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I fight for you as if I'm the one who's losing. Dreaming for you as if I'm the one the one who creates your nightmares Kissing your lips as if you are in dire need of my intimacy Speaking to you as if I am the one who needs to explain Calling for your presence as if I'm the one who has no ability to be without "love" Running around as if I'm the one the who needs make up for lost time You fight for me as if you're the one who's winning You dream for me as if you're the one who fights off my nightmares Kiss my lips as if I'll die without you're intimacy Speak to me as if you're in no position of explanation Call for my being as if you're guaranteed to accessibility to my LOVE You walk around as if you're the one who has all the time in my life

Holding it all in, hesitant yet anxious to exhale. Breaths, tears, laughter & smiles for sale They just collect dust in my lungs, behind my eyes, while clenching to my cheeks. It's just easier to suppress it all, pack the weight and pressure all to the bottom of my heart. It's now so empty, so steep. My movements dictated down to when I blink, cause I've let go before. Given control to "destiny's" fairy tale. Now I attempt to hold it together like water in my palms. Holding my breathe for healing refusing yet anxious to exhale Loosening my grasp on it all, afraid yet anxious to exhale The war between my new found paranoia and insecurities seep out as I gain contentness wich soon fails The desire to own my smiles my breaths. laughter and tears tip toes between my subconscious and reality. Forcing myself to believe I'm in complete control, without doubting it. We're all so afraid of the cycle we create ourselves. Relationships habits and vices that destroy our physical emotional and mental health. The continuous struggle with my emotions and logic are lessening, I want different and what I deserve it's only fair. So with my hands now in my pockets instead of in a tight clasp. I'm ready but yet anxious to exhale.

"Love" It's like they know each other. Like they were raised in the same house except they were raised in opposites Like they sat down together to decide that they will engage in life on 'ithis search A search that won't be complete until we fill this void A void in which they have no clue as to which words describe it best. Except for the scheme of one. Love. Yet, they destroy every woman and child in their path due to their uncertainty Loving the best way they know at the time period They've encountered love no one else in the world has witnessed. One from both a woman who would have died for him in connection with children who love to live for him The other encountered the only woman he will "love" as deeply as she will genuinely, sharing the same need for his son. They must have decided to have a much more recent pow wow. Had to have decided to engulf the values associated with what feels right. He says I'm going to prioritize his youngest and shut out the rest. They'll understand, they know my thought process. They'll know I still "love" them The other he says his decisions aren't him, he's made mistake and he wants to make it right but don't watch what I do. My actions are out of loneliness not "love". You know I "love" you. All the woman and children simply engrave they're names in their "men's" heart in hopes they can leave a permanent mark. These men did the same subconsciously. Leaving more than a mark. More like a portal. The portal excudes "love" Accept that such a word to them, is impossible .

"Ain't no other girl living who love you the way I could" #CatchMeWhileICare (at PLAY Lounge)

He walks like you, lanky with a cool bounce. Another one laughs like you, obnoxious with his tongue out. This other one smiles like you faint yet potent dimples. His eyes big like yours, feel like they're staring into my soul like you used too. This one guy talks like you, who sounds just like me. Because we were once together,full, now we're separated and so empty. She moves like her, disregarded and ignorant. All the other girls look like her, pretty, petite yet typical. Another one I see regularly thinks the way she does too. Impulsive, codependently. Because you both think the same, attempting to convince yourselves that this was the right decision. Displaying that new full glass yet feeling more empty than you both felt prior. You see me in your mind every time you look at her. She reminds you of what you had and what you don't have now. You believe I'm an angel who deserves a god, that maybe in the future you could be for me. She's not stupid and well aware of your uncertainties as they validate her insecurities. You tell her words that ease give her "love" that diverges distraction, your heart. I see a lost boy who I fell for. I saw you as the God you see I deserve. I knew you better than you knew yourself. Yet I stayed. Yet i perpetrated taking my time as much as you did. So no one finger can be pointed. I just hope you learn as much as I did. Teach her what I taught you. Maybe you'll fill the void you couldn't overflow with me. We're empty apart until you feel full on your own.

Can't kill yourself living for someone else..

..Revenge is sweet but success is sweeter.. #AmbitiousGirl #gotCurls? #EyebrowSecretForSale

"One sided.." #SheWrites -My other outlet. Thank you for the support @cksera

Can you silence my voices of insecurity? Offer a new world order to my past? Make dry where my eyes should be and moist where my love should inhabit? Exude truth where inconsistency has hibernated? Create passion where I am stagnant? At ease what I've replaced paranoia as my "safety" blanket? Negate all anxiousness forced from high hopes who partnered disappointment ? Yell my name to the world without hesitation but admiration? Open your heart,mind and soul to allow me to creat you while you creat me? Utilize our time for more than a youth thrill but the creation of an empire? #SheWrites #MyPenSpeaks Tag if you repost please !

Holding my heart without your hands. More like your lips it cannot withstand. It's like you put her on a shelf and show her some love once in a while. Some subtle kisses, words, terms of endearment, occasional warm smiles. She takes it all in Iike jotting it down in her diary. She wants to leave with you like dream employer but she says "I know he won't hire me". You tell her all the thing she needs to hear,make her feel like a woman should, like she should not have one fear. When you leave or express uncertainty of her ownership you disguise it as "Maybe one days or Soon some days" leaving her with false hope you'll purchase. Yet you call her one of a kind and irreplaceable. It's like you put her on a shelf, put her in your arms for a moment, make love to her , lay her down facing away from you. She'll always feel your warmth and "security" but without assurance from any truth in your eyes, she's just imagining any possible genuine purity. She starts to recognize a pattern when you pick her up and put her down. Not being able to explain her fluctuating sense of reasonable doubt. Words and more words without consistent action she then asks a couple questions. Do you love me? Want me? Do you really care? You pretend to be taken back, offended hurt like it's not fair. There goes those words, terms of endearment,laying her down. Attempting to convince her she's paranoid and shouldn't speak another sound. She listens, maybe it's her, she's being insecure because it's like you put her on a shelf, a pedestal, in the clouds closer to heaven. So how could she be so unsure?

" My escape from everything Please say you'll be my nothin And I will give you everything "