Glow up Journey

Hi, it's me. Your dear friend.

Long time no talk.

Lots have happened in the past few years. Lots of material gain, lots of independence, but also lots of hurt, betrayal, fear and insecurity.

I gained weight.

I feel like a soldier who has arrived home after war, traumatised, incapable of truly moving on. Of course, I cannot compare with the experience of a soldier...but metaphorically speaking.

Mentally I am doing the worst.

And I have been searching for a while for a way to heal, to transcend the overwhelming fear I was left with, and to transform like a beautiful butterfly who is not afraid to fly and shine.

Maybe I am transforming, and I am in the midst of it. I hope I am. But even if I am not, that doesn't mean I cannot change that.

Who's actually stopping me, besides myself?

The mind is a funny little tool, smart, smarter than ...us. Don't let it control you. Whenever you start feeling like you want to run, but you're alone, and no one is visibly out to get you - pause. Your mind is in survival mode, trying to protect you and sabotaging you in return.

You need to examine your identity. Who are you right now? But be 100% honest. Raw, vulnerable, no shame.

Maybe you are, like me, a woman who feels ugly, gained weight, feels completely unattractive. Maybe you are working all day with some dissociation, doom scrolling and binge eating sprinkled here and there. Maybe you have started to engage less and less socially. You lost your spark, your interests, your goals don't seem to stick anymore, and even in your good days you look in the mirror and see a dull ugly doll.

And if you feel anything like that, it's ok. Really, it is ok. You are wearing your battle wounds right now. And they are still obvious, maybe you are just starting to heal..or maybe you haven't figured out yet how to heal these wounds.

Well, I am here to tell you that you will heal. And your healing starts with identifying how you look inside and out healed. Who is your healed version?

Because right now you identify yourself with battle wounds. However, behind them, your identity is this beautiful, magical person who has so much potential and drive. But you need to see it to know how to get to it. How can I treat my broken leg if I don't know that my bone is supposed to be whole, not broken. I will believe my broken bone is normal. Or that once a bone gets broken, there is no going back to a healthy capable leg. But that's a lie. No matter the surgery or treatment, there is always a way of making it better. And even if it will never be exactly the same as in the beginning, the wound still heals and you adapt and create magic around it.

So don't be afraid. You are not broken beyond repair.