angry chihuahua

shane hears ilya’s voice coming from the bedroom and he’s confused about who ilya is talking to, thinks maybe he’s on the phone to someone. but then he walks in to ilya standing over the open drawer in shane’s bedside table voice directed at his dildo and shane is standing there confused and a little horrified because he hasn’t showed ilya his dildo yet and shane is like what is going in why are you talking to my dildo and ilya says i was looking for the spare charger but then found this and i wanted to introduce myself to mr dildo. and shane is like first of all don’t call it mr dildo actually don’t give it a name at all, second of all…why? and ilya says well i needed to see my competition and also mr dildo was the first to be inside you and i think i should thank him for making you feel so good that you wanted to try the real thing, and shane blinks five times and then leaves the bedroom without saying anything

When Shane gets traded to Ottawa, Harris posts a pic of itty bitty toddler Shane in an Ottawa Centaurs jersey that he is absolutely drowning in (it‘s David‘s) cheesing like there is no tomorrow, next to a pic of current Shane in his new Centaurs jersey with the caption: welcome home, Shane.

Post TLG, Shane has a rare completely off night. He was awful and he knows it. When they get back to the locker room after the loss, Shane goes to apologize to the team. Before he can start, the team just pushes him out of the way and surrounds Ilya. They’re like “Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? What’s your problem?” and Ilya is so confused as to why they’re upset with him because he played well despite losing. Someone is like “Cap, it’s your job to put out and you clearly haven’t been and that’s why Shane is playing like shit, so why are you not giving it up?”. Someone else explains that they figured out a while ago that Shane plays like a God when he’s getting laid regularly, and goes back to being a normal human when not, so they need to know why Ilya isn’t bending over and giving it up. They start assuming that something is medically wrong and Bood is like “Well if Ilya can’t take it then someone on the team has to step up” and Luca is immediately like “I’ll let Shane fuck me…I mean for the sake of team and everything…if I must…I’m not actually eager or anything…like I haven’t thought about this at all…ever!” Ilya starts yelling at the team, telling them that everything is fine, but they yell back and now everyone is arguing. Meanwhile, Shane is very amused by the fact that the team thinks he’s the top.

Shane calls Ilya a passenger princess one (1) time and after that, he will constantly say shit like “away to the carriage” and “by royal decree we must listen to Kendrick now.” Shane’s not even sure where he learned the phrase ‘royal decree’ but suspects Ilya did fucking research for this bit.

ilya and svetlana's friendship is so good they're childhood friends, they're lovers, ilya is her gay best friend who is also a straight bro, svetlana is his only voice of reason, they fuck, they do girls night, they pick hookups for each other, sometimes they can't stand each other, they would kill for each other

hollanov long distance era where ilya sometimes texts shane about the random things he finds during the day that’s shaped like a heart. heart shaped rock, heart shaped leaf, heart shaped clouds etc etc and says “for u my love” and shane spends and embarrassing amount of time staring at the heart shaped pillar detail and ilya’s “thinking of u” text because he thinks of ilya all the time too but he couldn’t imagine putting it into texts as accurately as ilya would. so shane goes on adventures to find heart shaped things too, and they send it back and forth to each other like secret messages, and they never have to delete them