Kaykay Creative

As of now this blog is now used for my artwork :)

Disclaimer. Im just writing my feeling in the middle of the night with a tear soaked face. There wont be proper English as i ready to just give up and trying to cry quietly with roomates is really tough Take away mg mind. Take away all this pain the self doubt and hatefulness i have for myself. I dont want it anymore I feel so stupid and useless in the world. I try so hard to make something of myself and it always feels like its never enough. I take the same training and steps as everyone else but in left behind. Why em i forgetten? Why em i not aloud to make something of myself. People think im so bubbly and happy. When really my mind is tearing it self apart over anaylissing everything little detail of myself and how i speak. I over think my words my tone whetjer i should even ne speaking at all. I feel like a nosense to everyone around me. I cant help but feel like my boyfriend hates me but if hes nit around ill die. I want to be independent but its scare the hell out of me. I cant do anything alone. I need to be reensure all the time bout everything. I always wonder why everyone stops being my friend after awhile and i see that i wouldnt want to be my friend either...i wont want to marry me either so i understand why we arent in any hurry and why he changes his mind on plan of says things to keep me quiet. Im utterly insane and it tearing me up inside out and i cant live like this anymore. I need help i need someone to watch over me at all times but i kniw there is ni one in the world who would do that. My heart us shattering and i cant stop it. I feel posessed by something thats not me. Why cant i have normal emotions? Why cant i just me calm? Why whywhy. Why em i being left behind?