead you cry silently, body wracked with sobs as tears slide down your face.

without a word he bundles you into his strong arms, pressing you against his strong chest as he presses a long kiss into your greasy, disgusting hair.

he holds you like you're his entire world. like he's never going to let you go. like he's promising that as long as he's with you you're going to be okay.

and maybe, maybe you would be.

You were returning to your apartment from getting your morning coffee when the earthquake hit. One second you were walking along, the next the ground was bouncing and you were thrown to the ground. You slammed your head hard against the pavement, and instinctually curled up into a ball, wrapping your arms around your head to protect it from further harm. 

After what felt like an eternity, it stopped as quickly as it had started, leaving you laying dazedly on the cracked pavement. You knew something was wrong with your head, that you were likely concussed and couldn’t fall asleep, but your body was battered and aching and you couldn’t bring yourself to stand.

Time was moving weirdly, so you didn’t know how long you laid there, but by the time you managed to stagger to your feet the blood dripping from your head had crusted in your hair and on your face. It took you a bit to find your footing, but once you were upright you began walking unsteadily towards your apartment, distantly realizing that you should go check on it.

“Maam! Hey! Are you okay? Do you need help?” A middle aged man you vaguely recognized as owning the grocery store you frequented approached you, concern evident on his face. “You don’t look too good. Where are you trying to go? I can help.”

It takes you a few tries to speak, your mouth sticky and dry from inhaling dust and a lack of use. “My apartment. It’s right around the corner. The one across the street from the park.” As you speak, the pounding in your head only increases and a wave of nausea washes over you, causing you to stagger.

Pity crosses over the man’s face as he reaches out to steady you. “Ah, well, I saw on the news that the buildings in that complex collapsed, so I don’t know if there will be much to see. It might be best if we try to get you some medical attention for your head…”

“I’m fine.” You attempt to keep walking, but he has to catch you as your legs give out. “Whoa. Take it easy. It looks like you hit your head pretty hard.”

“I need to go home.” You know it’s not logical, but you want to see the extent of the damage and try to salvage what you can despite knowing it was very unlikely anything remained.

The shop owner sighed, slinging your arm over his shoulder to support you better as he helped you limp along. “Fine. You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you. We’ll go to your building, but we’re going to find someone to look at your head after that.”

You don’t have the energy to reply, focusing on putting one foot ahead of the other, not the throbbing in your skull. After what felt like hours, but was probably only around five minutes in reality, you got back to your building, and were immediately greeted by chaos.

EMT’s raced stretchers with people covered in dust and blood on them to waiting ambulances, new helicopters whirred overhead, neighbors and other onlookers gathered to the side in shock, a man fighting tooth and nail to get into the building screaming at the men holding him back-wait.

“Hey, that’s your boyfriend, right?” The shop owner pointed at the man thrashing against his captors. “I’ve seen you two together in the store before. We should probably get you over to him, he looks worried sick.”

And sure enough, upon closer inspection it’s Osamu who’s raging against Kita and Atsumu as they each hold one of his arms to stop him from charging into the unstable building. 

“Uh, well he’s my ex. I don’t really know why he’s here. We broke up months ago.” You’re too tired to try and puzzle out what was going on, overwhelmed by everything that had happened so far. Then you heard your name.

“LET ME GO! SHE’S STILL IN THERE! GET OFF ME YOU MOTHERFU-”

“She’s over here! YN is over here!”

Somehow Osamu manages to hear the shopkeeper over all the noise, and instantly stops raging against Atsumu and Kita, whipping his head so fast in your direction you’re surprised he didn't break his neck. Seeing you, his brother and friend release him, knowing that there’s no danger of him charging in now that he knows where you are. 

He makes his way across the courtyard and is in front of you, frantically checking you for injuries in three seconds flat as the shopkeeper pats you on the arm and walks off.

“Yer here. Oh my god. The news- I thought, I thought ya were still in there. Ya can’t do that to me.” His eyes zero in on the blood caking your head. “Yer head! Yer bleeding. C’mon we need to get you to the hospital-”

He begins dragging you off towards an ambulance but you’re still unstable and your legs give out. Crumpling to the pavement you look up at him, your mind still foggy.

“Samu…? Why are you here? We broke up…” You can hear your words beginning to slur, and the last thing you see before your eyes close is his stricken face, his eyes fearful as he frantically pats your face and yells at you to stay awake.

Slipping into the soothing darkness, you think about how much you’ve missed him the past few months, and can’t help but be grateful he’s here.

Even if took an earthquake, he came. That was all that mattered.

taglist: @arlerts-angel @ponderingmoonlight @hotvinimon

There’s a ding coming from the living room. Did you forget your phone? It’s late, it’s dark, you’re out god knows where with god knows who without your mobile, oh now he’s really worried. He’s contemplating calling your best friend or tracking down your other friends, asking if you’re with them. His usual calm demeanor is crumbling with each passing second.

And then, with a flash of sobriety, Rintarou thinks you might be sleeping. He’s cursing himself for not coming up with that earlier, but his feet already patter towards your bedroom. He doesn’t reach it though, because as soon as he turns on the lights, he sees you curled up in a corner of the living room, your face hidden in between your knees.

“Baby?”

He approaches you slowly, carefully, as if any rapid movement could hurt you. There’s still no answer when he crouches in front of you. You look so small and fragile, like a porcelain doll and for a moment he wonders if you’ll shatter if he touches you. He does anyway.

You lift your head and look directly at him, but at the same time as if you weren’t; your eyes feel empty, as if someone blew out a candle lighting them up.

“Rin? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” Your voice sounds even more empty, so breathless and tired that he wants to tell you not to speak.

“It’s okay.” His fingers brush some loose strands of hair away from your face. “What are you doing here?”

It’s a simple question, it really is. And yet you have a look that says “where is here?”, and you take a moment to ground yourself back in reality. The living room of your shared apartment. The floor. There’s a wall behind your back and to your right. A corner…?

Words don’t come easily; in fact, they don’t come at all. In the end, how are you supposed to tell somebody that you just got scared of the space around you? That you felt so small and helpless, and the way too big living room together with air wanted to swallow you? It’s irrational, you know that.

Or how to explain that boundless void that suddenly settled in your heart and mind—the one that reminds you of a black hole absorbing everything and anything? That it hurts so much, because you’re like a huge bell—empty inside—and a simple trigger resonates and reverberates inside your head?

“It hurts, Rin.”

But maybe you don’t have to say anything, because Rintarou just nods and sits down next to you, pulls you in between his legs and cages inside his arms. He’s not expecting you to explain things to him when you have nothing figured out. He’s not expecting answers when all you yourself have are questions.

He’s humming some familiar melody, one that’s buried at the back of your head but you can’t recall what it is. But he’s humming and you’re grateful, because that sound breaks through the buzzing of your swarming thoughts. It gets a little clearer, it’s a little easier to breathe.

“There’s nothing inside me.” The humming stops, replaced with a single mhm of acknowledgement. “I feel hollow. Tired. Bored. It hurts.”

You struggle looking for words but he doesn’t rush you, doesn’t ask—not yet.

“I thought that I wouldn’t mind dying.” Rintarou flinches and hugs you even tighter, as if he’s scared you would leave. “And it felt so calm, like I was stating that I was hungry. Like it was some logical conclusion, and not a wish of self-destruction.”

Rintarou curses himself; he wants to say something, he should say something but the words get stuck in his throat. What could he possibly tell you in a moment like this? Beg you to stay? It’s self-centered, and it’s now about you, not him. Promise you that everything will be okay? Can he really guarantee that? Tell you that it will pass? It sounds too insensitive. And then you speak again.

“Anything I do is meaningless, doesn’t make any sense. So what’s the point anyway?” He knows what to say to that.

“Not everything has to make sense, you know. And some things might be meaningless for the whole world, but they could have a meaning to me. Or even just to you, and that’s okay.”

Deep down you know it’s true. There’s still a part of you that clings to hope and life—a tiny voice countering the things your brain says. It loses again, time after time, drowned out and pushed back.

“It’s okay to just be.”

So this is what you’re going to do. You might not win the battle today. You might not win tomorrow. Hell, you might not win even in a month.

But until then, until you do win, you’ll just be.

“Remember when we met in high school? I thought you were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. You were…”

...surrounded by the astral halo. That’s how Suna saw you for the first time. One day on a lunch break, when he was eating with the twins, you entered the cafeteria with your classmates; your smile was brighter than the sun itself, and your whole figure, surrounded by a silver aura, blackened out everything around. Suna’s hand froze halfway to his lips, a cluster of rice forgotten between the chopsticks, and Osamu made fun of him for it.

“Oi, Sunarin, ya okay?”

“I think I just saw an angel,” he mumbled, eyes still focused on you.

“Suna, doncha dare follow the light!” Atsumu exclaimed a little too loud, earning a kick on his shin from his brother.

That’s when you looked back at him, at the source of the noise, and nodded; you acknowledged his existence. And until that moment he had laughed at all the romcoms and deemed them unrealistic, mocked all the people who ever claimed, “it was love at first sight”.

Because at that moment, he felt it—the electric impulse that defibrillated his heart and made it beat for real, the heat spreading throughout his veins like a wildfire, the tremble of his body as if he was a leaf moved by a wind—Suna fell in love for the first time in his life.

“Listen baby, I know I’m not good with words. I’ve never been good with words. But please, bear with me, okay?”

Suna takes a deep breath before continuing.

“God, it took me so long to ask you out. It wouldn’t have happened if not for the twins. They were always idiots, but for this I will always be grateful to them. For getting us together.”

“Suna, how long are ya gonna just watch her, huh?”

Atsumu had a nasty habit of talking with his mouth full, of chewing with his mouth open, and it irritated Suna to no end. He only shrugged in response to the question.

It was a warm, spring day; many students went outside to eat their lunches. The boys were seated in the shade of a big tree, right across your bench. You’d been exchanging nods, and smiles, and hellos for a while now, but never more.

“He’s right, yanno. ‘S kinda painful to watch.” Osamu chimed in.

“Nobody asked you.” Why did they even care so much? It was not their business.

“Right… ‘Kay, ‘m gonna be back in a sec.”

The blond stood up with a loud slap on his thighs, and Suna looked at him for the first time during their break.

“Where the hell are you going?” he asked, but Atsumu only waved him off.

Suna watched his friend approach your group, saw how your friends giggled at whatever he had said, and his heart clenched. What if you were interested in the bleached twin too? You didn’t titter at him, but still listened with your eyes focused on the speaker.

But then Atsumu pointed his thumb at where Suna and Osamu were sitting, your gaze followed and fell on him, and his heart threatened to jump out of his ribcage. You smiled and nodded, and the blond waved at the two boys triumphantly for them to come.

“H-hi, I’m Suna Rintarō.” He muttered under his breath; he’d never been shy, just quiet, but you were there smiling so pretty, that he couldn’t help but feel humbled.

“Nice to meet you, Suna-san. I’m Y/n.”

Suna smiles fondly at the memory, certain that you can’t see the wetness gathering in his eyes. Or maybe you can, because you’ve always been able to read him like an open book.

“I’m getting sappy, I know. I swore I would never, but I just—”

He closes his eyes and sighs, there’s still so much he wants to tell you. And you’re waiting patiently for him to regain some composure, your lack of reaction strangely encourages him more.

“We’ve had our ups and downs, I’ve been insufferable sometimes. I acted like I didn’t care, I hurt and annoyed you, but even when you shout at me, you’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I’ll ever want.”

Suna was tired. He got recruited to EJP Raijins, had to move to another prefecture, but you were there with him, for him.

The apartment you lived in was tiny, and neither of you had expected anything more as you had just started your adult lives. But it was fine, it only meant that the love you shared was more condensed between the walls.

It also meant that there was nowhere to hide when Suna was too tired. He had been away for 2 weeks for practice, meaning 2 weeks surrounded by people all. the. time. His body ached from all the training and his mind buzzed from the constant chatter; he just wanted to be alone for a moment, to sit in silence and recharge.

“Rin! You’re back!”

Your voice welcomed him as soon as he opened the door, your arms open wide for him. He hugged you with a pat on your back, pulled away quickly with a kiss to your temple.

“I missed you, Rin.”

“Yeah.”

If you were hurt by his lack of affection, you didn’t show it. Or maybe he just failed to see it. Most probably the latter, since he locked himself in the bathroom.

“You okay, baby?”

“Yeah.”

Silence. He should have been worried, he should have thought twice, he should have communicated, but he didn’t. After eternity under the shower and still in his frustrated bubble, Suna left the bathroom, right back to your nagging.

“You don’t look okay, Rin.”

“Yeah.” And with that he disappeared in the tiny bedroom; you followed.

“Rin, talk to me.”

Silence.

“Rin? Are you listening to me?”

Your voice was so gentle, so worried. He didn’t know why it angered him so much, he didn’t know why it made him storm out the door with a “leave me the fuck alone”.

He did know, however, that he fucked up badly. Suna came back to a quiet home, scared that you left him. But when he entered the bedroom, you were still there, curled up and shivering. So he lied down and embraced you, whispering “I’m sorry”s into your skin.

“You can’t do that to me, Rin.”

“I know.”

“You need to tell me what you need, how am I supposed to know?”

“I know.”

“I missed you, Rin.”

“I missed you too, baby. So fucking much.”

Suna suddenly remembers something and reaches to his pocket where a small box resides. He pulls a ring out of it and rolls it between his fingers for a moment before speaking again.

“Damn, I still can’t believe you stayed with me. Married me. I was so nervous when I was looking for a ring, good thing Osamu was with me. But in the end I knew. As soon as I saw this one, I knew this was the one. And I prayed you’d say yes.”

It’d been a few hours of walking in and out of all the jewellery stores in the city and Osamu was getting impatient.

“Suna, do ya even know what yer lookin’ for?”

The man in question shook his head, still hunched over the cabinet at yet another shop. His friend sighed. Suna was frustrated too. All the rings looked the same, why even make so many brands if they were all the same?

But just as they were leaving, Suna saw it in his peripheral vision. It was illogical, because how could he see something so small from that distance, but he did. The ring had a tiny stone shaped like a star, with even tinier stones surrounding it like a halo. Just like when he’d seen you for the first time.

“This one.”

-----

He really wanted it to be perfect. Just the two of you in a nice restaurant, preferably located on a roof of some tall building, with both of you dressed up. He would tell you how beautiful you were, that the view didn’t compare, and the intensity of your blush would rival your lipstick.

But life had other plans, because perfect would be boring, right?

The twins were staying over to celebrate Osamu opening a branch restaurant in Nagano, and they were never a good combination with lots of food and alcohol. The laughter and lively chatter echoed between the walls, playful banter only made the decibels rise.

Atsumu, in his tipsy state, gesticulated wildly at his brother, trying to prove some point. One of his hands knocked a glass off the table; the whole content landed on your shirt. The blond started apologising profusely.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll just go get changed.”

In retrospection, he sucked at hiding things. Because just one minute later you came back to the group holding a small velvety box. Opened.

“Rin? What is this? I-it fell from the shelf when I— when I reached for your shirt.”

You stared at him with eyes wide open.

“Marry me?”

And somehow it was still perfect.

“And soon after, I got you to say yes for the second time. How lucky I am!”

Suna couldn’t wait for that day to come, couldn’t wait to see you in a white dress. He knew it would be special, that you would be more beautiful than ever before. But he wasn’t ready for this.

He wasn’t ready for the rapid beating of his heart when you stood at the opposite end of the aisle. He wasn’t ready for the butterflies in his stomach to go wild when the music started playing and you smiled. He wasn’t ready for the happiness bubbling up his throat when you walked towards him. And finally, he wasn’t ready for the tears to fall when he slid another ring on your finger.

Somewhere at the edge of his awareness Suna knew there were other people at the reception, but he didn’t care. Not when he had you in his arms, smiling so sweetly and lovingly at him; not when he swayed with you to one of your favourite songs; not when his angel was finally, truly his.

“I love you. So much.”

“I love you too, Rin.”

“You know, the first year of our married life was the happiest time of my life. It was as if my dreams came true, my prayers were heard, I could’ve conquered the whole world if I wanted. I would’ve climbed the highest mountain, would’ve circled the globe twice, would’ve crossed any desert, if I held your hand.

So why, why didn’t I pick you up for our first anniversary date? Why was I waiting for you to arrive, in that damn restaurant, in the warmth and safety?”

Suna’s tears are flowing endlessly as he chokes on his words.

“Why did that fucker have to be drunk? Why instead of your voice I had to hear that of policemen and doctors? Why did I have to wait behind the glass when they were trying to push life back into you?!”

His body is trembling from the violent sobs.

“I can’t do this. It’s been a year, this nightmare has been going on for a whole year. I love you my angel, my starlight. I will always love you, and only you.”

Suna gets up from the bench to lay down the flowers on your grave and kisses the top of the gravestone lovingly, as if it were your forehead—the cold granite that buried his dead heart along with you. Then he lifts the ring up to the sky, the stone catches the sun rays and scatters little rainbows.

“Wait for me, my angel. Soon I’ll ask you to be mine again.”

“12:56. 1 hour, 7 minutes,” akaashi puts his phone down after checking the time. “not bad. but you’ll have to solve quicker, takahashi’s really big on being punctual.”

“oh, trust me, i know. one time, i submitted a paper through google classroom and it was a minute late. he deducted five points,” you say, annoyance coming back to haunt you like a man possessed. “five!” you repeat, holding up your hand.

akaashi smiles before sitting up straight. “last year, i was a minute late to class because i dropped my headphones while climbing up the stairs and i had to go down for it. he was already at the door when i reached the floor, and when i ran to catch up to him, he locked the door. in my face.”

you gasp, “he did not!”

“did too,” he shrugged. “i had to sit outside on my ass eavesdropping for like, a good 15 minutes of the class before he felt bad and unlocked it. then he gave the class a lecture about how punctuality is discipline.”

“he is so mean! i swear, we need to set him up with someone so he’s less grumpy,”

“like in clueless?”

“exactly like clueless!”

the two of you share a laugh before akaashi sighs and looks over at your finished paper. “alright, well, i have to check this.”

you nod, tidying up your supplies. “yeah… or we could grab lunch?”

akaashi’s already in item #2 on your mock exam when he looks up at you, “lunch?”

“well, we’ve been here for three hours with no snacks. i don’t know about you, but i’m starving,” you say, patting your stomach to emphasize.

you can practically see the gears turning behind his blue eyes as he contemplates.

“oh, lighten up, akaashi. it’s just lunch. i’m not asking you to go to war with me,” you tease, swatting his arm playfully.

he chuckles endearingly before shaking his head, “fine,” he says, cleaning up.

akaashi takes out a folder from his bag and places your paper along a pile of others, and you can’t help but notice how gracefully he moves. maybe it’s because of his slender hands, but there’s a certain elegance in the way akaashi carries himself. it’s in everything he does, engraved in every little action.

you look up at his eyes when he finishes, smiling. “ready to go?”

“mhm.”

the autumn breeze passes you by as you and akaashi walk side by side out of the library.

“so, what are you in the mood for, anyway?” he asks.

you look around the scenery, and though you’ve been here practically everyday since starting uni, it’s never failed to amaze you just how beautiful your campus is. “honestly, i’m not in the mood for anything in particular,” you say before turning to meet his gaze, “what about you?”

his eyes look away from yours just as soon as you look at him, before he sighs and shrugs. “i don’t really know. i was hoping you had something in mind when you invited me to eat with you.”

your brows furrow as you pout slightly, “well that’s no fair. you’ve been here longer, you definitely know some good spots.”

akaashi purses his lips, his hands in his pockets as he walks. “hm… i guess i do have a place in mind…”

“great, it’s decided!”

“…but i don’t know if i trust you well enough,” akaashi stops in his tracks.

you stop too, albeit a few steps ahead. you turn to face him, giving him a questioning look before he laughs softly. “i was kidding! jeez…” he says, closing the gap as he puts an arm around you and starts walking. “but you have to promise you won’t go telling everyone about it, okay?”

“whatever.”

akaashi takes you to a spot just a few minutes outside campus. it’s a small wooden stall connected to a household, but there’s a counter and some seats on the outside, accompanied by a red-and-white canopy roof. he takes a seat and sets his bag down on the table. before you’re even seated, an old man in an apron and a face mask smiles warmly at the both of you before greeting akaashi.

“my boy, all grown up. is she your girlfriend?” he asks, looking at you.

akaashi returns the smile before shaking his head politely, “no, sir. she’s just a friend.”

“ah, a friend,” the old man nods, eyes flickering between you and akaashi. “you know, that’s where my wife and i started off, too.”

“mr. oka, please,” akaashi chuckles, scratching the back of his head, “we’re just here to eat.”

oka shakes his head before swatting away at the air. “aish, kids these days. always so bashful, so shy,” he says, turning around and getting a laminated sheet of paper before handing it over to you. “back in my day, we simply asked a girl out, plain and simple,” he says, facing akaashi as you scan the menu. “the more time a woman spends being single, the more opportunities she gets. better lock down this beauty before she goes on to find the next best thing,” he winks at akaashi, whose face is currently buried deep in his palms with his glasses pushed up to his head, though you could see how red he is from the gaps between his fingers.

“gramps, you’re old…” akaashi mutters quietly, rubbing his temples as his face returns to its original color.

the old man laughs hysterically before placing both hands in his hips. “alright, alright. i’m sorry, kiddos. it’s been a while since i’ve seen two cute little kids like yourselves,” he says. “so. what will you be having?”

“i’ll just get a tonkotsu ramen,” akaashi answers, pulling out his wallet from his bag.

“extra chashu?”

“yes, sir.”

“and for the lady?”

you hand him back the menu, offering him a small smile. “i’ll have the same, thank you.”

———

shortly after, both your orders arrive. the bowl of ramen is steaming hot as oka places your respective meals on the counter. then, he puts two cups of iced water before retreating to his chair a few feet away, facing the television.

“wanna see a trick?” akaashi asks, snapping his wooden chopsticks in two.

you nod hesitantly as he picks up an ice cube from your cup and drops it onto your bowl. he sees your brows furrow.

“it’s to cool the soup down. it works because oka goes heavy on the seasoning, so it doesn’t get too watered down.”

“oh…”

he does the same thing, only, he adds two ice cubes instead of one in his bowl. “and, you know, more soup,” he says, stirring the bowl.

you mimic his movements before finally digging in. bodies of flavor all greet your taste buds at once, like getting hit by a truck. “oh, wow.”

akaashi looks over, then chuckles once he sees your face. “good?”

you nod eagerly, taking in another bite. “really good. oh, i am so gatekeeping this place,” you say, your focus entirely drawn to the soup before you. “i am not letting these prices go.”

he smiles fondly at you before taking in a bite of his own.

“hey, how’d you even find this place, anyway?” you ask, mouth halfway full as you look up at him.

akaashi doesn’t return your gaze, his eyes fixated on his meal as he shrugged, “i… well, it’s kind of lame.”

your eyebrows furrow, still looking up at him as you tease, “who says “lame” in this day and age?”

he smiles, then looks at you before shaking his head. caving in, he speaks, “i was a struggling freshman last year. there aren’t many spots in campus that are budget-friendly, and i didn’t really have time to cook three meals a day so… i had to look elsewhere, you know?”

your eyes travelling back to your bowl as you nod. “mhm, i get that. i don’t know why you’d think that’s lame, though,” you say, taking another bite, “i agree that the campus is… a little gentrified.”

akaashi looks at you for a moment—only with his eyes so you don’t notice—and hums in agreement, “yeah.”

“is that why you got, um, that job at the bookstore?” you ask, looking up at him once again.

“yeah, actually. well… i mean, that’s not the sole reason.“

“really? what else?”

his eyes look around, clearly finding a way to soften his words. “i… i’m kind of a nerd.”

“…a nerd?”

“yeah. well, i mean… i don’t know. i like literature as much as the next person, i guess. animanga’s pretty cool, too. and i like games,” he says. “employees have a 15% discount so you can see how far it goes as a struggling college student.”

you nod once again, “that’s why you have so many books.”

“not that much,” he says, side eyeing you as he teases.

“yes that much. you practically took up half the table on our first meet.”

“okay, i was preparing for a big exam so that doesn’t count.”

you and akaashi finish your meals around the same time. you’re just about to pull out your money from your wallet when akaashi stops you.

“hey, don’t bother,” he says, calling over oka to pay for the meals.

“oh, you don’t have to…” you trail off, feeling a little bit guilty. “you’ve done enough for me today,” you say softly, suddenly feeling meek.

“no, it’s okay. oka always gives me a discount anyway. says i’m the one keeping his lights on,” he chuckles, already getting up.

you follow him and clean up your belongings before the two of you walk back to your university’s gates, “okay… but i’m covering for us next time, alright?”

akaashi chuckles before he looks over at you, “sure. same time next week?” he says.

“deal,” you nod. “and i get to pick where we go.”

“works for me,” he shrugs. “should i walk you home? are you going home?”

just then, a text notification pops up on your phone.

“well…”