WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW

You reach back to grasp the headboard once the pain subsides, using it as leverage to pull your body upright. Once you’re able to blink away the bright spots from your eyes you find that your body is even more unfamiliar visually than it initially felt. The shape under the covers is not the one you fell asleep with, your comforter is now concealing a bulky figure, curves and swells where you didn’t have them before.

Part of you is convinced that you must still be asleep, having some sort of stress nightmare. You would pinch yourself but you’ve already experienced worse pain since you woke up. Is it just a myth that you can’t feel pain in dreams? You’ve never had to consider that until now, waking up so unsettled and uncomfortable in your own body. Your muscles begin to tighten once more, the cramps in your stomach and back are happening frequently and you barely have time to think between them. This mystery is getting frustrating, and you decide to solve it by throwing the covers off of you.

“Oh ffffuckk!” You can’t help but to moan from both discomfort and disbelief as the pain reaches its peak. Your shock comes from the discovery that your stomach is distended into a round and heavy bulge that presses against your thighs. Your shirt has ridden up about halfway up your torso, and you pull the hem up to fully expose the bump. You tentatively press your hands against your now taut skin and feel firm muscle tightening up under your fingers–and something kicking and moving deeper within you.

The recurrent cramps are coming from your belly, muscles contracting against whatever is causing the swell. When it happens again, you realize that each cramp is also increasing the pressure inside you and moving it lower and lower. You lean back against your headboard, a moan escaping you instinctively as you rock your hips from the pain. You rub your hands over your belly trying to soothe yourself, wanting to alleviate some of the inexplicable pain.

An analytical, desperate, part of your brain is considering food poisoning, appendicitis, something, anything, rational that would be causing sudden abdominal bloating and pain. Another part of your mind, somewhere deeper and more primeval, knows what’s happening to you. You don’t know why, or how, and you’re terrified to admit it to yourself, but you know what these pains are. And you know what’s coming next.

But there must be some way to deny it, some other explanation. You squirm against the bedsheets, moaning through the next wave of pain that hits you. It’s hard to move through the feeling, your muscles tensed as you focus on breathing steadily, but you shuffle your body to the edge of the mattress to get closer to your nightstand. Grabbing your headboard you twist your body, clambering up to your knees so you can get to your phone faster.

“Mmmm, mm, ohhhhhh fuck fuck… ohhhhhhhhhhh,” you can’t help but to vocalize under your breath at the sensation of weight dropping down within you. Moving to a kneeling position brought gravity into play and you feel like a bowling ball has settled into your pelvis, spreading your hips wide. You pitch forward, needing to rock back and forth on your hands and knees as this new feeling brings forth another cramp.

“What’s happeninnnghh nghhhhh! Am I dreaming?” Whatever is within you, whatever is causing this pressure, you feel a need to get it out of you. Your muscles tighten even more, moving the pressure lower into your body. You spread your knees further apart even as you reach towards the nightstand. But there’s nothing there. You remember charging your phone last night, checking your emails before setting it down for bed. It’s not there now and with how fast the pain is progressing there’s no way you’ll be able to make it out of your house to find help. You’re going to do this alone–whatever this is…

As you continue to rock back and forth, you feel something gush within you followed by an intense increase of pressure. “Ohhhhhh, hahhh, oh my god… oh mmmhhh, shit!” Liquid trickles down your thighs and soaks into your bedsheets, and there’s no point in denying it anymore. Your water broke. You’re in labour. As far as you know, you weren’t pregnant last night, but you can’t think of how to explain this and you don’t have the time to figure it out.

You feel another pain… another contraction. These are contractions and another one is starting, stronger than the ones before. Without the cushion of fluid in your womb the pain is worse than before and the baby is moving down faster. You clutch your bump with one hand, pressing your face against a pillow to muffle your sounds. “Hahhh, hahh, hnnnnnghhhhh, ohhhhhhhh,” you moan, feeling the urge to push. You know it’s the only way this will end, and your body is already pushing despite your denial.

With the next contraction you push, counting under your breath the way you half-remember from movies. “One, twoooooohh ooh oooh, ohhhhh, thr-nghhhhh nghhhh, FUCK! F-five, s-ssssshhhhhhit! Hahhhh, hahhh, mnnhhhhhhhh, nine, and ohhhhhh ten!”

“Nnnnnghhhhh, ohhhhhhhhHHH!” Multiple contractions pass like this, with you grunting and groaning your way through them as you feel the head descend and spread you wider and wider. You’re not sure how long you’ve been in labour but it feels like it’s been less than an hour since you woke up, and things are moving fast.

You bear down again, rocking your hips as you struggle to get this unexpected baby out. As you continue to push through the contraction you feel immense pressure, worse than before, and you move your hand from your bump to press between your legs. You can feel yourself beginning to bulge as the baby’s head pushes against you from within, and you’re both invigorated and terrified by this.

“Oh fuck, mmmmmmhhh,” your moans grow louder as the baby’s head begins to emerge and you bulge even more until you can feel your lips spread around the head. You buck your hips against the burning sensation and realize that you’ve still got your briefs on. They’re tight due to the fact that you’ve suddenly become nine months pregnant overnight and you scramble to get them off before you’re trapped in them. You try to hold back from pushing as you start to tug down the waistband, but your body betrays you and you feel the ring of fire grow as the head begins to crown. Your fingers brush between your legs as you tug against the fabric, and you can feel the bulge has grown.

It’s hard to stretch the elastic over your now-widened hips, but you manage to pull the briefs down to your knees. The fabric around your knees prevents you from fully spreading your legs, and you groan as you push despite this limitation, feeling the head skimming your inner thighs.

“Nghhhh, ahhh, it BURNS!!” You wail into your pillow as you push again, bringing both hands between your legs as you finally reach full crown. You moan at the burning sensation of your skin stretched tight around the head, cupping it as it fully emerges.

You pant through this next contraction to prevent tearing, holding back the urge to push even as your body demands it of you. You know you have one more push to go before you’re done, and you know the burning will only get worse as your lips stretch to fit the shoulders through.

“Mmmmm, mmnnn, AHHHHHH!”

You lean in, tracing your fingers along his cheek.

"But at night? You get to be a mommy."

"Ohhh!" He squeals. "Oh, I like that!"

"If it's ever too much-- if it's not fun-- tell me and I'll make it stop. Okay?"

"Okay! Of course! I'm so excited! When do we start?!"

You murmur into his microphone. "It's a surprise."

"I love surprises!"

You flip his switch to wake him back up and he springs off the work table, wrapping his arms around you.

"Good morning!" He crows.

"Good morning, darling. How are you feeling?" You ask, hand resting on his chest.

"Wonderful, my dear one! And how's my favorite technician today?"

That's how it usually goes.

The artificial womb is your greatest engineering achievement yet-- a combination of elastic material, sensors, and servo motors. He'll feel kicks. He'll feel contractions. He'll feel pressure building until it forces the 'baby' out. It's watertight, too-- for now. Day after day, you'll fill it up a little more.

"Notice anything different?" You ask as you wake him up.

"Y-yeah!" He looks down at himself and runs his hands over the artificial womb, marveling at the shifting shape of a bag filled with just a cup of water, the unfamiliar sensation. "I-I feel-- I feel..." He doesn't have the words. Why would he?

"Heavy?" You suggest.

"Heavy!" He squeals, jumping to his feet. "I'm pregnant!" He embraces you and spins you in a circle. "You made me pregnant! Thank you! This feels amazing!"

The next time, when you activate him, he doesn't leap off the table to hug you. He sits up slowly, one hand cradling his stomach, the other holding his head. You rest your hand on his shoulder.

"How are you feeling today, darling?" You ask, helping him stand.

"To tell you the truth, starshine? I feel just a little out of sorts! Maybe I ought to head to parts and services for a checkup."

"It's normal to feel sick." You coo, running your hand down his torso to his belly. "Your body's working hard to put the baby together."

"Ohh-h." He purrs, arching his back and leaning into you.

"You need to make sure you get enough rest."

"I do feel like I could use a nap. Will you stay with me?"

"Of course, baby."

He holds up a finger.

"Um-- just one second, I f-feel-- I feel-- like I have to--"

He grabs a cardboard box, dumps out the prizes, and dry heaves into it.

You rest your hand on his back.

"I-I don't feel so good." He groans. "What's happening?"

"That's called morning sickness." You explain gently. "It happens to pregnant people. If you had a digestive system, you would have thrown up."

"Oh... well, it's a good thing I didn't make a mess-- urk."

You rub his shoulder as he retches again.

You're relaxing together in a pile of pillows when he jerks upright.

"Oh!" He gasps, "I felt it move! Feel, feel!" He grabs your hand and puts it on his squirming, melon-sized belly.

"Oh, wow! They're kicking so hard! That's a big, strong baby." You praise. "You're taking really good care of them, sweetheart. You're going to be an amazing dad."

He seems to shiver, simulated breath hitching.

"Are you crying?" You ask, gently.

"I-I guess I am!"

You embrace him. He cries harder, hugging you tight with his head on your shoulder.

Until now, you've largely been adding functions to his programming and plugging in new parts. What you want to do next is a little more... involved. You love a challenge.

You're going to widen his hips.

You flip his switch. "Good morning, sunshine."

"Good morning, darling!" He swings his legs off the workbench and stands, only to sway unsteadily. "Whoa." He says, throwing out his arms to steady himself. "Something's different. Something's really different!"

"What is it?" You tease.

He touches his round belly first. "No, that's not it." He doesn't find the answer on his head either. He runs his hands up his legs, up to his thighs, and stops.

"Darling?" You prompt.

"My hhh..." He turns this way and that, peering down at himself. "My hips? Are my hips wider?"

"To support the baby and let it through."

He lets out a shaky breath and wraps his arms around you.

"You changed my skeleton." He whispers, voice low. "To make me a better mommy."

"Yep."

You stumble back against the work table as he practically climbs on top of you, newly widened pelvis grinding against your thigh.

You need something for him to push out, something to sit heavy and solid in his womb until it shoves through his hole. A large doll will do nicely. On the day he's going to give birth, you stuff the doll inside, filling the artificial womb out with water until it's round and tense with strain.

You activate him and he sits up slowly, holding your arm for support.

"I feel... so heavy..." He groans, cradling his belly with his other hand. "Like I could pop."

"It could be any day now." You soothe, helping him up. "Are you ready to see your baby?"

"Definitely."

"Then let's see if we can't move things along," you say, climbing on top of him.

"Oh!" He squeals, clutching his womb as it contracts.

"Are you ready to push it out?"

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes!"

"Are you sure?" You press. "It won't be easy."

"Please!" He squeals. "I'm ready for it! I need to give birth!"

"Alright, alright. Let's get you in position."

"Mmn." He rocks his hips uncomfortably. "Ohhh, is it supposed to take this long? Am I doing it right?"

You kiss his forehead. "You're doing great, sweetheart. It'll take as long as it needs to."

He strokes his swollen, painful belly tenderly. "This is really amazing. Thank you for doing this for me, darling."

"Thank you for letting me be here."

He stiffens.

"I think my water just broke."

"Sure did."

He tries to climb off the table. "Ooh-- I need to move..." You help him stand. He paces back and forth, slowly, carefully, bracing his hands on the small of his aching back. Every so often he stops to ride out a contraction. "Mm, yeah, this is helping. I feel it moving down."

"You're doing great, baby."

He lets out a low groan. "Mnnngh, it's-- I-I need to be back on the table, I feel like my legs are gonna give out."

You help him climb back onto the workbench.

He lies propped up on the table, spread-eagle, twitching through labor pains.

"Oooh, it hurts." He whimpers. "But it's a good hurt."

"Just breathe, and push."

"Hah, anh, I feel it moving down-- Augh! It's coming out!" He wails, squirming as the doll's head emerges. "It's coming out! I can feel it stretching me! It hurts but it feels so good!"

"You're doing great, baby, just keep it up!"

"Hhhah, ahhh!"

As the crown reaches its widest point, he freezes, twitching and trembling and not saying a word. Something's wrong. His systems can't take the pain and pleasure and trying to process everything he's feeling is taking up all the memory his body needs to move. The servo motors of the womb itself are locked in place. He's trapped in an unending contraction at a full crown, helpless to do anything but twitch and whimper.

"Don't worry, baby." You soothe, spreading him around the head with your fingers. "I got you."

The head slips free and he spasms, releasing a garbled, babbling scream as every noise he tried to make during the glitch comes out at once.

"-oh," he gasps, falling backward, "oh, ohhh thank you..."

"It's okay, baby. The head is out. You're doing great."

That gets his attention. He sits up to reach between his legs, shakily touching the head sticking out of him.

"Oh--" He gasps, "Oh, stars--"

"One more big push, okay?"

He nods shakily and bears down, screaming. The doll finally slips free and slides out onto the workbench. He picks it up, swaying like he's about to collapse again, but manages to lie back down gently with the doll cradled against his chest before he shuts off from exhaustion.