Recommendation please: ways to kill myself without it looking like I orchestrated or planned it in any way. Preferably quick, but painless is a must. Go!
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@kenni-doll
Recommendation please: ways to kill myself without it looking like I orchestrated or planned it in any way. Preferably quick, but painless is a must. Go!

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Intrusive thoughts of the night: what if the really old cat jumps over my fence to curl up under my house and die? If I let missy out in the morning, I wouldn't know until after missy would have found him. What would she do? She played with dead chickens before, but she didn't play with the one before last, AND left the last one alive. Would I know to follow missy if she tried to show me?
And then my mind flashes to coming home from my work tomorrow to find Missy playing with a part of a dead animal, only to see the old cat's separated and mangled head laying in the grass just outside of the fence.
This is in the span of 10 seconds of thought.
I wonder if I'll ever be ok again. I feel so empty and everything seems so pointless - like trying to swim to the shore in the middle of the deep ocean. When wading is too hard, you have to float. If I sink, then I sink.
I remember when going to bed was my favourite time of the day
It's why I dread going to sleep now. It's a large, cold, and empty reminder that you left.
I've stopped absent-mindedly looking for you at the house, but now I'm feeling the loneliness.

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I remember the nights where the moon left me in awe, but you were looking at me. I thought it was so cheesy, but still flattered me. But you meant it. I know that one day, you will find someone amazing, and the thought of you looking at her that way makes me so happy and excited for you but I can feel my heart clawing at my throat.
I imagine she'll be blonde and athletic. She'll run marathons and attend rallies and make a lot of money. She'll be short and sweet, and I think she'll even be religious. If she is, you'll soon follow. She'll be perfect for you. But for her sake, I hope to God you don't change so quickly again.
How many times did you look at me in the eyes and tell me you loved me knowing you wanted out? Was I that scary to leave? What did I do to make you want to change so much so fast?
I should be calling you m’lady!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Valar Morghulis Farewell Game of Thrones (2011 - 2019)

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I am easily worth two men