my body is a machine that turns normal situations into psychological horror

I hate how 3 pm is so close to 2 pm so there's an illusion that there's still time left in the day to do things but in reality 3 pm is also close to 4 pm and if it's close to 4 pm you might as well just wait till tomorrow. <- can't argue against this by the way.

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

Just letting everyone know I’m reading a book right now. I also drank 7 glasses of water yesterday. Im not saying explicitly that I’m a better person than you, but it is heavily heavily implied. Heaven is going to be awesome!

maybe the reason why I’m single is because I’ve never gone to a new years eve party at a ski resort and sung karaoke with a complete stranger

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

they should invent a high ponytail that doesn’t give me a headache and they should invent a low ponytail that doesn’t make me look like a miller’s apprentice going off to enlist in the continental army

what do you mean you havent used mindfulness techniques to accept the state of the torture labyrinth as is yet. its like youre not even trying

Sometimes knowing spoilers for shows is more fun cause u get to spend the show being like how the fuck does that even end up happening ..

as you get older, you start realizing that you are not always right and there’s a lot of things you could have handled better and many situations where you could have been kinder and all you can really do is forgive yourself and let your mistakes make you a better person.

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

Saw a post about DuckDuckGo with "Ask the duck".

what happened to "cool as fuck grandma" as a character trope. i miss "cool as fuck grandma"