scully. it's potato.

not to be negative and dramatic but truly nobody is ever going to love me

i forgot i had this account and i just read some of my most recent posts here and most of them are still very applicable, great to see i'm still doing just as bad

how do people walk around every day not feeling like a complete waste of space?? I feel like a complete waste of space. every day of my life. a much better person could be occupying this space, but I'm here instead. fucked up if true

:(

I'm gonna look in to taking a year off from school so I can just work n save some money and focus on myself a bit and see a doctor and work on me without having to worry about school which is just stressing me the hell out. part of me is afraid that I'm not going to want to go back if I take the time off but another part of me knows I need the break and school isn't allowing me to be the best I can be rn so

is there like, a range or scale for suicidal thoughts/tendencies because maybe if I knew where I fall on that it'd help me understand it and deal with it. I just know I want to die and I would probably kill myself if I knew how to and/or wasn't as terrified as I am of death. so I also commonly resort to fantasizing about accidental death on any day of the week because at least that would be out of my control and meant to be

I can't post any more about it because i'm too damn sad and tired but i'm sure i'll be back to making my regular "i miss california" posts until the next time i'm here which is who the hell knows when because i have no money!!

california is literally my 2nd home and leaving it is the most bittersweet feeling in my life. my time spent here is so happy and I love being here and I love my friends a disgusting amount and then i have to leave and it never feels like enough, there's always one more place i want to go to with them or one more episode to watch or one more joke to tell but I can't and I have to go home where I have 0 friends and where I want to die every single day and hate it I just wish I could stay. I've never wanted anything more than to stay here.

I guess the more I care about people and the closer I get to them in any capacity, the more compelled I am to ruin it because on one hand I don’t believe I deserve anything that good in life and on the other I think everyone I know can do a lot better and they have better things to spend their time and energy on than me so

feels bad dude

idk maybe i'll finally get hit by a car this year. 2016 so full of possibilities

I’m apprehensive and anxious about going back to LA despite the fact that I’ll be seeing my favourite people in the world because the more I care about people the less I think they care about me and it feels disgusting and I wish my life wasn’t so defined by seemingly simultaneous highest-yet-lowest points

must be Bad if i’m posting here. it is bad. i feel bad. i have never in my entire life felt as lonely as I do now and I hate it and can’t express how shitty it feels

the last activity for this blog was 25 days ago i wish that was my last tumblr activity in general why am i still on this site 24/7

me: when will i Literally Die! *watches carol again* ah,