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"I've never thought about that before.", I muttered as a contribution to the conversation.  

"I have — plenty of times.  I don't know how you couldn't have before.  She used to really be something." We passed the photos from a faded hat box filled with letters and pictures between us. The woman featured in them exhibits varying degrees of beauty. "I guess we accepted it before because she is her. Now there is some distance between us. I don't feel like I want to take whatever she feels like dishing."

"Well, actually, we do.  Aunt Jade is here.  She may not be the same person" Amaya gave me a challenging look before handing me a letter from a long-forgotten lover. "Consciously feel the stings, accept your feelings, and push past it.  Like one of these Lolli's that she sucked the life out of before, she left them." I waved the paper in my hand to emphasize my point.  Amaya rolled her eyes and sucked in her lips.  She returned a picture to the box with one hand and picked up a letter with another.

Honestly, I don't remember her being so bad.  I don't remember her being so good either. I was a kid when she lived with our family the first time.  I am younger than Amaya and was less enamored by her.  Aunt Jade had fewer opportunities to disappoint me with her physical distance. That combined with her lack of communication over the years hurt Amaya.  With no wounds to heal, I can accept her more readily.

"Amaya," Aunt Liza called from the other room. Amaya put her finger up to her mouth. Other than her gesture, she did not move.

We could hear someone coming closer to our room. "Zara!" I didn't move. "Girls, we know that you are here. Your Aunt Jade has something to talk to you about."

Amaya responded, "I don't want to talk with her."

Aunt Liza aggressively entered the room. "Good. She wants you to listen.  Just sit down and let her tell you her side of things." Neither of us moved.  Her eyes shifted from both of us twice before she took a gentler stance. "Do it for me."

"She is going to spin whatever happened to make her look like the victim.  My Mom used to say that her sister was always jealous. She couldn't get her life together because she always wanted what Mom had.  What she couldn't obtain, she destroyed.  Mom told me that her sister showed up with one of her stories.  She took her in.  When her sister left so went her relationship with Zara's Father. I know you know she had something to do with the disappearance of my Father, as well." Amaya took a deep breath. "Before this visit, she left along with all the conversations about her.  I want to keep it that way."

"I want to know what she has to say." I stood up and walked towards the door.  I didn't look at my Aunt Liza or my Sister.

Aunt Jade was sitting in my Mother's living room, looking like an alternative universe version of her.  I could tell that she had consumed something that made her relaxed.  Aunt Jade smiled with her lips but not with her eyes.  She craned her neck to see if there were any one behind me.  Aunt Jade didn't get up from my Mother's favorite chair to hug me.  She stayed put and looked disappointed.

"Your sister isn't coming?  I thought Amaya was back there with you."

"She was.  I am here to hear what you have to say."

"No offense.  I don't need to talk to you.  I need to talk to Amaya.  She is the one that is avoiding me."

"None taken.  I can probably relay this to Amaya in a way that she will consider your point of view." Aunt Jade looked like she was trying to dismiss me with her eyes.

"I can go back to the room, and you can leave.  Everything will remain the same. I'm not your favorite niece.  I am trying to help you mend fences."

She sat at the edge of her seat as if she was contemplating bolting.  Or, she could have been nervous. "Well, since you are already offended.  I might as well tell you. You told me that you saw your Mother talking to the neighbor a couple of times." I can feel myself getting warm. I did not know what I thought she would say to me.  Her words were unexpected and offensive.

"What?"

"A couple of times you mentioned in passing that your Mom was talking to your neighbor's husband.  I told your Father that I thought she was spending too much time with the man next door for a woman that is supposed to be committed to him."

"Are you talking about Mr. and Mrs. Sentelle? The couple that still lives next door to this day.  The nice people that looked out for us over the years when you disappeared from our lives. What exactly did I tell you?  How old was I?"

"You saw them talking.  And, I told your Father.  He confronted your Mother.  She called him crazy.  I told him that his daughter wouldn't lie on her Mother.  Next thing I know, they go from arguing with each other to arguing with me.  They blamed their problems on me.  They made me leave without saying "Bye" to Amaya.  I heard that their relationship ended a few months after they turned on me.  I saw your Father after he left.  I reminded him that your Mother didn't know how to be in a relationship.  He said that nothing was going on between your Mother and the neighbor.  He didn't trust her because I was so convincing.  I reminded him that you were a liar.  She was raising you to be deceitful.  I don't know what else she was putting in you girls."

"Why are you here?"

"Your Mother died.  I thought you girls would need someone to lean on."

For the first time in life, I didn't see her beauty.  Before my eyes, she transformed from another version of my Mother to a total stranger. A stranger that I never wanted to see ever again.

I could hear Amaya entering the room.  "Don't worry about us.  We have each other to lean on.  I told her you were a hot mess.”

“I never thought about you in that way until now.”, I said as I felt Amaya’s arms around me for support.

Possible tweets: Remind yourself that this is just one moment in time and it is over.  #PeaceorDistress Remind yourself that you don’t have to take ownership of other people’s behavior.  #PeaceorDistress Remind yourself that you have a choice. You can decide to move forward, leaving that moment in the past.  #PeaceorDistress 3 Ways to claim peace in difficult situation #PeaceorDistress

Short Story: “Lisa, I got to give it to you, if it were me, I would have lost my mind.”

“If I lost it than I’d have to find it again.  By the time that happened, I might not have a job anymore. It wasn’t about me.  She was upset with William.”

“Why didn’t she yell at William?  You didn’t do anything to her.”

“For the same reason, I didn’t lose my mind on her.  He is her boss.  She worked all weekend on that project.  She missed her daughter’s soccer game.  I think her daughter made the game-winning goal.  She is dealing with things that have nothing to do with me.”

“You are a saint.”

“No, I’m not.  In the moment, my feelings were hurt.  I wanted to lash back at her but that would have escalated the situation to a much worse place.  If I am thinking about the incident tomorrow, I will have a conversation with her about it from my point of view.  I don’t want her to feel like she can regularly do that to me.”

“Good luck with that.  What if she dismisses your feelings or gets upset with you for bringing it up?”

Rain falls on the just and unjust all the time.  No one escapes a day without some level of a stressor.  It isn’t what happens to you.  It is how you handle what happens to you.  Have you ever had someone cut you off on your way to work?  Instead of leaving that incident in the past, it stayed with you all day.  It colored your entire day in a negative light.  If you don’t drive, maybe someone was rude to you.  If you replayed the incident in your mind throughout the day, you are choosing distress.  Each time you replay, you probably get upset all over again.  If that is your typical reaction to incidents like that here are three tips for choosing peace:

1.     Remind yourself that this is just one moment in time and it is over.   Yes, they were rude to you.  Yes, that person did something that hurt your feelings.  No, they don’t have to occupy space in your head for the rest of the day.  After the incident, they went on with their day, probably not thinking about you or what happened between you.  Give yourself the gift of peace: acknowledge what happened, acknowledge your feelings, and acknowledge that it is a moment that passed never to experience again.

2.    Remind yourself that you don’t have to take ownership of other people’s behavior. When someone is mean or unpleasant, there is a strong possibility that their actions have nothing to do with you.  It is possible that you just happened to be the person that is the recipient of their efforts.  It feels personal, but maybe it isn’t. Perhaps they argued with their significant other and can’t express themselves to that person.  Or, their boss just made significant changes to something that they worked extremely hard on and they are upset.  You are the recipient but not the owner and holder of these emotions and feelings.  You can leave it all with that person.  You can choose peace and not keep it because it doesn’t belong to you.

3.    Remind yourself that you have a choice.  You can decide to move forward, leaving that moment in the past.  You can choose to look for the next moment to be better than the last. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, you have a chose. Once something has happened, you can not go back and change it.  It doesn’t matter how many times you replay it in your mind.  Or, how many times you think about how you could have handled an incident differently.  Instead of focusing on something that you can’t ever change, choose to think about preparing for events that haven’t happened yet.  Choose to be proactive about being in situations that you want to experience.  

Dear Zara, 

I’ve tried to be a responsible sister, mainly because I’m the oldest.  I’ve always tried to be a good example for you.  In this case, I am going to fail you.  My mind won’t let me stop replaying the feeling of being abandoned.  I came home from school and she just wasn’t there.  I can remember running from room to room looking.  There was no note or a personal message left with Mom.  And, no one wanted to talk about it.  Before she left, we were kindred spirits.  We looked alike, spoke alike, I could see myself being like her when I grew up.  Afterward, I didn’t feel so good about myself.  Will I grow up to be the type of person that disappoints children and abandon family?  No.  I don’t want to be that person.  I want to be a loving, caring, accountable and trustworthy person.  Now, that she is back, I don’t want to be that type of person for her.  She used to be so beautiful. Now she is like a faded flower. Her vibrant days are behind her along with my caring for her.  You will have to assist her with what she needs. You will have to be my example, in this case, for me to follow.  

“I’ve never thought about that before.”, I muttered as a contribution to the conversation.  

“I have.  Plenty of times.  I don’t know how you couldn’t have before.  She used to really be something.”  We passed the photos from a faded hat box filled with letters and pictures between us.  The woman featured in them exhibits varying degrees of beauty.  “I guess we accepted it before because she is her.  Now there is some distance between us.  I don’t feel like I want to take whatever she feels like dishing.”

“Well, actually, we do.  Auntie is here.  She may not be the same person” Amaya gave me a challenging look before handing me a letter from a long-forgotten lover.  “Consciously feel the stings, accept your feelings, and push past it.  Like one of these Lolli’s that she sucked the life out of before, she left them.”  I waved the paper in my hand to emphasize my point.  Amaya rolled her eyes and sucked in her lips.  She returned a picture to the box with one hand and picked up a letter with another.

Everything great and worthwhile in human life is an accumulation of hundreds, sometimes thousands, of tiny efforts and sacrifices that nobody ever sees or appreciates.

Imagine a snowball that starts very small and grows as it gathers momentum, adding millions and millions of tiny snowflakes. There are 3 areas where the Law of Accumulation helps you:

Area 1: Your Knowledge Any person with a large knowledge base has spent thousands of hours building it one piece at a time. When you accumulate such know-how, you are viewed as an expert in your field - and it’s that high level of knowledge that will make you extremely valuable in the marketplace.

Area 2: Your Experience Successful people in any field are those who have far more experience in that field than the average person.  Whether it’s in business or entrepreneurship, management or parenting, selling or anything else, there is nothing that replaces experience. Nothing. But many people don’t take the necessary risks to move out of their comfort zone and gain that experience because they’re afraid it won’t work out.

Area 3: Your Money Every large fortune is an accumulation of hundreds of thousands of small amounts of money. The best place to start is to take any amount of money that you can right now and begin to save it. When you begin to save money, it sets up a force field of energy and it triggers the Law of Attraction. As a result, you begin to attract even more money. I’ve spoken to many successful people and they’ve all told me the same story - as soon as you start to put savings aside, it starts to attract into your life and work all the money that you need to achieve your goals. Every little thing counts. Use your time well. Until you move out of your comfort zone and accumulate the knowledge and experience you get from trying new things and making mistakes, it’s not possible for you to grow and become capable of accumulating the kind of money that you desire.

Now here’s the key to the Law of Accumulation: everything that you do counts. The biggest mistake that people make is they think that only what they want to count, counts. That when you read a book, listen to an audio program, go to a course, go to bed early, it all counts towards your ledger. However, when you watch TV, waste time, hang out, fool around and so on, all of that counts as well, but negatively.

A person who has a great life is a person who has accumulated far more credits than debits.  If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it’s moving you away from your goals. In life, you’re either moving forward or you’re moving backward. Nothing is neutral. Everything counts.

Get started today.

Make a commitment today to build your knowledge base in the subject that can be most helpful to you in achieving financial independence, no matter if it takes a week, a month, or a year.

Get as much experience as you can in your chosen field. Start a little earlier, work a little harder, and stay a little later.

Take risks and try every different way you can think of to achieve your goal. This experience is invaluable and it will accumulate over time.