What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Mason had no room to talk. All he ever wanted was for Kara to be happy and if this guy made her happy, then there was really nothing Mason could do but suck it up and pretend to be okay with this situation. “I…” He started, almost saying what his heart wanted him to say, which was hell no. But Mason couldn’t be selfish, not when a little girl’s life was in the middle of this already awkward situation. “No, if he’s already a major part of Leah’s life, I just..we both just need to learn how to deal with each other. For Leah.”

Kara nodded. “I completely agree,” she said quickly. It was an awkward situation, and it was a confusing one for sure but they would have to learn to deal with it. Kara was getting married in less than five months, she was creating her own family, now all she had to do was figure out how Mason fit into the family she had already created. Kara didn’t want to make things harder for Mason. “So, anything you want to know? About Leah.”

“Oh?” Mason curiously raised an eyebrow. He was thrilled they were going to be able to work something out so he could get to know Leah. But the small smile that appeared on his face was gone in a second flat. “He’s not..but..oh…” Mason looked down and noticed a rather large ring on Kara’s finger. He gulped and couldn’t help frowning slightly. “I guess congratulations are in order then.” 

As soon as he congratulated her, the ring on her finger all of a sudden felt heavier. Guilt washed over her as she watched Mason’s face fall, even though he was congratulating her, his face told a whole other story. She knew she had nothing to feel guilty about, Mason was seeing someone else, but she also wasn’t interested in rubbing it in his face. They had been very much in love at one point. “Thanks..” She mumbled, keeping her eyes on him. “I understand if you only want to deal with me when it comes to Leah, I really do, and I can try to keep that promise to you but... he’s around. He has been around..”

There was so much Kara didn’t know about Mason. If she knew the truth, chances are, Kara wouldn’t let the musician anywhere near their…her daughter. Mason hated lying to Kara, but he had no choice. This was about more than just his career, it was about his life and the people that mattered so much to Mason. If the truth got out, Mason only knew the consequences would be dire. So he just smiled and nodded absentmindedly. But her explanation of what little Leah knew about him melted his heart. “I know we’re older now and a lot has happened but..we’ll figure this out. It’s something we’ve always been able to do.” 

It’s something we’ve always been able to do. Mason’s words echoed in her mind, if only she had told Mason, their lives would be so different. “There’s just one other thing.” Kara didn’t want to hurt Mason, and the last thing she wanted to do was fight with him, but she needed to tell him about Derek. Not only was Derek her fiancee, but he was also about to become Leah’s step father, plus he had already been a father figure since Leah was born. “The man in the picture earlier... obviously hes not her father, you are, but he is still in the picture.”

“That’s why you make such a great mother Kara.” He smiled softly, wishing he had a bigger part in this parenting process. “Trust me, there is no doubt in my mind that this is what I want. Would she be better off without me? Probably. But if you give me even the smallest chance to get to know Leah, I will do everything in my power to make sure I don’t let either of you down.”

The young mother couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. Even if she had done it to herself, being a single mother was a chore, it was hard but she had always hoped she was doing the best thing she could for Leah. “No, you can’t think like that. Her life will be better for knowing her father.” Kara bit on her lip, sighing. “Okay, Shes still little... a part of her understands that her father hasn’t been there, but she doesn’t really grasp it yet. She knows her dad is a musician, she knows your voice... I don’t see this as being a really hard adjustment for her.” Leah would adapt quickly. Leah loved people, so the more the better. The bigger adjustment would be for Mason and Kara.

Before…Man did Mason wish they could go back to before. Back to the good old days, when he and Kara were happily together with little drama in their lives. He sighed. Now was the time for honesty. Or at least most of the truth. “I know things are different. If I had known..” He shook his head, not want to go there at the moment. “I don’t want to force myself into the picture. I really don’t and I know I don’t even live here all the time but I want to be in Leah’s life in some way. I want her to know that her father loves her and if you both decide to let me have any kind of relationship with her..well..I’ll take what I can get.”

Once Mason said ‘if I had known’ she braced herself for an argument, or more of her trying to explain, trying to make him see her side but she was surprised to hear him drop it. Kara nodded, listening to everything he had to say. She understood where he was coming from. “Okay. I think what you’re asking for is reasonable. But as her mother, I have to say this. If you have any doubt about this, any doubt at all telling you not to do this then don’t. Walk away, and leave her the way she is. Leah could have a better life, one that includes you, but if you even so much as have a tiny part of you telling you not to do this then walk away. Her life will not be a revolving door.”

“It hasn’t changed much has it?” He took a seat next to Kara on the couch, far enough away from her to make sure things wouldn’t get awkward. “I don’t get a lot of chances to be here but Vivian hangs out here sometimes and we both aren’t big fans of change so..” He was rambling, something Mason only did when he was nervous, which in this case was more than understandable.  Clearing his throat, he remembered the stack of magazines that was on his coffee table. The record company would send him emails and packets full of magazines and newspapers that involved Fiona and himself as research. That way Mason would know what people were saying about their ‘relationship.’ Mason was tempted to flip it over, but he didn’t want Kara to suspect anything was out of the ordinary. “So…you wanted to talk?”

Kara looked over at Mason with a light smile, she nodded taking another look around the loft. “Nope, looks almost the exact same.” The young mother sighed as she rubbed her hands together. She had come over to have a discussion with Mason, she wanted to try and get a feel for what he wanted out of this, what he expect as his right to Leah, but mostly she just wanted to be able to figure out how this would all work between the pair but now that she was there she wasn’t sure where to begin. “Yeah, we need to figure what we’re going to do...I know we can’t go back to before, so now, I need to know what you expect” She left the words hanging in the air.

Mason widened his eyes, reaching for Kara’s arm to make sure she didn’t leave. “No please, it’s ok just…come in, have a seat.” He walked back inside and only then realized he was only wearing a towel. Gulping, he struggled to speak again. “I’ll uh..be right back then we can talk.” He turned around and entered his bedroom, throwing on a random shirt and pair of jeans before he re-entered the room. “Sorry about the mess. I really wasn’t expecting any company.” He said smiling softly, trying to keep the mood light before the inevitable intense conversation they were about to have.

A light smile appeared on her lips as she followed Mason into the loft, her eyes wandering the second she closed the door behind her. “Sure,” she nodded as Mason left the main area towards the bedroom, Kara was no stranger to this place. She stood in the middle of the room, her eyes wandering all about as she realized the loft looked almost the same. She smiled half halfheartedly. The young mother finally took a seat on the couch when she caught a glimpse of a magazine with Mason, and his girlfriend’s face plastered on it, the power couple it read. Kara threw a smile Mason’s way as he entered the room once more. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Really it’s no problem.”

The past three days had been rather uneventful for Mason. Ever since his last encounter with Kara, he mostly stayed in his loft, drinking and eating junk food as he watched mindless tv. He only left once in the past three days to stock up on food and meet with Haley and Peyton to discuss the benefit which would be happening in a week. He couldn’t focus anything though. Not with the knowledge that he had a daughter out there who he never knew. His life was a mess. Mason may have been famous and may have been touring the world, but he was signed to a record label he couldn’t stand, and was dating a girl he didn’t love. The relationship he had with Fiona Kelly was staged. And maybe the two of them have developed somewhat of an understanding, they were only together for show. Mason wanted a relationship with his daughter but the last thing he wanted was to drag his daughter into his shitting life. He was processing his life as he took a shower but a knock at his door surprised him. Assuming it was his sister, the only one who really knew he was staying in his loft. He opened the door and was shocked when he saw just who was at the door. “Hi..what uh..what are you doing here?”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I should have called...” The young mother realized she had interrupted his day, but she knew they would need to speak further. She apologized for not calling, but the truth was the brunette wouldn’t have been able to place the call, she assumed he had changed his number over the last five years, and even if he hadn’t she didn’t have his number in her phone anymore. “I can come back if this is a bad time, I just figured we should talk.” Kara looked over his shoulder seeing bits of the loft. Nostalgia rushed over her as the loft looked almost exactly like it had five years ago, the memories of the pair continued to hit her right in the face. “Sorry, I’ll come back.” She said shortly, turning to leave.

Finding out about Leah, learning she was named after his mother and being alone in the same room with his ex after five years was almost too much for Mason to handle. He felt like he was beginning to suffocate. So he was quiet as he worked on getting himself together. He’d be able to drink himself into a stupor the minute he got home. For now, Mason needed to compose himself. “I appreciate that, you have no idea how much.”

Kara nodded, a tiny smile on her lips. It was hard to be around Mason again, it had been a lot of years without hearing a word and now she had spent the last two hours alone with him. Kara looked around, noticing the time. Derek would be by soon to pick Kara up. “Okay... well it’s getting pretty late. I really should be getting to Ade’s...” The young mother let her words trail off. It was the truth. She really did need to get back to Adrian’s to put Leah to bed, but she decided to leave out who would be by to take her to Adrian’s. This whole day had already been too much. “If you’re going to be in town for this benefit, we should talk again...” If he really wanted to be apart of Leah’s life, they would need to discuss what that meant exactly.

“Leah?” He was beyond speechless. Mason already had tears in his eyes after learning that he had a daughter. But when Kara told him her name, the musician was having a hard time holding it all together.  “You…you..you named her after my…” Tears were pouring out of control, and Mason wasn’t sure he’d be able to speak without completely breaking down. “You named her after my mom?”

The decision to name Leah had been made very early on. Once Kara had decided to keep her pregnancy from Mason she knew exactly what she would name her daughter. She wanted Leah to have a piece of Mason, even if she never had the chance to have Mason. Kara bit down on her lower lip, nodding as she walked back to the living room, taking a seat beside Mason. “I wanted her to have a piece of you...”

“I know..” She was right as always. Mason did live in New York. And if things were different, if he wasn’t stuck with Alter Ego records, he’d move back to Tree Hill in a heartbeat. But she was being realistic and Mason knew exactly why. “I’m not…I don’t want to force myself into the picture Kara. You’ve done a great job raising her so far and I know you don’t need any help but..” He stopped himself, trying to figure out how to proceed. “Now that I know I have a kid, I can’t un know it. And I can’t…I don’t want her to grow up and think her father never wanted her.”

Kara watched Mason, listening inventively as he spoke. She wanted nothing more than for her daughter to know her father, she wanted Leah to have Mason in her life but she had to be realistic. Mason lived in another state, he was a musician who played on tours, it wasn’t exactly a stable life for a child. Once he finished speaking she sighed, finally getting up from the couch. The last thing Kara had ever wanted was for Leah to grow up and believe her father didn’t want her, it was the furthest thing from the truth. But how was she supposed to bring him into their lives? “I know. I know.” She mumbled, looking back over at Mason. “Her names Leah.”

“Oh Kara…” He was angry, beyond upset. “You really should have told me. God you really should have told me the minute you found out.” He stood up abruptly and paced the room. Mason wanted to believe that things would be so different if he knew about his daughter from the beginning. He wouldn’t be in a fake relationship with a girl he didn’t even love. He wouldn’t be signed to a 4 year contract with the evil Alter Ego records. Maybe he wouldn’t be famous, but Mason would have been happy with his daughter and the one who got away. However, this wasn’t something he intended to tell Kara. One, his bosses wouldn’t let him tell her or anyone the truth. He had a certain reputation to up hold. Two, Mason didn’t think Kara needed that burden. She already had so much on her plate, the musician didn’t want to make her life that much harder. “So what happens now?“

The young mother nodded her head as he paced the living room, she knew what he was saying was the truth. She knew she should have told him, and she knew that he deserved to know he had a daughter wandering around but when she was nineteen she honestly thought she was making the right decision for both of them. So what happens now? Kara was caught off guard by his question. Sure, she believed he had the right to know he had a daughter but knowing, and raising were two very separate things. “Mason... you don’t even live in the state...” The words fell out quietly. She wasn’t meaning to hurt him, or deny him his right to Leah but she wasn’t sure he was prepared with what being a parent meant.

Mason was feeling so many emotions all at once. Anger, confusion, loss. He tried to form words, but he was having a difficult time doing so at the moment. “Why did you…” His voice was loud at first, but he paused. Yelling at Kara wasn’t something he wanted to do, not yet, not when they were both so close to tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He finally asked, not sure any reason she gave him would be good enough.

When Mason’s voice got loud, Kara couldn’t say she was surprised. She had expected him to be angry, she expected him to yell but what she didn’t expect was him to calm himself before he continued to speak. Kara tried to search for just the right words, the ones that would make what she did magically all okay but as she searched for what to say she realized there was nothing she could say. “I wanted to. I tried to.” That was the honest truth, when Kara had first found out about the baby she meant to call Mason immediately, but the two never seemed to be able to catch each other on the phone. He was living his dream as a musician, and a baby would have shattered that dream. “I never meant to keep her from you, I wanted to tell you but...” Kara sighed, shaking her head. “Your tour got extended, and I didn’t want to take your dream away from you.”

Mason’s gaze hadn’t left the portrait sitting on the mantle since he last spoke. Yes, three days ago he saw the little girl in person at Karen’s cafe, but staring at her picture and the big grin on her face, Mason couldn’t help but smile. She reminded him so much of Kara. But looking at the mysterious man in the picture, the musician couldn’t really see any of him in the little girl’s features. It puzzled him slightly, considering he assumed they were all one big happy family. The thought alone left a bitter taste in Mason’s mouth, but he had no right to be jealous. Kara and Mason had been apart for years and she deserved to be happy. Kara deserved much better than the mess that was Mason. Plus, he was supposed to be in a relationship himself. His entire world changed, however, the minute Kara spoke. Mason was baffled, at first. ‘He’s not her father.’ Surly that couldn’t mean….”You mean…I…” He was at a loss for words when he realized exactly what Kara was trying to tell him. He was a father. They had a child together.

Kara watched as Mason’s smile and posture changed the moment she said that Derek wasn’t Leah’s father. She watched him tense, and then he finally spoke. She kept silent, there was never going to be a good enough explanation, not for Mason who was the one who had to miss out. There was never going to be the right words to say to make this situation better. A tear slid down her cheek as she remembered the events that lead her to her decision. She nodded. “Yeah...” was all she had the ability to say.

“Good, you know that’s all I ever wanted for you. To be happy.” They may have not seen each other in five years but Mason still believed he knew Kara, at least a little. And the musician could always tell when she was hiding something from him. Granted he wasn’t sure what exactly, but he had a few guesses. “Honestly…” For a split second, Mason was ready to lie, but after looking at Kara, he realized he couldn’t lie to her. Not when she called him out on it. “I was just thinking about how much you’re daughter looks like you.” He fidgeted in his seat, just waiting to see what Kara’s reaction would be.

Even if it had been years since the two had been in the same room, or had even spoken something about it all felt very familiar. She knew he had only ever wanted her to be happy, he had proved it time and time again during their relationship, through their friendship. But she worried that once she opened the door to the truth, he would hate her. She knew she would. Kara froze in her seat once Mason had spoken, bringing up their daughter. “Thanks.” She said shortly, her eyes wandering to a family picture of herself with Leah and Derek. Guilt washed over her. She could lie to him, pass Leah off as Derek’s daughter, besides she was sure that he was just here for the benefit. She thought about not telling him, she thought about continuing the lie but a part of her had guessed he had already figured it out. “He’s not her father.” Was all Kara mumbled lowly as her eyes drifted slowly back from the picture to Mason.

“Everyone?” He was so quiet when he spoke and made eye contact with Kara but once the word escaped from his lips, Mason immediately regretted it. He cleared his throat and spoke again, hoping to move on like nothing happened. “That’s all I could ever ask for.” He smiled softly. Not a smile that was reserved for the paparazzi and the record label but a real, genuine smile. At least something good would come out of this visit. Mason shifted in his seat awkwardly. He was seriously beginning to regret showing up unannounced and out of the blue but Mason was determined to get some answers. “You seem…happy.”

Kara bit down on her lip, glancing Mason’s way as he spoke quietly. She didn’t know how to answer him. With seeing Mason again came a million different feelings she hadn’t had to face in the last five years. She was happy to see him, see he was doing good, but she wasn’t happy that her daughter was in town with her, while Mason was walking around. The guilt was starting to get to her. a light smile replaced her look of confusion as he smiled at her for the first time since being there. “I am.” The words spilled out before she could stop them. It wasn’t a straight out lie, she was happy. Kara had her daughter, her family, her home, a great job, and her best friend but in this moment, knowing she was keeping a huge secret she didn’t feel so happy. “What’s on your mind? Honestly.” She could tell he was wrestling with something.