it frustrates me how some confuse SUās message of āeveryone has the capacity to changeā as being the Exact Same as saying every victimĀ in anyĀ interpersonal relationship has to forgive, no matter how imbalanced or abusive.
so let me make the distinction for you.Ā
there are relationships that end in the show. rose left the diamonds, lapis and jasper fell apart, greg ran away from his parents, sour cream did not reconnect with his biological father. iāve yet to see any of these characters be forced to make it up, or told that it was invalid for them to leave. the show has never said that. steven has never said that.
if steven ever wanted to escape from someone and had to learn the lesson that heās being a Meanie for doing so, that would be a valid take. that is something that a lot of media pushes. but in SU, thatās just not the case.
SU never said you have to forgive your abuser / mutually toxic partner / parental figure. it doesnāt want complacency. itĀ thoroughly supports breaking toxic status quos. itās just said that those people, even yourself (!!!), can become less toxic. even ifĀ youāre not responsible for changing others. thatās the distinction.
basically, even if nobody is obligated to forgive whoever hurt them, that doesnāt mean that the hurtful person in question has no chance to get better.Ā
the diamonds ruined their relationship with pink. they can never get her back. but even without her, they can still grow as people. thatās it. thatās the message.
itās never conflated that with people being forced to stay in relationships they donāt want. the show is fully able to balance āthere being hope for everyoneā and āvictims get to make their own choices regarding how they feel about the people who hurt themā. imagine that!
rose chose her found family. as did greg. as did peridot, who was never made to heal yellow diamond. as did lapis, who was never made to heal blue. the show is pretty consistent with this. characters realizing āiāve screwed up with you, iām gonna work on myselfā is pretty common - as spinel puts it herself.
there are people who work on relationships with people who have hurt them - like steven - but thatās generally framed as his choice. and itās a choice heās often discouraged from. āno steven, letās just bubble themā. āno steven, thatās dangerousā. āno steven, you canāt help themā.
so itās no wonder that part of steven finding his voice is about āyes, actually. i can and will try to connect with people. you canāt stop meā.
because SU is pretty great at balancing this,Ā none of this interferes with the message where the structural institutions and beliefs of society is the toxin, and the people who have been influenced by those societal norms are not ābeyond savingā. heck, they compliment each other! you can reform people, and society as a whole, without pressuring individual victims to be there for their abusers.Ā
SU knows that - it just doesnāt let these individual connections be the end-all, be-all in whether society and the people within them can reform. thatās part of its brand of structuralism. people are shaped by overarching social systems, and those people can change regardless of an individualisticĀ ādoes the victim forgive or notā lens. they can always work on themselves, and there is healing to be found in trying your best to grow and questioning social norms.Ā
i think thatās an important message.Ā
itās yknowā¦ good to tell toxic people that if they change, itās not gonna depend on whether their victims are there to support them. they should never feel entitled to them. and if you want toxic attitudes to change on a societal level, you should never leave that responsibility to individuals.
sending those signals matters, even if you think youāve never needed to change.
itās just that the show isnāt so bland as to think the audience needs to be told, to their face, that āpeople have the capacity to changeā isnāt the same thing as āyou, personally, have to forgive themā. thatās not a mindblowing revelation. itās something they justā¦ show. rose wasnāt made to be the diamondsā life coach. greg was neverĀ shamed for going his own way.
then again, the people who think SU says they āhave toā forgive have never been subtle about not wanting anyone to be forgiving.Ā even if itās their choice.
youāre not mad at the show forĀ āforcing you to forgiveā. it doesnāt. youāre mad people are given the chance to heal at all. similarly, steven isnāt forced to forgive, thatās his choice. youāre mad he chooses to be himself.
