Submission for @inklings-challenge 2024. Wanted to put this through another round of editing, but I'm running out of time here. Hope it looks okay and it's not too confusing. (@ w@);
Elyse stared at her reflection in her cup. It had sat here long enough it was starting to get cool, but now and then wisps still traveled up. Ordinarily this would have incited her appetite, but the sick feeling in her stomach prevented any such thought of enjoying her cocoa.
All she could think about was Kokuen. How her awful teacher had gypped her of a proper Taming education. How she hadnât been able to assemble the team she liked. How she was forced to use a Fire Lumikin against her will. She liked Flame, but⌠it was hard to acknowledge him as her own, especially with all that happened with Moki. She couldnât help but feel like she was still just hanging onto Flame until Moki came and got himâŚ
She picked up the green, grooved cup and sloshed the contents around. She turned it to take a look at the snowflake pattern on the back. Lico had gotten a set of these for her last spring. It was funny now how many things from his culture now decorated the house. She knew her mom had a few similar things, so in a way it was a familiar sight. Still. It was nice to have a little reminder of him all the way out hereâŚ
Her stomach was growing sour again. If cocoa wasnât her favorite, she might even consider pouring it down the drain. She sighed. No, she couldnât do thatâŚ
She propped her head up and her gaze roved over the kitchen counter. To her right was the oven, its door decorated with little clay snowmen. The pots and pans still sat on the stove-top, awaiting cleanup. The range hood vent was well-worn from years of use⌠She let her gaze drift further to the left. The dishes were stacked neatly in the dish rack in front of her.
She stood, fingering her cup. Maybe sheâd place this on the coffee table in the living room and play some games. Her reflection in the cup caught her eye again. The sour feeling was back.
It would be easy enough to just forget this. Her Taming Journey was over now. And yet⌠what had she become?
She shook her head. Worrying over a cup of cold cocoa wasnât going to fix the past. Was there anything she could have done? Would having a different teacher have fixed anything? Maybe she should have been more supportive of MokiâŚ
She took a step towards the living room, then remembered her cup. She turned back to get it, fingering the rim. Every time she picked it up, she lost her appetite. She should be happy, drinking cocoa out of a special cup like this. And yet⌠the feeling didnât seem to want to linger.
Which was why she was going to play a game. Forget all this. It was in the past. She might not ever see Kokuen again. Why bother? Why get so worked up?
She had plenty of reason to hate her teacher.
To be fair, some of it wasnât Kokuenâs fault⌠Or was it? Was every time those Pyramid psychos attacked them her teacherâs fault? Was Creme right about Kokuen still being in cahoots with those yahoos?
Lightning strike. A crazed smile on a gray-red face. Light fading from the eyes of a fallen Birdkin.
She shook her head. Really. It couldnât be her teacherâs fault they ran into so much trouble⌠Or was it?
âDamaged goods.â Kokuen had called her damaged goodsâŚ
Elyse shook her head and headed for the door, throwing on her coat. She needed a walk. Maybe thatâd clear her head.
She put her good boots on and started walking downhill. On a slippery night like this, the boots with spike treads were essential. Sheâd be all the way down by the plaza in a hurry if she wore something with any less traction. The spikes crunched into the ice. She could feel the icy layer atop the snow splintering and fragmenting in her wake as she made her way down. She considered if she wanted to go somewhere else once she reached the bottom or if the bench would do.
She missed her cocoa⌠Guess it took the cold for her to start hankering for it, huh? She shoved her hands in her pockets, shrugging her shoulders as she descended the hill.
At last she made it down to the park. The cold caught up to her with a sharp bite. Really was colder once you got down to the bottom, huh? Or maybe it was because sheâd stopped movingâŚ
She headed over to sit on the bench sheâd been eying from the hill, leaning forward in a crouch to spread the heat around.
Everything was frozen and covered in snow. Which wasnât too surprising for this time of year. The lampposts cast a yellow-orange light over everything.
This spot at least was clear, save for a little frost and a few icicles hanging down from the bottom of the bench. Elyse could feel them when she moved her legs.
She leaned back, taking everything in. âŚAhh, she had to start moving again. She was thinking about Kokuen⌠She shut her eyes tightly. She let out a breath, feeling it wisp up and away without even looking.
She opened her eyes again, letting her gaze sweep over her surroundings. Beyond the Lumikin ring and the rest of the park, the trees rose up again, standing boldly as if to show everyone whose territory the world beyond the parkâs was.
She looked to her left, watching the houses that rose up on slopes beyond the plaza. She wondered if any of the Snowdrift Crew was still up⌠Dela was out on her Tamerâs Journey still, right? So was Sandra and Jimmy⌠Johnny too, right? Hmmh⌠And Dela had brought her brother Danny, too⌠She could talk to their folks, but⌠eh. She pulled up one knee on the bench, knocking loose a patch of fresh snow. Even if she had her TD, it was too late to text any of them⌠but maybe she could leave a message? âŚEh. She still wanted to brood out in the cold. Maybe later.
âŚPointless to get so worked up about stuff⌠It was just jealousy at the end of the day, right? She remembered that first day she got her Journeying License. How those two kids had lucked out with such a nice mentor⌠Sometimes it felt like she was being played some big joke on. Some sick joke. People diedâŚ
She pulled her knees in, letting it play all over again. Being captured by Pyramid. She winced at the memory of the gunshot. Anubisâs eyes⌠Sheâd never forget those eyes⌠She felt a shiver fly up her spine, but it wasnât from the cold. Too bundled up for that. Not that she ever really got cold-cold anywayâŚ
âŚBut she couldnât blame Kokuen for any of that, could sheâŚ? If Kokuen had just been nicerâ! Elyse stood up, clenching her fists. She kicked over a bit of snow and started walking again. Ticked her off every time she thought about it. What was with that woman that she always had to egg Moki on? It was a wonder sheâd even survived Kokuenâs training. Sometimes Elyse really did want to believe all the Pyramid attacks were her teacherâs fault, if only because she was ex-Pyramid. Or was Elyse the crazy one for sticking around and not thinking it was a problem? âŚTo be fair, she had other agendas, especially when it came to traveling with Taffyâs team⌠She sighed, listening to the crunch underneath her boots again. She kept going down the path beyond the park, into the dark. Maybe sheâd check if the ski lift was open at this hour. She just wanted to keep moving.
As she reached the bottom of the slope and came under the whiter lights, she was starting to have second thoughts. Maaaybe heading all the way down the mountain at this hour wasnât a great idea⌠She could go back to the park? Maybe do some training..? Maybe⌠mm, the Mamokin tundra was far. As much as she wanted to visit Mamo in his natural habitat, it wasnât the kind of journey to make this late at night.
She headed up back to the park anyway. Sheâd need her TD if she wanted to take anybody out, anyway. And⌠after thinking about how Kokuen forced Flame on her⌠She shook her head. Ugh. She ran a hand through her hair. Kokuen was the fire expert. Why did she have to bear FlameâŚ? Sheâd just wanted to train Mamo. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, had to know iceâs weaknesses⌠It was stupid! She didnât want it! She kicked up more snow. Ughhh.
She kept marching up. May as well check out the stable while she was up here. Itâd be nice just to see some LumikinâŚ
Though⌠they were asleep. She probably shouldnât disturb their restâŚ
But in the morning, everyoneâd be hustling and bustling. Would she get a chance to resolve this?
She was running out of places to go. She wasnât heading down the mountain, it was too dark for the forestâŚ
She came to the barn anyway. Maybe sheâd just sit here for a bit. It wasnât as bright out here, but⌠whatever. She needed a new brooding location.
She settled in, leaning against the trunk of a tree outside the barn. Sounded like the foxkin were still up. Made senseâŚ
A little black nose sniffed at her from behind the fence. A pale, glowing eye peeked out from between the slats.
Elyse smiled, catching glimpses of its ice blue fur. She walked over to the fence, reaching a hand in to pet it.
The creature yap-laughed, play-biting her hand and wiggling. It smiled up at her.
âHehe.â She tried again to pet it and it kept playing with her hand. Silly foxâŚ
Eventually it darted away back to its feeder.
Elyse watched the creature for a bit, listing her head to one side. Ah, she was getting tired. Maybe she would head home now.
Besides⌠it wasnât like she could get her Tamerâs Journey back now. It was over and done with. As much as she wanted to rewrite it. As much as she wanted to bring Moki back⌠She shoved her hands in her pockets and headed home.
It was her mom who had gotten her thinking about this. And it was her mom who stirred her head about it even before bed.
Forgiving Kokuen⌠Could she even do that? Could she just⌠let it all go? On the one hand, she wanted to forget it all. She wanted to forget Kokuen. Pretend the thing with Pyramid never happened. That Kokuen never treated her badly. Never pushed her head and tried to force her to recover when she was down. Didnât keep preaching to her about how hard reality was and how sheâd die being soft. Man she wanted to kick Kokuenâs head in sometimes. Not hard. Just. Just a bop. Enough to hurt. Not⌠not more than that. Itâd feel good, she bet.
The next day, she went out to help her dad take care of the Mamokin. If sheâd wanted to, she probably could have taken the teleporting ring last night to the tundra, but. It was dangerous out this way at night. Just as well she visited during the day.
The moment Mamo saw her coming, he rushed over, beating her to the punch and shoving his trunk on her face.
âMamââOof. She laughed and pulled his snout off her. She rubbed his fur and leaned into him. Ahh, this was her favorite.
Mamo gave a stuttering trumpet as if laughing with her. He poked the top of her head with his trunk.
âMmh.â Elyse buried her face in his fur. She didnât wanna moveâŚ
He made a small, concerned noise.
Elyse gave his fur another pat. She was okay.
He blew a bit of ice at her.
Elyse laughed and threw a snowball at him. Two could play at this game!
Mamo made a happier sound and scooped up lots of snow with his trunk. He threw it at her.
âOh no!!â Elyse ran and managed to dodge his snow spray. And this was why you didnât challenge an ice mammoth to a snowball fight! They didnât play fair!
Mamo scooped up another load and tried to get her with it again.
âMissed me!â Elyse said. Missed her by a mile, was he even trying to hit her?
Mamo scooped up a heftier load, waiting for Elyse to get close. He saw her trying to dart past him and covered her in snow this time.
âDwah!â Elyse collapsed in a heap of snow. âOkay, you win.â Not like she could beat Mamo in a snowball fight of this caliberâŚ
Mamo pawed at the snow with his trunk to dig her out, concern etching his mammoth-like face.
âIâm okay, Iâm okayâŚâ Elyse pushed herself out and sat on the heap. She rested her chin in her palms.
He blew snow at her again.
âMmmh.â She covered herself with her hood. No more.
Mamo gave an indignant âbark.â
Elyse sighed. She just⌠mmmh⌠She pulled her hood up a bit to look at Mamo.
Mamo patted her head with his trunk again, then let it rest on her shoulder. He tilted his head slightly.
âThanks for understanding, buddyâŚâ She got up and hugged him again. She should probably get to work instead of playing aroundâŚ
Mamoâs trunk bobbed curiously, but he made no more noises.
âWhat do you think of holding grudges?â she asked, leading him over towards the tree line where the other Mamokin were feeding.
Mamo made a curious sound in reply. Was that âgo on,â âwhat do you mean,â or âI donât understand youâ? Lumikin were pretty smart when it came to commands, but⌠well. Mamo was a good listener anyway, even if he couldnât reply back like a human could.
âI meanâŚâ She looked at him. âRemember Kokuen? Of course you do. Hang on, Iâll imitate her.â Elyse crossed her arms and looked off sullenly.
Elyseâs shoulders sank. She guessed he wouldnât understand what she was doing. âWell⌠remember MistyKo? TheâŚâ She wiggled her hands and made a âwshhâ sound, trying to make an impression of a cloud of mist. âŚWas it working?
âŚNo. At least not with Mamo. She sighed. Maybe sheâd talk to dad about itâŚ?
âWhat do you do about grudges?â
Her dad paused his work. He hummed to himself. They both worked in silence for a while.
âThat mean you have one? Look, if itâs about stealing your leftover cocoa last nightââ
Elyse smiled and shook her head. âWell, actuallyâŚâ
âOh, now youâre gonna hold a grudge, huh?â He dumped out the bin of greens he was holding for the Mamokin. âKnew I shouldnât have touched it.â
Elyse looked down, smiling still as she emptied her own bin into the growing pile of frostbitten plant matter.
âIs this about your teacher?â he guessed next, dusting off his mitts, grabbing up the empty bin and heading over to one of the sheds.
Bullseye. She guessed nothing got past her dad. Felt silly to bring up though. She sighed. âI try not to think about it too much, butâŚâ She looked away. âMom keeps hinting about forgiving Kokuen, but⌠where do I even start?â She looked up. âShe was a jerk to me from the start. Itâs her fault Moki ran away. She keeps going real world this, real world that⌠and sheâs so immature!â Elyse kicked snow. âAnd yet she lords it over me like Iâm 12! Ticks me offâŚâ
Her dad shook a new load of frozen pine boughs into the bin in his hands. Elyse followed suit grumpily. She sighed, hefting her bin as they headed back towards the tree line. Her dad followed after her at a slower pace.
âForgiveness comes in parts,â he finally said. âEven if someoneâs only wronged you once, sometimes, itâs like⌠what they said hurt you in different ways.â They bustled in silence for a bit. âSâhard to forgive someone when youâre still mad at âemâŚâ
Elyse kicked another patch of snow with her boot, flinging bits of it into the air. âGot that rightâŚâ
âAlright, settle down there, tiger.â He rubbed her head with his elbow since his hands were still full.
âI know itâs not right to hold grudgesâŚâ Elyse said, slowing down. âBut I canât help but feel like I was cheated out of a proper Tamerâs Journey. I want to think not all of that was her fault, but then⌠then I get to thinking, what if it is? Sheâs done so many other things to me, somehow, it feels logical for everything wrong with my journey to have been her fault,â she said, scowling.
âWell⌠why donât you tell me all about it? I know Iâve heard the gist of what happened on your journey, but not what your teacherâs done to you specifically.â
Once they made it back under the cover of the trees, they set their bins down and sat on one of the snowbanks.
âSome of itâs really silly⌠before I was assigned to KokuenâŚâ Elyse went on to describe the scene. An old man instructor taking out his new students for ice cream. It got her hopes up, dumb as it sounded, only to be rewarded with Kokuen. It felt like some cosmic joke.
âMoki only made things worse,â she continued on, chin resting on her palms again. âMaybe I could have stood Kokuen if it werenât for Moki⌠Not that she really did anything wrong just by not getting along with Kokuen. Yeah, she was headstrong and didnât have the best ideas, butâŚâ She sank. âIt was just one big crud show. Everything Kokuen did just added gasoline on the fire. Moki would make a bad decision, Kokuen would come down on it hard. And sheâd do it trying to convince you this was some sort of âtough love,â but couldnât she read the room?â Elyse leaned back against the snowbank. She blustered. Yeah, Moki had been an amateur, but.. ughâŚ
Her dad listened, digesting all she had said.
âI just think if Kokuen had been nicer, things wouldâve been better.â Elyse crossed her arms. âShe has this high and mighty attitude and itâs really grating. I tried to be the better person, butâŚâ She shook her head. âAt a certain point⌠it just got worse and worse. Especially when she forced me to take on Flame⌠Itâs like, yes, I know I need to understand iceâs weaknesses. But⌠mmh.â She kept trying to force her to be someone she didnât want to be. It was annoying! âAnd then thereâs the whole thing with Pyramid⌠I really want to think that wasnât her fault. Really. But⌠they just kept showing up?â She shook her head. âAnd⌠mmh.â
âWhy do you want to think it was her fault?â her dad asked. âJust because you had a hard time with her in so many other ways?â
Elyse squinted. There were⌠other reasons, but it would get into gossip territory⌠âThere were reasonsâŚâ she said simply. Her dad was looking at her, waiting for her to go on. She closed her eyes. âBut it wouldnât be fair to say.â
âI know I shouldnât use it against her, butâŚâ She looked off. âEven if it wasnât⌠on purpose, still⌠Maybe Pyramid was following her and we were just extensions.â She looked down. âIt probably wouldâve been responsible for her to try and get us a substitute mentor or let Taffy train us after things went down in Desa⌠Or maybe irresponsible. I donât know. Surely, if she thought they were following her⌠I donât know.â She sank again.
âHmm. How old did you say your teacher was again?â
Elyse thought. She wasnât sure exactly. âIâm pretty sure sheâs only a few years older than me.â
âHmm.â Her dad digested this information. âYou had trouble respecting her. Felt like she was close enough to your age and immature enough you shouldnât have to kiss up, right?â
âTook the words out of my mouth.â Was that wrong?
âSometimes we have to respect people who arenât worthy of our respect,â her dad said, propping his elbow up on his knee. âItâs just the way of the world.â
âKinda hate it though.â Besides. Kokuen hadnât come down on Elyse for treating her like an equal until way later. It set a bad precedent.
Her dad sighed. âGotta turn the other cheek sometimesâŚâ
âDonât like being slapped at all.â
âItâs more about⌠putting the mirror up to what sheâs doing,â her dad explained. âIâm not telling you to take hits lying down. But⌠donât fight fire with fire. If you sink to her level, then⌠thatâs what she wants, isnât it?â
Elyse huffed. âWhat do you mean? Putting the mirror up to herâŚ?â
âWell⌠when she gets into a tailspin, you can gently point out what her methods are doing,â her dad said, âinstead of snarking back or having an attitude about it.â
âGentleâŚâ That was the trouble. She shook her head. âItâs all over and done now though. I canât take back anything I said and neither can she.â Elyse slumped forward.
âAnd yet youâre still hanging on to every wrong thing she did to you.â
âItâs stupid. I kind of hate it. Itâs like an addiction.â Elyse covered her face. âIt feels good to have something to be mad at for everything that happened. Especially when it was Kokuenâs fault!â
âDoes that make me an awful person?â Elyse asked. âSometimes I wonder if itâs just because Iâm boredâŚâ
âWell. No more awful than the rest of us.â Her dad cracked a smile.
Elyse gave a half-smile back. âThanksâŚâ She guessed that was trueâŚ
Her dad offered her a hand. âWanna offer it up?â he asked.
âI gotta, right?â Elyse put her hand in his.
âNo⌠you could just keep hanging onto it and chewing on it if thatâs what youâd really like.â He gave her another wrinkled smile.
Elyse considered for a moment. He was right. It would be the easy way out. But⌠sheâd probably drive her folks crazy complaining about it and being sullen all the time. Worst case scenario, sheâd become just like her rotten teacher.
⌠âI donât know if I can,â she finally said.
âShall we, then?â He closed his fingers around hers.
⌠âI donât know.â Elyse slipped her hand out of his. âIt feels like Iâm taking the easy way outâŚâ
Elyse knew he was right. She knew this was something she needed help with. But also⌠it was a weird source of entertainment. Almost like a toy. But⌠she knew it wasnât good for her. As much as she wished things were different. As much as she wished sheâd had a nice teacher, that Moki hadnât run away, that her Tamerâs Journey hadnât been full of so much running, pain and strife. But she knew deep down that most of it wasnât Kokuenâs fault. To some degree at least, Pyramid themselves being awful had more to do with it than whatever Kokuen had done wrong on her part⌠She knew that. She knew that, best of all from the thing with Anubis⌠She slumped over again.
⌠âSânot bad to need a little help sometimes.â He slapped his knees and brought himself back up. âWell. Ready to get back to work?â He offered her a hand.
Elyse looked at his hand. She knew she shouldnât keep letting this control her life. She knew she didnât want these bitter thoughts to turn her into her teacher. She had to be the bigger person. She had to be. But it was so hard. She just knew she wouldnât get anywhere trying to pray about it. She had too many walls up. âI guess so.â Maybe sheâd try tonightâŚ
