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whenever i take of my pants and i unbuckle my belt i feel like a corporate ceo about to get his dick sucked

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

I got put on the acephobia blacklist for reblogging a joke about the grinch not jerking off

Good luck getting into grad school now you bigoted piece of shit

i'm trying to save money but oh my god. jesus christ

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars

do you want to play dead bodies with me

floats along your dash face down and quiet and cold

living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie that’s been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this

The biggest reason 9/11 did not happen in brazil is because big jesus would have catched the plane and destroy the terorist. Second big reason is tjat world trade center wads not i nbrasil

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis