Rookie

You know those days when you feel like things are falling apart and all you can do is sit on the side and watch? 

I’ve always had a gut feeling deep down that, with effort, I’d be able to make things work. And I have. On multiple fronts, actually. I’ve met numerous fantastic people, created a cozy community of art peeps, and visited and worked with amazing creators from Riot. And I’m super grateful. I really am. 

Despite that… I don’t know. It’s been a while since I felt this apathetic. As if the doubt from every previous year is finally catching up all at once. As if I really can’t make things work. And the worst, that I’m disappointing a whole lot of people and I don’t care as much as I usually do.

I normally just ignore these thoughts and distract myself with music or cute shit or what have you, but it looks like sooner or later I’ll have to confront the ideals that kept me going, and they’re looking more and more conflicting. Why work so hard if I can’t see myself lasting that long anyways?