Harry Potter mustn't return to Hogwarts

News flash: you can talk to basically any one over the age of seven without doing the little kid voice and speaking super slowly and condescendingly.

You know how I know this?

(Warning: mention of self harm)

Because when I was in grade 3 we talked about how Christopher Columbus ruined the lives of so many Native Americans. It was a student who initiated the discussion. We were 9

When I was in grade 4, we discussed gender equality , and how saying things like ‘you throw like a girl’ isn’t ok. We were 11

When I was in grade 5, a girl in my class was cutting. Furthermore, she got suspended, because the principal said it was ‘inappropriate’ for a 5th header to talk about this. The teachers didn’t tell us what happened. When she came back, she told us what happened, and we talked about self love, and depression. We were 11

When I was in grade 6, there was the pulse shooting. We talked about how as Muslims, we need to stand up for the lgbt community. We talked about homophobia in the Muslim community. We were 12.

In grade 7, we talked about the gender binary, and the science behind being trans/gender fluid/ninbinary. In grade 7, I started experiencing intense anxiety. In grade 7, a friend was having suicidal thoughts. Teachers refused to initiate these conversations. We were 13

This year, we’ve talked about mental health, racism, sexism, and homophobia. We are in grade 8

Kids are not incapable of understanding you, and if you continue treating them as if they’re stupid, they won’t grow up to be very well informed.

Misha about Jared and Jensen “torturing” him on set

If you claim that asexual and/or aromantic people are straight, you are perpetuating heteronormative thought.

Now, I know that’s a bold statement but please listen to my thought process behind it. I don’t mean any disrespect. I just want to put into words why I think categorizing persons lacking some kind of attraction as “straight” doesn’t work.

The assumption in our society usually is that someone is 1. comfortable with their body in relationship to physical sex 2. Has a socially acceptable gender that both fits into one of two boxes and lines up with what was perceived at birth and 3. Is sexually, aesthetically, and romantically only attracted to persons in that other box, and not their own, and they have that attraction. They are attracted to people in that other gender category.

This is what we would call heteronormative thought. The assumption that a person you meet is cisgender and straight. But we all know that not everyone is like that. And the whole “straight until proven gay” mentality our society has is not a good way to go about human interaction.

There is more than one thing wrong with the “straight until proven gay” mentality. First of all, it is harmful to gay people. But not just that. It is especially harmful to all of those outside of the “gay” and “straight” boxes. Even as society is becoming more accepting of non heterosexual cisgender persons, it still wants to place them in a binary. Either gay or straight. As usual, persons attracted to more than one gender, persons whose aesthetic, romantic, and sexual attractions do not necessarily line up with each other, and persons lacking one, several, or all types of attractions are left out in the cold.

Saying asexual and aromantic people are straight is like trying to fit a square box into a round hole. It just doesn’t work. And that applies to calling them gay too. That’s like trying to fit a square box into a triangular hole. Its not a circle, but its still not a square.

I think we’re all stuck in a heteronormative mindset in one way or the other. Society has done its darndest to make sure we are. Many gay people see someone that does not fit into their triangular hole, so they assume that persons that do not fit must fit in the circular one. If its not black its white. If its not a rainbow its gray scale. If its not gay its straight.

But see, those of us that lack one or more attractions don’t fit on the neat little gradient you’ve set up. Life doesn’t just slide from red to blue with shades of purple in between, and it is most certainly not just red and blue. There are those of us that are green, yellow, orange, brown, black, or white or any color in between and if you talk in terms of just gay and straight you are leaving out a huge portion of the rainbow.

Life can’t be talked about in terms of this or that. If you get that, then poc who are not of African decent are left out of race discussions, persons who don’t have a binary gender are left out of feminist discussions, and those of us who have an attraction to more than one gender or a lack of attraction are left out of the queer community.

If the LGBTQIA+ community is for everyone that does not fit into the category of persons who are okay with their assigned gender and feel sexual and romantic attraction towards persons of the other binary gender and only people of that other binary gender then well,

Make room for the non triangular boxes. Expect more colors than just blue. If you want to fight heteronormative thought, then accept that asexual and aromantic people are not straight. They are lacking attraction or only feel attraction rarely or in specific circumstances, and there is a whole different life experience attached to that, and it doesn’t line up with a straight one.

I personally think that part of fighting heteronormativity is fighting the assumption that everyone experiences attraction. Not everyone does, and if you do not experience any attraction in one or both categories, then you can’t be attracted to the opposite sex and/or gender both sexually and romantically, and therefore can’t be straight. Assuming you have a binary gender in the first place, which many of us don’t.

Alright, so. Coffee. I don’t drink coffee. I have no desire to drink coffee. I find people who enthusiastically go on about the flavor differences of lattes, espressos, and french press brews, both amusing and mildly baffling. All the coffee ads. Coffee jokes. Bustling coffee shops. To me, all coffee is similarly bitter and unpleasant. I have been through so many “Try this, it’s sweet! You can’t even taste the coffee!”  Alas, I always can. And I’m  sensitive to caffeine anyway. So, I don’t really think about drinking it when I wake up or am tired.

 Yet I love the smell of coffee. I love the idea of coffee. The feeling of a warm cup taking the chill from my fingers, the cozy ritual of having a drink and chat. I might try someone’s coffee. If they ask, if I want to please them and share in something they enjoy. I am also perfectly capable of learning the preferences of those I care about and creating a cup for their pleasure. 

But I don’t want coffee, generally speaking. I will probably make a face after trying their coffee and wash the taste out with something else. They may rush to reassure me that it is an acquired taste. And I’ll have to reply that it’s a taste I don’t particularly care about acquiring in the way they did. ‘Drink it till you like it’ will never work for me.

You need to respect women. I don’t care what you think of her looks, what you “want to do to her”, if you want her as your wife or not. The assumption that women who get defensive and angry when hearing those words are lesbophobic because “I’m a lesbian, not a man” is a manipulative strategy and an attempt to belittle and disrespect a woman for saying no and refusing to be talked down to. This way of talking to women gets even worse in professional settings where dating and your personal preferences isn’t even the topic.