Yikes

You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this

Please, how do you know this?

quicksand does not have any hands

someone should invent a waking up that feels good

i love the way civil asset forfeiture cases are phrased

the phrases "holy shit two cakes," "fuck it we ball," and "perfect is the enemy of good" bounce around in my cavernous skull like ping pong pachinko. occasionally one of them will land on a big red button labeled "write" and that is when 1000 words emerge from me and splooge all over my document

re: that recent post an interesting thing about being an any pronouns user is that most cishet people will hear that and immediately go "oh thank god I can just call you the normal girl pronouns" and many queer people will go "okay got it I'll use they/them and apologize if I ever fuck up and use a different one" and it's like. okay. you're actually both kind of whiffing it in different ways.

DUDE

It really might happen this year. I have a feeling.

Look I hope everybody has lesbian sex and gets their license and moves out and whatever but this post is about one thing only and you guys are diluting its power. No offense I hope that all happens but this post needs to be aimed at one point and it can't move.

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

these exercises are sooo monotonous like i keep walking down the same hallway over and over 🙄

who was that.

the fucking fetus in the sink won't accept my insurance