Karma

Context

I'll try to keep it short, but basically, during the early weeks of the diabolicallysuperbspark incident (if you want more details look through my blog), spark spread rumors that fish and two other people were stalking her. This event would cause fish to spiral, leading to her making some very dumb (and borderline cruel) decisions.

The beginning of the spiral

It started off small. Fish would reblog Spark's posts and insult/condemn her, mostly at random.

At first, I didn't really try to stop them bc I assumed that this was their way of coping and that eventually, she would start trying to move on! ...But she never stopped... In fact, she got worse because of it.

She became really suicidal. Some days, they would be completely normal. Other days, she would say/imply that she was gonna kill herself..

There was one post I remember where she had a sharp object (I don't really remember what it was, I think it was a scissor), and she was holding the sharp part to their stomach. Not close enough to actually hurt them, but the message was clear.

I was horrified and decided to try and help them by sending some advice via askbox. I don't remember much of what I said, but if memory serves, I encouraged them to try and move on and focus on the things she loves. I also told them to maybe stop engaging/interacting with spark as it clearly wasn't helping them in any way.

I don't remember how she responded, but not long after, they deactivated their blog. I never really talked about how emotionally scarring that was for me, and I don't wanna make this section any longer than needed. Let's just say that event traumatised me into never giving her advice/condemning her behaviour (and never going near their askbox) again.

Warning signs

A little bit after she deactivated their first blog, they came back with a second one. I was relieved at first. Because i genuinely thought she was gonna hurt herself or worse, but they're back, which is good! And besides, she did say that she wanted a fresh start. That would mean they would stop engaging with spark and finally move on, right...?

Spoiler alert: No, she didn't. In fact, she amped up the stuff she did on their last blog along with some other horrible behaviours. Not only would they continues to go after Spark (even when she never posted or even TALKED about her at all), she would also go after people who were friends with her and try to warn them.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Karma, that doesn't sound so bad! They just doesn't want people to go through what the others went through." And if that was it, then I wouldn't have any problem with it. However, that's not where it ends. She would go after anyone who talked to Spark even ONCE. It didn't even have to be reciprocal, you just have to have Spark near your blog, and (depending on whether she follows you or not) you'd get an upset fish in your askbox.

While this scenario happened a lot (and I mean A LOT), there was one instance of this that shocked me so badly that I still think about it to this day.

A bit of context, Sunday is a moot of mine who, during the spark situation, was guiltriped into being friends with spark. Spark then confessed her feelings, and Sunday ended their friendship. However, when Spark made an alt (long story) They (sunday) sent one ask, just a simple "Hallo" and nothing further. And dear god.. Fish clearly did not like that one bit..

Because, not long after Sunday said hi to spark, Fish would send this ... Do I even need to explain why this is bad? Fuck it I'm doing it anyway this is HORRIBLE. firstly, why didn't you just ask Sunday "Hey, can we talk in private? It's kind of important." What was stopping you from letting her know how you feel IN PRIVATE??? Secondly, this sort of approach just made fish look insanely pissed (and a bit unstable). The vibe that ask gave me personally was like, "How DARE you say hello to spark even though I don't know you personally OR your intentions 😡😡"

And just in case you thought that was it, that maybe, just maybe, Fish would realise what they was doing and apologise to Sunday and try to be better. Oh, you sweet innocent soul....

A few minutes later, Sunday responded to another ask, which was sent by someone else who said something like, "we shouldn't be getting angry at Sunday bc of spark." A nice little message that was supposed to remind people to be level-headed about this whole situation. Do you wanna know how Fish took this? Do you want to know how fish took a reminder that wasn't even directed at her? She responded with *HANGS* ...Yeah, you're reading that right. She pulled the suicide card bc someone had the AUDACITY to make a valid point about the kind of stuff she was doing.

This was horrible. This was at best guiltripping and, at worst, emotional blackmail. Bc (whether unintentionally or not) Fish was using her own mental health as both a shield for themself and a weapon against Sunday, and that is something you should NEVER do. I think what proves this further is that she made that comment (the *hangs* one) under a post that wasn't just making a point it was defending Sunday. I unfortunately do not have any screenshots of the original comment, and that is one of the many things I feel stupid/ashamed of, but that moment is practically burned into my memory so I have that at least.

So yeah, Fish was getting worse by the day. Ontop of this happening, their insults to spark started ramping up to borderline harassment (which was also ruining her mental health further). And despite me trying to push my feelings down and pretend that eventually fish was gonna change, I knew deep in my soul, she was gonna take it too far.

The incident

Alright, so around late June of this year, a user by the name of chaoticflamestrider/artisticallystuff made a post about spark that was...... horrific.

For context (yet again), strider is a friend of fish who is against spark. She's seen the harm spark caused and wanted to stand up for the victims (mainly fish but still), which is a noble thing to do, and besides, strider seemed cool based on the few interactions we've had.... Let's just say that opinion has since changed.

But regardless, let's get into the post. The post was essentially an ""awareness"" campaign. Doesn't sound bad, right? Well, in that post, strider said, and I quote this from the post itself:

'Since Spark has a yt account. I want you all to spam "NOSEDIVE" in every vid, post, etc (including any accounts she has) it's for fish'

And then they proceeded to tag people, AND SOME OF THEM ACTUALLY PLANNED TO DO IT! THEY WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO HARASS A LITERAL 10 YEAR OLD!!

Strider, if you are reading this (which idk if you are), that was the most IDIOTIC thing you could've done. That was a harassment campaign plain and simple, and there's no getting around that. I genuinely cannot fathom what made you think that was a good idea in the slightest. You're supposed to be helping fish, NOT PUSHING HER FURTHER DOWN. I already laid into you about this, but I never really got to explain how much of an absolute moronic ASSHOLE move it was. I hope you regret what you did, I hope it lives with you for the rest of your life that you allowed and facilitated CYBERBULLYING.

Now I know what you're thinking "Ok that's horrible and all, but what does this have to do with fish?" Don't worry, you'll be unsurprised to find out that fish got involved too! Now, before I explain what she did, I feel like I need to make this clear. I don't hate fish, and I don't hate strider. When it comes to strider, I don't hate them. I hate what she did, I hate what she allowed people to do, but I don't hate them as a person. The same thing goes for fish.

Alright, let's get into what fish did. So, not long after strider's big oopsie of a post, fish would reblog it and somehow make everything worse. Do you wanna know how? Oh, yk, she only just reblogged strider's post with A LINK TO SPARK'S CHANNEL???? AND THEY ADMITTED TO HARASSING HER!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???

Oh, and just in case you think it can't get any worse, don't worry, it does. Bc if you decide to go and find the post, you'll notice that Spark's channel has some interesting details, but the biggest detail I'd like to point out is the name of the channel. It's not diabolicallysuperbspark or sparkthelittlecatartist. It's something else entirely.

It sounds like a real name. That detail, including the fact that the account was made in 2021 (spark would've been around either 5 or 6), leads me to believe either one of two things.

1. The channel name is the name of a relative.

2. The channel name is Spark's real name..

Now I ofc don't have any concrete evidence, but if you take what I said earlier about spark's channel and include it with the fact that spark never talked about having a yt channel (trust me, I've been through her blog. Not even a comment mentioning it) it wouldn't be that far off to make the connection. I think you get what I'm trying to say here though. Even if there is a chance that her channel name isn't her real name, it was clearly a private channel.

The fact that fish sought out her channel to post about it when Spark never so much as mentioned it (not in public at least), AND the possibility that her channel name might be someone's real name (most likely her's), means that technically fish doxxed spark.... which is an absolutely immoral and disgusting thing to do, especially to a CHILD. (Admittedly, I only figured out the possible doxxing thing after this all happened.)

It wouldn't be until the next day that I found out about this. I was horrified, disgusted, angry, disappointed, you name it! I ofc called them out via reblog (here it is if ya wanna read it), and fish took it well! So well, in fact, that they deleted their blog immediately after. Yeah, I think that's the moment when I finally gave up.

A message to fish

Hello fish.

Now, idk if you're gonna read through this post, but for your own sake, I think you need to. Because someone needs to explain to you where you went wrong, and that someone, per usual, has to be me.

You know, I've thought about removing this section altogether, but you need to hear it directly from me that the you did was horrible. You were horrible. You were going after innocent people who didn't even do anything to you. You were straight up ignoring/running from the ones trying to help you. You became so obsessed with spark that you literally tried to bully her off the Internet!

In all honesty, being your friend was miserable. The constant manipulation, the obsessiveness over spark, and the threats of quitting (Yes, btw that did happen), it was draining for me. Not only was I trying to recover and move on from the spark incident, but I was also trying to manage your mental health at the same time while encouraging you to move on as well.

I felt like I had to constantly watch what I said to/about you. If I was even a bit firmer with my words, you would get worse. It felt like walking on eggshells whenever I was around you, I would flinch whenever I saw your user/pfp. I can't describe the level of dread I felt whenever I was with you..

In short, I felt trapped. If I stayed, my mental health was only going to get worse. If I left, I was scared that you were going to spiral even harder. In the end, I stayed, hoping that one day you would snap out of it and become better... but that day never came.

It also didn't help that you were throwing your mutuals under the bus! Now, last I checked, your mutuals aren't holding you at gunpoint and aren't forcing you to harass spark. That was all you. Remember when I made that 'we need to talk post' (yk, the post where I explicitly said that I didn't want people to harass spark)? I remember you saying something along the lines of 'I should've never listened to my mutuals' implying that they convinced/pressured you into harassing spark when you and I both know that isn't the case. And also there was this too. (That one always pisses me off bc like, why are you tryna drag Sunday into this again??? Wtf did she even do to you???)

Now, I (probably) know what you're thinking, 'Are you ending our friendship?' And if you want me to be honest, I think our friendship died the moment you started going after Sunday. Everything else was just us dragging out the inevitable.

Look, for the sake of what we had before all of this, I won't block you. All I ask is that you respect my decision and my boundaries. Please do not try to guilt/harass me or my friends because of this, I would also appreciate it if you do not tag me in any vents of yours (especially if they're about me). If I find out you went after people bc of this or if you try to push/break my boundaries, I won't hesitate to block you.

And about your whole rebranding thing. While I am very glad that you have seemed to heal. It is one thing to recover, but it's another thing to acknowledge the harm you've caused. You haven't apologised to Sunday. You haven't owned up to the harassment you were doing. It honestly just feels like you ran away, waited for everything to calm down, and then come back and try to make 'healing' equate to being a better person.

At the end of the day, while I know you can change, I won't be there to wait for you anymore. All I can hope is that you learn from your mistakes, own up, and work to be the best person you can be.

Closing thoughts (+ tldr)

Soooo yeah, that was the fish post. If you actually read all of that, you're a legend.

I think the purpose of this post wasn't just to help me move on, I think it also could count as a cautionary tale about toxic friendships. My friendship with fish didn't start off badly. It was only until spark spread rumours about her that it turned our friendship toxic.

Make no mistake, though. Everything else after that was entirely her and also me bc I enabled her when I should've been stating my issues more firmly, and that is something I will always regret.

I'm hoping that by releasing this post, I will finally be set free, and people will benefit and learn from my mistakes (even a little bit).

Btw, I almost forgot, but I also will not be as interactive with the people who either planned to or actually participated in the harassment campaign. I no longer have respect for them, and I don't want them recurring in my life.

So yeah, massive thank you for reading this post (even if you cut to the tldr lol, it's chill), and let's hope that the aftermath isn't gonna be horrible.