𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓱

I’m not depressed. I’m not heartbroken. I’m not grieving. I’m just tired. 

I’m tired of an endless pattern of people who come and go as they please, as though I’m easily forgettable, as though I’m just another face, another body, someone whose emotions don’t matter. 

There is this utter feeling that I get when someone tells me, “I’m not interested.”  It doesn’t feel fair, or right, or good. People move on with their lives and I’m just easily forgotten - nothing to look back to, not a person to look forward to. And every morning I wake up and there’s this pit, this feeling that won’t go away no matter how hard I try to be casual, how hard I try to sleep around because maybe that’s what it takes. Maybe I should just fuck and be fucked and forget love, forget romance, forget making a genuine lasting connection with someone because who needs that anyway? 

Maybe I had my chance and for as long as I remain this person, this man that I’ve become, I’ll remain single and lonely - maybe I had my chance. 

I want a reason to get up in the morning - to not want to crawl back into this dark hole that I was once in. And sure, maybe I don’t need someone to be happier but goddamn it, I want someone I can be happier with, someone I can wake up to every morning and just for a second appreciate everything that we are and share together - not this bullshit dating game where causality is norm and relationships are seen as something uncommon. 

Just for once, I want to feel wanted - needed - appreciated and loved. 

Someone to want me so close they can feel my heartbeat. 

Not this utterly empty feeling I wake up to.