angry chihuahua

how hard do you think ilya gets the first time he’s antagonising another player and a ref looks at shane and says “put your dog on a leash”

ilya and shane with the wags when caitlin asks them “you guys are always glued to each other, don’t you have a me time?” and ilya asks “what’s a me time?” and cassie responds “it’s when we have at least an hour for ourselves without our partners” and ilya asks “and what purpose does that serve?” and cassie responds “so we can take a break from our partners sometimes” and shane asks “take a break from your partners? don’t you guys like them?” and caitlin says “well, we love them but there’s no way we’re spending all day together right?” and all the wags agree and shane and ilya look at each other like they’re genuinely trying to understand the concept. later that night at their home shane asks “do you need a me time?” and ilya’s like “shane’s there’s no me time in this household, just us time. you need to be with me all the time, that’s what we agreed when we got married” and shane goes “is that true?” and ilya’s like “yes, and if you move even 50 meters away from me, I’ll die” and shane chuckles and open his arms so ilya can lie on top of him “new rule” shane says as he strokes ilya’s curls “no me time in this house” and ilya hums in agreement

“what do you guys do in your free time?” bood asks shane and ilya. they’re at monk’s, at least most of the team, after a home game and sitting together in a booth. and ilya opens his mouth to answer but shane cuts him off saying “please give a normal answer” and ilya looks at him fake annoyed and says to bood “when we’re here we just go on hikes, play some football or video games. at least for an hour when we’re not doing anything” he chuckles and bood asks “you guys only have an hour to yourselves?” and ilya’s like “oh no is cus we spend doing others activities” and bood asks “what are those?” and ilya smirks mischievously and bood looks at shane and says “i walked right into that didn’t i?” and shane shrugs taking a sip of his beer

and what if i said that shane hollander doesn't want a threesome with anyone but two ilya rozanovs. what if i said ilya is very horny about this fact and makes a cast of his dick. what if i said that he makes shane suck the silicone mould of his penis whilst he fucks shane with shane on his hands and knees with the dildo gripped between shane's big hands as shane sobs that the silicone doesn't taste right so then they switch and ilya fucks his mouth whilst dildo!ilya fucks his hole (still controlled by actual ilya, he is bent over shane and fucking his hips forward into shane's mouth as he jacks the dildo in and out). and what if i said then shane starts sobbing with ilya's cock in his mouth bc dildo!ilya doesn't feel right in his ass either and he wants ilya to come in his hole. and what if i said ilya just coos meanly at him the whole time, calling him a silly little slut, stroking his hair in mock sympathy then bullying him for being so cock hungry. and what if i said ilya goes back to fucking shane's hole and makes shane lie with his face smooshed into the mattress, sucking on the silicone dildo like a pacifier, just drooling all over himself, still whining that it isn't right and ilya just laughs at him. what if i said all that?

Doctors are like: ughhhhh. You're confusing. Come back if you die

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

can we focus on the gnome for a second

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

these are the people i have to share a highway with

shane picking up a shirt that came out of the dryer and saying “oh no, my shirt shrank” and ilya immediately looking at the shirt and then at his husband, about to apologize, but then he says “please, put it on” and shane looks at him “but it won’t fit” and ilya goes “please, just try” and shane looks wary at his husband with an eyebrow raised. he takes off the shirt he’s wearing and tries to pull on the shrunken one and he gets it on but it’s so tight, way too tight, he feels like he’s being bound. he looks up at his husband and the look on ilya’s face makes his mouth go dry. ilya is looking at him like he’s the most delicious banquet after days without food, literally drooling, like he’s about to jump shane any minute now. shane asks “ilya, is everything okay?” and ilya says without taking his eyes off his husband’s chest, panting “shane” and then he looks at his face and says “i will fuck you right now, shirt stays on” and shane just chuckles.

Reblog if you are Bad Queer Representation.