goodness strikes

alicia: Fine is better than falling apart, though.

alicia: She'll be fine. She's yours, I'm sure she's tough enough to get through it.

alicia: Is there anything I can do?

katrina: but i've always tried so hard to make her life easier than mine was

katrina: to make sure that she didn't have to be tough

katrina: and i fucking failed, ali

katrina: she's hurting so badly

“are there?” she shook her head, feeling like she was sounding dramatic. she had never had something this traumatic happen to her. something that was so heart-shattering. it felt like the world was collapsing around her and it was all her fault. “can’t they though? no school wants a supposed addict who just got her face dragged all over a gossip blog,” her tears were still falling, but her breathing had calmed down enough for her to talk. she followed her mom to the bed and sat next to her, bringing one of her legs under her. “told you what? which part? the part where i felt inadequate and was looking for a way to fix it, or how much the fix helped even though it was the dumbest thing i’ve ever done?”

“if it was a harder drug, maybe. but i don't think there’ll be a problem. and if there is... then we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.” katrina slid her arm around luna’s shoulders, pulling her into her side securely, “this will not ruin you’re life. we won’t let it. you can’t let it.” she kissed the top of her head. as luna continued, she felt her own tears prick the corners of her eyes, “you are not inadequate. you’re one of the smartest people i know- and i’m not just saying that.” she murmured. then she sighed, “about the pills. i... when i was in college, i had a pill problem. i know what it’s like... to be so dependent on something else.” she still did, “i just- i wish i could’ve helped you. i should’ve realized.” she wiped at her eyes, still holding tight to her daughter. 

As she continued talking, sleep began to slip further and further away from him. Groaning as he sat up, he wasn’t exactly sure where he was or what he was doing there. “What time is it”, he asked before looking up. “And who are you?”

alicia: Hey, I saw what happened with Luna. That fucking blog needs to die.

alicia: Are you guys okay?

katrina: i 100% agree

katrina: we're fine, not great, but dealing with it

katrina: i just wish i could do something to make it all go away

the word lies went right through her stomach, but she was more than willing to wait to talk about what had been going on. she needed to process the fact that something that was just her secret that only one or two people knew, was just blogged about for everyone she knew to see. she shook her head at her mom’s words, not believing them. “i don’t know how,” she took in a deep shaky breath, trying to calm herself down. “what if they’re right? what if i lose college? what if i did all of this and it was for nothing?”

katrina pulled away slightly, holding luna’s face in her hands, wiping away her tears with her thumbs gently. she swallowed, “we’ll figure it out. there are worse things.” she was just relieved that luna wasn’t using something heavier. she was almost afraid that, somehow, her own drug use had rubbed off on her daughter. there was a guilt gnawing away at her that she almost refused to recognize, “you’re still going to be able to go to college. they won’t kick you out over this, lu. let’s not count our chickens before they hatch.” she led luna back over to her bed, sitting down and patting the spot next to her, “i know it seems so scary, but you don’t have to do this alone.” she paused, “...i wish you would’ve told me. i could’ve helped you.” 

❛  yeah  ,  ❜  she  nods  ,  lips  twisted  in  thought  &  a  sad  twinkle  in  her  eye.  she  wonders  who  even  has  the  time  to  pull  all  of  that  off  ,  let  alone  why  they  want  to.  sure  ,  some  secrets  in  town  were  worse  than  others.  but  ,  she  doesn’t  understand  why’d  they  want  to  leak  something  as  small  as  someone  being  payed  to  do  tests.  ❛  you  make  cheesecake  ??  ❜  her  eyes  are  wide  in  wonder.  the  last  time  she  properly  baked  was  with  her  mother.  but  ,  perhaps  ,  it’s  time  to  get  back  into  the  apron.  ❛  i’d  love  to.  i  haven’t  baked  in  ages.  ❜

luna had been sitting in her bed rereading the post over and over again, trying to make it seem real. maybe it was the dream that it felt like, but she knew from the pain in her chest and the tears streaming down her face that she was in fact awake. she had finally put her phone down, and let herself sob. something she didn’t do often. she thought she was going to have time to get rid of the evidence before her mom got home, but she heard her name before she was even able to calm herself down enough to come up with an explanation. without hesitation, she got off her bed and quickly wrapped her arms around her mom, her cries only becoming harder. “i’m so sorry,” she managed to get out somehow.

there was nothing that hurt katrina more than her kids being in pain, than seeing her kids cry. and seeing luna sob completely gutted her. all she wanted to do was make the pain go away, to make it all better. she held her tightly, shaking her head, “no, don’t apologize. not now. we can talk about the lies later.” she kissed the top of her daughter’s head gently, “i’ve got you. it’s all gonna be ok.” it probably sounded like an empty promise, but she was going to do her damnedest to make sure that luna could get past this and that whoever did this paid for it, “i love you, it’s ok. we will get through this.” 

“i dunno – it just all seems dumb to me, like they’e celebrating something that doesn’t need to be celebrate.” he wouldn’t know, because no one really celebrates anything grayson does in the first place. the last time he celebrated his birthday he was 12, and it was by himself. celebrations and parties just .. didn’t mesh well with him. “it’s a funny story. does luna know about that?” he asks like he’s going to snitch on katrina, even though he’s sure her own daughter does know. he wonders what it must be like – to have a mom, that would tell him stories of their own childhood experience. and maybe he could find that in katrina, but there’s still something missing in the bottom of his chest. “they’re real cute.”

“i think a lot of celebrations are that way.” katrina chuckles with a shrug, “people will come up with reasons to celebrate anything. that’s why valentine’s day exists.” it is strange, she thinks, but she was someone who enjoyed celebrating the little things, the seemingly less important milestones. she could tell that maybe gray had a slightly different opinion about that, which made her heart ache a little, “oh, probably, i usually tell her stories like that to try to scare her from doing things like that though. i think it’s worked for the most part.” she smiles and it’s almost pained- she doesn't want to think about where she and luna stand now. then, she raises an eyebrow as gray continues, a slight smirk slipping onto her face, “really? you gonna do anything about that?” she asks. 

With a twitch of his leg, the unconscious boy mumbled something incoherent. It wasn’t until someone tapped his leg that his words became more clear. Letting out a loud rumbling snore, Eli shifted. “Five more minutes, dad.”

‘ oh my god, mom, ’ matty nearly cringed at the attempted use of his mother’s slang, words that he didn’t even use himself. he actually had a fair amount of respect for her even being able to keep up with all of it. ‘ people only use that ironically, ’ he explained. he wasn’t even sure why he was explaining it — it was probably better she was left in the dark in terms of youthful slang terms. ‘ but yeah, it was all right. but now that i’ve done the whole prom thing, does this mean i don’t have to go to my senior prom ? ’

luna sighed, running her fingers through her hair as an excuse to look away from her mother. “you don’t have to say it. i don’t know. maybe it’s me hoping you don’t want me to go,” her voice finally was calming down a little, but her attitude still held onto her words. “i don’t know who the real me is. i’m not old enough to have that all figured out or anything. i barely know if i’m going to college for the right reasons, or if i even am going to make it through college in the first place.. i’m sorry. for talking to you like this but i just feel like we’re both human beings and just because you’re my mom doesn’t make you superior to me,” she shrugged. “you’re not driving me away. you’re just being annoying.”

“i don’t want you to go. but that’s selfish and i want you to do what’s best for you. what will make you happy and get you where you want to be.” katrina admitted, swallowing hard. she let out a withering breath, “i’m not superior to you- i would never think that. but because i am your mom, you don’t get to talk to me like a dog. you’ve never done it before and i’ve never had to punish you for something like that, but i’m not above grounding you or whatever- i’ve done it with your siblings and i’ll do it to you too.” she furrowed her brow, “annoying? hm, you really think that’s the direction you should be taking with me right now, luna? seriously?” she closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head, “i don’t even know what you’re trying to get at here. but i’m tired and i don’t want to go in circles with you all night. maybe your mama can talk some sense into you because you obviously don’t want to have a productive, adult conversation with me.” 

diego got it, he really did. having kids was the scariest thing that could happen to a person. it changed your whole world and your priorities. but as he saw it the job of a parent was preparing their kids for living in the real world and that meant the last step was to let them go. as painful as that could be. “think about it this way. if you don’t let her go she will never do big things. you have been preparing her all these years to be a great woman. if she stays under your wing, where she is safe but also hidden, luna will never show the world all her talent. all you can do now is support her and be by her side when she needs you. i promise you that she is not going to stop needing you just because suddenly she can vote.” he wasn’t sure if his little speech would be of much help but it was all he could do. kat had to accept it on her own. “you say that as if it was a bad thing. i’m a great drink buddy. plus, you will also have more time to spend with your wife. it will be like being young and reckless again.”

“a passage of what? not dying?” he says it and it sounds like a joke, but he’s entirely serious. nice, gray. the entire thing doesn’t make much sense of him .. all they have to do is pass classes and while it might be difficult for him, she assumes it isn’t for most of the people in the school system. why do they get the celebrations every year for doing what the law says? part of him doesn’t understand why, but the other is almost jealous of them. “isn’t that what they do in movies?” a shrug. “‘m gonna friend onea’ my friends i think.” he wishes it was a date date, though.

katrina laughs, “passage of high school, i guess? there’s not really a point, you’re right. i’m sure it has roots in something super traditional and, probably, racist. but it’s usually fun.” she nods then, “yeah, but i thought it would be so cool to do it in real life- i don’t recommend it. i barely got to graduate because of it. but it’s a fun story, i guess.” she shrugs. most of her high school stories could be told as cautionary tales more than anything else. she hums, “oh, sweet, that’ll be fun. which friend? are they cute?” she doesn't want to push too hard or assume anything. whatever he’s comfortable sharing. 

matty hated to admit when he was wrong— and he especially hated to admit it when it meant confessing his mom had been right. ‘ it was all right, ’ he lied, shrugging his shoulders. someone had spiked the punch, and it was possible that matty had had one too many cups. he peered up at her from across the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips — a dead giveaway that he wasn’t telling the full truth. ‘ i mean it seemed like everyone had fun and stuff. ’