Great Googily Moogily

poker is a hateful game that punishes people who wear their beautiful sensitive heart on their sleeve

i got the high score for most irritated anyone has ever been and my body exploded into clear and beautiful water droplets that nourished the ground where i stood and now trees and flowers taller that you could ever imagine grow in that spot and provide shelter to creatures great and small

you ever have situations that make you want to take people by the shoulders and go "you are not 15 any longer. this behavior is no longer quirky and cute. it is exhausting for you and everyone else to act like a teenager you haven't been in a decade or longer. knock it the fuck off"

my cat Meatball’s hanukkah sweater started kinda coming off, so my girlfriend went to fix it, and as she did so she said to him, in her most tender and maternal voice, “aww, is your shirt coming off? whore”

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

Y'all are too concerned with watching Pennywise in IT when you should be finding an IT girl who spends her Penny Wisely