
JVL
styofa doing anything
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
AnasAbdin

izzy's playlists!
h
almost home
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

⣠Chile in a Photography ā£

Andulka

PR's Tumblrdome
ojovivo
dirt enthusiast

titsay
Today's Document
i don't do bad sauce passes
YOU ARE THE REASON

if i look back, i am lost
RMH

seen from Spain
seen from Türkiye

seen from Mexico

seen from South Africa
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Spain

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Singapore
seen from Colombia

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from Singapore

seen from Malaysia

seen from Estonia

seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
@kingsten

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
the groom's post-wedding dinner speech:
Peter takes the mic from the table.
"..."
If people were close enough, they would be able to see the small tremor of his hand. He looks around at the packed room, feeling nothing but nervousness. He's not sure why -- it's a room full of people he mostly knows, except for the few he doesn't on Brian's guest list. They had decided to keep it small too, for this very reason, and yet, he felt nervous. Nerves, because it was his first time declaring something as bold as loving someone to an entire crowd of people; of people he really cared for.
Peter thinks a least a minute has passed. The room is still just as quiet, but it's so for a reason. All the eyes on Peter are patient, giving him the time that he needs.
"I'm sure some of you know, I'm not... much of a speaker so I'm sorry ahead of time... if I don't make you cry like Brian did during his speech." If Peter wasn't so nervous, he'd be able to hear the laughs given to him.
"Thank you for coming. All of you. I hope the food is okay... and if it isn't, you really have to talk to Brian about because that was the one thing he was in charge of. But uh, I'm sure you all know but I hate beating around the bush with this kind of thing and I don't want to overstay for something like a dinner speech so I'll just say what I tried to practice for the past few weeks. I'm sorry if none of it makes much sense."
There's still a small tremble in both his voice and hands, until he feels the warmth of Brian's palm, pressed right up against the small of his back. He leans into it some what, and takes a deep breath. When he empties his lungs, he feels ready.
"I've never... confessed this to anyone, maybe even to myself till some time ago. For those that know us both, everyone always thinks Brian was the one that had his eyes on me a little longer than he should've when we first met. And I'm not sure why it's taken me this long to tell you this, but."
Peter turns to his side, meeting Brian and Brian's eyes only.
"I've been in love with you a long time before. Even before the first day you think we met at the cafe, when I ordered and americano and you accidentally gave me a latte instead.
I was in love with you almost an entire year before, actually.
It was... strange. I really never believed in love at first sight, and I still don't think I believe in it. May it wasn't love at first sight, but it was special, and unlike anything I could have even tried to dream of experiencing.
I saw you six years ago at Gare du Nord.
You were playing (Place Name of Song) Here, with you and your acoustic guitar. I think it was even a little out of tune."
Somewhere in the room towards the back, Jae laughs.
"I don't know what it is that made my heart sink hearing you sing. Whether it was the fact that you choice one of the busiest, crossroad stations of Paris to sing at, or if it was at how well your voice projected down that long hall as if to reach me and touch me where no one else could at the time... or simply, if it was how happy you looked singing by yourself, doing nothing else but.
I don't know what it was, but I fell in love with you at Gare du Nord that day.
I came back the next day, mindlessly. Before I even realized it, I was purposely retracing my steps from the night before hoping that you'd be at the end of it. And you were. Something about it felt right, when everything else that week had felt out of place.
So I kept coming back.
Commuting through Gare du Nord before you was one of my least favorite experiences in Paris. After a long day of work, I wanted nothing less but to walk through a busy station, full of a sea of tired, lifeless end-of-the-day workers. But after seeing you sing your heart out to anyone that would listen, I came every night, hoping to get to hear you sing. I know for you, it was an open ended song; but for me, it felt like you were singing to me.
For me.
At me.
There were days you weren't there. I know I had no right, but I got a bit upset on those days. The station was full of people, but it still felt empty without your presence filling it. And yet on the days you were back, you were the same as always, never any different and singing your songs again. You were somehow, the only constant variable in my life at the time and I fell in love with you, a man that didn't even know me, that didn't even see me."
Peter pauses, and for quite some time. The guests again, are respectful of it, the silence rather comfortable more than not. Peter grasps at the mic again, more firmly, this time with two hands.
"I like who Iām when Iām with you. You are my day off. I'm free when I'm with you. I have never been more alive than when Iām with you. I am me when I am with you. I like who we are together. Who we will be together."
"Thank you for letting me be yours, and you mine. Brian Fucking Kang, I'm so stupidly in love with you."
@kingsten
@cir in response to the very last para of thisĀ
*eye emoji* @kingsten
"Are you nervous?" Brian asks, as a clear attempt to lighten the mood.
Peter laughs, giving a nod. "Yeah."
Peter's situated on top of Brian's lap, both their shirts thrown somewhere haphazardly on the floor. Neither of them are drunk, but they have the kind of buzz lovers give each other; colored in the kind of red and rut of being in such close proximity of each other.
"Why are you nervous?" Brian brings his face closer, even closer than he's held it before. He searches for Peter's eyes, looking beyond his gaze and really holding it there as if he wants the answer from their exchanged glances, not even from his lips. Peter looks away towards elsewhere until he can't quite run from it, giving into Brian and letting him consume him from the inside out.
"I... I don't know. It... it feels different." Peter mumbles. He breaks their gaze once more, and instead creates a bit of distance between them for a moment.
"Bad different?" Brian asks, his hands now settling at Peter's waist again. His thumbs brush over the exposed bit of his skin, tracing circles along his hip bone, mindlessly. Everything Brian does to him is habitual, without thought and natural. And everything he does makes him cave, bit by bit.
"No, a good different. But still... different."
"Should we wait?" Brian leans back a bit now too, with the same smile on his face that has yet to disappear. He's handing over the choice back to him again. Peter hates the way that Brian looks hone even in this given moment, faultless and just breathtaking.
Peter gives a firm shake of his head, before closing the space between them again. He places their foreheads together, closing his eyes for a moment. In the moment, Brian watches him carefully and again, doing what he does so habitually ā reveling in every bit of detail of Peter that only he gets to see from so close. Everything from the little, tiny freckle along the outline of his jaw to the short baby hairs right by his ears.
"I want you." Peter says, making sure he hears it.
"Good." Brian replies.
He immediately presses their lips together again and goes further to meet their tongues together, messily so. It's Peter that has to break it a second time just to breathe, and instead of waiting, Brian slips over to Peter's neck, pressing a bunch of fleeting kisses there. It elicits a certain sigh from Peter ā the kind that made Brian a bit more impatient.
Peter's hands start sliding down Brian's chest, then his abdomen, until it settles on his jeans. Even without looking, he helps him unbutton them, tugging down at the zipper. Peter's hand slips in, his palm pressing over Brian's boxers, feeling over him until Brian lets out a grunt.
Brian's arm naturally reaches out for the drawer by the lamp stand next to them, taking out a few condoms and bringing one over to start to rip open.
"Don't... don't take it out." Peter exclaims, taking the packaging from Brian's hands, and placing it back on the counter. Brian, looking a bit baffled watches him, not understanding. "I mean... I mean, I don't... I don't want you to put it on." Peter says, a bit shyly almost. "If that's okay."
Brian's eyes turn from being bewildered to being dazed, and he doesn't respond for a while. This makes Peter anxious instead, wondering if he shouldn't have said anything or given the suggestion. "I mean, I just thought it would be nice toā" Peter doesn't get to finish, as Brian shifts the both of them, with Peter now laying on his back with Brian hovered over him.
Brian positions himself and ever so slowly pushes in, his eyes never leaving Peter's face to take note of his reaction. He feels Peter tensing up beneath him, until he places a palm by his hip bone, caressing the outline of it there. He also places a kiss by his collarbone, tracing it until he feels Peter begin to relax, letting him in more and more.
"Are you okay?" Brian asks, sweet and caring even during this kind of time. It's written in his furrowed brows, full of concern. Brian's kissing him now, and Peter wonders how he could possibly pretend to care about anything and anyone else when he's got his dick deep in him.
"I'm fine." He mumbles, still kissing Brian. Brian chuckles at the way Peter's lovely stubbornness is right up against the corner of his lips. "Just move slowly..." Peter places his hands onto Brian's shoulders, quickly adding, "... please." He's whining a bit now, just extremely needy of Brian, and everything he's not giving him at the moment.
They move a bit off sync to start with, then find a rhythm together, more so guided by Peter. Peter supports himself by using Brian's shoulders still, and Brian's got his hands grasping around Peter's back, with a firm grip.
"Fuck." Peter hisses in French, the one to break first, with a voice starting that's started to shake.
"You know when you curse during sex I get turned on."
"You get turned on when I curse at any time of the day." Peter mutters in between a few groans. Peter pushes a hand into Brian's hair to tug on it a bit from behind, as if to ask him to pay full attention to him again.
"Can you say my name?" Brian asks, in the softest tone. It's a genuine request, as Brian tucks his fingers below Peter's chin to adjust their gazes together.
Peter responds easily, his mouth already open. "Fuck, Brian... Brian, Brian..." He repeats it enough for it to almost becoming a chant and trance-like, until Brian shuts him up with another kiss, both their moans now muffled between each other's lips.
"And can you tell me thatā"
"I love you." Peter says clearly and distinctly, already having been ready to answer his question before he asked it. "I love you, Brian." Peter repeats, with even more affirmation, then again, with his lips pressed up against his in yet another kiss.
"Je t'aime et seulement toi."
ģė ᓱᓰᓰᓵᓱ | do not edit.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Fall: September.
Peter lifts his head but doesn't bother even trying a smile. "Hey."
"Hey?" Junmyeon doesn't offer a smile either, and it's one of the traits Peter has admired about him, even if they've really only met in person a few times that he could count on one hand.
"Am I allowed to come in?"
"..."
"..."
"Do I have a choice to send you away?"
"Not really."
They both give a half snort before Junmyeon cracks the door open fully and Peter makes his way in. Even if he doesn't see it, he knows Junmyeon's watching him more carefully than he shows, simply at the request of Brian.
Peter would have his eyes all around Junmyeon's house, curious about his interior choices and furnishings -- but he just doesn't have it in him, and definitely not the leisure. He has a hundred thoughts in his head but at the same time, none that he can fully articulate, not even to himself, let alone another person.
"Sorry for barging in." He heads straight to the first chair he sees, placing his luggage by the side before leaning his body's weight against the chair. "I'll leave tomorrow night. I had the choice to just buy a ticket straight back to Paris at the airport when I landed, but they said the first ticket out wasn't direct and I really didn't want to get on a plane with two connecting stops and..."
Peter looks up at this moment, because it's not like of him to be running his mouth so much and he's expected the other to stop his rambling at some point. Instead, Junmyeon's eyes are trained on him, just letting him finish. He wonders why he's given so much patience, when they barely much know each other. It's strange, but he sees the same warmth in Junmyeon that is in Brian, and it's both welcoming and disheartening at once.
"I just need a place to sleep a couple of hours... and the hotels around here are extremely over priced. And... I don't really know the area anyway. I... I don't know. I'm not sure." He feels much unlike himself, making so many excuses.
The raw truth is that he doesn't want to be alone, at least not tonight.
Junmyeon doesn't respond right away. It makes Peter nervous for some odd reason, until Junmyeon comes over to him and makes a motion with his fingers.
"Give me your jacket and go take a shower."
Fall: October.
"May not be my place to ask this, since I know you're not much of a talker... but." He crosses his arms and tilts his head. There's pity spread all across his face, and Peter feels even worse because of it. "You doing alright? Like I said, I don't mean to intrude, but you've been making a lot of small mistakes that's very unlike you, the most detail oriented person I know at this company."
"And beyond your work... you just haven't seemed the same."
Peter grips the laptop at his side a little tighter. He doesn't know why he should have to feel this defensive about his state of being. Right now, in this moment, all he wants to do is exist, and even that seems overbearing and difficult. He felt better compared to a month ago, or at least ā
He was mistaking feeling less for feeling better.
"I'm doing okay." He manages to say, adjusting his glasses. "It's just the busy season, I think." There's a bit of silence before Peter realizes he's supposed to say more. "Oh, and I got a cat. Maybe it's the cat." Peter murmurs, his voice starting to crawl into a hole of it's own. He's starting to mumble, and he's hiding his fingers behind his back, fumbling with them. Brian would've told him he was doing the thing, and even now he's still lingering in his thoughts.
"It is the cat. Definitely the cat. I didn't know cats were so much work."
"A cat." His boss says.
"A cat." Peter repeats.
His boss doesn't look convinced at all, but to Peter's thankfulness, he drops the topic of conversation. "Alright, well. Just shave every once in a while, at least when you come into the office. And some sleep. Even HR is getting worried if we're abusing you from your dark circles."
"Thanks for the warning."
"Not a warning, just a suggestion." The other hands over a folder to Peter, before adding, "...as a friend."
Normal him would've said something a bit impulsive and possibly offensive, but he's got no energy for it. Instead, he gives another thanks with a nod of his head.
Winter: February.
He paints his nails, black.
It's something he had always thought about doing, but never did because of a fear of being seen a certain way. As unprofessional. Weird. Hipster. Strange. Goth.
Gay.
Maybe he wasn't as comfortable with himself as he had thought to be. And yet, he had given Brian so much fire for being too careful about their relationship around outside peers, his fans, and his parents.
"You know I'm gay, right?" Peter asks, or more so states. He's playing around with his fingers while sitting besides Dowoon at the restaurant table.
It brings up a blink from Dowoon, who swallows something down his throat. Even if Dowoon's slightly out of his line of sight, the redness of his ears is enough for Peter to know ā and it's not from the alcohol in front of them.
"Uh, yeah, I know. I.. I know."
"Okay."
A wave of silence passes, and he hears Dowoon swallowing a few more times. He laughs, and Dowoon gives him a strange look at him.
"Why are you laughing?" Dowoon asks, genuinely curious.
"Because of you." Peter answers. "And I think I'm tipsy."
"That's nice. I mean. Not being drunk, but... I mean..." Peter notes the way his ears grow even redder, and begin to wonder what's more red between him and the wine in his glass. "I like it when you laugh."
Another bit of quietness rests between them, before Dowoon looks like he wants to say something. Instead, he leans near, close enough for it to be questionable. He doesn't move any closer, and instead lets Peter decide for himself. Peter closes the remaining distance between them, pressing their lips together.
Up till now, he had thought it better that Brian remained an absence so that they remained a question. And yet, in this very moment, it no longer felt like a question, and more than an answer ā and the wrong one.
Spring: April.
"Maybe the universe is telling you to move on."
"I think you're telling me to move on." Peter replies, giving his best friend a look.
"So I'm your universe now? Predictable. I always knew you were in love with me. I get it. You're into the best friends to lovers trope. Maybe we can make it happen."
"Uh huh." Peter runs the tip of his thumbs around the rim of his cup, staring at the coffee in it. It's long lost it's warmth, distasteful and lukewarm. He feels quite like it, just as in between even with two entire seasons past. "I'm taking time off. I asked for brunch because I was wondering if that... photographing across Europe trip together was still on the table."
"You mean the trip we planned together in middle school?" Youngjin raises a brow, with a playful grin.
"Merde. We planned that in middle school?"
"You were way more full of dreams when you were younger. Remember, you wanted to get married to an electric violinist and be in a traveling band with them with two kids exactly two years apart. Also with six cats or one hamster. And also wanted to become the first Spanish-Asian president of Spain or something."
"Right."
"Working in a cubicle definitely changed you. But..." Youngjin nudges at Peter's side, meeting his eyes. "...the adventurer Pillie still in there somewhere."
"Sure."
"I know because I saw bits of it again when you were dating him."
Summer: May.
āYouāre leaving for work tomorrow morning?ā
"Yeah, I... wasnāt really thinking when I got on the plane and accidentally used up all my vacation days.ā A genuine laugh leaves Peter, as he scratches the back of his neck.
āI thought you always had like three or four weeks saved by this time of the year?ā Brian is more observant of him now, if he could be any more so than before.
"Well I did..." Peterās hand remains at his neck, now itching at the other side. Even if Peter doesnāt remember so, Brian knows him too well. Itās a habit of his when he gets embarrassed, especially when accompanied by his eyes falling downward to the ground, as they go. āA month ago.ā
Brian processes what Peterās said only afterwards, and it leaves him thinking for a while. Itās strange to imagine Peter of all people not thinking; especially with something as time and energy consuming as flying overseas. Brian tries to imagine it but for some reason canātā yet when he gets another look at him, he knows itās the truth. Itās in his disheveled gaze, to his messy hair, unshaven face, and wrongly buttoned shirt.
Nothing about him seems like Peter, yet his smile is the same.
āSo you canāt...ā stay, he wants to say, but decides on another word. Heās only just come back so it seems too selfish of him to ask of something as heavy. ā...come grab breakfast with me tomorrow.ā Brian wonders if his smile is enough to assume, or if thatās dangerous.
Peter looks up at him, and his eyes are doing much more of the talking than his words are. Itās the regret lining them; the rue overcasting them.Ā āMm, no.ā
āOkay.ā Brian replies.
The street lamp above them flickers a few times, and Peterās lashes do the same as he blinks quite intentionally once, then twice. His eyes peek over to Brian another time, before letting out a subtle sigh.Ā
āCan I... try something?ā
ā...depends on what it is.ā Brian replies, and surprises Peter with the response. The Brian he knew wouldn't hesitate to take him up, allow for him to knock at his door and open it without thought. Peter's not used to this Brian, and he seems foreign. Not familiar.
Even Brian seems a bit unsure of his reply, lips still parted open as if he wants to correct himself ā but also knowing better than to allow Peter in any deeper. It makes Peter smile again, because itās respectable, and so different than the man he knows. But instead of letting him give another answer, Peter brings him in for an embrace, throwing his arms around his neck. He buries his head in the crook of him, closing his eyes.
The first thing Peter notices is his change in scent. Itās again, not familiar, but at the base of it still yells Brian. Itās comforting in that way, although new and exciting all at the same time. Itās only when he feels Brianās hands settling warmly on his back that he lets himself stay there even a bit longer, as if having gotten the permission to do so.
Even in the short moment, Peter tries his best to stretch out time. Not because he wants to linger in it more, but because it seems like heās been waiting for this bit for the past year.
"If not breakfast... can I take you out to eat a late dinner?"
"Yes." Peter answers, with such certainty and without missing a beat that it surprises Brian. "Please." Peter adds, staying in his arms for a beat too long, with the answer he's gotten over the seasons.
@kingsten
I will not excuse this mess I will however bless this mess
@kingsten
i loved everything about this
@cir Brianās Inefficient Guide on How To Deal With A Breakup (Part. 2.)
Step 9. Think about how this list is becoming a little too long.
Itās time to understand that no matter how long you think about it you wonāt ever be able to pinpoint the exact point you messed up. There were problems long before going on tour, maybe even began shortly after they got together... either way, in time, youāll understand that drunk Brian actually has the right idea. He understands youāre both wrong ā and youāre both right. And eventually, both sides of you will know that if given the chance youād do it all over again. Ok. there are things youād change but at the center of your heart you know that you did love him and that you still do. Part of you will always have a special place in your heart just for him, but itās over. Itās done and you canāt keep beating yourself over the head with idealism and what if scenarios.
Itās time to get to know yourself.
So, Brian makes a plan. Itās time to set aside the inefficient means of self healingā he goes back to the places heās gone to before but never got to explore and even visit new places. He finds Sungjin makes a great travel companion and friend and through him he gets to re-experience Europe. They travel all over, sometimes together, sometimes they part ways and meet up somewhere else. Those trips he takes on his own are the most eye opening, learning the history of other people and couples he meets, he lets go of the past and starts to find that thereās stories tucked in every corner of the world but try as he might, he canāt avoid home forever.
Margate.
It feels different this time around, coming home with the intention to stay rather than pass through. The plan is to stick around awhile, spend a month there and help his parents out at the shop and let himself be at peace. Allow himself this time to think about the past and work up the nerve on how to tell them ā his parents about You. Me. Us. Itās nearing his last week when fate decides to do the work for him: the internet becomes his enemy when a past video resurfaces. The one when he was drunk at that party and kissed Jae... and God, itās not exactly a push ā more like a complete shove off a cliff.
Heās seated at the kitchen table, the one theyāve had practically his whole life with his Mom on his left. Dad on his right and a bowl of fruit in the middle in a wooden bowl thatās also older than he is. Itās deathly silent as they wait for his explanation and it feels unnatural to him because this is the first time his mom isnāt talking over him. When he gains the courage to look them both in the eye he takes a deep breath in and begins. Their story.
And itās the first time he doesnāt run away, doesnāt try to be a peacekeeper or pushover. He says what heās been needing to. Letās his mom say her piece but doesnāt back down.
Itās a change heās been mentally working on and though his mom doesnāt take the news well... his dad, finds him later when heās packing and much to his surprise, asks the hardest question Brian has been avoiding: āDo you still love him?ā
Itās not until his dad drives him to the airport later that evening when everything hits and he just lets it. Thatās when he lets the emotions take their course, tear into him. Itās hard not to when all he can think is how much Peter wouldāve liked this sunset or that Jae mentioned by accident that Peterās been getting close to his neighbor these days (among everything else going on.) In a way, itās a relief to know heās not boxing himself up. Maybe, heās better for their breakup. Maybe this new one will be better suited for him.
His heart feels both heavy and light at the same time when his dad tells him to have a safe trip and not to worry. His mom will come around in her own time.
Step 10. See him again.
Life before he knows it becomes a bit easier.
He helps Tom move to Seoul and will stay with him for awhile, just until Mikoto gets things settled in Japan. Itās the one place he hasnāt lived, hasnāt even visited before even though itās the birthplace of his parents. Itās an opportunity for a brand new start with his best friend. Jina has wanted him to go since he was 13 and even Sungjin mentions he wants to revisit family and try a few new food restaurants that have opened up there since he last visited. Itās perfect.
Thereās a jazz festival in Paris that fills in the gap between when theyāre supposed to go and when the lease is up on his apartment. He can stay with Jae until itās time for him to leave for Seoul which gives them the opportunity to catch up, figure out the band thing and what direction theyāre going with that.
Everything falls into place one after the other.
When the festival comes, his only agenda that week is spend that last week in Europe enjoying himself and he does exactly that: sees old friends, plays tour guide by dragging Sungjin around up until the day of the jazz festival.
The festival is everything he dreamed and more and itās the first time he loses himself in the music since their breakup. Thereās nothing else that exists in that moment except him and the piano musicā at least not until Sungjin elbows him, hard, in the side, dragging Brian back into reality. Sungjin motions for him to move closer and talks over the music. He mentions something about someone trying to gain his attention. With a curious look, Brian turns and freezes the second he sees him. Peter. And even with his back to him, Peterās presence though small and quiet speaks louder than the music. It drowns out everything else effectively and without thinking he grabs Peter by the hand, making him turn to look at him. When their eyes meet, thereās a clear answer to his dadās question: yes, he is still in love with him.
Step 10. Give love a second chance .
from_youngk: YoungK - Heartbeat (Christopher cover) 2020.03.07. KST 6PM Day6 Official Youtube Channel
@cir Brianās Inefficient Guide on How To Deal With A Breakup Ā (Part. 1)
Aka the ACTUAL long ass thing i promised you a week ago :3c

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
CELINE: So often in my life Iāve been with people and shared beautiful moments like traveling or staying up all night and watching the sunrise, and I knew it was a special moment, but something was always wrong. (...) But Iām happy to be with you. You couldnāt possibly know why a night like this is so important to my life right now, but it is. I think this is a great morning.Ā
JESSE:Ā It is a great morning. Do you think weād have other mornings like this?
@cir āāā 14.) The timeline in which they took a chance they didnāt in canon.
Brian traces the silver band on Peterās ring finger.Ā
Itās an unpretentious piece of vintage work with an engraving of a mostly worn away rose. Peter shifts, pouting even in his sleep from the sunlight hitting his face. Brian watches quietly, curious of what Peterās reaction will be when he wakes up. Brian can hardly remember most of what transpired the night prior but itās coming back to him in hazy fragments but mainly the crumpled 77$ receipt from a wedding venue with their vows messily scrawled out on the back is the main indicator that last night was not a dream.Ā
Peter, after sleeping in for a few more minutes stirs again. He groans, rubs his eyes with his hands then freezes in that position. Brian holds his breath as Peter pulls his hand away to inspect the cold metal while still half asleep, half hangover. It takes a minute for the significance to register then his eyes cut suddenly to Brian who holds up his own hand to show off the near identical ring on his own hand.Ā
āāāĀ
āWe met at a partyā Peter states but Brian shakes his head.Ā āor it was the cafe?ā
āI think it was in that one classā remember?ā At least thatās when he thinks is the first time he saw Peter. āBusiness fourteen something. I showed up for three classes but couldnāt understand french so I dipped.ā Jaeās eyes roll so hard the wired frames slip down to the bridge of his nose and he slides them back up. āI donāt care about how you met I just want to know why you got married? Who the fuck gets married after knowing each other half a year?ā Ā Ā
āActually, weāve known each other five months and a half. I know because we met after Peterās birthday andāĀ ā Jae and Peter both give Brian a hard look and his voice falls but he finishes his thought. āand Itās...uh, now... december.ā then sits back in his chair. Jae holds the look longer than Peter before he turns back to his cousin and shakes his head.Ā āRIP to your taxes.... have you even told your mom yet?ā Itās a valid question and Brianās ears perk up though he doesnāt expect that he has given Brian hasnāt mentioned it to his own parents either.
Itās a bridge theyāll cross once they get to it.
Now, regardless of the time and date of their technical first meeting. Brian likes to think that their official meeting was in the metro, while waiting for the last train to come. He remembers this clearly because it was the first time heād seen Peter outside of the cafe or rather, to be more specific, without a laptop in front of his nose. Sure, even in this case it was tucked safely beneath his arm to be opened on the chance that thereās a free seat available.Ā
āWhat are you always working on?ā Brian asks, sitting down without invitation in the seat across from Peter. The fact Peter is distracted enough by the question to leave his laptop closed is a small victory in Brianās book.
āExcuse me?āĀ
Brian is used to Peterās blunt speech. In the cafe he quietly says his order then goes back to being silent unless heās on a business call. The lonewolf silent type is kinda Peterās thing even when in the midst of a group of coworkers. But thereās something about him that catches Brianās attention and heās been working slowly to chip away at that outer exterior by bringing him extra sweets on the side in an effort to get to that other side of Peter that Brianās yet to see but knows is there. And tonight heās got a few minutes to kill. Theyāre not exactly strangersā at least not by Brianās definition. They both have a few stops before they part ways. What better time than now? āAre you a business man? My dad is always working on finance stuff on his laptop too.ā Peter remains silent. Brian takes it as his sign to continue.Ā āHe owns a shop. A cafe bookshop in Jersey.āĀ
āSo you are American.ā Peter speaks up and it catches Brian by surprise. āI thought you might be Canadian.āĀ
The fact Peter thought about him makes Brian grin a little before he nods.
Thatās the subject that breaks the ice and gets them to talk, so much so that Brian misses his stop but pretends that heās getting off at the same station as Peter where they both get off then talk even more. Brianās able to draw out interesting thoughts and commentary from Peter and vice versa. Things like what Peter does on his laptop to discussing their biggest fears, observations of their surroundings and their shared experiences of being only children are brought up. They even touch on the topic of love and how it impacted Brianās recent breakup and Peterās long past break up.Ā
Itās in the middle of that that his phone vibrates, cutting them both off mid-sentence.
āOh, Iāve kept you for too long.ā Peter says apologetically as he glances around their surroundings, uncertain of what time it is but Brian shakes his head.Ā āHonestly, I couldāve stayed on that subway until...forever. I like talking to you.ā He says before taking another glance at his phone.Ā āItās just. Thereās this thing I promised a friend that Iādā ā
āItās ok.ā Peter interrupts.Ā āItās late and we should both head home.āĀ
Brian nods.Ā āYeah. Iām sorry for interrupting your evening. I know you said that you had work to do and God, Itās so lateā Iām sure you havenāt eaten yet.āĀ
āNo, no, no itās alright. I donāt eat after 7.āĀ
āIs that like a french culture thing?ā Brian asks, curious. He doesnāt get it but he can begrudgingly respect it. It tells him Peterās very disciplined or likes schedules which he couldāve guessed. Peter laughs, and it still strikes Brian how much his whole face changes with it even as he shakes his head.Ā āDoesnāt everyone do that?ā Peter replies, eyes still warm. Brian almost forgets to answer the question. After a beat he finds his words.Ā āOh,uh, I sometimes wake up at like 2 AM to make ramyeon. Donāt tell my roommates but itās the only time i donāt have to share with them.āĀ
āYou should get going then. Is it your roommates wanting to know where you are?ā Peter comments, nodding to Brianās hand when the phone goes off repeatedly. āItās the group chat. Nothing important.ā
Just Jae asking where the fuck is Brian. Kate wondering why the hell hasnāt Brian shown up yet. Angelina wondering when more drinks are coming and the inevitable: who is going to kick these people out of the house after their social filters take a nosedive after the clock strikes midnight in, roughly an hour to thirty minutes.
Yet, Brian is still hesitant to say goodbye. Peter doesnāt move either and itās almost as if heās waiting for Brian to make the first move to end their time together.Ā
āSo thereās this party over at my place tonight. I ā I say that like itās not going on right now but you should come over and we can have a few drinks, talk about uh what did you say youāre reading Fred....?ā
āFriedrich Nietzsche.āĀ
āWait, like, for fun?ā Brian has to take a minute to let that information sink in and almost reconsiders his previous invitation because frankly he canāt think of anything more boring than Nietzshe. Peter shifts his weight, waiting for Brian to get back to the point. āOk, maybe we wonāt talk about that but do you want to go? Iām sure by now youāve figured out Iām not a psycho.āĀ
"What if I am?ā Peter smirks. Brian gives him a once over, standing back like heās truly considering the possibility then leans in close, too close.Ā āI donāt know what if Iām into that?ā Peter grows quiet again, blinking a few times and uncertain of what Brianās about to do before the other leans away again.
āCome to the party with me.ā Brian turns up the charm voice low, warm and inviting. āItāll be fun.ā Peter knows exactly what heās doing. Itās clear by now that heās hinting for him to at least stay the night. He could say no, tell him that heās not interested in parties but then he gives a small nod and the rest of the night moves in a blur. That tends to happen when Brian is involved. Time seems to blur from one minute to the next in the way that:
One minute theyāre in the park, thenĀ the vague familiarity ofĀ Brianās place āĀ loud music, flashing lights, pushed closer by a crowd of dancing people. And a few drinks in itās Peter who breaks the tension between them and throws caution to the wind when he kisses Brian.Ā
Time and everything else moves entirely too fast after that. Some days they both have to take a seat and remind themselves that itās ok to go slow, but itās hard when the clock is ticking down and they both know Brian graduates in December and after that? Where do they stand?
Six months after their chat on the subway they wake up in some shit hotel in Vegas. Bed hair, hung over, admiring the vintage silver on their ring fingers together that Brian picked up for cheap in a pawnshop in L.A. Peter, who always finds ways to surprise Brian is more calm than he anticipated. Brian takes advantage of the slowing in time to make Peter laugh just to see his face transform in that way that made him infatuated before they move onto the next chapter.
It is the start of many good mornings.
āYou doing okay?ā Itās Jae of all people to come check on him.Ā
Heās found a relatively quieter section of the house, outside the balcony. Itās mid-winter and heās freezing, but he hasnāt been able to feel his fingers for a while now and itās starting to bother him less. Jae has taken a seat across from him, crossing his arms. He rather looks like a father figure in the current situation and it makes Peter laugh.
āNo.ā Peter admits, while shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.Ā
āYou want me to take you home?ā Jae offers. Peter thinks he must really look like shit if Jaeās being this nice to him. He shakes his head to answer instead. Jaeās chair groans as he leans backwards on it, while Peter sits up a bit straighter.Ā āDo you want me to go get Bri?āĀ
āNo!ā He shakes his head a bit more vigorously this time.Ā āI know⦠I know this is important to him.āĀ
Jae tilts his head. āIs it though?ā He proposes the question only for there to be silence that follows it.Ā āEverything is important to Brian though.āĀ
āYeah. Thatās kind of the problem with him.āĀ
Peter snorts and Jae does too.Ā
āHis biggest strength and his biggest weakness, huh.āĀ
āYeah.āĀ
They sit in silence for a while. Peterās about to tell Jae that heās going to head home, when thereās a knock on the balcony door. Both Jae and Peter turn around at the same time, to see Brian and his big, goofy smile coming through the door.Ā
āWhatās my two favorite people doing out here? This is where the party is huh.ā Brianās got that slight color to his cheeks. Although heās not drunk, heās flushed a bit, showing even in the dim lights outside.Ā
āYou said that shit to Bonnie and Wade an hour ago. Donāt say the same halfassed stuff to different people at least. Well. Anyway. I have to go check on if they restocked the guac.ā Jae says while getting up, moving over to pat Brian on the shoulder. Peter gets up too, gathering his things. When he looks back up, he realizes Jaeās whispering something to Brian, before he leaves. Brianās smileās fallen, and instead his brows have furrowed up in worry.Ā
āYou want to go home?āĀ
Peter reminds himself to punch Jae later. āYeah, Iām going to take a cab.ā He shoves his phone as well as his palms into his pockets again, as if afraid to showcase his hands to Brian.Ā āI donāt really know anyone and⦠even if I did you know I donāt really do⦠well in places like this.āĀ
āIāll come with you, I āā Someone calls Brianās name from inside the house, not even once but thrice.Ā
āI can take a cab on my own, Brian. Iāll be okay.ā Peter snorts, before walking towards him and giving him a peck on the cheek. Brianās skin is warm and Peterās lips are cooler. Brian looks like he wants to say something, but the voices inside have gotten louder, with now multiple different people calling for Brian. āIāll see you in the morning.ā Peterās about to push past Brian but he grabs for his arm, gently but with enough force.Ā
āStay for fifteen more minutes. Iāll take you home. I just have to let them know Iām leaving.ā Brian looks down at him, with those eyes of his, and it makes Peter stumble for a moment. Brian reads his hesitation and squeezes at his arms on both sides.Ā āFifteen minutes?ā Brian actually gives him a pout.Ā āPlease?āĀ
Maybe itās because heās cold and just wants to get home and take a shower, or itās because heās wanted to leave the moment he got here and saw Brian a bit too close to someone, but it doesnāt work this time. āBrian.ā Peter says his name, before slipping out of his grasp. āItās okay. Iām going to go home, Iāll see you tomorrow anyway.āĀ
This time, Brian looks annoyed.Ā āBut you said you wanted to come and be here.āĀ
āBrian, itās fine. Really, I āāĀ
Brian continues.Ā āThat was the only reason we came. If you had said no, we didnāt have to come, you know. We could have just āā
āI donāt⦠I donāt enjoy feeling like this!ā Peter yells. Itās sudden, and it cuts through the air between the two of them. Brian takes a physical step back from Peter, and tries to find his eyes.Ā
Brianās voice lowers.Ā āWhat are you feeling?āĀ
Even now, Brian is tender and everything warm, and it makes Peter feel just that much colder. He makes the habitual mistake of meeting Brianās eyes for a moment, only to tear them away. He hides his face in the palms of his hands, which have gotten a bit slippery and sweaty during their conversation.Ā
āLike⦠likeā¦ā Peter mumbles, trying to organize his thoughts to be able to sort through his feelings. It doesnāt help that he can feel Brianās eyes on him and him only; he knows heās looking at him with concern and he hates that heās the one causing it.Ā āLikeā¦ā He rubs at his eyes, before settling his hands to his side. His voice has climbed back into the ground, now low again without any strength to it.Ā āLike I have to compete with everyone. Like Iām just like anyone else that you know and interact with.āĀ
āLike Iām not enough.āĀ He swallows something down his throat, but his mouth feels dry and hoarse.Ā
āIām fucking jealous all the time of everyone around you even though I know you donāt mean to make it that way and⦠Iām always so nervous and I know nothingās going to happen but it always feels like it could at any moment and itās all I can think about in places like this.āĀ Peterās chest falls, only because he only realizes after finishing his sentence that heās been holding his breath the entire time. Itās how heās felt at the entire party, for the past three hours. Theyāve existed in the same space, but heās felt absent even in his presence.Ā
āI know⦠that itās not true but sometimes, especially at events like this⦠it.. it feels like you only love the idea of me and⦠ā Peter lifts his head a bit, with his hands now fisted at his side. His chest moves again to let out another breath, and he finally feels the beginnings of what it feels like to be empty.Ā
He knows heās said too much by now, and thereās no going back.Ā
āIām sorry.ā Peter says, empty. He finally gets to the balcony door. āGet home safe.āĀ
@kingsten
love me.
no. </33333
Tracy K. Smith, from āDonāt You Wonder, Sometimes?ā, Life on Mars
[ID text: the life / In which Iām forever a child looking out my window at the night sky / Thinking one day Iāll touch the world with bare hands / Even if it burns. end ID]
@cir oh just bripeter arguing yet again. nothing to see here.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
@kingsten
AmƩlie (2001) dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet