Nik

Jungkook leaned forward slightly, voice still calm. “I don’t know him but he looked like he was trying to make a point and you looked like you didn’t want to breathe while he was here.” You opened your mouth to brush it off. You had gotten good at that over the past week, minimizing things and editing the truth into something less terrifying. But Jungkook wasn’t rushing you. He just sat there, eyes clear and patient, letting the silence hang. 

You exhaled,“It’s been a bad week” you said finally. “He’s made it one.”

Jungkook’s brows furrowed. “How?”

You hesitated, staring at the rim of your cup. “He’s….. it started with my best friend, Sam. He humiliated her. In front of the whole cafeteria. And I couldn’t-” Your voice cracked just slightly. You swallowed. “I couldn’t do anything. I froze. I always freeze.”

Jungkook’s face held a look of quiet attentiveness.

You pressed on. “When we tried to report him, the dean brushed it off. Acted like we were exaggerating. I think he’s scared of Taehyung’s father.”

That caught Jungkook’s attention. “His father?”

You nodded. “Minister Kim. A politician with…. a lot of influence. The kind of influence that keeps people quiet.”

For a moment, Jungkook didn’t speak. His fingers drummed once against the table, thoughtful.

Then, softly “So this guy walks around knowing no one will hold him accountable?”

You gave a small, bitter smile. “Exactly.”

“And you’ve been dealing with this alone?”

You hesitated. “Sam’s been with me but she’s scared too. I’ve mostly been trying to stay out of his way.”

Jungkook didn’t hide the way his jaw tightened. “You shouldn’t have to. This isn’t okay.”

You didn’t realize how badly you’d wanted someone to say that until he did. Your shoulders slumped, the tension in your spine slowly untightening.

“I keep telling myself he’ll get bored eventually,” you whispered. “That if I keep my head down, it’ll stop.”

Jungkook leaned in a little. His voice was gentle but steady. “People like him don’t get bored. They escalate and you don’t deserve to live in fear just for existing.”

Your throat tightened again and you looked down.

“You said the dean wouldn’t help. What if we go above him?” You blinked up. “What do you mean?”

“My uncle works at a news agency in town. They’ve reported on corruption before. Hard stories. If you’re okay with it, I could talk to him. Help you tell yours.”

The idea was terrifying. And freeing. And dangerous. You’d spent so long folding yourself into smaller and smaller versions of yourself just to stay unnoticed. But Taehyung had already noticed and he wasn’t looking away.

Jungkook was watching you carefully. “You don’t have to decide now. But I think he’d be scared of scandal. People like that, their image is everything. You don’t fight them by staying quiet. You fight them by making noise.”

You looked at him then, really looked. His brows were slightly drawn in concern, the rim of his coffee cup still steaming between his hands but his eyes were unwavering. Not in a forceful way, not like Taehyung’s. Jungkook didn’t demand attention. He offered it quietly, openly, without ego. And suddenly, you felt the tightness in your chest shift into something else. Something warmer.

You gave a soft laugh under your breath.

Jungkook tilted his head. “What?”

“Nothing,” you said, still smiling faintly. “It’s just you’re really kind. Genuinely kind. I don’t think I know many people like that.”

He blinked, caught off guard. “That’s.. not really something I hear every day.”

“Well, it’s true,” you said. “You just make it easy to breathe. I haven’t felt that in a while.”

Jungkook flushed, ducking his head for a moment. “You make it easy to be that way.”

Your heart fluttered.

You were quiet after that, the air between you full of unspoken things, the kind that linger and thrum with possibility. Your hand brushed against his on the table, not by accident but not entirely intentional either and neither of you moved it away.

Outside the window, students crossed the courtyard, laughing and heading toward the library or the quad. The campus moved on but something in your world had stilled and anchored itself in this shared, gentle moment. And for the first time in days, you didn’t feel entirely powerless.

You looked back at him, chest tight with emotion, and said, almost in a whisper, “Let’s make some noise.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The decision, in the end, hadn’t been as difficult to make as you thought it would be.

Sam, for all her passion and dramatic flair, was impulsive. Once you told her what Jungkook suggested, she’d practically leapt at the idea though not before teasing you for your sudden streak of rebellion.

“College is doing strange things to you” she’d smirked as she folded the rejected letter from the dean into her tote. “What happened to my sweet little scaredy cat? Is she joining the resistance now?”

You’d rolled your eyes and muttered something about moral responsibility but her words had stuck with you. You weren’t used to being this person, the one who was taking risks, the one stepping into something dangerous. That role had always belonged to Sam. You were the one who held her back, cautioned her, asked too many “what ifs.” And yet, here you were, skipping class, walking with a forged sense of calm toward a news agency that could bring your world crashing down. Still, when the lights went out that night and your room was flooded with shadows, the fear crept back in.

You lay awake in your narrow bed, blinking up at the ceiling as your thoughts spun in anxious circles. What if this made things worse? What if Taehyung found a way to hurt you or worse, your family? What if you ruined Sam’s life along with your own?

She’d reassured you before bed. “We’re not going to roll over for him (Y/N) and besides, these politicians are more concerned about their public perception than anything else. He would not dare to do anything to us once the country has their eyes on us. The media will protect us.” she’d said, confident as ever but the fear burrowed into your bones. You barely slept. Only in the soft hours of early dawn did your body surrender to shallow rest.

And now, you were here.

The elevator ticked upward in soft hums and red digital numbers. The sterile light glowed faintly against the brushed metal walls. Sam stood beside you, phone in hand, scrolling idly to mask her nerves.

You stared at your reflection in the polished metal doors. The girl looking back at you didn’t look brave. She looked tired and young. But she also looked like she was trying. Your fingers curled tightly around your phone, Jungkook’s last message still open on the screen.

Let me know how it goes.

A soft inhale. A glance at Sam. Maybe this was the right thing. Maybe for once, fear didn’t have to be the loudest voice in the room. Maybe the world wouldn’t fall apart if you tried to do something good, not just for yourself but for Sam and the other students who were too afraid to speak up.

As the elevator stopped and the doors slid open with a soft chime, you forced your legs to move. You stepped out into the hallway. You could do this. 

The hallway leading to the director’s cabin was eerily quiet. Your footsteps felt too loud on the polished marble floor, the overhead lights casting long, sterile shadows as you walked beside Sam. She looked resolute but you could feel the nervous twitch of her fingers against the strap of her bag. The smell of fresh paint and recycled air did nothing to calm your nerves.

Something coiled low in your gut. You tried to push the feeling down. Told yourself it was just nerves, just fear of doing something bold and irreversible.

But when your fingers touched the doorknob, something inside you screamed not to turn it.

You turned it anyway.

The door creaked open.

And whatever breath you were about to take froze in your chest.

The room looked like a shrine to idealism. Framed photographs of journalists shaking hands with world leaders, rows of trophies lined up on glass shelves. A massive bookshelf stood behind a wide, teakwood desk, stacked with thick tomes on law, democracy, and freedom of speech. A laminated copy of the Constitution hung beside a flag. But none of that mattered.

Because in the center of the room, seated like it was his office, was Kim Taehyung.

His boots were propped up on the desk, the same desk you were supposed to sit across from and hand over your evidence. A gleaming pistol dangled from his fingers, not aimed, not raised but present. Dangling like an afterthought like a casual prop.

His expression was blank. No smirk. No tilt of the head. No condescending drawl. Just cold fury.

Sam stumbled to a stop beside you. “What-” She didn’t finish the sentence. Your gaze flicked to the corner of the room. The director stood there pale as paper, sweat dotting his temples, his lips parted but saying nothing. Behind him stood two men in sharp black suits, posture stiff and menacing.

You looked back at Taehyung.

He didn’t need to raise the gun. He already had the room hostage.

You didn’t move. Neither did Sam. It was like your bodies had been snatched out of reality and dropped into someone else’s fever dream and the walls bent just slightly inward. You half expected to blink and find yourself back outside the door, waking up from a terrible daydream.

But you weren’t waking up. Kim Taehyung was very real and he was already standing. He swung his legs down from the desk slowly, the sharp clack of his boots against the hardwood ringing too loud in the unnatural silence of the room. The gun, now tucked carelessly into the waistband of his slacks shifted as he moved, its weight as casual as a phone in his pocket. His fingers tapped rhythmically against the desk’s surface as he rounded it like he was trying to hold something back.

He walked slowly, deliberately, until he was directly in front of the desk and then hopped up onto the edge of it in one smooth motion, facing you now, legs dangling. Trying to look relaxed. But he wasn’t, not even close. His shoulders were too tense. His jaw too tight. The vein in his neck pulsed visibly and there was something in his eyes. He was vibrating. Not literally but close. Every inch of him screamed restraint like his own skin was too tight.

Still, when he spoke, his voice came out low and even.

He tilted his head, that too-smooth, too-slow movement sending a fresh jolt of nausea into your gut. “I mean, if you were going to try and ruin me, at least do it with some style. A press ambush? With her?” He nodded toward Sam without looking at her.

You flinched. Sam was still beside you, rigid. Her lips parted but no sound came out. You felt her fingers twitch against yours, as if she might grab your hand but then thought better of it.

Taehyung leaned forward just slightly, elbows resting on his knees, like he was getting comfortable but his voice dropped into something colder. The fury was there now, crackling under the surface.

“Tell me,” he said softly. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

His smile returned then but it was empty.

“I-” Your voice cracked. You tried again. “I didn’t mean to- we weren’t trying to ruin you.”

Taehyung’s eyes snapped to yours, amused and mocking. “No?”

“I just wanted you to leave us alone” you said, trying not to let your voice tremble. “Leave me. Leave Sam. We wouldn’t have done anything if you just if you stopped. I swear I wasn’t going to go through with it.”

Sam turned her head sharply to look at you, shocked. Hurt flickered in her eyes.

You glanced at her, guilty. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, barely audible. “I just wanted it to stop.”

Then Taehyung chuckled. He turned his head slowly toward Sam, grinning now but there was nothing playful in it. The smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“You know, for someone who’s all bark, you sure let her take the lead when it mattered” he said to Sam. “Hurt your pride, huh?”

Sam didn’t respond. Her mouth was pressed into a thin line, her fists clenched at her sides.

Taehyung’s gaze dropped, and he pulled out his phone, not his usual one, you noticed absently but a thin, matte-black device and tapped it a few times. Then he held the screen up to her face.

“What would your father say,” he murmured, “if this little gem got leaked?”

You couldn’t see what was on the screen but you saw Sam’s face drain of color. Her breath hitched audibly. She took a step back.

“No-” she whispered, shaking her head. “That’s not-”

“Oh, it’s real,” Taehyung said, slipping the phone back into his pocket. “I don’t bluff. Unlike your little protest movement.”

You stared at her, confused. “Sam?”

Her eyes darted to you, then away. She looked like she’d just realized the floor beneath her was made of glass.

“My dad.. he worked on some policy bids last year,” she said softly, still staring at the floor. “I didn’t know there were issues with it. I thought it was clean.”

Taehyung raised a brow. “Of course you did. But your daddy signed papers for a shell company your government likes to pretend doesn’t exist. I don’t make empty threats.”

Sam backed up another step, “Leave it,” she said. Her voice cracked. “(Y/N), just leave it. Please.”

You looked between her and Taehyung, “But-”

“No” Sam snapped, her voice sharp and desperate. “He doesn’t need to apologize. It’s not worth it. Just leave it alone.”

You looked back at Taehyung, who was watching you now, not Sam. His eyes burned with something strange. Triumphant. Curious. A slow, sick smile crawled across his lips like he’d just confirmed something he’d been testing.

Taehyung slid off the desk with a catlike grace, the soles of his boots thudding softly on the hardwood floor. He didn’t walk toward you. “You know,” he murmured, voice soft but laced with contempt, “for a second, I really thought you might go through with it.”

You stiffened. He stepped closer.

“You were shaking, sure,” he continued, flashing a grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “But still standing. Eyes all wild and righteous. You were almost convincing. Almost interesting.”

Your spine locked. He stopped a few feet away, gaze narrowing as if he were recalibrating everything he’d assumed about you.

“But in the end,” he said, voice dropping into something colder, almost cruel, “you came here hoping to negotiate your way out of a mess you created. Just like everyone else. You're not a fighter. You're just a scared little girl who pretends she's brave when no one's watching.”

You felt the blood drain from your face. Sam’s sharp intake of breath beside you only made it worse. Taehyung turned to her next, his expression twisting into something meaner like he was enjoying watching the threads unravel between you both.

“And you” he said, voice practically gleeful, “you let her walk you into this like a good little soldier. All bark, no bite. You know” he paused, fishing his phone out again and twirling it in his hand, “if you're truly sorry about the whole attempted character assassination thing, you’ll go back to campus and do the smart thing.”

Sam didn’t speak. Her eyes were wide, terrified. Taehyung’s smile sharpened. “You’ll tell everyone how misunderstood I am. How generous I’ve been. How all those poor rumors floating around campus are nothing but smear campaigns.”

His voice was sweet now, “Talk about how I paid your tuition, maybe. Said some kind words to you when you cried in the hallway. Anything will do, really. Just enough to start a little confusion..”

Sam made a choking sound, disbelief warring with horror.

“And who knows,” Taehyung added with mock kindness, “maybe if you're convincing enough, I’ll forget your daddy's little oopsie too. We all make mistakes, don’t we?”

He turned back to you then and this time, his smile fell away completely.

His voice dropped, low and unsettling.

“But you” he said. “You don’t get to make mistakes.”

Your heart hammered in your chest.

“You tried to humiliate me,” he said, stepping in close now, close enough that you could see the way his pupils had dilated, the madness flickering behind the velvet of his voice. “You brought me here. You lit the match. You don’t get to walk away just because you’re scared now.”

For a moment, everything inside you just shattered. The threats, the invasion, the way he casually played God with Sam’s fear, the gun, the guards, the sick little smirk that never quite left his face all of it twisted together into a tight knot of shame, helplessness and fury. And somewhere in that tangled mess, something inside you snapped.

You stepped forward before you could stop yourself, close enough that you could see the faintest tension in his jaw. His guards twitched behind him but he raised one hand slightly and they stilled.

His eyes met yours. But this time, you didn’t look away.

“You think I’m scared of you?” you breathed, voice shaking not with fear now, but with something white-hot. “Of what exactly? Your guards? Your threats? Your money? Your family name?”

His expression flickered.

“You walk around with a gun and two bodyguards like a coward” you spat, voice rising. “And you think I’m the one running?”

Taehyung’s head tilted just slightly. His fingers twitched at his sides. There was a strange stillness to him now like something deep beneath the surface had gone perfectly quiet.

You kept going. You couldn’t stop.

“I walked into this building with nothing. No power. No protection. Just the truth. And you-”

You laughed, bitter and hollow.

“You needed to be sent here.”

A flicker of something dark passed through his eyes.

“You’re not even here because you wanted to be,” you said. “You’re just your father’s puppet, dangling on strings, pretending you’re dangerous when all you are is obedient. You’re not feared. You’re used.”

Sam made a quiet, terrified sound behind you. But you didn’t stop.

“You call me weak but at least I’m not some scared little boy playing pretend with a gun in his pocket and his daddy’s name stitched into his back.”

For one long second, your words seemed to suck the air out of the room.

Then Taehyung lunged.

The gun was at your temple in an instant, his hand trembling around the grip, chest heaving as if he’d been holding in the storm for far too long. The guards flinched and Sam gasped but no one moved. Not when he looked like a wire one breath away from snapping.

Your breath hitched but you didn’t cry. Or scream. Or step back. You smiled. A low, bitter laugh slipped out of your mouth, razor-sharp.

“There it is” you whispered. “All that power, all that money, all those men around you and still, this is what you fall back on? A gun? You are pathetic.”

His eyes blazed, too bright, too wild.

“Shut your mouth,” he hissed, his voice breaking on the edges like rage had splintered something deep in his throat.

“Why?” you spat, eyes locked on his. “Afraid of what you’ll hear? That you’re nothing but your father’s shadow?”

“Don’t-”

“You think this makes you powerful?” You pressed forward, your temple pressing against the cold metal barrel. “Go on. Pull the trigger. Do it. Show me you have the guts. Show the world what the minister’s perfect little puppet does when someone finally pushes back.”

His jaw tightened. The gun shook in his hand. He was trembling. A cracked, uncontainable wrath that had nowhere to go.

“You think I won’t?” he growled.

“I know you won’t,” you said, voice steady, fury swallowing your fear. “Because this? This isn’t rage. This is panic. Because I saw you. I see you.”

Taehyung stared at you, eyes bloodshot and confused now like something had broken. And then, quieter, more bitter than ever, you drove the knife in.

“You’ll never be happy” you said. “You’ll never be free. You’ll die one day still clawing at your father’s approval like a child and you’ll be buried with that same damn leash around your neck.”

He looked like he’d been punched.

And then you said it, the words that would echo in his head forever.

“I pray you never find peace.”

The world seemed to go silent.

The gun lowered but he didn’t move. Didn’t blink. His expression was blank now except for his eyes. Those dark, furious eyes that now held something far more dangerous than anger. Something fixated.

“(Y/N)!” Sam’s hand latched around your wrist, yanking you back, her voice shaking with panic. “Let’s go!”

You didn’t resist. She dragged you out of the room, your breath catching in your throat as the doors slammed shut behind you.

But before they did, you caught one last glimpse of him, standing in the middle of that pristine office, still as a statue, gun dangling at his side and his gaze tracking you like a storm.

And hence, from a young age you have learned the fact that you are introverted - someone who is bad at communicating, making friends, talking about her needs and someone who preferred staying at home instead of mingling with people of her age. It doesn’t need to be said that society has labeled you as an outcast - and you never had a problem with it. 

Being incredibly good at studies has earned you positions made out of pure respect. You have been a favorite of teachers and even students who have received help from you in one way or another. So fortunately, you never got bullied, never in school, never in university and now… never in your workplace. 

With your score and achievements everyone expected you to join medical school - but something about technology has pulled you towards it. When you completed your degree in CSE with the record high score the country has ever seen - you had a swarm of scouting agents waiting for you everyday right outside your home. 

High paying jobs abroad looked tempting but only in theory. You, a person who never even did good with her own people in her own country, can hardly adjust in a different place with people talking in a different language and having different cultural values. So you opted for the best option you could find here - Haechi-Tech, an antivirus and digital security service provider. The best in the market not only in services but also in satisfaction rate among employees. 

It has been more than five years now. After being posted at one of the smaller offices in Daejeon, you were recently transferred to the headquarters in Seoul a year ago. And it is not to be said that you are keeping up with your aesthetics here as well. 

Being incredibly good at your job has made you talk in the company, and has earned you respect not only from your immediate superiors but also from the CEO and Chairman themselves. But then again… people only talk about you, not to you. 

Most of the time you don’t feel bad. But when you find your colleagues’ insta stories full of beer glasses and each others’ face - it hurts you a little. 

After a long day, you too, want to have a nice chat with someone. You, too, want to get drunk until you can’t recall your own name and not having someone to do that with you, pinches your insides a little for sure. 

Now saying that you don’t have a single friend will be wrong - you do have a single friend in this company and that said friend is also the person you have the fattest crush on. 

Although you are aware of all the ethical nuisance that are implemented in the course of office romance - you are also hundred percent sure that what you have for Taehyung will never be reciprocated, so you don’t resist yourself from feeling and falling for him. 

Kim Taehyung is the heartthrob of Haechi. He is the local celebrity of your company and almost everyone here has a crush on him (regardless of age and gender). 

If you call him handsome, it will be an understatement. He is crafted by the Greek gods themselves - he is magnificent by the way he looks, by the way he talks, by the way he walks and by the way he just exists. 

Alongside his face, his personality is just as nice. He talks to everyone as if he has personally known them for years and yet doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. He becomes the center of attention wherever he goes, unlike you who tends to get unnoticed unless her achievements are mentioned. 

So in short, you and Taehyung are poles apart. And when you first saw him, your world tilted sideways just a little just like everyone else. But you never surrounded him like everyone does. You stayed at a distance, minding your own business. 

But both Taehyung and life had different plans as it seems. 

“Hey, you are in the development team, right?” the voice came from somewhere behind you. It was familiar yet unknown. The baritone edge brushed right against the skin of your neck.

The coffee machine suddenly felt like a rocket ship - too out of your reach, you forgot how to operate it. You gulped, staring down at it as if it would be stimulated just by your eyes and started working right away.

“I am talking to you, Y/N.” Suddenly the source of the voice got closer. And even before you knew it, he was right beside you.

“Are you ignoring me?” Taehyung’s head popped up on the empty spot above the machine, startling you out of your wits. With a yelp, you jumped back, knocking your one foot on another. Nothing could save you then from the amount of embarrassment you were about to suffer from. But right when you were about to fall ass-first on the floor, Taehyung grabbed you by both of your arms and pulled you closer to him. You stood straight, but hell, so freaking close to him.

The look in his eyes was menacing. A subtle, playful smirk accompanied the overall pleased look of his face.

“Than-thanks.” your voice came out breathy. There was so much going on inside your head that you didn’t know which one to address first.

“Oh, so you are finally acknowledging my presence then?” he asked, as you started standing on your own.

“I am sorry, uh- I didn’t think you would talk to me.” Going back to your coffee, you looked away. Although you could still feel his touch lingering on your skin.

“And why is that?” Taehyung came to stand right beside you. Your shoulder brushed against his upper arm. 

It was a completely new realm for you - having someone’s entire attention to yourself, especially when it’s not something work related. 

“No.. I mean… I am, what people call, an outcast here. And you are really popular. It’s a shock for me to learn that you know my name.” Shrugging, you took a sip of your coffee.  

“You are not an outcast.” His voice suddenly turned deeper, “if you were I would not be coming here to invite you to my birthday party.” 

What? He was inviting you to his birthday party? An unofficial schedule? 

“Give me your phone.” Taehyung continued, you only stared at his face like a deer caught in headlights, “come on, Y/N.” he nudged you with his elbow, leaving no other choice but to take out your phone from your pocket, unlock it and place it in his hands. 

Taehyung typed something in it and his own phone started vibrating. With a sigh you just accepted the fact that he exchanged his number with you. 

“I will text you the address. See you tomorrow?” He gave you a wild boxy smile, making your heart skip a beat. 

“Taehyung-ssi, I appreciate the invitation but I am not… I don’t feel comfortable amid unknown people. So, I might not attend the party. I hope you don’t mind.” No matter how big of a crush you had on the man, you were not going to come out of your comfort zone so easily. 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, stared at you for a while and then smiled even bigger, “then… How about you go to that new ice-cream shop with me after work today?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me, Y/N.” 

His warm chocolate brown eyes looked down at you as if he could read your every single fear word by word. 

“Will you have a small ice cream date with me? Just say yes or no.” 

Your heart thumped inside your chest. Date? Why was he calling that a date? Why… 

“Yes.” you replied, taking a leap of fate. 

“Good and call me Tae. My friends don’t call me by my full name.” he smiled, taking your breath away. 

Friend? You were his friend? 

“Okay.” you nodded. 

And that’s how it started. 

The one ice cream date became several, then turned into real dinners over office gossip. His Texts started flooding your phone soon as well, which turned into calls and then weekend grocery shopping. 

After a really long time you were experiencing a new friendship bloom in your territory. It felt nice, it felt good - although your brain sent you red alerts each time your heart expanded twice the size under Taehyung’s gaze. 

It was a crush. It was just a crush, it will go away in time, you told yourself again and again. Even though Taehyung’s place in your life started being way too vast to calibrate. 

Fast forward to now, ten months later - Taehyung and you are good friends. 

While he is friends with every other employee of your workplace, you know you hold a special place amid everyone. The knowledge always warms you up from inside. But you try to keep yourself humble. You try not to think that there’s a chance of your feelings being reciprocated. 

You try not to ponder upon the chances of Taehyung liking you back no matter how much he seems to like teasing you, harmlessly flirting with you. 

“Y/N-ssi?” one of your colleagues knocks down on your cubicle, “are you a bit free right now?” 

You, being mostly done with your work, look up and nod a yes at him. 

“Can you please copy these papers then? I need to sort some documents out and if I leave for copying now, I will be late for the meeting. Please do me this favor.” he pleads. This colleague is one of those very few people who are almost like you - not in anyone’s business. And you are more than happy to help him out. 

“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that. 

Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Hiiiieee, Y/N! I am going out to drink with my teammates. Can’t walk you to the subway station today.  Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Sorry, sweetheart! See you tomorrow? At the farmer’s market?  You (18:15 pm): I have some important stuff to take care of tomorrow, can’t go to the market. Kim Taehyung (18:16 pm): Oh? Okay. See you on Monday then? 

You slip your phone in your pocket upon reading the reply. Usually you would send an emoji or a  simple ‘okay’ to finish the conversation, but now that you know the truth, you don’t want to interact anymore with him. 

As you walk yourself towards the station, you wonder where things went wrong with you? Why does everyone misunderstand you so much? Just because you are introverted and generally don’t do good with people, does not mean you are to be pitied. 

Your vision blur yet again. 

You are really a fool. Why did you even entertain the thought of Taehyung wanting to be your friend genuinely? 

Why did you even… 

Sunday  

Kim Taehyung (11:11 am): Y/N!!!! I am bored. Let's have launch together. 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before a scoff makes its way out of your mouth. Why is he faking so hard? There’s no one from work to see how kind he is being towards a supposedly outcast, then why? Why is he acting like he cares? 

You (11:14 am): I am meeting my parents today.  Kim Taehyung (11:15 am): Really? You seem too busy for me these days.  You (11:16 am): Yes. I gotta go. Bye.

Monday  

“Good morning, beautiful.” Taehyung greets you enthusiastically as you step into the elevator. 

“Morning.” you reply, not quite looking at him. But from the reflection on the door you can see his smile dimming. 

Thankfully the elevator is too crowded for him to start questioning you already. And you purposefully push yourself on the opposite side of him, making sure you are completely out of his sight. 

When your floor arrives and you start walking out alongside others, you see him coming towards you from your peripheral. Increasing your pace, you almost run towards your department even before he has the chance of calling your name. 

Tuesday 

Eating lunch at the office is just another mundane task for you, although for the bigger part of the crowd it’s like a comic relief. Most of the days you eat alone, on the single seats beside the large windows. On days when those seats would be taken, you would find Taehyung and sit with him instead. Even though he mostly eats with his team members, he would never hesitate to change his seat for you. And maybe those kinds of actions were what made you delusional about your place in his life. 

As you fill your plate with food and turn towards the window seats, you see that one empty spot that you eyed upon coming in, is now gone. With a sigh, you turn towards the seating area. There’s hardly any unoccupied space. A few chairs are empty, those are just the spare ones for the big group. Your anxiety reaches through the roof at the thought of having to share a table with those people. 

With a gulp, you start walking towards the end of the room. 

“Y/N! Here!” a boisterous voice echoed through the cacophony. You turn your head to look for the source and obviously, it’s Taehyung, wildly swinging his hands to gain his attention. As you look at him, he gestures to you to come and sit beside him. You only smile and nod your head in negative. And then without wasting any more time, you walk towards the back of the room and sit beside a group of interns. 

You don’t look at the direction of Taehyung’s table for the whole time you eat. If there’s a small bad feeling twitching in your gut, you suppress it by reminding you what kind of stuff he said about you behind your back. 

Wednesday 

“Hey” the knock disrupts the process of your thinking. You look up and Taehyung’s face comes into your view. The pain that you are trying to forgo, starts flooding in your bloodstream right away. He is so beautiful, so handsome - why.. Why does he have to be an asshole to you? If he was unkind to you, it would be better. But why did he have to pretend to like you? 

“Yes?” You keep your voice cold, sweeping emotions under the rug. 

Taehyung’s smile dim, “I- uh- just wanted to ask you if your review is ready. We have a client meeting after lunch.” 

“I have mailed you in the morning itself. If you haven’t received it yet, I can send it to you again. Also, you could have knocked me on the chat, there was no need to come all the way here.” you look down on your screen again, trying not to react to the drop on his expression at your curt reply. 

“I-” he starts to say something, but your phone starts vibrating right then. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” giving him a tight-lipped smile, you take your phone and walk towards the window to receive the call, which is most definitely a spam. 

When you return to your desk, Taehyung is already gone. Sighing out of relief, you go back to work. 

Thursday

Having very few people in your life, you have never had the trouble of avoiding someone intentionally up until now and hence, you had no idea how exhausting it is. Honestly, you don't know for how long you can keep it going. It's not even your fault and you have no reason to hide away like this. 

Thankfully, Taehyung stays out at a networking event for the better part of Thursday. You see him only at the main lobby of the building. He smiles as soon as your face comes to his view. You return the courtesy by half-bowing to him while walking out of the door. Maybe if he tries to talk to you tomorrow, you will let him know you're aware of his true feelings, so he can stop pretending and you can stop this game of avoiding him. 

With a sigh you shut your eyes and walk towards the subway station under the moonlight. 

Friday

Kim Taehyung (4:37 pm): Y/N, you remember today is our ice cream day, right? Will be waiting for you at the parking! See ya!  You (4:44 pm): Sorry Taehyung, not in the mood today. Kim Taehyung (4:45 pm): What? Why? This is the second time you're cancelling plans with me. Is everything okay? Are we okay? 

You stare at the text for a few minutes before deciding on a reply. 

You (4:47 pm): We need to talk. See you at the parking. 

Inhaling a sharp breath you shut your phone off. Today is the day… Yes, no matter how hard it is for you to confront people, today you will have to do it, for once and for all. 

You knock on the car window. Taehyung rolls down the glass and opens the door with a smile. Even a week ago, this same smile on his face would light up your day but these days you keep wondering if they are really just fake. 

His smile dims once you don't smile back and just choose to sit inside the car without any greetings. 

“You have been ignoring me for this whole week.” He starts, “from cancelling plans to barely looking at me… what is it, Y/N? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Upset? You can't even begin to explain how your trust got damaged because of him. 

“I started liking you at some point, Taehyung. Romantically, I mean.” You sigh, feeling so silly of yourself. 

“Oh” the pitch of his voice changes all of a sudden. 

“And I had the audacity to think you feel something similar towards me.” A scoff comes out of your throat. 

“Y/N…” 

“But I know better now. I know that this friendship - oh, it's not even a friendship for you, right? It's just that you pity me and I'm awkward and you can't even think of dating or being friends with someone like me.” You smile at him, although tears start threatening to spill out of your eyes at any given moment. 

“Y/N…” Taehyung calls your name again but this time you can see the horror in his eyes clearly. “Did you…”

“Yes, I heard your and your real friends’ conversations accidentally. And came to the conclusion of not bothering you with my awkward presence anymore. So yeah, that's it. There's no reason to keep in contact with me unless it's about work. There's no need to pretend or be friends with me out of pity. Let's just be colleagues, I'll appreciate that.” With another tight-lipped smile, you grab the car door and open it, ready to get out of this car, this mess. 

Taehyung holds you by your wrist, “Y/N, listen to me, I- I’m so-” 

“There's no need to apologise, Taehyung. I have nothing to forgive you for. I'm angry with myself actually, not with you. I thought you would be genuinely interested in me all while I should have known better.” You shrug, “as I said earlier, I wouldn't like to have anything personal with you anymore. So please… leave my hand and let me go.” 

Taehyung gulps, but he keeps your request and lets go of your wrist. Once you start walking, you don't look back. 

From this moment, Taehyung is nothing but a good dream in your life. And you will do your best to forget that he was ever close to you. 

Taehyung feels like shit. 

Even calling this self-loathing as shit is not justified. He feels like he should dig his own grave and lie down inside the cold soil and let the earth swallow him as whole. 

He watches you vanishing amid the maze of cars. His heart has started to act abnormal again, it is beating hard, but not in the usual fluttering kind.  

His heart is now beating in panic and he does not know what is the source of this kind of feeling - if he is afraid of you being the bearer of his bad reputation or of losing you as a friend. 

When Taehyung said he befriended you out of pity, he didn’t exaggerate. He and his circle has always been pretty popular - be it school or university or office - he has always been one of the stars of any place he has ever graced with his presence. 

And you, by the first look at you, he could tell, you are the exact opposite. His suspicion was confirmed when he observed how you avoided everyone else in whatever room you were, and how everyone else avoided you just as much. You didn’t look affected at all, you didn’t look like you had the need of attending to anyone’s attention, which amused Taehyung beyond imagination.

He wanted to see if you behaved the same with you, if you could stay reluctant to him and his charms, if you could avoid his advances just like you avoid the rest of the world. 

When he gave himself the challenge, he didn’t actually expect the friendship to bloom and last for as long as it did. 

And he definitely didn’t expect to like your company as much as he does. 

You are awkward, yes, you don’t make eye contact with him, you don’t respond to his flirtatious comments, you don’t know how to take compliments but if anything, all these quirks make you even more endearing. 

So, now as he sits in his car and processes everything that happened one by one, he feels three things - one, he is incredibly angry with himself. He should have been more careful with his words! Especially when he knows you work on the same damn floor. Two, how can he be so insensitive towards someone like an obnoxious piece of shit? Is popularity really getting inside his head? That too during his big adult years? Three, why does he feel this sudden sink in his heart at the thought of losing your friendship? Your presence from his life? 

Shutting his eyes tight, he grips the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles go white. No! He can’t let his immaculate reputation scar like this! He can’t! 

He needs to do something about it. 

He needs to. 

In hindsight making things right with you seemed easier. 

But as soon as Taehyung steps on the ground with determination, he feels lost. Speaking is a far-fetched thought, you don’t even so much so spare a glance at him unless it’s absolutely professionally required. 

And hence, Taehyung, for some very obvious reasons, has not been brave enough to approach you and apologize yet. But he has been trying. He has been preparing a long apology speech that he looks forward to delivering to you during the annual office party next Friday. Till then, he should probably leave you alone. 

He has hurt you enough. It’s better to wait than offering you an premature apology which might end up doing more damage than good. 

It’s that day that you despise with all of your will - the annual party day. 

While everyone else is just on the seventh heaven with the anticipation and the excitement of dressing up and impressing their work crushes - you would be grateful if you did not have to attend the party at all. But not everything is in your hands, you are, after all, just another employee. 

With a sigh you slip into the little black dress that you bought during your cousin’s wedding reception. It has a delicious sweetheart neck and a mid-thigh length that ends in a flair. Keeping your hair loose and make-up minimal, you set out for the evening. 

There’s only one agenda for the night - avoiding Taehyung at any cost. No matter how handsome he looks, how charismatic he becomes, you need to avoid him at all cost. You can not, just can not let your eyes wander towards him. 

How nice it would be if you had at least one friend at your workplace. Avoiding Taehyung wouldn’t be a great deal then.   

But sigh… since you are alone in this, you will have to deal with this mess alone as well. 

It’s the same old ritual all over. 

Office parties mean nothing more than just a couple of overworked people letting it all out for one night. And the best thing about all of it is that - you are not the one to gain much attention. You can attend, show your face and then leave whenever you want. 

Most of the folks are scattered around the place - eating, drinking, mingling. Some are already on the dance floor even though the best dance songs are always kept for the last couple of hours.  

Everyone looks so different in colorful, sexy dresses that are completely disparate from their office outfits. You know you look different as well, especially because you witnessed a few people checking you out already, even though you didn’t pay much mind to any of them. 

Gabbing a glass of champagne, you walk towards the emptiest corner of the hall. The music blasting from the massive speaker, gets you into some kind of feeling. As you bob your head to the beats and watch your colleagues having fun, your eyes meet with Taehyung. 

He is standing at the bar counter wearing a pair of black leather pants, black tight tshirt and a very red bomber jacket. 

He looks like he is ready to grace a fashion photoshoot. Averting your eyes from him, you look down on your drink. There’s no way he would be looking at you tonight. And if he is then maybe that is just to make fun of you with his friends later on. 

“Hey, hi.” the voice comes from beside you. Moving your eyes from the drink you look for the owner of such a sweet, familiar yet hard-to-put-a-name-on voice. And as soon as your eyes fall on the owner, you lose your breath instantly.   

“Mr. Kim.” bowing almost ninety degrees, you greet the managing director and son of the chairman of your company, Kim Seokjin. 

“Please, Y/N-ssi, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” he says sweetly. This man is the kind of beauty poets write sonnets about. From his immaculate face to his wide shoulders and lean waist - he is just breathtaking. If he wasn’t the soon to be chairman himself, so many of your colleagues would try to throw themselves at him. 

He is not someone you people get to see very often but whenever he is visiting, he spoils every single worker with free coffee or snacks. You have met him only a few times during very important meetings, so him knowing your name is a very good surprise for you. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks as you straighten up and offer him a smile with your pursed lips.  

“It’s not really my thing.” Something in Seokjin’s relaxed body language and beautiful smile tells you that you can be honest with him. 

“You know what?” Seokjin’s smile widens as he leans down to come to your ear level and says, “same pinch. I hate parties.” 

Both of you break in a little laughter. And even before you notice, you stop staring at your colleagues having fun with each other. Kim Seokjin knows how to keep a conversation going and soon enough you two are talking about games. 

You didn’t know he loves playing games as much as you do, if not more. The conversation takes a more fun turn and the world around you dissolves into nothing but a ball of white noise.  

“Can I ask you something?” you ask him at some point, too curious all of a sudden. 

“Sure. please ask me anything without any hesitation.” he sips on his drink. 

“How did you know my name?” you look up at him, waiting for him to satiate your curiosity. 

Seokjin looks down at you, a frown sits on his beautiful face, “we attended a couple of meetings together.” 

“Yes, I know but a ton of others did too. I doubt if you recall everyone.” you shrug. 

“Well I don’t and I am actually very bad with names. But you stood out remarkably, I remember you stating the privacy risks clearly and strictly saying you won’t work on the project if we don’t ensure end-to-end encryption.” he informs, with a glint in his eyes, “how can I forget someone like you?” 

The back of your neck warms up with his persistent gaze on you. You nod, looking away from him. 

“And if you don’t mind me crossing the professional threshold then, I would like to know more about you.” Seokjin prompts softly. You almost choke on your drink. 

Taehyung has been looking for you ever since the moment he stepped in the hall. His eyes are always on the look out and he has been monitoring every corner of the room, because that is where you would be found for most of the networking events, he doubts if the annual party is anything different.  

Some of his friends slash colleagues have been distracting him from his search every now and then but he has been alert. Raking his eyes through the crowd for another time, he finds you and as expected, you are standing at a corner. 

Taehyung’s jaw falls a little ajar as he takes a good look at you. You are looking absolutely gorgeous. The baggy clothes and formal office wear that you usually wear hides the tantalizing part of your body. 

The little black dress that you are wearing today hugs all of your curves, enhancing your beauty like never before. The light makeup and loose hair is doing their job just as perfectly. 

Shit - have you always been this good looking? 

Your eyes come to rest at his right when he is in the middle of checking you out. For a moment, you stare back at him but then quickly look away. Inhaling a long strip of oxygen, Taehyung takes a step towards you. 

He will have to talk to you tonight. But just when he is about to take another step, he sees someone else approaching you. And that someone else is the Managing Director of the company, Kim Seokjin. 

Kim Taehyung is usually a patient human being, but tonight it seems like heaven is tasting every bit of his self-control.

What he thought as a small introduction, is now a full blown chitchat session. Seokjin hasn’t moved an inch from your side and it has been what? Three hours already? His blood is boiling with each and every glance he takes at you and Seokjin. What the hell are you two talking about? That too for so long and so much? You never talked to him like that. He was the one to initiate most of the conversation and you would join. Then what is it about Seokjin that is making you talk so much? Making you look at him with big, curious eyes? In a way you hardly ever looked at him? 

He gulps down the rest of the drink that was sitting ideally in his glass. You and your very new friend are currently at the buffet, still talking and giggling about who knows what. He is waiting for you to come back so that he can finally steal you, even if for a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, he sees you and Seokjin emerging from the buffet room. Without wasting a second, he starts walking towards you. 

“Y/N,” his voice is loud enough for you to hear, you turn your head to look at him and your jolly expressions dull right away.  

“Yes?” you question as if you don’t even know who he is. Seokjin looks at him and bows a little, he bows back out of courtesy. 

“Can I talk to you, please?” Taehyung returns his full attention to you. 

You shut your eyes and think for a moment. “Okay, but make it quick.” your voice tells how uninterested you are in him. 

“I will be back.” These words are directed towards Seokjin accompanied by one of your sweet smiles. Taehyung grits his teeth inside his closed mouth. 

The man smiles back at you, “sure. I will be here.” 

Nodding at him, you start walking towards the stairwell, Taehyung blindly follows you behind. 

“Can’t you please forgive me? I- I am really regretting my choice of words, Y/N. I really am.” Taehyung’s eyes are filled with tears at this point. It’s the alcohol that’s making him uncharacteristically emotional. 

“Who am I to forgive you, Taehyung?” you scoff, “I was never even your friend to begin with. If you are worried about me spilling the tea, then you can be assured. No matter how much of a charity case I was, I am sure you know that spreading gossip is not my thing. So yeah.. You don’t have to worry, neither do you have to ask for my forgiveness.” you try to move away, grab the doorknob to enter the hall again, but Taehyung is quick on his feet. He pushes the door shut and crowds you with his figure. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You said you liked me, if that’s true, how can you be so… so reluctant about me? How can you change like that?” Taehyung places his question. 

“I liked you because I thought you were different from these people. But I was wrong, you are actually worse. Now please let me go. I don’t understand why you are behaving so desperately when you don’t even think of me as a friend!” you try to move away again. 

Taehyung pins you to the door and pushes it close for a second time, “I realized my mistake, Y/N. I have been suffering from that day. I have… I have misjudged my own feelings. Please.. Give me another chance. I will be a better friend… I promise.” 

“Kindly just let me go. I don’t have anything to do with you anymore.” you try to push him away and just then, a knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” It's Seokjin again. 

You push Taehyung away and open the door, “Mr. Kim, yeah I am okay.” 

Seokjin eyes Taehyung suspiciously, before looking down at you, “do you want to leave? I will drop you home.” 

“Yeah, that will be really cool.” you smile at him and walk out of the stairwell without even glancing back at him for once. Taehyung feels something breaking in his chest. If he is not wrong then it’s his heart.

Why is he aching like this? This was never supposed to end like this? In his heartbreak? 

As the door shuts behind your back, casting you out of his life - he realizes he is the outcast now. He is the outcast in your orbit.

They say it right, you only know what you had once you lose it completely. 

He lost a friend, a true one and maybe something more - something he is not ready to admit just yet. 

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Namjoon could only think. Jungkook was on the other side of the world, on another continent, on his way to his hotel to rest, and in a few hours he would be taking a flight back to Seoul. Jin was in his room, probably the most secluded spot in the penthouse, and they hadn't had a good few days with him, despite their conversation the day before. Regardless, Jin had been distant from everyone for several months, even years.

Yoongi, Hoseok, and Taehyung were there with him, waiting for an answer, and Namjoon really wasn't sure how to proceed.

Jimin had to be…

“Well, if we all know this, what are we supposed to do?”

Hoseok took over as Namjoon continued pacing. He stood beside the couch, with Taehyung sitting to his right, looking at his phone, and Yoongi perched on the armrest at the other end.

Namjoon didn't know how to tell them he had no idea how to deal with it. He had his suspicions about why it had all started; why the younger ones, and then the others, had ended up interfering in your life after so long, despite his desire to completely ignore that reason. Because thinking about it meant thinking about other, less pleasant moments in his life, and honestly, all he wanted was to erase those moments from his memory.

Namjoon understood the root cause of why it had started, despite his attempts to deny it, but that didn't mean he was ready for the consequences to unfold so soon. As much as he tried to create a physical barrier to stop it, it definitely hadn't been enough; he didn't have the same authority, nor did he instill the same fear.

They were doomed to fall into that hell.

“Jimin must have his phone on silent,” Taehyung said, glancing at his phone’s screen as the ringtone went straight to voicemail once again. He had a furrowed brow and was biting his thumbnail nervously.

“Even if that weren’t the case, he wouldn’t answer you,” Yoongi asserted, further reinforcing the theory that everyone had planted in his head and that Namjoon hadn’t yet denied.

“Where do you guys think he could've gone? I just can’t think of anything.”

Yoongi glanced at Namjoon as Hoseok approached Taehyung, and the two exchanged a tense look. They were all circling the same point like a flock of birds around their food. Lacking a concise answer, none of them quite knew where to begin, because they might end up being wrong; they wanted to be.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and Yoongi knew it.

“What happened?”

Namjoon sighed and finally stopped pacing around the room. He looked frustrated and angry, but mostly exhausted. Yoongi could tell Namjoon was struggling to accept that this was really happening and probably was already plotting how he would handle everything after it was over. As always, thinking beyond the present, envisioning a future ruled by uncertainty. Namjoon could almost never enjoy life because he was always thinking about how he was going to deal with everything that hadn't even happened yet.

“Yesterday, after our talk, Jimin got a message from y/n asking him to meet up and talk. I told him that maybe it wasn’t the best option right now and that we should think it through carefully before making any decisions.”

The three boys watched him intently. Considering it was one thing, hearing him say it out loud was something else entirely. Taehyung dropped his phone onto his lap, and Hoseok slumped down on the couch. Yoongi simply exhaled heavily in response. Even though all three of them had already suspected it, hearing something like that, which they considered so far-fetched, was disorienting.

“Did she text Jimin?” Taehyung was the one who broke the silence.

Namjoon could barely look them in the eye, but he did his best to do so as he nodded.

“So… Wow. Okay. So that’s really what this is about.” Hoseok said, trying to acknowledge and process the emotions the situation was stirring up in him.

“It was always about that.” Taehyung emphasized, still looking a little stunned.

Yoongi was probably the one who could process everything with a little more calm, partly because he had rarely seen that expression on Namjoon's face and knew that nothing good would come of this if he tried to take charge of everything now; he had to carry some of that burden with him, or there would be nothing left of them.

“If Jimin went to meet y/n—” Yoongi began to ramble, trying hard to pull everyone out of their own heads.

“I didn’t think I’d ever hear a sentence like that again.” Taehyung muttered, still a little lost in his thoughts.

“—it has to be in a private place, obviously, and one we can trust.”

“Trustworthy is the key,” Hoseok pointed out to Yoongi, agreeing with him, a little more composed and calm than before. “There are few places in the city we can rent on short notice.”

Hoseok nudged Taehyung lightly with his shoulder, trying to snap him out of his daze. As overwhelming as the situation was, they had to deal with it as level-headed as possible. Taehyung shook his head slightly, his mind still miles away, but trying to maintain his composure just as the older members were doing.

In the midst of his effort, a light bulb went off.

“Ah. It must be Eun-byul’s restaurant,” Taehyung mused. It seemed Namjoon had already considered that possibility, because his expression didn’t change, even though he could feel the others’ heavy gaze upon him.

“Yes. I’m sure they must be there. No one else would go to such lengths for Jimin like she would.” Hoseok nodded, earning an affirmative nod from Yoongi as well.

“Namjoon?”

“We can’t just show up, obviously. We have to… let them talk.” Namjoon had been hanging his head for a few seconds now, none of them quite sure whether it was out of guilt or despair. Maybe it was the embarrassment he felt at saying that; that it meant admitting he’d failed.

“What!? Really?”

“There’s no other option. Barge in there would be the worst thing we could do. There’s nothing left to do. I’m just trying to figure out what’ll happen next; what we’ll have to do next; what we’re going to have to deal with.”

“That doesn’t sound good, hyung.”

“It doesn’t have to sound good, Taehyung. Whether we like it or not, we’re going to have to deal with something afterward. Whatever that something may be.”

“Anyway, it was only a matter of time before this happened.” Yoongi spoke up before Taehyung could respond to Namjoon again. Hoseok frowned at him, part of him suspecting the answer, but he still dared to ask:

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we can mull this over today and forever, but the truth is simple. Why did all this start now?”

Namjoon turned his head, pressing his lips together as their gazes returned to him.

He hadn't wanted to bring it up so soon; he'd thought he'd have a couple more hours, while the others continued trying to contact Jimin or were still reeling from what had happened, knowing that Namjoon had failed and led them to the brink once again. He had underestimated them—

No, he had been recklessly ignorant.

Apparently, he had overlooked the fact that for some people, there were emotions that not even moral boundaries could contain. He had ignored the fact that there were emotions that transcended everything, time and space. As ridiculous as hearing about the "power of love" in movies to solve a complex problem, but it was true. It was so true, but applied in reverse, and so ridiculous and illogical, that Namjoon perhaps didn't want to consider for even a second that it could happen to them.

The subject, moreover, was like a taboo. Since the day it happened, no one had really spoken about it. That day they all looked at each other, perhaps sharing a single thought, but none of them were able to speak about what had happened and disappeared from their lives.

Namjoon knew where Yoongi was going with this, and what he was going to say was no less true, but he hated to think that the outcome his mind had dismissed as the most illogical thing that could happen was what actually ended up happening. For Yoongi, it seemed, it was the most logical thing in the world.

For Namjoon, for Namjoon's mental computer, it was catastrophic; a disaster; a miscalculation that ended up triggering a domino effect that would sweep everything away.

He didn't really know how he had allowed all of this to happen.

“It started when Namjoon’s parents resigned from the board of directors.”

“Ah...”

Hoseok let the word out, drawing it out, and the silence stretched on with his regret. The same thought was probably going through all four of their heads, but Hoseok didn't want to speculate. The subject was delicate; they hadn't even been able to discuss it when the moment had been perfect. They all swept the words under the rug, trying to hide a body the size of an elephant.

The subject, and Yoongi knew it, wasn’t welcome in that space. That’s why Namjoon turned his head away. That’s why Hoseok had tensed up. That’s why Taehyung pressed his lips together.

Hoseok turned to look at Taehyung, as if something had just clicked in his head. Surely that thread of unfinished thoughts was what Yoongi wanted to bring to the forefront, to show them that nothing was ever too strange. The way they responded under pressure was very different for everyone.

“Was that what motivated you?”

Taehyung didn’t answer him right away because he felt guilty just for thinking it. He kept his lips pressed together and his hands clasped in his lap, thinking over and over again, replaying the events of the last two weeks in his mind. Two weeks. That was all the time that had passed, and all it had taken for absolutely everything to change. Two weeks, and Taehyung barely had two seconds to process that, in fact, that was most likely his trigger, and it felt dirty that—

Hoseok exhaled heavily, taking the silence as an answer, and Taehyung felt cornered in the back of his mind. A few words, almost muffled, indistinct, escaped his mouth, trying to somehow save himself:

“Maybe…”

“It’s obvious,” Yoongi continued, rising from the armrest, swallowing the echo of Taehyung’s realization, mercilessly and with pure, raw confrontation, “we’re no longer under anyone’s watch. The agreement has expired. In simple terms, we’re free now. Of course that was going to trigger everything that’s happened over the past few days.”

“But that doesn’t justify it,” Namjoon interjected, still without looking up.

Guilt was eating him alive. He hadn't just failed himself; he'd failed everyone countless times. Instead of apologizing and shrinking into a corner, as he'd wanted to do so many times before, forced to put on a brave face and make incredibly selfish decisions, Namjoon maintained his stance of restraint and reprimand. Adopting that leadership facade that weighed so heavily on him, he knew that, despite everything, they had to take responsibility. Regardless of whether what had happened was the result of everyone's will or not, there was a responsibility to bear for the damage caused.

He didn’t like hearing Yoongi try to brush everything off as a lack of authority when there was still a duty and a moral responsibility they had to fulfill, for which they had to answer, as the adults they were.

“That’s not what I meant.” Yoongi said to Namjoon.

The subject, and everyone knew it, was the root of all their problems; a ticking time bomb, Taehyung thought.

Yoongi looked rigid, so much so that Taehyung thought his body was tearing at the tension in the air. He wasn't sure if everyone felt that tension or just him, his mind fragmented into pieces of different memories from his life, all of them determined to remind him that it was his fault, that he had started it all, and that he should be ashamed of it because—

He knew Yoongi wanted to help resolve everything as peacefully as possible, and that he wanted to take some of the weight off Namjoon's shoulders, but he also seemed angry about something, and it might be something he had perhaps repressed for a long time; it wasn't necessarily anger towards them or Namjoon, but he couldn't be sure. What he was sure of was that this wasn't the first time Yoongi had reflected on this; it was just the first time he'd said it out loud.

“What I mean is, there’s a reason we all acted recklessly, and that was that the agreement ended, and we no longer have any ties to them. I’m talking about facts. It’s a completely different matter that our actions disregarded the agreement that existed between us, those of us who live in this house. These are two events that are indeed interdependent, but that doesn’t mean one justifies the other. Okay?”

“Likewise, what’s the point of bringing that up now? What matters is what we weren’t able to do.”

Namjoon didn’t want it to seem like he was avoiding the issue or trying to escape the feeling of responsibility for having overlooked the most logical outcome, but that’s how it was. It bothered him, it made his blood boil, and it gave him a headache. And he knew he couldn’t do anything about it anymore and that he should make the most rational decision in that moment, but he couldn’t. He could do nothing but give in to his emotions, to that jumble of pessimistic thoughts and a sense of impending doom.

“The promise was fair for everyone.”

The best thing he could do to stay sane was to stick to his usual approach, repeat what he'd always said, and not make it seem like there was no way out.

“Fair?”

But not everything could go his way.

Namjoon didn't fully raise his head, but he noticed Taehyung looking at him as if he'd just spat in his face. Hoseok, who had been standing aside to listen to them, turned his head when he heard the younger man, having seen him a few seconds earlier looking a bit nervous about the whole situation.

“Do you think if what happened had been fair we'd all be having this conversation?”

“You, more than anyone, know everything that happened, Taehyung. It was fair given the circumstances. Or do you think it was possible to make the most rational decision with everything that was at stake? The promise was fair, equitable, and proportionate, and we were all supposed to keep it.”

Taehyung let out a sarcastic laugh, shrugging his shoulders as if he didn't have a care in the world. Perhaps it was because he had felt cornered for a moment (even though no one had specifically accused him of anything, except himself), as if the Kim affair had shone a spotlight on him, explaining his more irrational behavior; as if his emotions were a burden to others (and perhaps they had been, he wanted to believe, seeing how it all ended).

“You can't talk about that and justice at the same time. You, more than anyone, know that I never agreed with this.”

“Then why did you stay?” Namjoon asked, frowning and still holding his head halfway up. His gaze and voice were stern, but that wasn't what stopped Taehyung from continuing the discussion. The weight of the question pressed down on him, and Namjoon noticed. He hadn't meant to sound so cruel, but he couldn't control himself when he heard himself say those words.

He just wanted to reason with him.

“Namjoon.” Hoseok interjected, deciding that if the argument continued, they would cross boundaries that had been established years ago.

But when Taehyung didn't respond and simply agreed with Namjoon, the exchange left a bitter taste.

“See? You wouldn’t have preferred to leave either. And if you had, you would've regretted it too, like everyone else, because I know everyone thought about it. I thought about it too. But there was nothing more I could do at that moment. They… they robbed us of all opportunities and options. I had to safeguard what I could still protect.”

“Namjoon…” Hoseok moved closer to try to prevent the argument from escalating further. He placed his hands on the older man’s shoulders, a feeling of unease evident in his eyes.

Yoongi, on the other side of the couch, took a deep breath. Going back to arguing amongst themselves wouldn’t get them anywhere, obviously; he had to take Hoseok’s side. He had decided to shoulder this burden with Namjoon and couldn’t allow his emotions to overpower his reason again.

“I understand your point,” Yoongi spoke again, adopting a more serene posture and moving closer to Taehyung, who still seemed to be pondering Namjoon’s question. “No one made good decisions, and we hurt her in the process, even though it wasn’t entirely up to us. And we were selfish, perhaps from one perspective, for not wanting to abandon our dreams. And yes, we had made a promise that sought to try to make up for what we had done; what we were going to do at the time. But now that circumstances have changed, how did we think we were going to force ourselves to just stay out of it?”

“I thought you were on my side.” Namjoon muttered, letting Hoseok guide his hands and straightening up slightly.

“It’s not that I’m not on your side, I’m asking you a question based on the facts.” Yoongi managed to maintain a neutral expression, but Namjoon shook his head as if he couldn’t accept it.

“Hyung, it just didn’t make sense for all this to happen again once the Kims resigned from the counseling. We were supposed to continue with the terms of the promise.”

No matter how calm he tried to appear during the conversation, Namjoon simply wouldn’t come out of his denial stage; Hoseok and Yoongi knew it. He wouldn’t because there was something deeper bothering him, but neither of them could yet pinpoint the root of the problem. Hoseok stayed by Namjoon's side, his arm around his tense shoulders, guarding against any possibility of an altercation, while Yoongi stayed close to Taehyung, trying to offer him some company and moral support (he couldn't say he agreed with either of them).

“But we no longer had anything that truly and materially prevented us from getting closer. I'm not saying it was what we should've done, but if it was relatively easier to stay out of it before, it was because the Kims were there.”

“And if the opportunity arose… with everything we're carrying…” Hoseok trailed off.

“It must have been what Taehyung pondered at that convention you went to,” Yoongi nodded toward the young man, “«there's nothing left to stop me from doing this, except my own reasoning, but I can ignore that». It must've been what Jungkook and Jin thought too.”

“I can't say I understand what was going through Jungkook's mind.” Hoseok considered, shaking his head slightly.

“I don't think he thought it through that much. He probably just wanted to see her and nothing else when he found out she worked there.” Taehyung spoke, almost murmuring, letting his forearms rest on his knees. If the others were looking at him, he didn't want to know.

“Anyway. That's my point. And whatever happens next, we'll deal with it.” Yoongi looked at Namjoon. “I just feel like you shouldn't worry so much about things that are and were out of your control. You've already done your duty as best you could.”

“We will all suffer the consequences.”

“I know that, but it’s not like we never knew.”

Namjoon wasn't satisfied with that, and everyone could tell, but it was the closest they'd come to reaching a consensus, for the time being. Namjoon was going to have a hard time accepting what Yoongi had already understood, and he'd have to make peace with it, or they wouldn't be able to get out of this mess. No matter how hard they tried, if Namjoon abandoned the position he'd taken in everyone else's lives, they most likely wouldn't be able to talk about family again.

The reason Namjoon was having so much trouble dealing with this was because he didn't feel capable of accepting what Yoongi had said. It wasn't the fact that the Kims were no longer on the company's board of directors; it was more about the fact that just because that was now a reality, everyone else had taken it as a green light to disregard any moral boundaries they'd set for themselves in the past. That was the only thing he couldn't accept, but for Yoongi, it always seemed to be the most logical outcome. What's more, Namjoon must've been an idiot for not having considered it before.

Surely that last thought hadn't crossed Yoongi's mind, or anyone else's, but Namjoon couldn't help but think it had to be this way. Trying to impose his own behavior on others, as if he could predict how others would act based on his own behavior, in a selfish way, had cost him dearly. If he hadn't seen this coming, he was going to pay dearly, and he deserved it.

“Don't make that fucking face.”

Those present in the room raised their heads when Jin's voice filled the space. Taehyung jumped on the couch, while the older ones watched Jin descend the stairs toward the living room. None of them had noticed that Jin had left his room.

With long strides, the older man approached, his brow furrowed and tension oozing from his stiff posture.

“Stop making that face.” Jin snapped, addressing Namjoon as he reached the center of the room, and Namjoon could only watch, his entire body contorted with distress. He really didn't want to have this conversation, but…

“Jin—” Hoseok tried to ask him not to be so harsh, but Jin shook his arm sharply and stepped back.

“Wipe that fucking look off your face. What do you think you’re going to get with that?”

“Hyung—”

“Do you think if you knew everything we'd all be here right now?”

Namjoon frowned.

“Do you think if you were some fucking psychic we’d all be here together? Don’t be an idiot.”

“Jin!” It was Yoongi who exclaimed, and tried to approach, but Namjoon stood up and confronted him, seemingly having had enough of his accusations. With the jumble of emotions swirling inside him, perhaps it was only a matter of time before something made him explode. And especially since Jin was the one who could understand him most easily, even though it had been a long time since they'd had a serious conversation.

“And what do you think you can do now? You haven’t done a damn thing these past few years.” Namjoon spat out the words, sensing a venomous undercurrent, a kind of resentment that someone like him shouldn’t be able to feel, in his own opinion. Blinded by his emotions, he could only see Jin’s angry face, while Yoongi and Hoseok approached to try and prevent the argument from escalating.

“Ha, how long have you been holding back the urge to say that to me?”

“Don’t change the fucking subject.” Namjoon muttered through gritted teeth, bringing his face close to Jin’s, their foreheads almost touching.

Jin shook his head, somewhere between incredulous and mocking, but he didn’t flinch at Namjoon’s threatening attitude.

“I’ve asked only one thing of you these past few years, Namjoon, and that’s to get out of your fucking head. You’ve got your head stuck up your fucking ass and haven’t been able to think straight since you were made president.”

“Jin, I don’t think this is a good way to—”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“That fucking look on your face! That hopelessness you’re exuding. And it’s not about the others and not about what Jimin did. It’s about you. It’s about yourself.”

“What…?”

“You’ve been pushing yourself so hard that now you’re thinking it’s your fault for not reaching the same conclusion as Yoongi, aren’t you? You’re beating yourself up in your head for not being able to predict this, right? For not having a backup plan and for not knowing what to do.”

…

“Well, surprise! You don’t have to know what to do. You don’t have to control everything. There’s no way you can control everything, and you still haven’t grasped that.”

Yoongi exchanged a glance with Hoseok, observing Namjoon's silence. Despite his obvious annoyance, Namjoon seemed unable to respond to Jin. Taehyung simply watched them silently from the couch, beginning to understand the source of Namjoon's barely concealed hostility earlier. He was still bothered by the question and the accusatory tone Namjoon had used, but Jin was right; it was practically a characteristic of his personality, and Namjoon's silence only confirmed it.

“If things happened this way, it's because we're human. Because we're humans with feelings, and we're selfish. And that's not right. I'm not excusing anyone. But look at the lengths you're going to by not understanding that. You probably aren't even thinking clearly right now. You haven't slept in days. You do nothing but work. Why were you expecting to be able to control this? Why didn't you say anything? Why do you always prefer to keep everything to yourself?”

…

“Within the perfection you imagine in your head, you are imperfect,” Jin lightly patted Namjoon’s head, his fingers gently brushing against his scalp. “Everything you want us not to be is what you are; it’s what you’re holding back from showing us. You wanted to see her as much as Jungkook; you wanted to write to her as much as Jimin; you wanted to fix her life as much as I did. To try to make up for it; to try to give her something after leaving her behind. Or am I wrong?”

Namjoon pressed his lips together, but didn’t dare look away. Still unable to answer, he clenched his hands at his sides and furrowed his brow. Even then, he tried to hold back and stay out of it, even though he knew deep down that he didn’t have to and that the others would understand if he didn’t. He couldn’t do it, though; he couldn’t allow it, it wasn’t in his nature.

“You have to stop thinking you can predict everything. Your parents’ mistakes don’t define you. You’re completely separate from them.”

“But what they did… I could never stop them. It was my fault all this happened.”

“Children can’t be responsible for their parents’ mistakes. And you’re right, in the midst of your despair, you did your best to protect what we could still hold onto. What could we have done on our own? They were going to take away any support system we had. We would've surely ended up on the street, or still living off our parents, drowning in debt.”

Namjoon turned his head away, surely even more ashamed than before, but Jin took his face in both hands and forced him to look directly into his eyes. No matter how hard he tried to hold it all in, swallowing it all down as if his heart were a bottomless pit, a person can only handle so many things at once. And this, at this moment, had to be his breaking point.

“It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. We all make choices. But they took away all our options, so we had to make the choices they put on the table for us.”

Namjoon shook his head.

“They were my parents. I should've realized—”

“Stop saying that. They made a fool of all of us.”

“But I—”

“You nothing. Stop blaming yourself. Stop carrying that burden. That unhealthy behavior is what’s preventing you from thinking clearly now. And you need to get more rest. And eat well. I know you all think I just watch the path from home to work, but I notice everything. I’m watching you all the time. And I’m no fucking idiot.”

Namjoon shook his head again, feeling weak and tired, but still reluctant to accept that Jin might be right. He knew there was no point in continuing to argue, but he struggled to accept the reality of Jin's words. He hadn't thought it would be so difficult, because he'd never imagined himself in a similar situation.

“We have to face the consequences of our actions. Jimin went ahead of us, but he was always one step ahead of the rest of us; ahead of our cowardice. Even though our decisions were limited at the time, she still suffered all the collateral damage, and there's no excuse for that.”

Jin patted Namjoon's shoulders brotherly, and he simply slumped onto the table, feeling his body heavy and his mind numb. He seemed to still be shaking his head, but he couldn't be sure. Hoseok stayed by his side, offering support that still kept him somewhat aware of his surroundings. Yoongi was just standing nearby, offering silent support. Taehyung… well, he’d have to apologize to Taehyung soon.

“Let’s just wait for Jimin to contact us.”

With those last words from Jin, the room fell into a deathly silence. Yoongi went over to Taehyung on the couch while Hoseok stayed with Namjoon and Jin went to the kitchen to get water for everyone.

None of them were quite sure how to proceed at that moment.

Then, Taehyung’s phone rang.

Jungkookie

Everyone read the name on the screen. There was a pause for a moment, as if everyone was trying to catch their breath at the same time, and then the tension in the room resumed its merciless march. Taehyung didn't even feel comfortable looking at the others.

Yoongi exchanged a glance with Hoseok.

Taehyung stood up, silently took his phone, and moved a little away from the others. When he answered the call, he felt like the world was crashing down on him. He really didn't know which part of the conversation had weighed on him the most.

“Hyung! How was the presentation?”

“Jungkook-ah, you were amazing. The whole presentation was—”

“Wow. Wait. Did something happen?”

In the background, it sounded like Jungkook had just dropped something on a table, a muffled sound taking over the other line that threw Taehyung off balance slightly before he could answer, his voice a little higher than before now that he knew Jungkook could pick up on any change in him in seconds. Or maybe it was just too obvious. Maybe the impact was so strong that he couldn't hide it.

But lying wasn't Taehyung's strong suit, and the younger man obviously knew it. He knew everything about everyone.

“What? No, nothing's wrong. Why?”

“You sound like… sad.”

Jungkook sounded cautious, and besides his voice, Taehyung couldn't hear anything else in the background. With a somewhat nervous laugh, he denied his accusations again:

“What? Of course not.”

“Hyung.”

“Seriously, Jungkook. Everything's okay.”

“…”

Taehyung dreaded silence with Jungkook. It never led to anything good. The best thing that could happen, honestly, was that he simply wouldn't believe him and would hang up. The worst thing that could happen, however—

“I'm going to call Yoongi.”

“No, wait!” Taehyung exclaimed, before he could think twice about how loudly he had spoken. He closed his eyes in exasperation, running a hand through his hair. “Okay. Fine.”

Taehyung glanced over his shoulder, meeting the understanding expression on Hoseok's face, who had surely deduced how the conversation had unfolded, and Yoongi's serene face, although Taehyung knew him too well to know that he was anything but serene.

“Something did happen…”

“Okay, so…? Is it serious? Is anyone in the hospital??”

“No, no one’s hospitalized. It’s not about us. Well, that’s a lie, it is about us. But not just us. I don’t know how—”

“You’re rambling.” Jungkook interrupted him wisely.

“I know.” Taehyung blurted out, a little flustered.

He had no idea how to tell Jungkook what had happened without making the younger man even more agitated, especially since he'd be on another continent for at least another twelve hours. Even he, being closer to the scene, couldn't say he was calm just waiting. Honestly, the worst that could happen was that Jungkook would decide to buy a flight back to the country immediately, and Taehyung was sure that's what would happen, so he didn't have to worry about anything else.

“Jimintalkedtoy/nandtheybothagreedtomeetatarestauranttotalkandnowthey'retalkingandwehavenoideawhat'sgoingonbecausehehasn'tcontactedusforanhourorso.”

Taehyung blurted out the words, hoping it would buy him a little more time to explain the situation properly, expecting that Jungkook hadn't understood a thing.

“What?” The young man spoke through the line, and Taehyung almost sighed in relief. “What did you just say?”

His tone wasn't one of indifference or confusion. It sounded, rather, fearful. It seemed he wanted Taehyung to confirm what he had heard, or that he had misheard.

“Well, it’s just… it’s a little weird—”

“I don’t think you actually said what I think I heard,” Jungkook said, with a slightly nervous, airy laugh. “Right?”

“What do you think I said?” Taehyung felt a knot forming in the pit of his stomach, a strange, ominous feeling settling in his chest.

“That Y/N and Jimin are talking right now.”

…

“That’s not true, is it, hyung?”

…

“That’s not what I heard, was it?”

“Jungkook, this—”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no.” Jungkook interrupted Taehyung, who was about to start biting his nails with anxiety. “You’re not denying it. There's no way.”

“It was something that just happened. I haven’t even been able to proc—”

“You guys knew?” Jungkook asked, interrupting Taehyung's explanation.

“We just found out.”

Now it was Jungkook's turn to remain silent, for a long enough time that Taehyung had to check his phone screen several times to make sure he was still on the line.

“I'm going to hang up.”

“Jungkook—”

“Don't call me back… please.”

And the line went dead.

“It could've been worse.”

“Don’t say that,” Yoongi shook his head under Hoseok’s watchful gaze. “With Jungkook, you really never know.”

“It’s even more complicated now that he’s so far away.” Jin nodded at Yoongi’s words. Taehyung had no idea when he had returned to the room.

“I don’t think he’d do anything that reckless.” Hoseok continued in his defense.

“We’re talking about Jungkook,” Yoongi emphasized. “We know anything can happen.”

“The worst that could happen is that he takes a flight back now, right?” Taehyung commented, trying to lighten the mood a little, with an awkward smile.

But Jin shook his head, sending his stomach plummeting. “I think the worst that could happen is that he decides not to come back.”

“What?”

“But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s wait a little.” Jin waved his hand dismissively, but Taehyung could no longer escape the direction his thoughts were taking.

If Jungkook stayed in North America, what the hell were they going to do?

-

There was a memory that never left Jungkook's mind.

Sometimes it would wake him up at night and consume him during the day; it prevented him from carrying out his activities normally and allowed him to do nothing but think and think. That memory brought with it an agonizing guilt, a weight he felt he carried at the expense of his success; a chain, perhaps, that kept him bound to the awareness of his greatest mistakes.

Jungkook didn't consider himself a pessimistic person. In fact, he often tried to stay in good spirits and spread his positive attitude to others, because honestly, hostile and unstable environments generated a lot of anxiety for him. More often than he could count, he was the one who approached someone to cheer them up after a bad day or made them see that their difficult day didn't mean their life was bad. So, pessimism really wasn't something that was part of his daily life.

But despite all that, there was something he carried with him, something that grew heavier each day.

It was you, and the memory he had of the last time you'd been together.

Jungkook hated remembering it, but he would hate himself even more if he ever forgot it. Perhaps that's why he wrote that song, and perhaps that's why he was never able to share it with the others. To be completely honest, if Jin, Taehyung, and Jimin had found out about the song beforehand, it was due to a complete oversight on his part, because he hadn't even intended to release it from the very first draft he wrote.

But the sincere, small hope he had that those words might somehow reach you motivated him to release that song as the single from his new album. More than anyone else hearing it, he wanted you to hear it. He had no idea or way of knowing if you actually listened to his music; you might've blocked him on all social media and somehow managed to practically erase him from your life, despite his international stardom, but he preferred, with that tiny hope, to leave his words hanging in the air, in case you were ever willing to listen someday.

He wanted to be honest. Brutally honest. Perhaps with that he could lighten the burden that still weighed on his shoulders, or at least he tried to convince himself that he could achieve something with it, to ease his river of thoughts a little.

But, honestly, he would never know.

He almost decided not to release the song after the fateful encounter he had with you; an encounter he forced and deeply regretted afterward, though it was all for naught.

“Did something happen?”

His manager was at the door of that hotel room.

Absolutely no one but the guys and two other unwelcome people in their lives knew about you. They couldn't just go around telling that story, nor did they have the right to. So he couldn't tell his manager the truth, but Jungkook knew he was there because he was going to ask him why he had just canceled the flights back to Seoul, and Jungkook had no idea what he was going to say.

Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure why he'd canceled them. I mean, what was he going to do in the States? He had events to attend in Seoul; he had interviews, variety shows, more appearances. How could he just cancel all those commitments, which also had contracts and agreements involved?

But at the same time, how could he just go and pretend nothing was wrong? Maybe no one would know; an average person walking down the city streets and seeing him at another interview wasn't going to look at him and think, "wow, look at him, how he's avoiding all his emotional responsibility", but he himself would know. And how could he just go back to doing things as usual when he now knew that you would also know that he was avoiding it? He couldn't do it. He simply couldn't. That weight was heavier than anything else in his life. Maybe his actions didn't show it; his past didn't paint him in a good light, and he was aware of it, but those were his true feelings, his honest thoughts.

“It's just… I wanted to stay one more day.”

“Hmm. Wasn’t there any way you could've told us first?”

Jungkook knew his manager had every reason to be upset, but at that moment he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want reproaches, he didn’t want sarcasm, he didn’t want anything from anyone.

“Can we talk about this later?”

“Jungkook, you have events scheduled in Seoul. We can’t be late—”

“Please.”

He heard the man sigh behind him. He hadn't even been able to turn around to face him. And no one wanted to confront Jeon Jungkook, not even the people on his team, except for his manager.

“I'll be back in two hours.”

As his footsteps faded, Jungkook let out the breath he'd been holding in his lungs.

Now, what the hell was he going to do?

Now that his world had been turned upside down and he didn't have a single safe place to stand, what was he supposed to do? How could everything change so much in a matter of seconds? He hadn't even had to leave the country. How could a simple phone call change everything so abruptly?

Amid so many things, Jungkook could only remember. And what he remembered most, as always, was the last time. He remembered how soft your voice had sounded when you told him you'd hug the next time you saw each other, and how bitter it had been the last time he saw you, when you couldn't even turn around to look at him. It wasn't even worth seeing him. Just recalling your sharp tone of voice and how every word got stuck in his throat was enough to bring him crashing back to reality.

His song was a longing. A wish whispered into the void of a dream that could never come true.

It was what he deserved, he knew it; the least he deserved up to that point. He had been naive, an idiot, and reckless. He wasn't even sure he'd thought it through before taking the first car that passed him and returning to that coffee shop that had ignited a flame in his heart. He was selfish (as before, as always) for believing those words from the last time would come true; he was ignorant and oblivious, and that was another thing he could never forgive himself for. Not being able to tell you how much he missed you wasn't even punishment enough.

So he couldn't just go back to Seoul and pretend nothing had happened; continue with his shows and interviews, plastering a fake smile on the cameras as if he actually had the energy to endure it. Hadn't he hurt you enough already? Everything was going to change from that moment on. He didn't even know how the others were doing, but judging by Taehyung's tone of voice when he answered that call, he could guess it wasn't going well.

In the midst of the hurricane of thoughts swirling in Jungkook's head, the only thing that brought him true calm was that memory of the last time. That last time before everything really fell apart, before they had to make the worst decisions, and before one of the worst moments of his entire life, when he never wanted more to have you closer.

When I see you again, I'll look into your eyes and tell you how much I've missed you.

That memory was both a curse and a blessing.

Jungkook hated remembering it, but he would hate himself even more if he ever forgot it.

-

as always, lmk what you think!! :)))))

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The restaurant is the most Instagrammable place you've ever seen, and you would have gotten there faster if your roommate hadn't been in desperate need of moral support over a situationship. You see Jungkook look up at you the second you enter his peripheral vision.

"Finally," Taehyung says.

"Sorry, sorry." You slide into the booth, and there's only one spot left, wedged between Jimin and the wall, directly across from Jungkook. "Emergency friend duties."

"More important than us?" Hobi asks.

"You'll live," you say, but you're not paying attention because Jungkook is still staring at you. Your eyes meet. He doesn't look away. Your stomach flips, and you wonder if you should have done this another day because emotional rollercoasters don't sound like a great idea on an empty stomach.

"Hi," he says.

"Hi," you say back.

A few minutes later, the drinks and the banchan arrive. Jungkook is laughing at something Taehyung is saying, beer in hand, but he keeps glancing at you every time you reach for the banchan. You don't notice as you are trying your best to separate the stack of perilla leaves.

"Oh my God," you mutter, trying to separate them with your chopsticks. "Why are they like this?"

"Here," Jimin says, and his chopsticks slide in from your left, holding the stack steady while you pull one free.

"Thank you," you breathe, relieved, and you don't see the way Jungkook's knuckles go white around his glass.

You look up, and Jungkook is staring at Jimin, and it's nothing like the soft, longing looks he's been throwing your way all night. Jimin, oblivious, or perhaps not, hums as he sets the separated leaves on your plate.

"Jungkook-ah," Namjoon says from across the table. "Pass the garlic?"

Jungkook passes it without looking up.That's when you realize he's staring at the perilla leaves.

Oh.

Oh no.

You know about the perilla leaf debate. Everyone knows about the perilla leaf debate. It's a stupid thing where people argue whether it's okay to help someone else's partner separate their perilla leaves, whether it crosses a line, or not. Usually, usually, it's just internet debates and topics for variety shows.

Jungkook, however, looks like he's about to flip the table.

"So," Jimin says, "how's work been? Did you finish that powerpoint presentation?"

"Yeah, finally," you start to say, but Jungkook cuts in.

"She finished it yesterday," he says, pouring soju into your glass without asking.

Jimin's eyebrows lift. "Did she?"

"Mhm. She texted me at three in the morning," Jungkook says.

Namjoon looks up from his phone. Hobi pauses with his mouth full.

"Jungkook, that's not-" you say, blushing.

"Do you want some meat?" he asks instead, grabbing the kitchen scissors and carefully cutting the grilled pork belly into bite-sized pieces before placing them on your plate.

"Thanks..." you say slowly.

Jimin watches with his head tilted. He looks between you and Jungkook, then back to the perilla leaves.

"Ah," Jimin says softly.

"Ah what?" Taehyung asks.

"Nothing," Jimin says with a grin. He reaches for the perilla leaves again. "Do you want another one? These are really good." His chopsticks hover over the stack.

Jungkook's chopsticks hit his plate with a clatter.

"You don't have to. I'll do it," Jungkook says quickly.

"It's fine," Jimin says sweetly, separating another leaf. "I don't mind."

"I said," Jungkook replies, enunciating each word, "I'll do it."

He takes the leaf from Jimin's chopsticks and places it on your plate himself. Then he looks at Jimin with an expression that makes your stomach flip.

"Jungkook..." you say quietly.

"Eat," he tells you, looking at you with those soft eyes that could kill you.

Jimin leans back, studying Jungkook.

"What is it?" Hobi asks, looking between them.

"Just... perilla leaves," Jimin says. "You know the debate, right? Whether it's okay to help someone else's person with their leaves?"

The table goes absolutely silent and you want to disappear into the floor.

"Guys, seriously, it's not-"

"Some people think it's too intimate," Jimin continues, looking at Jungkook.

"And what do you think?" you ask.

Jimin shrugs playfully. "I think intention matters."

"What's your intention?" Jungkook asks.

Jimin holds his gaze for a long moment. Then he laughs, breaking the tension, and reaches over to pat Jungkook on the shoulder.

"Relax, maknae. I'm just teasing."

The rest of dinner passes quickly. Every time Jimin speaks to you, Jungkook finds a reason to touch you or get your attention. For the first time, it's not meant to be subtle. It's almost like a competition to see who hands you your coat when you leave or who walks closest to you on the way out.

Everyone agrees to walk to the Han River, grab some ice cream from a convenience store, and sit on the benches by the water. None of you are ready to go home yet.

You hang back, letting the others drift ahead. Jungkook stays beside you, his hands tucked into his pockets.

"You didn't have to do that," you say quietly.

"Do what?"

"Mark your territory."

He stops walking. You stop too, turning to face him.

"Is that what you think I was doing?" he asks.

"I don't know what you were doing, Jungkook. You acted like Jimin committed a crime by helping me with dinner."

He looks away. "You don't get it."

"Then explain it to me."

"The perilla leaf thing is stupid. I know it's stupid. But...I always want to be the one helping you. And I know I don't have the right to feel like that, but I do."

"Jungkook..." you say softly, trying to get him to look at you.

"Don't say whatever you're going to say. Let me just... let me have this one moment where I pretend it's okay that I feel this way, even though I'm your friend and I'm supposed to just be cool with Jimin flirting with you."

"He wasn't flirting."

"He was," Jungkook insists, finally looking at you. "Maybe he didn't mean it like that, but he was, and I hated it. I hated it so much. I wanted to be the one helping you, even with something as stupid as perilla leaves."

"You know," you say softly, "you could have just said something instead of starting a silent war at the dinner table."

"I don't know how to say things," he admits. "I only know how to... want... from a distance."

"That's the problem," you say as you reach out, your fingers finding his. His hand relaxes, and he threads his fingers through yours. "You think you're being subtle, but you're not. Everyone at that table knows exactly what's happening."

"Did you?"

"Yeah." You smile. "I know... and I think I've been waiting for you to help me with my perilla leaves for a pretty long time now."

"Don't joke."

"I'm not joking."

"Jimin was testing you, Kook."

"Testing me?"

"Yeah. He was messing with you. It was so obvious he was challenging you. He wanted to see if you'd finally do something about it." You smile. "He's not stupid. He saw it before either of us did."

Jungkook groans. "So I played right into his hands."

"And you were very dramatic about it," you say with a sigh.

"Shut up," he says, smiling.

"I liked it. I really like it when you stop being quiet about wanting."

He takes another small step closer. "So... can I help you with your perilla leaves next time?"

"Only if you're not doing it just to be polite."

He smiles nervously "I'm doing it because I want to be the person you reach for."

You look at him, at the tiny chocolate-chip mole beneath his lip that you've wanted to kiss for months.

Then you do.

You have to.

He's standing there with his heart in his hands, offering it to you like it's nothing.

His hands come up to cradle your face, his thumbs brushing softly along your jaw as he kisses you back.

When you finally pull away, his forehead rests against yours.

"Does this mean I won the war?" he asks, breathless.

"You were the only one fighting it, you idiot," you laugh, giving his chest a light shove. "Jimin wasn't actually interested. He has a crush on the barista at his coffee shop."

Jungkook blinks. "What?"

"Namjoon told me last week."

He stares at you, dropping his head to your shoulder. "I made a fool of myself for nothing."

"Not for nothing," you say, running your fingers gently through his soft hair. "You finally stopped being quiet."

He lifts his head.

"I can be loud," he says. "If you want. About this, about you."

"Show me."

"Gladly."

And he does. He kisses you again, deeper this time, and you smile against his lips.

Then Taehyung's voice carries over from farther up the path.

"Finally! Took you long enough!"

You laugh into his mouth and pull him even closer.

▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱

tysm for reading! <3 divider

taehyung wasn’t weak, at least he thought he wasn’t. but when he looked at himself through other’s eyes, he did indeed appear like a small fragile package that the delivery man intended to smash.

“how was school, honey?” his mother asked, unaware of the voices haunting him.

“good, same as always.” he nodded, smiling at her because she hadn’t done anything. she was simply caring about him with a little less knowledge.

“great, you have a lot to do today. chores you disobeyed not doing yesterday.” she turned to him, smiling with a slight nod.

sighing, he started moving to his room, the hallway that held many doors. he figured, inside of him there were also many, many doors.

some strange, some odd. but the most important one was in his heart, the soft bright room that existed with colorful flowers and various creatures.

he was an exceptional student, a willingly helpful classmate. but no one came up to him. in fact, he hated group projects. not because he hated the assignments, but because he ended up all alone in a corner hoping he’d feel a touch on the shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t be an outcast to the rest of the lives around him.

he hoped the teacher wouldn’t have to partner him up with a group in pity, but it happened anyway. if he wasn’t somewhat smart, the table full of students would groan to see him coming. but they needed him, like leeches in a parasitic relationship.

he got the grades, but he also got the stares. it was never equal.

they watched as he used one of his fingers to push his glasses back on his nose bridge, as he wrote down everything that needed to be done, as he completed the project on his own with no help at all.

to an outsider, it’d seem strange. not because of what they made him do, but because he was rather attractive. who would bully such a handsome guy?

to the insiders, he deserved it. not because he was actually an ass hole, but because he had no choice but to live in the rumor the monsters created for him. he had to live in the expectation that he was a skunk, the worst animal to be around.

no fucking tiger, no. less of a panther. a skunk.

but he loved all animals.

he couldn’t understand why the skunk comparison would affect him negatively, but if animals endured this view in society, he might as well experience the role. he might as well know what it feels like to be feared of and found in trash cans looking for food to survive just to be made fun of with disgusted expressions and scared screams.

maybe.

looks; they don’t always save a person. nor make them popular.

It doesn’t matter how cool an animal looks, just like the sunfish, it can be made to look, ugly.

and everyday, would be the same routine. ride the bus where only elders would sit with you because they didn’t know who you were made to believe. walk to school with the shoes that needed new laces because they’d been cut on purpose. go to class and sit all alone because nobody wants to be your seat mate. go to lunch and have milk be poured all over you because it’s funny. leave to the bathroom to wash what you can or you’d be smelling like rotten milk the whole day.

go back home and get yelled at by your father to be better, to be a man, to do labor, and to buy him alcohol with the money you very much earned.

no big deal.

and four years later, the adult with the very same soft soul would walk out from the same door he hated. but it was different this time. he didn’t look like the nerd he used to be, in fact he looked like a young man that roamed the streets.

not because he wore tattoos or dark clothing. but because of his expression, his new way of living.

he still believes that animals are the greatest wonders in the world.

the immature titles he was given at school prior to graduating were now just a mere memory he’d grown to move on from. and he liked that. because finally, he could live with a mindset he himself created.

taehyung has been in love before. but it wasn’t so simple. her eyes, they held passion. seeing her crouch near every stray kitten on the way to school to feed them a little bit of bread she always carried had him wondering.

what would it be like to talk to her?

he was sure she’d ignore him like everyone else, but like they say, you never know unless you try.

with his off-brand sneakers, he made his way towards her crouched figure as she fed the cats near an alleyway. the distance to school wasn’t far, only a few blocks forward.

he figured, they had something in common. he loved animals, and maybe so did she.

“hey,” he greeted, her back facing him but earning her head to turn at the sound of his voice. he cursed at himself mentally for stuttering, his own breath getting stuck in his throat.

she looked serious for a moment, looking at him up and down, her gaze lingering for a while on his dirty pants.

the green color of grass was still stuck on it, due to the fact that he had to wash his own clothes and probably wasn’t good at it.

but then she smiled, and taehyung froze.

no one has looked at him that way. just his teachers, but out of pity. maybe some strangers he’d come across when buying groceries. but never, someone like her. so beautiful even if she was tainted with sin she’d look like a saint.

“hey.” she greeted back. maybe, she could understand him.

“I notice you, uh,” he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. “feed the kittens, and I do too. sometimes. they like meat, so I bring them some once in a while.” he admitted, a shy smile on his face as he lifted the bag full of cooked meat he’d stolen from the fridge before his mother could see.

she nodded, still looking a little confused as if asking, “so?”

“maybe, you would like to try?” he offered, the bag heavy in his shaking grip.

she stood up, the kittens slightly shying away from the sudden movement. “great, let’s feed them together?” she smiled, her face nearing his, making him flustered.

he nodded, moving to crouch where she originally was, the smell of food luring the cats to them once again. she sat beside him, taking a piece of meat right after him and following his lead.

“you’re good with animals.” she pointed out after finishing. noticing how they purred and rubbed themselves on taehyung as he fed them.

“thanks,” he blushed. “you too.” he wasn’t great at compliments, it being a very rare case. he wasn’t exposed to such great feelings. he’s had a few crushes but they hated him so it was of no use.

she was different. she waited for him at the bus stop every day to feed the cats, she waited for him by the gates to walk back, she talked to him like he existed.

she was straight forward, staring at him only to admit she’d been admiring his features as they walked through the neighborhood.

but she wasn’t clear.

he didn’t know what her intentions were, but he lied to believe she liked him. she’d shown signs of attraction, but ended up calling their situation as “friends.”

maybe he was delusional, maybe he wasn’t.

but one day, she held his hand, intertwining their fingers. her hand was warm, soft, and fit just right in his. he tightened the grip, his thumb owning a mind of its own and caressing the skin available.

“you know, I really like you.” she’d admitted, smiling up at him as he looked at her in silent disbelief. their walking slowed down, his heart racing. quite the opposite.

“you,” he whispered. “you like me?” earning a nod.

this was huge. bigger than the awaited season of his favorite tv show.

he didn’t know how to react. he wanted to scream but he’d scare her away. so he just smiled. “are you.. serious?” he asked again, unsure of reality.

she nodded, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

how could he tell her he’s been in love since day one without sounding insane?

“you’re, smart, funny, such a nerd.” she giggled, booping his nose. he smiled, looking down at the pavement in front of them. being a nerd wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, then.

“does this mean,” he gulped, quite loudly. “we’re a couple now?” he asked, curious but nervous of her response.

she halted, her hand leaving his grip with a sharp pull. he faced her, scared eyes confused.

“are you joking?” she scoffed, his eyebrows now furrowed. she pushed a fallen strand behind her ear, only then noticing the small mic she had on her uniform collar.

“why would I wanna date,” she mocked, taking a step forward, making him do the opposite. “you.”

the shy smile that he once adorned on his lips miles away, his hands turning sweaty at his sides. what was wrong with him? why did he ruin what they had?

“fuck, you’re insane.” her laughter sounding like stabs to his chest.

he wasn’t surprised when the taller senior made his way to them, his arm now resting on her shoulders. smirking at him, “what, a, scene.” he joked.

“I can’t believe you actually fell for it.”

“thought you were the nerd.”

“babe, what did you expect from him?” they spoke.

taehyung wanted to burry himself, he’d rather been beaten up then experience such a play with his feelings. as if they had taken his heart right out his chest and used it as dinner.

but as he thought about it, no wonder they’d left him alone for a while, far too long.

“you’re not a tiger, not a panther. you’re a fucking deer, the stupid creature that runs its ass right to the headlights.”

he couldn’t help but let the tears drop. the very same eye the tear dropped from was bruised as he left, purple from the hit he had no choice taking. but he tried to fight back, not for himself. but for what they called him.

he loved deers.

he wore a leather jacket, his adult mind telling him to gamble but forcing himself to pass by the sinful door with drunk advertisements.

he walked towards the flower shop instead, stopping right at the window to admire the colors of the many petals of all different kinds. he loved flowers.

the bell rang as he pushed the door to the store. he didn’t know what to look at first, but knowing the exact names of each plant his eyes came across. though, a specific one caught his eye.

he didn’t know you were a flower.

but you bloomed so radiantly even as you were concentrated on the plants you resembled.

you looked at them carefully, fixing every petal out of shape for the sake of the aesthetics. his eyes couldn’t wander anywhere else.

your delicate touch caught his eye.

but you turned to him, smiling with your soft lips as you noticed him. “welcome, if you need any help finding flowers just come right up to me!” your voice cheerful but so, so, sinful. and maybe he just heard it that way.

he’d never seen you before, given then fact that you were the only flower he couldn’t name.

he nodded, his very same awkwardness sticking to him like a magnet.

you looked, exquisite.

like you belonged in a museum, better yet in a world without the damage of humans.

he found himself visiting the same store he stepped foot in that day, many times. he started small talk this time. until you knew his name when he came into your sight.

“your girlfriend must be lucky, getting flowers every day, huh?” you smiled back at him. he was confused, obviously you didn’t know whether he was or wasn’t in a relationship.

but either way, he was trying to get closer to a girl. to you.

“no,” he replied, his hands unsteady. the familiar feeling started seeping in, feeling like recycled paper that’d be tainted once again. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“oh.” you looked up at him, still smiling with a slight furrow adorning your forehead. “sorry, I shouldn’t come to assumptions.”

you apologized. a small smile creeping on his lips again.

“it’s okay.” but now a question lingered in his mind, if you thought he was taken, what could defend you not to be?

“what about you?” his voice wavering, hopefully only to his ears. “a boyfriend, or relationship, I mean.” his hands tightening their grip on the stems of the bouquet.

“no, no one seems to approach me.” you pause for a second, realizing how pathetic you sounded. looking back at him with eyes more droopy than usual, only to quickly switch back to a cheerful expression.

he felt relieved, but he also felt so wrong.

he didn’t have any business with who you talked to. If you were taken, he couldn’t have done anything about it.

he still smiled though, maybe, he had a chance. but he also wondered, you were so beautiful; how were you never asked out?

looks; they don’t always mean something.

on rainy days, he carried an umbrella. surprisingly, you didn’t.

“you didn’t bring an umbrella?” he asked, confused at the belongings you had near the cash register.

“no, it wasn’t raining when I got here, and the weather slips my mind most times.” you chuckled, your shift ending in a couple minutes. you had the morning shift today, taehyung practically knowing your schedule by now.

“I can walk you to the bus.” he offered, his eyes meeting yours in hesitation.

“I’d like that.”

you sat on the cold bench, waiting for the bus with taehyung to your side. the cold breeze hitting your skin rose goosebumps, shivering slightly.

“you don’t take the bus, do you?”

“no, but I’ll wait for it. for you.” he answered, turning his head to face you. his gaze was deep, determined not to let you go, your soul.

“thanks.” passing him a smile that truly reached your eyes.

taehyung grew scared. when you stepped onto the bus, leaving him sitting alone on the cold bench, he grew anxious.

you were leaving, and he knew it wasn’t permanent but he couldn’t help but think it might’ve been.

but when you waved at him with a smile through the restricting window of the big vehicle, he sighed. a small grin making its way on his lips as he realized, this wasn’t a goodbye. this wasn’t a pathetic farewell. it was a simple ‘see you tomorrow.’

because it truly was.

one would say he was a stalker. others would say he’s desperate. and maybe that’d be true, because he would find himself in the same building yet again, talking to you like close friends.

but he wanted to be more than that.

“what’s your favorite flower?” you asked, watering the soil of a few pots.

“I like,” he paused. he hated choosing favorites. frowning, he swallowed. “I don’t have a favorite.”

“same. I find beauty in every plant, even if it’s torn.” you faced him, catching his eye as he stopped spraying the petals with you.

“what about animals?” he brought up. you looked lost in thought, your eyes wandering around as if searching for an answer.

“I love deers.” you smile. “they’re, so gentle. and, so lovable. I love their little noses.” you described.

taehyung wasn’t shocked, but rather in awe. he didn’t expect it. you loved, deers. you loved him.

maybe not directly, but his heart pounded with a foreign joy.

“deers aren’t.. stupid to you?”

“what? of course not, no animal is.” you defended, taking him wrongly. your eyebrows were slightly furrowed, your tone slightly fierce.

“sorry.” he apologized. “sometimes predators call deers idiots.. because they willingly choose to die.”

you look at him confused, “they’re not dumb for that.” making him nod, a smile plastered on his face, his cheeks bunching up like soft bread-like hills.

you smile, “you can talk to me, y’know?” noticing his now lowered gaze.

turning to you, he leans a little closer to your face. his eyes focus on your lips, expression worried. you didn’t move, waiting for the moment for his lips to touch your own.

but suddenly, he stopped himself. “sorry.” your disappointment clearly shown on the drop of your shoulders.

you sighed, smiling and accepting that maybe, he didn’t feel the same way you did. you were just friends after all.

but why would he lean in to kiss you, if he didn’t like you? maybe it’s attraction, like all the other boys that’d played with you.

maybe.

taehyung didn’t want to fuck things up, especially not with you. but he hoped that the day he kisses you, he wouldn’t feel a small device at the collar of your shirt.

he wasn’t meant for things like this.

by the shore, both of you dangled your feet over the deck. it wasn’t a date, at least you claimed it not to be. especially not with the interrupted kiss back at the shop.

“y’know, when I was in school, I was like an outcast.” you admitted, hands settled in your lap. “kind of still am.”

he turned to look at your profile, noticing the slight pout of your lips as you thought deeply, eyebrows furrowed.

“you? but you’re.. beautiful. anyone would want to be your friend.” he muttered the last word, almost like a syllable that would cause harm to society.

you chuckled, “it didn’t matter, I was the ‘ursula’ of the school. even if I loved mermaids.”

he looked back down at his feet that moved right above the waves of the water.

“but you’re better than that.”

“not to them.” sighing as you moved to lean on your palms behind your back.

“I was, a skunk. worse, a deer.” he finally admitted. “back then I thought, I’d rather stink than be vulnerable because at least I’d have a chance to be avoided.”

“but I didn’t always want to be alone.” he continued. “and even when I tried, I was always left to be roadkill.”

you sat back up, putting a hand next to his lone one on the wood you sat on, pinky’s almost touching. “deers are beautiful. I love deers.”

he smiled, eyeing your fingers bound to touch. “I love plumerias.”

confused, “what does that have to do with me?”

“you’re as beautiful as plumerias.” your pinky’s finally touching, his hand finding the courage to lay on top of yours, even if it was shaking.

“thanks.” the word coming out more of a whisper than anything.

your place was warm, warmer than his, anyway. it had a cabin interior, when the outside looked a bit common.

it wasn’t big, nor as small as an apartment, but it was just right. it had room for everything that brought amounts of love. and you had a little puppy.

“what’s his name?” taehyung asked crouched near the dog’s bed in socks, his shoes left at the shoe rack by the door, marking his presence.

“haven’t given him one, adopted him from the shelter a few days ago.” you stated, noticing his gentle touch.

placing your keys on the kitchen island, you neared them both, petting the puppy’s fur along with taehyung, your fingers touching in the process. there was something so intimate about him being in your home, but now, he held a new title.

he wasn’t just anyone, he was your boyfriend.

“he has white spots, what about bambi?” he offered turning to look for approval on your face.

“that’s cute, bambi.” you nodded, turning to look at the puppy, the name sticking to him as soon as it was offered.

your bed was warm, but warmer than usual. not because of the temperature, or because you purposely turned your heater on, but because he was in the duvets with you.

his mouth traveled down the valley of your breasts, leaving his scent on you, his nose tickling the wet skin with its traces.

his thrusts weren’t rough, but pressured enough to rock your bed and push you towards the headboard. his hands were gentle, yet heavy. he wasn’t calculating the steps, or manipulating the way your bodies moved against one another. he didn’t calculate how you made love.

he was just loving you, not because of the sex, but the intimacy of brings. and even then, the moment your eyes met his for the first time, he felt an intimate tug on his heart.

a tug that uplifts him, not one that drags him down.

your hands marked his back, unable to contain the force of your fingers sinking into his skin from the sensation of him inside you.

he kissed your lips, his mouth open which allowed his tongue to meet yours. they swirled against each other, kind of like lost lovers that found their way home.

the wet sounds of his hips hitting yours under the sheets led you to a whole new world, your legs wrapped around his waist as he brought you to ecstasy.

taehyung didn’t believe in anything, even less reincarnation. he lived all of his dreams and human years with you, but now here he was swiped off all memories.

the fawn’s hooves were small as his legs were wobbly, trying to keep up with it’s mother. his ears caught many sounds and his eyes colors.

he noticed a plant looked strange.

but it wasn’t any plant. flowers were yet to bloom for this spring, the barrier slightly breaking allowing the smallest bit of the colorful flower to be seen.

deers weren’t necessarily attracted to flowers, leaving them alone most of the time.

but this one called to him.

returning to the same place as an adult buck, the deer found the traces of petals, navigating his way while recognizing the same trees he’d walked past.

the flowers were thriving, blooming like never before, the water from the rain still dropping to the ground as drops.

he leaned closer, his nose touching one flower’s center. he looked back. he didn’t remember a clear past life. he didn’t know anything of that nature.

but he knew something.

these were plumerias.