WNPB AU - Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other
"Do we really look that much alike?" Winnie asks as he sends another pebble skipping along the ocean, they can pretend it went all the way to Ni-ijima.
"Nuh-uh, everyone just needs better glasses. Plus we never did fool our parents for longer than a minute." Battler answers before snapping his fingers in irritation as his own rock sinks straight like well a stone, hopefully that one will find a treasure chest at the bottom of the ocean.
It'd be easier to forgive if they were identical twins honestly, to know It wasn't everyone else being too lazy to look past a basic change of clothes, a little acting and difference in speech style. They're still in elementary school for crying out loud.
Kinzo is the worst because what's the point of giving your grand kids stupidly attention-grabbing names if you can't tell them apart? If you make them sit next to the wrong mother at every family conference? If in one fragment you give a crow to the war dove and a dove to the peace-bringing crow?
What's the point of finally recognizing the efforts of Winifrid Sumadera (Ushiromiya) as an individual (even if that doesn't include wearing that stupid eagle) when you just keep treating the two brothers as two halves of one person?
"... It sucks that we probably could have gone through the whole dinner without your slip-up, Battler. Our parents too afraid to speak up to highlight our relatives' failure and to get us punished."
It really does. As much as they claim to enjoy horsing around with the switcharoos, they do want to be caught in a flash, to be told they can't possibly be mistaken for the other, to be reassured they are two different people.
"Sometimes I think if I stopped being good enough to show up they would all forget what kind of person I ever was next to you." Winnie kicks up a cloud of sand in the air, watching it fall back onto the beach squinting in the vain of hope of tracking where each grain of his landed among the rest.
"Hey give me a little credit here," Battler interjects with an attention-grabbing Rudolf-style slap on the back, "Even before your first conference I went on so hard about my itty-bitty tiny bro, they'd ask me about you before ANYTHING ELSE with the hope I would just spill everything on day 1 instead of spreading it over two whole days. Trust me: If you stopped coming tomorrow, they'd probably beg Grandfather to bring you back so I'd shut up."
"... Thanks. That wouldn't work on him but thanks for the image."
"Plus I'd end up playing carrier pigeon for Sayo and you on top of the WEEKLY letters and recurring phone calls to MY house (so Kyrie doesn't scold you over the huge bill). Since you can get a little intense - don't look at me like that you spent 1000 yen on matching Goodbye Puppy keychains for us at the gachapon in pre-school - I was worried she might get scared but you two hit like a house on fire. If anything, Sayo would call non-stop until I got her your new house number and adress."
"Dude, Sayo would drown you too in letters if you committed. Just, stop handing over the phone to me after barely two minutes at your own house."
"Hey, I tried! I just have a hard time making my week seem as interesting and worth listening to as you.
...By the way found it! I didn't see what happened to the rest of the shell you sent flying but you can bring at least one pincer of that dead crab home!"
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