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@klondikekween
“How can you say you love one person when there are ten thousand people in the world that you would love more if you ever met them? But you’ll never meet them. All right, so we do the best we can. Granted. But we must still realize that love is just the result of a chance encounter.”
— Charles Bukowski
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eight white nights
All I could think of was her collarbone and its gleaming suntan. The lady with the collarbone. The shirt and the collarbone. To a collarbone. This collarbone in two hundred years would, if it was cold in the icy silence of the tomb, so haunt my days and chill my dreaming nights that I would wish my own heart dry of blood. To touch and run a finger the length of her collarbone. Who was this collarbone, what person, what strange will come out to stop me when I wished my mouth on this collarbone? Collarbone, collarbone, are you not weary, will I be grieving over collarbones unyielding? I stared at her eyes and was suddenly speechless, my mind in disarray. The words weren’t coming. My thoughts were all tousled and scattered. I couldn’t even put two thoughts together and felt like a parent trying to teach an unsteady toddler how to walk by holding both hands and asking him to put one foot before the other, one word before the other, but the child wasn’t moving. I stumbled from one thing to the other, then stood frozen and speechless, couldn’t think of anything.
Let her know all this. For I also loved this. One more minute and I won’t even want to hide how thoroughly her stare had thrown me off and worn me down and made me want to spill everything. One more minute and I’ll break down and want to kiss her and ask to kiss her, and if she says no, absolutely not, then I don’t know, but knowing me, I’ll ask again. And I know she knows.
You are what you love, not what loves you.
I’ve decided that I’m a good person, and that I deserve good things to happen to me—and therefore I’ve decided that I’m going to pamper myself as much as possible. I’m gonna look for as much fun, I’m gonna look for as much fulfillment, I’m gonna look for as much ease—I’m gonna follow my ease, I’m gonna follow my bliss, I’m gonna follow my flow. I’m gonna follow the good feeling. I’m gonna let the good times roll. I’m gonna have a lot of fun, I’m gonna hang around with people that are fun to be with, I’m gonna look for reasons to feel good. I’m gonna keep a diary of good feeling things. I’m gonna call it my book of positive aspects. I’m gonna get a box. I’m gonna call it my creation box. I’m gonna throw all kinds of good stuff in it, and I’m gonna proclaim it as mine.
I’m going to accept the reality of this vibrational reality and I’m gonna go there as often as I can. I’m gonna bask. When I find myself basking, I’m gonna milk it with everything that I’ve got. I’m gonna look for other people that are doing the same. I’m gonna trust that Law of Attraction is gonna queue me up with them. I’m gonna feel less responsible to fewer people. I’m not gonna let other people make me feel guilty about what I’m doing. I’m not gonna take responsibility for where other people are, no matter who they are or how related they think they are to me. I’m gonna take no responsibility for how anybody else feels.
My marriage vows are going to say, “I like you pretty good, let’s see how it goes! I like you pretty good, let’s see how it goes; I just need to warn you that nothing that you do will have any effect on the way I feel. I’m good. I’ve got that one down. I’m not going to hold you responsible for how I feel, ever. So just please yourself and make yourself happy, because that’s what I plan to do.”
And if they go running and screaming away, afraid, then say, “Good! Good. This is good. Because I am queuing myself up for alignment. I had a death experience when I was 17, that showed me that life was supposed to feel good for me, and I am gonna figure out a way to carve that feeling out of every single day of my life experience, because that’s who I really am. That’s what I came to live!”
“You said once that you write to surprise yourself.”
Charlie: Yeah, that’s true. That’s a good one. I’m glad I said that. Yeah, I do. That’s important. It energizes the writing. You feel like, “Oh! That’s something I want to see, or something I never would have thought of.”
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He is sick with adoration for the women, who pay him no mind.
Because death, contrary to what everyone tells you, is not part of life. Death is God’s great blunder, and sunset and dawn are how he blushes for shame and asks for our forgiveness each and every day.
Find me.
- André Aciman
Lo, what I would say were words good enough. Words are good enough.
- The Argonauts
It’s idle to fault a net for having holes.
The Argonauts
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“You are the only person I’d like to say goodbye to when I die, because only then will this thing I call my life make any sense. And if I should hear that you died, my life as I know it, the me who is speaking with you now, will cease to exist. Sometimes I have this awful picture of waking up in our house in B. and, looking out to the sea, hearing the news from the waves themselves, He died last night. We missed out on so much. It was a coma. Tomorrow I go back to my coma, and you to yours. Pardon, I didn’t mean to offend— I’m sure yours is no coma.”
- Elio to Oliver (some years later)
“Find Cupid everywhere in Rome because we’d clipped one of his wings and he was forced to fly in circles.”
C.M.B.Y.N.
“I knew the feeling wouldn’t last long and that, as with all addicts, it was easy to forswear an addiction immediately after a fix.”
- Elio (post-Marzia fuck)
“Yes, I know what I’m saying and you’re not mistaking any of it. I’m just not very good at speaking. But you’re welcome never to speak to me again.”
Elio
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I called it the “swoon.” Why had I swooned? And could it happen so easily—just let him touch me somewhere and I’d totally go limp and will-less? Was this what people meant by butter melting?
And why wouldn’t I show him how like butter I was?
- Call Me By Your Name
“What I forgot to earmark in that promise was that ice and apathy have ways of instantly repealing all truces and resolutions signed in sunnier moments.”
André Aciman (Call Me By Your Name)
